


Relativity Falls Season 1

by KittyKatBella



Series: Relativity Falls [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Monster Falls, Alternate Universe - Relativity Falls, Bets, Bigender Character, Birthday Party, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, Buddy-Bot, Candy, Cash Wheel, Clones, Costumes, Dinosaurs, Dusk 2 Dawn store, Electron Carpet, Fear of Heights, Footbot, Gay Male Character, Ghosts, Gravity Falls Fair, Gravity Falls Public Pool, Gremloblin - Freeform, Griffon Stanford, Height-Altering Crystals, Lesbian Character, Memories, Mermaid Mabel Pines, Mind Control, Mult'ple Timez, Multi, One-Chapter Crossover, One-Sided Attraction, Pinball game, Pterodactyl, Questiony the Question Mark, Robots, Sev'ral Timez - Freeform, Shrinking, Sirens, Smile Dip, Summerween, Tent of Telepathy, The Gobblewonker - Freeform, The Portal (Gravity Falls), Time Travel, Wax Figures, biromantic character, boy band, gargoyle stanley, girl group, short jokes, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-06 22:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 100,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11610021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyKatBella/pseuds/KittyKatBella
Summary: I'll likely be editing the tags as I go.When 12-year-old twins Stan and Ford are sent to Gravity Falls, Oregon for the summer, they discover some weird secrets about the town. Their Graunty Mabel says that it's nothing, but the twins don't believe her.Stan and Ford fight monsters and even encounter a demon, all side-by-side with their friends Fiddleford and Bella.





	1. Tourist Trap

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! So I'm moving over here from Wattpad and I'm very excited to be joining a new platform! So excited that I couldn't wait till Friday to post the first chapter of my Relativity Falls series! So I hope you all enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Ford arrive in Gravity Falls and Ford narrates their day.

_Ah, summer. A time for leisure, recreation, and taking 'er easy._

_Unless_ _you're_ _me._

A golf cart with two boys on it crashed through a sign reading 'Welcome To Gravity Falls'. The boys- seemingly twins- screamed as the golf cart flew through the air. A giant monster chased them as the golf cart hit the ground.

"Hurry up, it's getting closer!" Yelled one of the twins. The cart flew off a rock.

 _My name is Stanford. The boy about to puke is my brother, Stanley. You may be_ _wondering_ _what we're doing on a_ _golf cart_ , _fleeing_ _from a_ _creature_ _of unimaginable horror._

An uprooted tree flew over the golf cart, landing in front of its path.

"Look out!" Stanley cried.

_Rest assured,_ _there's_ _a perfectly logical explanation._

_Let's_ _rewind. It all started when our parents decided we could use some fresh air._

Stanley and Stanford were in their living room at home. Stanley was playing a video game, while Stanford had his face buried in a book. Their parents pulled away both of these items and shoved bags into their arms.

_So they_ _shipped_ _us from our home in New_ _Jersey_ _to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon. We were to stay at our Great Aunt_ _Mabel's_ _house in the woods all summer._

"This attic is amazing!" Stanley exclaimed after taping a bunch of posters to the wall on his side of the room. "Look, splinters!"

He held up his hands, showing a bunch of splinters. Stanford was looking around as he walked to his bed. He jumped backwards upon seeing it.

"And there's a pig on my bed," he said. The pig jumped to the floor as Stanley walked over.

"Hey there, friend," Stanley said as the pig clamped his mouth onto his shirt. "Oh, yes you can keep chewing on my shirt!"

_My brother tended to look on the bright side of things._

"Yay, grass!" Stanley cheered, rolling down a hill. Stanford was nearby, a pen in his mouth as he looked at a book, sitting against a tree. A woodpecker tapped at his head.

_But_ _I_ _had a hard time getting used to our new surroundings. It_ _wasn't_ _all bad, though. Our Great Aunt Mabel had turned her house into a tourist trap she calls 'The_ _Mystery_ _Shack.' Only two kids our age work there, but_ _they're_ _pretty cool._

Back at the shack, a boy with glasses was working on fixing something. However, that something gave a small explosion and started admitting smoke. The entire room filled with it, causing the boy to start coughing.

_That's_ _Fiddleford McGucket._ _He's_ _sort of like the mechanic around here. He fixes stuff up, in other words._

A brunette girl with very short hair and red glasses hurried into the room, clearing the smoke and helping Fiddleford up.

_And_ _that's_ _Bella._ _She's_ _pretty nice and friendly. Maybe a little too friendly, but she_ _means_ _well._

_So guess_ _who_ _else had to work at our graunty's_ _Mystery_ _Shack for the summer._

Stanley and Stanford were standing in the gift shop. Stanford was sweeping while Stanley reached out for a display. Graunty Mabel smacked his hand away with her cane.

"No touching!" She said.

_It_ _looked_ _like it was going to be the same old boring routine for three months. Until one fateful day..._

Stanley was peeking from behind a counter, through a line of Mabel-bobbleheads. He was looking at a girl, who was opening a letter.

"She's looking at it, she's looking at it!" Stan whispered excitedly.

" _Do you like me?_ " She read aloud, then looked at the choices. " _Yes. Definitely. Absolutely_?"

She looked around, confused.

"I rigged it," Stan chuckled quietly to himself. The girl crumpled up the letter and tossed it into a trash can.

"Lee, I know you're going through your whole 'girl-crazy phase,'" Ford began, wiping off a display nearby, "but I think you're overdoing it with the crazy part."

"No way!" Stan waved him off. "This is our first summer away from home! It's my chance to have an epic summer romance!"

"Well, you're halfway there," Bella said, leaning on the counter. "Now you just need the romance part."

"Exactly!" Stan said. "And that's what I'm doing!"

"Yeah, but do you need to flirt with every girl you meet?" Ford asked.

_**Flashback!** _

Stan was standing next to a girl, who was looking at postcards.

"My name is Stan, but you can call me anytime," Stan said to the girl. "I'm JOKING!"

He shoved the girl, knocking her over into the card stand. He laughed loudly at his joke.

_**Flashback!** _

Next was a girl in the park holding a lizard.

"Oh my gosh, you like lizards?" Stan asked, appearing behind the bench. "I like lizards, too! What is happening here?"

_**Flashback!** _

Lastly there was an older girl in a costume at a mattress store.

"Come one, come all!" She announced. "To the Mattress Princess' Kingdom of Savings!"

"Take me with you," Stan whispered, peering out from a bundle of balloons. The girl screamed.

_**Flashbacks over.** _

"Mock all you want, brother," Stan said, "but I have a good feeling about this summer! In fact, I'll bet you anything that the girl of my dreams is about to walk through that door right now."

The three of them looked towards the door Stan had pointed at. Just then, Graunty Mabel walked through the door, burping and holding her stomach.

"Oh, oh, not good," She said.

"Ew! Why?!" Stan cried, drawing laughter from Ford and Bella.

"Alright, look alive, people!" Mabel announced. "I need someone to go hang up these signs in the spooky part of the forest."

"Not it!" Stan said quickly.

"Not it!" Ford repeated.

"I'll just slack off!" Bella said truthfully.

"Also not it!" Ria said in the background. She was on a ladder, changing a light bulb.

"I didn't ask you, Ria," Mabel said kindly.

"I know," Ria nodded and took a bite out of a chocolate bar.

"Dan! I need you to hang up these signs!" Mabel called to the teen at the counter. His feet were propped up on the counter top and he was reading a magazine.

"I would but I can't- uh- reach it- uh," Dan said, pretending to reach for the signs.

"Alright, alright," Mabel sighed. "Let's do it this way! Eenie, meenie, miney... you."

She ended up pointing at Ford.

"Aw, what?" Ford said. "Graunty Mabel, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm being watched."

"Aw, not this again," Mabel rolled her eyes.

"I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town," Ford said. "Just this morning, my mosquito bites said 'Beware'."

He held out his arm for his aunt, showing her the series of red dots.

"That says 'Bewarb'," Mabel said. Ford let his arm swing to his side, scratching at the bites with his gloved hand.

"Woah, cool!" Bella said, looking at the word. "Beware or not, mosquito bites don't usually spell stuff."

"Listen Ford, the whole monsters thing is just an urban legend," Mabel explained. "Made up by people like me to sell things to tourists. Now go and hang up these signs. Please?"

"Oh, alright," Ford sighed, taking the signs.

\-----

Out in the woods, Ford was hanging up his last signs.

"Ugh, Graunty Mabel," Ford complained out loud. "No one ever believes anything I say."

He was about to nail up the last sign, but a metal clanking from the tree stopped him. He tapped the hammer on the tree, causing it to echo the sound again. Ford set the hammer and sign down, feeling along the park of the tree. Except it didn't feel like bark, more like metal. He brushed a layer of dust off of the trunk and pulled back on a crack, revealing a hidden compartment in the tree. Inside was a device with two levers.

"What's this?" Ford asked himself. He switched the first lever, but it didn't do anything. The second one, however, did, and it caught Ford's attention as a secret panel opened in the ground behind him. Waddles the pig, who had been sniffing around, squealed and ran off.

Ford walked over to the hole and saw a journal. He picked it up and blew the dust off the cover, revealed a silver pine tree cutout with a '3'.

"Woah," Ford breathed, opening the book. Inside the front cover read 'Property Of' but the name was smudged and unreadable. Ford flipped through the rest of the book, settling on a page and beginning to read.

" _It's_ _hard to believe_ _it's_ _been six_ _years_ _since_ _I_ _began studying the strange and_ _wondrous_ _properties of Gravity Falls, Oregon_ ," Ford read aloud. "What _is_ all this?" He flipped a page. " _Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. I must hide this book before_ he _finds it. Remember: in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust."_

At the bottom of the page, written in large letters, was _'TRUST NO ONE!'_

"Trust no one," Ford murmured to himself, closing the book.

"HELLO!" Stan jumped out from behind a log, startling Ford.

"Ah!" Ford cried, nearly dropping the journal.

"Whatcha got there?" Bella asked, popping up from behind the same log.

"Some nerd thing?" Stan asked.

"Ooh, I like nerd stuff!" Bella smiled, climbing over the log.

"It's, uh- It's nothing!" Ford lied, hiding the book behind him.

"'It's uh- It's nothing!'" Stan mocked, waving his arms. "What, are you seriously not gonna tell me?"

"I've lived in this town my whole life," Bella said. "I'll get it! I've seen weird things here."

"Uh..." Ford looked at the journal, which was being nibbled on by Waddles. "Let's go somewhere private."

\-----

The three of them, plus Fiddleford, stood in the living room. Ford was pacing around, while Stan and Fiddleford sat on the couch, and Bella sat upside down between them.

"It's amazing!" Ford said. "Graunty Mabel said there wasn't anything weird about this town, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has some sort of dark side."

"Woah! No way!" Stan said, shoving Ford playfully.

"And get this!" Ford continued, excited. "After a certain point, the pages just _stop._ Like whoever was writing them mysteriously disappeared."

"Inter'sting," Fiddleford nodded thoughtfully. Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Who's that?" Ford asked.

"Well, time to spill the beans," Stan said before knocking over an empty can of beans. "Haha, beans. This guy's got a date!"

"Let me get this straight," Ford sighed. "In the half hour I was gone, you already found a girlfriend?"

"What can I say?" Stan shrugged. "I guess I'm just a babe magnet." The doorbell rang again, "Coming!"

Stan ran to the door. Fiddleford left to go fix something and Bella left to go get something to eat, leaving Ford alone to read the journal.

"Whatcha reading there, Slick?" Mabel asked, entering the room with a soda.

"Oh!" Ford quickly stuffed the journal in between the couch cushions and grabbed a magazine on the stand nearby. "I was just catching up on the newest issue of- uh- _Teen_ _Boyz Fashion Magazine_?"

"That's a good issue," Mabel said, taking a sip of her soda.

"Are you sure this is yours?" Ford asked. "This isn't Bella's, is it?"

"Pfft, heck no," Bella said, entering the room with a family sized bag of chips. "I prefer lemons."

"Lemons? Like the fruit?" Ford asked, confused.

"Nope! Like the fanfictions!" Bella smiled. Just then, Stan entered the room. With him was a girl. She had brown bangs and a black hoodie, which was pulled over her head. There was a hole in the sleeve and a stick poking out of the hood.

"Hey family!" Stan greeted. "Meet my new girlfriend!"

"Sup?" Bella said through a mouthful of chips.

"Hey..." Ford said.

"How's it hanging?" Mabel asked with a smile.

"We met at the cemetery," Stan said. "She's _really_ deep."

"So what's your name?" Bella asked.

"Uh... normal... _woman!_ " The girl grunted.

"She means Norma," Stan said.

"Are you bleeding, Norma?" Ford asked, pointing to the red liquid on her cheek.

"It's jelly," Norma said.

"I love jelly!" Stan said happily. "Look at this!"

"So, you wanna go... hold hands, or whatever?" Norma asked.

"I'd love to!" Stan smiled. "Don't wait up, guys!"

He ran out the door. Norma stumbled after him, bumping into the wall.

_There was something off about Norma._ _Something_ _that_ _wasn't_ _right. I decided to consult the journal._

Ford was sitting in the attic, on a windowsill next to a triangle-shaped window.

"Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes, these creatures are often mistaken for- teenagers?!" Ford read aloud. "Beware Gravity Falls' nefarious-"

Ford gasped as he looked at the picture, which looked exactly like Norma.

"ZOMBIE!"

\-----

Downstairs, Bella sat in the gift shop, still eating from the bag of chips, but now she had earbuds in. She took out one of the wireless Bluetooth earbuds, listening for something. She could have sworn she heard someone yell. It sounded like crombie, but that wasn't a word.

Bella shrugged, putting the earbud back in.

\-----

Ford watched out the window, where Stan was sitting on a picnic table. Norma was walking towards him, arms outstretched and low moans sounding from her.

"I like you," Stan said, kicking his legs.

"Oh no, Stan!" Ford cried, pounding on the window, but his brother didn't hear. "Stan, no! Look out!"

Ford screamed when Norma put her arms around Stan's neck, but stopped when he saw what she had done.

"Tah-dah!" Norma said, showing off the flower necklace she had made.

"Wow, thanks Norma!" Stan said.

"Is my brother really dating a zombie?" Ford asked aloud. "Or am I just paranoid?"

"It's a dilemma, to be sure," Ria said suddenly, causing Ford to gasp. He looked at the woman, who was screwing a light bulb into its socket in the ceiling. "I couldn't help but hear you talking to yourself in this empty room."

"Ria, you've seen Stan's girlfriend," Ford said. "She's gotta be a zombie, right?"

"Hm, I don't know," Ria said thoughtfully. "How many brains did you see her eat?"

"None," Ford sighed, looking to the floor.

"Look dude, I believe you," Ria said. "I'm always noticing weird things around here. Like the mailman?  _Pretty_ sure that dude's a werewolf."

_**Flashback!** _

Ria was outside, eating her lunch. A very hairy man- the mailman- walked past. She scooted away from him, dragging her lunch with her.

_**Flashback over!** _

"But you need evidence," Ria said. "Otherwise people will think you're crazy."

"As always Ria, you're right," Ford said.

"My wisdom is both a blessing, and a curse," Ria said, tipping her hat.

"Ria, the golf cart went through some mud! Can you clean it off please?" Mabel called from downstairs.

"I am needed elsewhere," Ria said, leaving.

_My brother could be in trouble. It was time to get_ _some_ _evidence._

Ford hid nearby, video taping Stan and Norma's activities. They were in the park, playing Frisbee. Stan threw the Frisbee, which hit Norma in the head, causing her to fall over.

Next they were walking to the diner. Norma punched through the window, letting Stan in.

Finally they were in the graveyard. Suddenly, Norma fell into an open grave. She burst out like a zombie, causing Stan to laugh.

_I'd_ _seen enough._

Stan was in the room in the attic, combing his hair. Ford entered, a backpack full of stuff.

"Stan, we have to talk about Norma," Ford said.

"Isn't she the best?" Stan asked, not picking up on his brother's concern. "Check out this giant smooch mark she gave me!"

He turned his cheek, revealing a large mark of smudged lipstick. Ford cried out in alarm.

"Haha, gullible!" Stan laughed. "It was just an incident with Waddles."

_**Flashback!** _

"Kissing practice!" Stan announced, holding a lipstick container in front of Waddles. He went to put in on the pig, but Waddles squealed and ate the lipstick. He then proceeded to lick Stan with a lipstick-covered tongue.

_**Flashback** _ _**over!** _

"That was fun," Stan laughed.

"No, Stan, listen!" Ford said, pulling out the journal. "I'm trying to tell you than Norma is not what she seems!"

Stan gasped.

"You think she might be a _werewolf_?" He asked. "That would be so awesome! My first girlfriend is a monster!"

"Guess again, brother," Ford said, opening the book. "Sha-bam!"

"Woah!" Stan called out, looking at the page.

"What?" Ford looked at the page about fairies. "No no, wait. Uh-" he flipped to the zombie page, "sha-bam!"

"A zombie?" Stan asked, crossing his arms. "That's not funny, Sixer!"

"I'm not joking!" Ford said. "It all adds up. The bleeding, the limp- she never blinks! Have you noticed that?"

"Maybe she's blinking when your blinking," Stan said.

"What? That makes no sense!" Ford said.

"Well it makes more sense than your stupid zombie theory!" Stan argued.

"Stan, remember the journal? It said trust no one," Ford said.

"Well what about me, huh?" Stan asked. "Can't you trust me?"

"Stan, snap out of it!" Ford yelled, shaking his brother's shoulders. "She's going to eat your brains!"

"Ford, listen to me!" Stan yelled back, shoving him away. "Me and Norma are going on a date at five o'clock, and she's gonna be ADORABLE, and I'm gonna be DREAMY, and I'm not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy CONSPIRACIES!"

Stan shoved Ford out of the room, slamming the door in his face. Ford sighed, sliding down to the floor against the wall.

"What am I gonna do?"

\-----

It was 5:00, and the doorbell rang. Stan raced downstairs, pulling on a black jacket.

"Coming!" He yelled, opening the door. "Hey Norma! How do I look?"

"Coool," Norma grunted.

"Haha, you always know what to say," Stan smiled. He left with Norma, leaving Ford to watch the videos of his 'evidence.'

"Ria was right," Ford said. "I don't have any _real_ evidence. I guess I can be _kinda_ paranoid, and- wait, WHAT?!"

Ford rewinded the last video. Norma's hand fell off, and she put it back on her sleeve before Stan saw.

"OH MY GOSH!" Ford cried, the chair falling backwards. "I was right! Graunty Mabel, Graunty Mabel!"

Ford raced outside, where Mabel was showing around a group of tourists.

"And here we have 'Rock That Looks Like a Face Rock'," Mabel said. "The rock that looks like a face."

"Does it look like a rock?" A man asked.

"No, it looks like a face," Mabel said.

" _Is_ it a face?" Another man asked.

"No, it's a _rock,_ " Mabel said, becoming irritated.

"Graunty Mabel, Graunty Mabel!" Ford cried from the back of the group.

"For the fifth time, it's- it's not an _actual_ face!" Mabel said angrily. Ford groaned.

\-----

Meanwhile, Stan and Norma were in the woods.

"Finally, we're alone," Stan said.

"Yes, alone..." Norma said.

\-----

"Mabel! Mabel!" Ford cried. He saw Dan drive up in the golf cart and raced over. "Dan! I need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my brother from a zombie!"

The two stood their for a minute before Dan tossed the keys to Ford.

"Try not the hit anybody," Dan smiled, walking off. Ford hopped into the golf cart and began to drive, but Fiddleford stopped him.

"Ford, wait!" He called, and held out a shovel. "Take this, fer the zombie."

"Thanks," Ford said, taking the weapon.

"And this one's fer Stan," Fiddleford said, handing Ford a baseball bat.

"Thanks," Ford repeated, driving off.

\-----

"Uh, Stan," Norma said, fiddling with her zipper, "now that we've gotten to know each other, there's-" she exhaled, "there's something I should show you."

"Oh Norma, you can show me anything," Stan said. In his mind, he thought _Please be a werewolf, please be a werewolf._

"Alright, just- just don't freak out, alright?" Norma said. "Keep an open mind. Be cool."

Norma started to unzip her jacket, and Stan's eyes widened. Her jacket fell off, revealing, not a girl, but five little fairies.

"Is this weird? Is this too weird?" The fairy on top asked. "Do you need to sit down?"

"Uhhhh..." Stan stared at the fairies.

"R-right, I'll explain," the top fairy said, "So... we're fairies. My name is Jill. And here we have, Carly, Alex, Janet, and- I'm sorry, I always forget your name, sweetie."

"Shembula," the last fairy said in a gruff voice.

"Shembula! Yes, of course!" Jill smiled. "Anyways, long story short, us fairies have been looking for a new king!"

"King! King! King!" The other four fairies repeated.

"Heh, so what do you say?" Jill asked. The fairies moved so it looked like they were on one knee. They held a ring out in a box on their fake hand. "Will you join us, in holy matrimony?"

"Look ladies, uh, you're nice and all, but it's just..." Stan looked for a way to phrase his words, "I'm not really looking for marriage right now. I mean, I'm only a kid, and you're a bunch of fairies, and it's like... _wha_? Yeah..."

"We understand," Jill nodded solemnly. "We'll never forget you, Stan." The boy smiled softly. "Because we're going to kidnap you."

"What?" Stan said in shock before the fairies jumped on him. "AHHHH!"

\-----

"Don't worry, Stan!" Ford yelled, hearing Stan's scream. He was driving through the woods on the golf cart. "I'll save you from that zombie!"

 _"Help!"_ Stan yelled from the trees.

"Hold on!" Ford shouted. He drove towards the sound, finding Stan and the fairies in a cave. Jill was standing off to the side, supervising, while the rest of the fairies wrestled with Stan.

"The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everyone!" Jill said. "Just- o-ok, just get his arm there, Alex."

"Let go of me!" Stan yelled, punching Alex off of his arm. The fairy bounced to the side, leaning against a tree as she puked a rainbow.

"What the heck is going on here?!" Ford cried, catching everyone's attention.

"Ford! Norma turned out to be a bunch of fairies!" Stan yelled, punching a few more of the fairies. "And they're not all glitter and sunshine like stories make them out to be! Gah!" He choked as a fairy grabbed him by the back of his shirt collar. "Neck, neck!"

"Fairies?" Ford questioned, opening his journal. "Oh, I was way off." He read from the book. " _Fairies, little winged ladies of the Gravity Falls forest. Weaknesses, unknown._ "

He lowered the book to see that the fairies had tied Stan to the forest floor.

"Oh, come on!" Stan complained. Ford marched up to Jill.

"Hey! Leave my brother alone!" He yelled at the leader.

"Oh! Tee-hee, hi there!" Jill giggled. "Uh, you see, this is all a big miscommunication. Stanley isn't in any danger. He's just marrying all 1000 of us and becoming our fairy king for all eternity. Isn't that right, sweetie?"

"You guys are buttfaces!" Stan yelled. Jill quickly covered his mouth. Ford held up the shovel, pointing it at the fairy.

"Let him go, or else!" Ford threatened.

"You think you can stop us, kid?" Jill asked. "You have no idea what we're capable of. The fairies are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the-"

Ford cut her off by sticking the shovel underneath her feet and flinging her into a nearby bush. He cut the ropes binding Stan with the shovel.

"Yay!" Stan cheered. He kicked the fairies away as he and Ford climbed onto the golf cart.

"He's getting away with our king!" Jill cried, rising into the air with her wings. "No no no!"

Ford drove off once he and Stan were buckled in.

"You've messed with the wrong magical creatures, boy," Jill growled. "Fairies of the forest, unite!"

The fairies grouped together, much like a swarm of bees.

"Hurry! Before they come after us!" Stan yelled, looking behind them.

"Ha! I wouldn't worry," Ford smiled. "Have you seen their little wings? Hehe, suckers are tiny."

Suddenly the cart came to a stop as the twins heard a buzzing sound. As it got closer, they saw that it was the screams of the fairies, grouped together in a swarm.

"Dang," Stan said.

"Alright girls, together!" Jill ordered. "Like we practiced!"

"Move move move!" Stan shouted, causing Ford to slam on the gas pedal.

"Come back with our king!" Jill screeched, leading the swarm.

"They're getting closer!" Stan cried. The fairies worked together to shoot several fairies forward. They landed on the cart, using long, sharp nails to tear at the top of the cart. Stan punched a fairy off, while Ford grabbed Shembula and slammed her into the steering wheel a few times.

"Shembula..." the fairy said, dazed, before Ford threw her off. Another fairy jumped onto Ford's face, clawing at it.

"I'll save you, Ford!" Stan yelled, punching the fairy a few times. Once the fairy flew off, Ford was revealed to have a black eye and several scratches.

"Thanks Stan," he said, dazed.

"Don't mention it," Stan said. The fairies worked together to uproot and lift a giant tree, throwing it at the boys. They screamed as it landed in front of the cart, causing them to swerve out of the way. The cart landed on its side in front of the Mystery Shack. Stan and Ford crawled out of the cart as the fairy swarm approached.

"Stay back!" Ford said, his voice quivering as he threw the shovel at them. The fairies caught the shovel and threw it far away. Stan and Ford clung to each other, screaming.

"Where's Graunty Mabel?!" Ford cried.

\-----

Meanwhile inside, Mabel was showing the tourists a cat video.

"And here we have the world's most distracting object," Mabel said. "Just try to look away. You can't!"

The group stared at the screen for a few seconds.

"I can't even remember what I was talking about," Mabel said.

\-----

"It's the end of the line, boys!" Jill announced. "Stan, marry us before we do something crazy."

"There's gotta be a way out of this!" Ford panicked. Stan frowned and stepped forward.

"I'll do it," he said.

"What?!" Ford cried. "Lee, are you crazy?!"

"Trust me," Stan said.

"Huh?" Ford looked at him.

"Ford, just this one. Trust me!" Stan repeated. Ford nodded and took a step back. "Alright Jill. I'll marry you."

"Yippie!" Jill cheered, flying to the ground. She showed him the ring. Stan held out his hand so Jill could slip the ring onto his finger. "Yahoo! Now let's get you back home, sweetie."

"You may now kiss the bride," Stan said, admiring the ring.

"Oh! Tee-hee, of course!" Jill giggled. She leaned over to Stan, puckering her lips. Stan did the same as Jill closed her eyes. As soon as she did, Stan pulled Waddles over. The pig clamped down on Jill's feet. "Wait, what?! Woah woah woah, what's going on?!"

Waddles now had her entire lower half in his mouth.

"That's for lying to me!" Stan yelled. Waddles slurped up more of the fairy, so she was up to her neck. "That's for breaking my heart!"

"Ow, my face!" Jill cried.

"And _this_ is for messing with my brother!" Stan yelled, slapping Waddles on the back. The pig squealed, spitting out the fairy and causing her to fly through the swarm, landing deep in the forest.

"I'll get you back for this!" Jill yelled. The swarm disbanded, landing on the ground.

"Who's giving orders?" A fairy asked. "I need orders!"

"My wings are tired!" Another complained. The fairies screamed as Waddles approached them, flying off so they wouldn't get eaten. One fairy got caught in a plastic bag that was floating by, causing her to drop to the ground. Waddles grabbed the bag in his teeth, carrying it off.

"Hey Ford?" Stan said. "I'm uh, I'm sorry for ignoring your warnings. You were just trying to look out for me."

"Don't be like that, you saved our butts just now," Ford smiled.

"I guess I'm just upset that my first girlfriend turned out to be a bunch of fairies," Stan sighed.

"Look on the bright side," Ford said. "That's an interesting story for your family. Not everyone can say they dated fairies."

"Heh, yeah. I guess," Stan smiles softly.

"High six?" Ford asked, holding up his hand.

"High six," Stan said, giving his brother a high five. The two of them headed inside, where their Graunty Mabel was counting money.

"Yeesh, you two get hit by a bus or something?" She joked. The twins ignored her as they went to go upstairs. "Uh, hey! Why don't you guys pick something out from the gift shop? On the house."

"Wow, thanks Graunty Mabel!" Stan smiled and went to look around. Ford joined him, looking at the empty spiral notebooks. He picked out one with a cool cover- maroon with a golden trim. Inside the notebook was a page of gold-colored paper.

"This should do," Ford smiled.

"And I will have," Stan pulled something out of a box, spinning around before showing off his choice, "brass knuckles!"

"Haha, works for me!" Mabel laughed.

\-----

Upstairs in their room, Stan was playing around with his new brass knuckles. Ford, on the other hand, was tracing his hand on the gold paper in his notebook. He had taken off his gloves, revealing six fingers. He cut out the tracing and glued it to the front of his notebook. After the glue dried, he started to write.

 _'The journal_ _I_ _found_ _here_ _told me that there was no one in Gravity Falls_ _I_ _could trust. But when you_ _battle_ _1000 fairies side-by-side with someone, you realize_ _they've_ _probably_ _always_ _got your back.'_

"Hey Stan, could you get the light?" Ford asked.

"I'm on it," Stan said. He punched the lamp out the window, causing him and Ford to laugh. "Brass knuckles!"

_'Our aunt told us there was nothing strange in this town. But who knows what other secrets are_ _waiting_ _to be unlocked.'_

Downstairs in the gift shop, Mabel was walking to the door to go upstairs, a lantern in her hands. She turned to the vending machine, punched in a code, and the machine opened up, revealing a secret hallway. Mabel looked around before disappearing behind the snack machine.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Alex the fairy was leaning against the tree, barfing rainbows for a few seconds.


	2. The Legend of the Gobblewonker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Ford look for a monster, but the real monster was inside them all along.
> 
> Oh, and Bella and Fiddleford are main characters in this chapter.

Stan and Ford were sitting at the kitchen table, eating pancakes for breakfast. Ford was reading the newspaper when Stan picked up a container of syrup.

"Hey Ford, syrup race!" Stan announced, holding the container in the air.

"You're on!" Ford laughed, putting down the newspaper and picking up his own syrup bottle. The twins held the bottles upside down over their mouths so that the syrup slowly dripped out.

"Go go go!" Stan and Ford cheered.

"Almost, almost," Stan said. He hit the bottom of the syrup bottle a few times, causing a drip of syrup to fall into his mouth. "Yes!"

He started coughing as Ford went back to his newspaper. Stan coughed a bit more before clearing his throat.

"Worth it," he coughed.

"Woah, no way!" Ford exclaimed. "Stan, check this out!"

He showed Stan a page in the newspaper.

"Human-sized robot suit?" Stan said. "I'm human-sized!"

"No Stan, this," Ford pointed to the other page. It was an ad for a contest. There was a picture of a monster and a big '$1000' across the top. "We see weirder stuff than that everyday! We didn't get any pictures of those fairies, did we?"

"Nope, just memories," Stan said, then pulled something out. "And this wing!"

"Why would you save that?" Ford asked. Stan shrugged. Just then, Mabel entered the room.

"Good morning, knuckleheads," Mabel smiled. "You guys know what day it is?"

"Um, happy birthday?" Ford guessed.

"You're a year older now!" Stan cheered. Mabel smacked him playfully on the head with the rolled up newspaper.

"It's family fun day, genius!" She said. She walked over to the fridge, pulling out a pitcher of Mabel Juice. "We're cutting work to have some family bonding!"

"Graunty Mabel, this isn't going to be like our last family bonding day, is it?" Ford asked.

_**Flashback!** _

Stan was sitting in his room. Earlier that day he had told Mabel that he had never seen a rainbow before. Because of that, she had a surprise for him.

"Hum hum hum, nothing brightens up a room like light from a window," Stan sung to himself, getting up to open the blinds. "Time to open the win- DOH! AHH!"

As soon as he opened the blinds, a very powerful rainbow shone through, blinding him.

"Surprise!" Mabel jumped into the room. She saw Stan laying on the ground, in pain.

"IT BURNS! AHHHHH!" Stan screamed, holding his eyes.

"Maybe we overdid it a little," Mabel mused.

_**Flashback over!** _

"I still can't see straight," Stan said, and to prove his point, he reached for the syrup bottle, accidentally knocking it over.

"Ok, maybe that wasn't one of my better ideas," Mabel said. "But today we're gonna have _real_ family fun. Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?"

"Yay!" Stan and Ford cheered.

"Wait what?" Ford asked, realizing what his great aunt had said.

\-----

Stan and Ford were in the back seat of Mabel's car. They each had blindfolds and we're obviously buckled in. The car bumped along the road.

"Blindfolds never lead to anything good," Ford worried.

"I feel like all my other senses are heightened," Stan said, wiggling his hands. "I can see with my fingers."

He put his hands on Ford's face, earning a chuckle from the older twin. This laugh was cut off when another big bump startled him.

"Graunty Mabel, you're not wearing a blindfold, are you?" Ford asked.

"Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be," Mabel said, peering at the road. "What is that, a woodpecker?"

She drove right through a fence in the road, causing Stan and Ford to scream. Eventually they reached the lake, but the car was all banged up.

"Ok ok, take them off!" Mabel ordered. The twins took off their blindfolds to see the lake. "Ta-da! It's fishing season!"

"Fishing?" Stan said.

"What are you playing at?" Ford asked.

"You'll love it! The whole town is out here!" Mabel said. One woman was out on the lake, holding a pan.

"Get into the pan, fishies!" The woman said in a deep voice. At the dock, a man was taking a picture of another man holding a fish.

"Say cheese!" The first man said. Once he snapped the camera, the second man fell backwards into the lake. Three boys were sitting in a boat with a large, strong-looking woman.

"Is this good?" A boy said, holding out a fishing pole.

"No!" The woman yelled, taking it and snapping it in half. "I'll show you how it's done!"

The woman looked at the lake before pulling out a fish. She tossed it into the boat before proceeding to punch it.

"Mom! Mom! Mom!" The boys cheered her on.

"Get 'em! Get 'em!" A man in a nearby boat said.

"That's some quality family bonding," Mabel smiled.

"Graunty Mabel, why do you wanna bond with us all of a sudden?" Ford asked.

"It'll be great!" Mabel assured. "Listen, I've never had fishing buddies. No one else I know likes to fish."

"I think she actually wants to fish with us," Stan said quietly to Ford.

"Hey, I know what will cheer you guys up," Mabel smiled and handed each twin a sweater. Stan's read 'Stanley 'Lee'' and Ford's read 'Stanford 'Ford''. "Bwap! I made them myself."

"Graunty Mabel, it's summer," Stan said.

"Well too bad, because it's just gonna be me, you, and those sweaters on a fishing boat for ten hours," Mabel beamed.

"Ten hours?!" Ford cried.

"I brought the scrapbook!" Mabel sung, holding up a scrapbook.

"No, NO!" Ford panicked.

"There's gotta be some way out of this," Stan said.

"I SEEN IT! I SEEN IT AGAIN!" A woman yelled out, shoving through the crowd. "The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker! Come quick before it scrabdoodles away!"

"Haha, she's doing a happy jig!" Stan laughed as the woman started to dance.

"No! It's a jig of grave DAAAAANGER!" The woman yelled. Just then a man exited the fishing lodge, spraying her with a water bottle.

"Hey, hey! What did I tell you about scaring my customers?" The man yelled. "This is your last warning before I call the cops, Crazy Chiu!"

"But I've got proof this time!" Crazy Chiu said. "Look!" She pointed to a nearby boat, which was ripped in two. "It was the gobble-d-wonker what done did it! It had a long neck, like a dinosaur! And wrinkly skin, like- like a dinosaur!"

"Woah!" Stan exclaimed.

"It chewed up my boat, and swam-did over to Scuttlebutt Island!" Crazy Chiu continued, pointing to the island in the middle of the lake. "You gotta believe me!"

"Attention everyone," one of the police officers said. "It seems we have ourselves a crazy old woman."

Everyone laughed.

"Aw, donkey spittle," Crazy Chiu said, walking away.

"Well that happened," Mabel said. "Now let's untie this boat and get out on that lake!"

She climbed into the boat and started unting the rope holding it to the dock.

"Stan, did you hear what that old woman said?" Ford asked.

"'Aw, donkey spittle!'" Stan mimicked the woman.

"No! About the monster!" Ford said. "If we can get a picture of it, we can split the prize 50-50!"

"That's two fifties!" Stan smiled.

"Imagine what you could do with five hundred dollars!" Ford said.

_Stan imagined_ _himself_ _in the human-sized robot suit. He could shoot lasers_ _and_ _even fly. He stood against a light pole as a car with two girls in it_ _drove_ _up._

_"Hey ladies," he said. "You can look, but you_ _can't_ _touch. Robot suit, away!"_

_Stan flew off, leaving the two girls to look on in awe and wonder._

"Stan! Stan?" Ford said, snapping his fingers in front of Stan's face.

"Ford, I am one million percent on board with this!" Stan said.

"Graunty Mabel!" Ford said, looking down at Mabel, who was in the boat. "Change of plans. We're going to take that boat over to Scuttlebutt Island and get us a picture of the Gobblewonker."

"Monster hunt! Monster hunt!" Stan and Ford began to cheer. Crazy Chiu ran over and cheered with them.

"Monster hunt! Monster..." she trailed off at the look the twins gave her. "I'll go..."

"Hey, you guys say somethin' 'bout a monster hunt?" Fiddleford walked up to them, accompanied by Bella. "My dad owns a boat. Ah could take you guys out ta the island."

"Yeah! We have nothing better to do," Bella said. She had a blue drawstring backpack on, and was holding a touchscreen phone in her hand.

"Fidds! Bella!" Stan smiled, giving both of them a fist bump. However, it was a little different. One that Bella had made up, where first it's a fist bump, then an explosion, and finally, a high five.

"Alright alright, let's think this through," Mabel said from her boat, which was named 'The Mystery Boat'. "You guys _could_ go waste your time on some epic monster hunt, or you could spend the day learning to tie knots and skewer worms with your Graunty Mabel!"

The twins looked over at Fiddleford's boat, which was pulled up next to the dock. It was big and looked really cool. The twins then looked back at their graunty's boat, which looked kind of sad and boring.

"So what do you say?" Mabel asked. However, the twins were already on Fiddleford's boat, which was zooming off towards the island with the twins, Fiddleford, and Bella aboard.

"We made the right choice!" Stan cheered.

"Ingrates!" Mabel yelled at them and sighed. "Who needs 'em? I've got a whole box of creepy fishing lures to keep me company."

She stared at the box before closing it in disgust.

\-----

Meanwhile on Fiddleford's ship, the _S.S Nerdling,_ Ford was standing proudly, giving out orders.

"Hoist the anchor!" He ordered, and Fiddleford and Bella worked together to pull up a cinder block on a rope. "Raise the flag!"

Stan held up his shirt, which was tied onto a tall stick.

"We're gonna find that Gobblewonker!" Stan said.

"We're gonna win that photo contest!" Ford smiled.

"Does anyone got sunscreen?" Fiddleford asked.

"We're gonna... go get sunscreen!" Bella said. They cheered as Fiddleford turned the boat around.

\-----

Once the four friends were heading back towards the island, Ford began pacing in front of the assembled team.

"Ok think, what's the number one problem with most monster hunts?" Ford asked.

"The monster ends up not existing or being a fake," Bella said.

"If'in yer a side character ya die within the first five minutes'a the movie," Fiddleford guessed. "Woah! Am I a side character?"

"No no no," Ford shook his head. "Camera trouble! Say Bigfoot shows up. Stan, be Bigfoot?"

"Ok," Stan said, and stood like Bigfoot.

"There he is, Bigfoot!" Ford said with poor acting. "Uh oh, no camera! Oh, here's one! Oh, no film! You see, you see what I'm getting at here?"

The others murmured in agreement.

"That's why I bought 21 disposable cameras," Ford said. "Two on my ankle, three in my jacket, four for each of you, three extras in this bag, and one inside my glove. There's no way we'll miss this! Alright everyone, let's test our cameras out."

Fiddleford took a picture of himself, but the sudden flash made him cry out in alarm and fling the camera into the water.

"See? This is exactly why we need backup cameras," Ford said. "We still have 20."

"Ah, bird!" Stan yelled, throwing a camera at a bird that flew past his head.

"Nineteen!" Ford said,."Ok guys, I repeat. Don't lose your cameras."

"Wait, lose the cameras?" Fiddleford asked.

"DON'T!" Ford shouted.

"Oops, I just threw two overboard," Fiddleford said, pointing to the floating cameras.

"Seventeen!" Ford said, irritated. "We still have seventeen-" he slammed his fist on a camera, breaking it, "sixteen. We have sixteen cameras."

"So what's the plan?" Stan asked, holding a bag over the edge of the boat. "Throw more cameras overboard?"

"Are you guys both idiots?!" Bella shouted.

"NO!" Ford panicked, watching his brother, "No! Ok, Stan, Bella, you'll be lookout, Fiddleford will drive, and I'll be captain."

"Aw, how come you get to be captain?" Stan asked. "You're captain on our boat! What about me, huh? Stan-ley! Stan-ley!"

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," Ford said.

"Can I be first mate?" Bella asked, raising her hand.

"Well, Stan is first mate on the Stan O' War," Ford said.

"How about co-captain then?" Bella asked.

"That's not a thing," Ford said.

"Aw, whoops," Bella replied, tossing a camera overboard. "Fifteen."

"Ok fine!" Ford said quickly. "You can be co-captain!"

"Can I be associate co-captain?" Fiddleford asked.

"As co-captain I authorize that request," Bella said.

"As first mate, I approve of it," Stan smiled.

"Well, as the original captain, our number one order of business is to lure that monster out with this," Ford gestured to a barrel of fish food.

"Permission to dare associate co-captain to taste some?" Stan said.

"Granted," Ford said.

"Permission co-granted," Bella said.

"Permission first-granted," Stan smirked.

"Uh, permission _not_ associate-co-granted?" Fiddleford said.

"Three to one, buddy," Bella said. "You gotta do it."

"Aw, man," Fiddleford sighed and tasted some of the food, coughing at the taste. The others laughed. Bella pulled a fish stuffed animal out of her backpack and took a picture of it in the fish food using her phone.

"What are you doing?" Stan asked.

"I have an Instagram account for my Beanie Boos," Bella explained. "I take pictures of them in places."

She put the Beanie Boo back in her bag and dropped her phone in a Ziploc baggie.

\-----

"Traitors," Mabel said, watching from her own boat. "I'll find my own fishing buddies." She looked around before spotting a couple in a boat. "Ah, there they are!"

The man in the boat was looking at a ring in a box. He took a deep breath before turning around and facing the woman.

"Rosanna, now that we're alone, there's a burning question which my heart longs to ask of you," the man began.

"Oh, Reginald," Rosanna smiled.

"Hi!" Mabel pulled over in her boat, "I'm Mabel! Wanna be fishing buddies?" She spotted the box behind Reginald's back. "OH MY GOSH ARE YOU GUYS GETTING MARRIED?! THAT'S SO COOL!"

The couple rowed away in their boat.

"What?" Mabel asked.

\-----

Meanwhile, the _S.S Nerdling_ was slowly approaching Scuttlebutt Island. There was a thick fog, and while Fiddleford was scooping fish food off the back of the boat, Ford was having trouble seeing where they were going. Bella had taken the opportunity to take a picture for her 'first time seeing fog' ("I've never seen fog before oh mah goshness cool!") and Stan was pretending that a pelican was a dummy.

"Hey! How you doing?" Stan asked the pelican, then adopted a new voice and moved the bird's big bill. " **I'm** **doing awesome!** "

"Stan, leave that thing alone," Ford said.

" **Aw,** **I** **don't** **mind none!** " Stan said as the pelican. "Hey look, I'm drinking water!" Stan pulled out a cup of water and began drinking it, then sung as the pelican. " **Row row row your bo-a-at-** "

Stan started coughing, causing the pelican to fly off.

"Aren't you supposed to be on lookout?" Ford asked.

"Look out!" Stan yelled and tossed a beach ball at Ford. The older twin whimpered and Stan laughed. "No really, I got it."

The boat lurched to a sudden stop, causing Bella, who had joined the twins at the rail, to fall over the edge head-first. Stan fell backwards into the ship, and Ford just held on to the rail.

"Look, we're here!" Stan said, stepping off the boat and helping Bella up. "I'm a lookout master! Robot suit, here I come!"

"Neato dorito," Bella said, looking around and taking pictures.

Fiddleford joined the others and they started walking into the forest on the island. Ford led the group, holding a lantern in his hand. They passed by a sign that read 'Scuttlebutt Island' and Stan and Bella stopped by it.

"Look, check it out," Stan snickered and covered up the 'Scuttle' part of the sign. "Butt Island."

"Pfft, you dork," Bella shoved him playfully and laughed.

"Hey guys, why aren't you laughing?" Stan asked Ford and Fiddleford. "Are ya _scared_?"

"No, Ah just don' find much humor in it," Fiddleford said.

"Psh, yeah right," Ford rolled his eyes. "I'm not-"

"Boop," Bella poked his nose.

"Yeah you are!" Stan laughed. Ford dropped the lantern as Bella kept poking him.

"Hey! Cut it out!" Ford said, but the kid didn't let up. "Bella- could you- stop!"

Just then a loud growling noise was heard and Bella stopped poking Ford.

"D-did y'all hear that?" Fiddleford asked, looking around.

"What was it?" Bella asked.

"I don't know," Ford said. Suddenly a raccoon ran up and stole the lantern, carrying it off. "Oh no, our lantern!"

It grew dark around the group, and Ford squinted to see anything.

"Ugh, I can't see a thing," He groaned.

"Guys, I-I'm not sure about this," Fiddleford said. "M-maybe this ain't worth it."

"Not worth it?" Ford repeated. "Fidds, imagine what would happen if we got that picture!"

_In_ _Ford's_ _imagination, he was on a talk show, being interviewed_ _about_ _the monster._

_"Tonight we're here with adventure seeker Stanford Pines, who bravely photographed the elusive Gobblewonker," the interviewer said. "Tell me, Ford. What is the secret to your success?_

_"Well,_ _I_ _run away from nothing," Ford said, taking a sip of coffee. A picture of Mabel appeared on screen, showing her digging around in the fridge while scratching herself. "Nothing except for when_ _I_ _ran away_ _from_ _my Graunty Mabel who_ _I_ _ditched_ _in order to_ _pursue_ _that Gobblewonker."_

 _"How right you were to do so," the interviewer said. "She looked like a real piece of work. You know,_ _I_ _don't_ _usually do this, but_ _I_ _feel the need to give you an award."_

_He hung a medal around_ _Ford's_ _neck and they both smiled as a_ _bunch_ _of_ _cameras_ _went off. Suddenly, Stan burst through_ _the_ _wall in his robot suit._

_"Charlie! Why_ _won't_ _you_ _interview_ _me?!" Stan yelled._

"I'm in!" Ford smiled.

"Me too!" Stan agreed.

"Me three!" Bella nodded. "This could be just want I need to get my photography business started."

The three of them ran off, leaving Fiddleford alone.

"Ok y'all, I'm coming," Fiddleford said, following them.

\-----

Bella was beatboxing, while Stan was singing something.

"My name is Stan!" Stan sung. "It rhymes with pan! It also rhymes with man! It also rhymes with... clan!"

"Dude, we should be writing this down," Bella said.

"Guys guys guys!" Ford interrupted, holding a camera. "Do you hear that?"

The growling noise from before echoed throughout the forest. A flock of birds scattered from where the noise was coming from.

"This is it! This is it!" Ford said excitedly. He and Stan began lightly punching each other in the arm.

"Dude dude dude dude!" They said together. They walked towards the sound, followed by Bella and finally Fiddleford, who had grabbed a nearby stick for use as a weapon.

Through the fog, the group saw a shadow that had a long neck. They hid behind a log, cameras at the ready.

"Everyone get your cameras ready," Ford ordered. They all turned their cameras on. "Ready? Go!"

Fiddleford jumped out from behind the log first, screaming and snapping pictures at random as they ran towards the shadow. The twins and Bella followed, Bella getting better quality pictures. When they reached the shadow, however, they saw that it was just an old boat wreck.

"Aw man!" Bella yelled and threw her camera at the ground, breaking it. "Oops... sorry, Ford..."

"It's ok..." Ford murmured, watching as the beavers chattered to each other. Two of them hugged and slapped their tails against the wooden wreck, causing another beaver to fall off into the water. "But what was that noise? I heard a monster noise!"

The noise sounded again, and the group looked towards the cause of it. A beaver chewed on a chainsaw, causing it to activate and make the sound.

"Cool, beaver with a chainsaw!" Stan said and took a picture.

"Neato dorito!" Bella smiled and took her own picture of the sight.

"Maybe that old woman was crazy after all," Ford sighed.

"She did use the word 'scrabdoodle'," Stan said.

\-----

"And this was when I first kissed a merman," Mabel was showing a random boy her scrapbook.

"I- uh, who are you exactly?" The kid asked nervously.

"Just call me your Graunty Mabel!" Mabel smiled.

"Ma'am, ma'am!" The boy's mom yelled. "Why are you talking to our son?! If you don't leave now, I'm calling the police!"

"Ah see, the thing about that is-" Mabel sped off on her boat.

"Go bother your own kids!" The woman yelled.

\-----

"Uh huh! Oh yeah! Work it!" Bella was saying to a beaver, taking pictures. "That's good! Oh, do that again!"

"What are we gonna say to Graunty Mabel?" Ford sighed, tossing a pebble into the lake, "We ditched her for nothing." Just then there was a ripple in the water, "Hey! Did you guys feel that? WOAH!" The rock Ford was sitting on disappeared, dropping him into the water. "Hey hey hey!"

He swam to shore, Stan pulling him up. The group saw the Gobblewonker's figure swimming away.

"This is it!" Ford cried excitedly. He started taking pictures. "This is our chance!" He turned around, seeing Stan, Fiddleford, and Bella backing up. "What's wrong with you guys?"

"Uh, bro..." Stan said. He watched as the monster rose above water, but Ford didn't seem to notice.

"Holy Roman Empire..." Bella murmured.

"It's not that hard, ok?" Ford said. "You just point and shoot. Like this."

He turned around, looking through the camera. He looked up, seeing the Gobblewonker's face. The monster roared, causing Ford to drop his camera in shock.

"RUN!" Stan screamed, and the four of them did just that. The Gobblewonker followed them on land, knocking over a tree that almost hit Stan and Ford. They continue to run, dodging trees and other obstacles and catch up with Fiddleford and Bella.

"Hurry, back to the boat!" Fiddleford yelled. The Gobblewonker snapped at Bella, who screamed and nearly tripped. Stan grabbed her wrist, pulling her along. Ford pulled out another camera, trying to get a picture, but stumbled over a tree root and dropped it.

"The picture!" Ford cried. He was about to run after the fallen camera when Fiddleford pulled him forward.

"Yer life ain't worth a lousy picture, Ford!" Fiddleford yelled.

"If it... makes you... feel any better... I got high... quality pictures of... those beavers!" Bella panted.

"Why would that make me feel better?!" Ford yelled. The group finally reached the boat. Stan got on first, helping Bella up. Fiddleford and Ford climbed aboard, knocking the boat back into the water. Fiddleford ran to the steering wheel.

"Let's get outta here!" He shouted.

"Ok, this is it!" Ford said, taking out a camera. "Cracked lens?! Stan, get a picture!"

Stan, however, was throwing both his and Bella's supply of cameras at the monster.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Bella screamed, standing up.

"Oh, right! There's still one left!" Stan said and tossed it to Bella, but it fell short and broke.

"One, that's not doing anything!" Bella yelled. "Two, that's actually doing something worse, ya ding-dong!"

The Gobblewonker dove into the water, following the boat of kids. Fiddleford steered the ship forward and away from it.

"Go go go go go!" Ford urged.

\-----

Mabel was struggling to untie a knot on her boat, mumbling to herself while doing so.

"Can you tell us more funny stories, Mama?" A boy on another boat asked his grandma. There were two boys who had uncanny similarities to Stan and Ford.

"Anything for my fishing buddies," the old woman chuckled, patting her grandsons on the head.

"Mama? I just realized that..." the boy looked up at his grandma with wide eyes, "I wuv you."

"Aw, come on!" Mabel complained.

"H-hey now, what's the big idea?" The grandma asked.

"Maybe she has no one who wuvs her, Mama," the boy said.

"Oh yeah? Well, I... I-" Mabel was cut off as the _S.S Nerdling_ drove past, dousing her in water. Mabel tossed her now-ruined sweater to the bottom of the boat, then sat down and sighed sadly.

"FIDDS, BEAVERS!" Ford cried, pointing out the animals. The boat crashed through the wreck, scattering beavers everywhere. They started chewing on the boat and its crew members.

"Ah, beavers!" Fiddleford shouted. The crew struggled to fight off the beavers, with Stan throwing some of them at the Gobblewonker. The _S.S Nerdling_ drove through a spot with a bunch of people fishing. Their boats were overturned as the Gobblewonker swam underneath them.

The woman from earlier now had a fish in a headlock, being cheered on by her three sons.

"Mom! Mom! Mom!" The boys cheered. Suddenly a wave from the Gobblewonker turned their boat over, and fish started falling on them.

"The fish! They seek revenge!" The woman cried. "Swim boys, swim!"

Meanwhile with the _S.S Nerdling,_ the Gobblewonker had managed to knock the top of the control cabin off.

"AHH! Look out!" Stan yelled, pointing ahead of them. Two men in two boats were holding a piece of glass.

"Easy... easy..." the man said, when suddenly the _S.S Nerdling_ crashed through, breaking it. "My glass!"

"Why would you even be moving glass across the lake like that?!" Bella yelled.

"WHERE DO I GO?!" Stan yelled from the control cabin. He was heading straight for a dead end. Ford quickly flipped through the journal.

"Uh, go behind the falls!" He instructed. "I think there might be a cave behind it!"

"Might be?!" Stan yelled.

"You THINK?!" Bella added. They all screamed as the boat went through the waterfall and into the cave behind it. They crashed, throwing them all onto the dirt. Bella checked her phone and bag, making sure everything was ok.

"Phew, no water damage," Bella sighed, looking at the sealed Ziploc baggie with her phone.

"You've sure got your priorities sorted, huh?" Stan grouched, pushing himself up. The four of them screamed again as the Gobblewonker burst through the cave entrance, but got stuck.

"It's stuck!" Fiddleford cheered.

"Yahoo!" Ford grinned. "Wait. It's stuck?!"

He quickly tried to find a camera but came up empty.

"Boop," Stan said, pulling off Ford's glove and dumping out a camera. Ford laughed and pulled the glove back on before snapping a lot of pictures of the monster.

"Did you get a good one?" Bella asked.

"They're all good ones!" Ford said happily.

"Whoo-hoo!" Bella pulled the three of them into a hug.

"YEAH, ROBOT SUIT!" Stan cheered. Suddenly a large rock fell onto the Gobblewonker's head. It admitted sparks before falling to the ground.

"Huh?" Ford frowned. He walked over to the Gobblewonker and placed a hand on its side. "Ugh..."

"What's wrong?" Stan asked. Ford kicked the Gobblewonker, making a hollow metallic sound. He climbed up the side of the monster.

"Careful, Ford!" Fiddleford warned.

"I've got this," Ford assured. "Hold on!" He climbed over the top, then appeared from the other side. "Guys, come check this out!"

Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford climbed over to where Ford was. They saw a hatch, like something you would see on a submarine. The group worked together to open it, revealing Crazy Chiu working to operate the machine.

"Work the bellows, and-" the old woman looked up at the kids. "Oh, fork fingers!"

"Crazy Candy Chiu?" Fiddleford gaped. "You made this? W-why?"

"I-I, well... I just wanted attention," Crazy Chiu sighed.

"Well so do I but I just use social media!" Bella said.

"I still don't understand," Ford said.

"Well, first I just hootenannied up a biomechanical brain wave generator, and then I learned to operate a stick-shift with my hair!" Crazy Chiu explained.

"Yeah, ok. But _why_?" Ford asked.

"Well, when you get to be old like me, no one pays attention to you anymore," Crazy Chiu sighed. "My own friends haven't visited me in years.  So I figured maybe I would catch their fancy with a fifteen ton aquatic robot!" She laughed crazily, then sighed. "In retrospect, it seems a bit contrived. You just do not know what us old fellas will do for a little quality time with the ones we love."

Stan and Ford pulled out the sweaters their Graunty Mabel had made for them. They sighed, looking at the excellent craftsmenship.

"Yo, I guess the real lake monster is you two," Bella said. "Haha, sorry. I couldn't miss that roasting opportunity."

"So, did you ever talk to your friends about how you felt?" Stan asked Crazy Chiu.

"Nope, I got straight to work on the robot," the woman said. "I have made lots of robots in my time. Like when my boyfriend left me, and I created a homicidal pterodactyl-tron. And my pal Grenda didn't show up to my retirement party, so I created an 80 ton shame bot that exploded the entire downtown area!" She laughed again. "Well, time to get back to work on my death ray!" She disappeared back inside the monster. "Any of you kids got a screwdriver?"

"Well, so much for the photo contest," Ford sighed, looking at the camera.

"We could still turn in the pictures," Bella said. "They don't know it's fake."

"No, that's cheating," Ford shook his head.

"We still have a roll of film left," Stan said.

"What do you wanna do with it?" Ford asked.

\-----

Mabel was boating back to shore. She sighed sadly.

"Hey, look this way!" Bella called. Over on the destroyed _S.S Nerdling,_ Ford snapped a picture of his Graunty Mabel.

"What the- boys?" Mabel looked over at the boat. "I thought you were off playing Spin The Bottle or something with Fidds and Bella."

"Well, we spent the day trying to find a legendary dinosaur," Ford said, rubbing the back of his head.

"But then we realized the only dinosaur we want to spend time with is you," Stan smiled.

"Yeah well, I've been having a great time by myself," Mabel folded her arms. "Making friends, telling myself jokes..."

"So I guess there isn't any room in that boat for four more?" Ford asked with a smile. He and Stan pulled on their name sweaters. Mabel smiled back and gestured for them to get on the boat.

"Have you ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed?" Stan asked, sitting down.

"Five bucks says you can't do it!" Fiddleford bet.

"Five more bucks says you can't do it with your eyes closed, _plus_ me singing at the top of my lungs!" Mabel added.

"You're on!" Stan smirked.

"Alright, everyone get together!" Bella said, holding a camera. Stan, Ford, and Fiddleford grouped next to Mabel. "Say 'fishing'!"

"Fishing!" They said.

The rest of the day consisted of them having fun. Bella had to cover Stan's eyes so he didn't cheat while threading the fishing hook. Mabel showed them pictures from her scrapbook and told stories. They ended up stealing fish from another boat and had to speed off before they got caught by the lake police.

At the end of the day, the group was relaxing in the boat. Suddenly the boat bumped something.

"What was that?" Ford asked. Stan shrugged and they forgot about it.

Below the water swam the real Gobblewonker. It ate the camera, which had fallen off the boat.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
" **Who** **wants** **to hear a joke?** " Stan asked as the pelican.

"Not me," Ford answered.

"I do!" Bella said.

" **Ok then,** **here** **goes!** " Stan said. " **Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?** "

"I don't care!" Ford said.

"Why?" Bella asked.

" **Because he had a very big bill!** " Stan laughed. Bella also laughed, but Ford stood to the side booing the joke.


	3. Headhunters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella thinks they're looking for the murderer of Mason to arrest them for trying to kill Mabel.
> 
> Turns out, that's not the reason at all. What the heck, guys?

Stan and Ford were watching a TV show called Ducktechive. Currently the duck, named Ducktechtive, and the constable were investing a crime scene. It looked as though a man had gotten crushed by a telephone booth. There was a bowl of popcorn between Stan and Ford. Stan reached for the bowl, but Ford smacked his hand away.

_"I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir," The constable told Ducktechive. "My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident."_

_Ducktechive started quacking, and subtitles at the bottom of the screen translated his words._

_"An accident, constable?" Ducktechive 'said'. "Or was it... murder?!"_

_"What?!" The constable said, shocked._

"That duck is a genius!" Stan said.

"Eh, it's easier to find clues if you're that close to the ground," Ford shrugged.

"Are you saying you could outwit Ducktechive?" Stan asked, not believing.

"Stanley, I have very keen powers of observation," Ford said. "For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell that you've been eating," he sniffed, "an entire tube of toothpaste?"

"I thought it was frosting!" Stan defended.

"Hey dudes, you'll never guess what I found!" Ria rushed into the room.

"Buried treasure!" Ford said.

"Buried- hey, I was gonna say that!" Stan shoved his twin playfully.

\-----

Ria was leading the twins, Fiddleford, and Bella down a hall.

"So I was cleaning when I came across this room," Ria explained, pushing open a door. "It's super bonkers creepy."

Inside the room was a bunch of wax statues.

"Woah," Ford said, shining a flashlight around. "It's a wax museum."

"They're so lifelike," Bella said, feeling along the arm of wax Sherlock Homles.

"Except for that one," Ford said, pointing the flashlight at their Graunty Mabel.

"Hi there!" Mabel said suddenly, causing the kids and Ria to scream. "No, it's ok! It's just your Graunty Mabel!"

"Oh," Fiddleford sighed in relief.

"Welcome to the Gravity Falls Wax Museum!" Mabel said, "It uses to be really popular, but the customers stopped coming. I have them all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, some kind of, I don't know, goblin man? Larry King?"

"Is anyone else getting the creeps in here?" Ford asked, shivering.

"Nope!" Bella said. She was busy with placing different Beanie Boos on different sculptures and taking pictures.

"And now, for my personal favorite, wax Abraham Lincoln, right over-" Mabel saw the pile of melted wax, "OH! OH NO! Aww, who left the window open?! Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking at you!" Mabel sighed, kneeling down and playing with the old wax. "It's been forever since I've made one of these. I don't think I have it in me anymore."

"Cheer up, Ms. Pines," Fiddleford said. "Where's that smile?"

Mabel gave a sad smile and stood up, sighing.

"Hey, maybe we could make you another wax sculpture!" Bella suggested. "If you teach us how."

"Yeah, we could do that!" Stan nodded.

"You really think so?" Mabel asked. "It takes skill, and careful handiwork."

"I'm good with my hands!" Bella said, "I'm a Gemini!"

"I suppose it wouldn't be that hard," Ford agreed. "It just takes planning, something I'm great at."

"I like your spirit, kids!" Mabel smiled.

"I can come up with the ideas!" Bella said. "I'm creative!"

\-----

A while later, Bella was sketching out ideas. Stan and Ford walked over, Stan drinking a soda.

"STAN! FORD!" Bella yelled suddenly, causing Stan to start choking on his soda. "What do you guys think of my idea?"

She showed them a drawing. It was of a centaur with fairy wings, holding a wand, and wearing a tiara.

"It's a centaur princess who also has fairy wings!" Bella smiled proudly.

"That might be kinda hard to make," Stan said, looking at the drawing.

"Maybe you should draw something from real life," Ford suggested.

"Like bacon?" Bella asked.

"Um, how about a person?" Ford said. "Someone that you know."

"Kids, have you seen my suit?" Mabel asked, walking around. She was wearing her robe and had her hair wrapped up in a towel. Bella thought she looked like a boy. The kid smiled widely.

"I have my idea!" She beamed.

\-----

After Bella had finished her drawing, Stan and Ford got to work on sculpting the wax. It took a long time and lots of work, but it was finally complete.

"I think... it needs more glitter," Bella said thoughtfully.

"Agreed," Ria said and handed her the bucket. She grabbed a handful and tossed it onto the sculpture.

"Perfect!" Bella smiled. "Oh Ms. Pines!"

"Ok, I found my suit, but now I can't find my- WOAH!" Mabel walked in with no shoes, and jumped backwards at the statue.

"What do you think?" Stan asked proudly.

"I think... the Gravity Falls Wax Museum is back in business!" Mabel exclaimed.

\-----

Ria was outside, using two popsicles to lead customers into the Wax Museum. She took a bite out of one of the popsicles and continued her job. Ford was working at the ticket stand with Dan.

"I can't believe this many people showed up," Ford said.

"Your aunt probably bribed them," Dan joked.

"She bribed me," Ford chuckled, pulling out a five dollar bill. Dan pulled out ten dollars and laughed along.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Mabel announced on stage. "You all know me. Town darling Ms. Mystery. Please, gentlemen! Control yourselves! Anyway, as you all know, I bring this town novelties and befuddlements the likes of which no one has ever seen. But enough about me. Behold... male me!"

Mabel pulled the white tarp off of the wax statue. It looked like her, but with short hair, an orange shirt, and a blue vest. It also wore grey jeans. Only a few people in the crowd clapped, two of them being Crazy Chiu and Growling Grenda.

"And now some words from our very own sculpture and designer,  Lee-onardo and Bella-vinci!" Mabel announced, handing the microphone to Stan and Bella.

"It's Stanley," Stan corrected.

"And Bella," Bella added. "Ladies and gentlemen, I formed this idea from that classic question everyone has wondered from time to time: what would I look like as the opposite gender? Well, now no one has to wonder what Ms. Pines would look like: this is him! I named him Mason. Not sure why, but I liked the name."

"So everyone, thank you for coming!" Stan said, taking the microphone. "I made this sculpture with my own two hands! It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids."

The crowd made noises of disgust.

"Haha, ok," Bella said, taking the microphone back. "Alright, any questions? You there!"

"Crazy Candy Chiu, local kook," Crazy Chiu said, standing up. "Are the wax figures alive? And follow up question, can I survive the wax man uprising?"

"Um, yes!" Stan answered, not quite understanding the question.

"Ok, next!" Bella said.

"Thompson Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper," A man held out a turkey baster as though it was a microphone. "Do you really think this constitutes as a wonder of the world?"

"Um, no...?" Bella tilted her head.

"Your microphone's a turkey baster, Thompson," Stan pointed out.

"It certainly is-" Thompson began.

"Next question!" Stan interrupted.

"Tambry Valentino, a _real_ reporter," a woman from the back row stood up. "Your fliers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Is this true?"

She held up the flier.

"I knew I was forgetting something," Mabel said. "Uh, goodnight everybody!"

Mabel threw down a small round ball and disappeared in a cloud of glitter. She carried the money from the event with her. The crowd walked away sadly, the very buff woman from the fishing trip punching a post before walking off.

"IN YOUR FACE!" She yelled.

"I think that went well," Stan said, leaning on the table.

"But none of them came to actually _see_ our work!" Bella sniffed.

\-----

Mabel was inside, counting the money she had earned from the unveiling of wax Mabel, or 'Mason.'

"Hot pumpkin pie!" Mabel exclaimed. "Look at all this cash! And I owe it all to one person." Stan stood proudly next to wax Mason. "This guy!"

Mabel put her arm around Mason's shoulders. Stan shoved her playfully.

"Oof. Yeah, you too, ankle-biter," Mabel laughed. "Now you two wash up. We have a big day of tricking tourists to do tomorrow."

Stan and Ford raced upstairs to get ready for bed. Mabel sat down and turned on the TV.

_"Well Ducktechive, it seems you've really 'quacked' the case," the constable joked._

_"Don't patronize me," Ducktechive quacked._

"Haha, silly duck," Mabel laughed. "Well, I'm going to the bathroom. You need anything?" She looked towards Mason, who obviously didn't say anything. "Ha, I love this guy! Don't go anywhere, D- I mean, Mason."

\-----

Meanwhile upstairs, the twins were brushing their teeth, already in their pajamas.

"Hey Ford, wanna do a toothbrush race?" Stan asked.

"Ok," Ford agreed.

"No. No! NOOOOO!" The two heard Mabel screaming from downstairs and looked at each other. The twins finished up and rushed downstairs to see Mabel kneeling next to wax Mason, who didn't have a head.

"Wax Mason!" Mabel sobbed. "He's been... m-murdered!"

\-----

Mabel and the twins were standing in the living room. With them was Bella and Fiddleford, plus the police.

"I get up to use the bathroom, right?" Mabel was saying. "I come back and WAPOW!- he's headless!"

"All that hard work- for nothing!" Stan cried.

"It took me forever to come up with that design!" Bella sobbed.

"Who would do something like this?" Ford asked.

"What's your opinion, Sheriff Holt?" Deputy Roy asked.

"Look folks, we'd love to help you, but let's face it," Sheriff Holt said. "This case is unsolvable."

"What?!" Everyone but the cops yelled.

"You take that back, Sheriff Holt!" Mabel ordered.

"You're kidding, right?" Ford asked. "There must be evidence, motives- I could help, if you want!"

"He's pretty good," Fiddleford said. "He found out who was eating all of the potatoes."

"All signs pointed to the pig," Ford said.

"Yeah, let the boy help," Mabel nodded. "He's some sort of genius!"

"Oh, would you look at that!" Sheriff Holt snickered. "City boy here thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!"

"City boooy! City booooooy!" Deputy Roy teased.

"You are a _dor_ able!" Sheriff Holt snickered.

"Adorable?" Ford frowned as the cops laughed more.

"Listen PJs, how about you leave the investigating to the professionals, alright?" Sheriff Holt said.

"He would if you were doing your job!" Bella yelled angrily. Mabel put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. Suddenly a voice spoke out from the cops' walkie talkie.

" _Attention all units, Steve is going to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth, I repeat, an entire cantaloupe._ "

"It's a 23-16!" Deputy Roy announced.

"Let's move!" Sheriff Holt ordered and they ran off, cheering and laughing.

"That's it!" Ford snapped, "Stan, Bella, Fidds, we're going to find out who did this and get that head back! Then we'll see who's adorable."

Ford gave a tiny sneeze.

"Aw, you sneeze like a kitten!" Bella cooed and Ford glared at her.

\-----

The next morning, the four kids were up bright and early to examine the crime scene. Bella was taking pictures of everything.

"Wax Mason has lost his head, and it's up to us to find it," Ford said. "There were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling." He showed them a bulletin board with pictures of suspects. "The murderer could have been anyone."

"Gasp, even us!" Stan said.

"In this town, anythin' is possible," Fiddleford nodded. "It could be months a'fore we find a clue."

"Hey look, a clue!" Bella said, pointing behind at the floor. She took a picture of footprints in the carpet.

"Footprints in the shag carpet!" Ford said.

"That's unright," Fiddleford frowned. "They've all gotta hole in 'em."

"And they're leading to..." Stan trailed off as he followed the footprints, which ended at an ax hidden behind the chair. The kids gasped.

\-----

The kids were in the gift shop with Ria. The woman was looking at the ax in her hands.

"In my opinion, this is an ax," Ria said.

"Of course, the lumberjack!" Ford realized. "She was furious when she didn't get that free pizza!"

_**Flashback!** _

"IN YOUR FACE!" The woman yelled, punching a wooden post.

_**Flashback** _ _**over!** _

"Furious enough for _murder_!" Stan said.

"Oh, you mean Womanly Wendy," Ria said. "Yeah, she hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown."

"Then that's where we're going!" Stan said, determined.

"Dudes, this is awesome!" Ria smiled. "You four are like, the Mystery Team."

"Don't call us that," Ford said. The four kids walked outside, where Mabel was pulling a large wooden coffin out of the back of her car.

"Oh kids, could you please give me a hand with this coffin?" She called. "I'm doing a memorial service for wax Mason. Something small, but classy."

"Sorry Graunty Mabel, but we have a huge break in the case," Ford shared.

"Break in the case!" Bella repeated.

"We're headin' to town teh investigate the murderer," Fiddleford explained.

"We have an ax!" Stan smiled, holding up the weapon. "Ree, ree, ree!"

"Hm, this seems like the thing a responsible parents wouldn't want you doing," Mabel said. "Good thing I'm am aunt! Avenge me, kids! AVENGE MEEEE!"

\-----

In town, the twins, Fiddleford, and Bella were hiding in an alley behind a dumpster.

"This is the place," Ford said, looking at the guard. He was very strong and had tattoos saying 'HEAD' and 'CHIN'. "Got the fake IDs?"

"Sure do," Stan said, handing them out.

"Is this legal?" Fiddleford worried.

"If the cops aren't around, anything's legal!" Stan smiled.

"Here goes nothing," Ford breathed.

\-----

The guard for the biker joint looked at the ID.

"Sorry, but we don't serve miners," He said, handing the card back.

"Dang nabbit!" The miner spat on the sidewalk and walked off angrily. The twins, Fiddleford, and Bella approached the guard.

"We're here to interrogate Womanly Wendy for the murder of wax Mason," Stan said, holding out his fake ID. The rest of them did the same.

"Works for me," The guard shrugged and let them inside. They walked inside, where people were fighting, among other stuff. Stan stepped over a body.

"He's resting," he said, more to calm himself than the shaking Bella and Fiddleford.

"Alright, let's just try to blend in," Ford said.

"You got it, Sixer," Stan said. He sat on a stool at the bar. "Hello fellow restaurant patron. Wanna see a card trick?"

Meanwhile Ford went to find Womanly Wendy, who was playing a video game strength tester.

"Womanly Wendy, just the girl I wanted to see," Ford said. "Where were you last night?"

"Punching the clock!" Womanly Wendy answered.

"You were at work," Ford said.

"No, I was punching that clock!" Womanly Wendy pointed outside to a busted up clock.

"Ten o'clock..." Ford said, scratching his head. "The time of the murder... So I'm guessing you've never seen this before?"

Ford pulled out the ax, showing it to the buff woman.

"Never before, dude," Womanly Wendy said. "That's a left-handed ax. I'm right-handed."

"Left-handed..." Ford said thoughtfully. He walked up to Stan, who was showing the biker his card trick. Bella and Fiddleford were sitting nearby. Bella was clinging tightly to her blue bag.

"Stan, Bella, Fiddleford, big break in the case!" Ford said, and pulled Stan along by his arm.

"Hey, my cards!" Stan said. They stopped outside, where Ford showed them the ax again.

"It's a left-handed ax," He explained.

"Is there a difference?" Bella asked, confused.

"Apparently," Ford said. "All we have to do is find who is left-handed out of our suspects, and we'll have our killer."

"We are on fire today!" Stan cheered.

"Let's find that murderer," Ford said.

The kids went around town. First they stopped by the dump, where Crazy Chiu lived. Bella waved to her, and she waved back with a baby alligator on her right hand. Ford listed her as right-handed.

Next Ford wore a fake mustache and delivered a package to someone's house. They came out and signed their name with their right hand. Ford took the box and left, marking the man as right-handed.

Then Stan whistled, getting a lady's attention. He threw a baseball at her, and she caught it. Ford marked her as right-handed as well.

Fiddleford knocked on someone's door. A man answered with both arms in casts. Ford crossed out his name on the list.

The kids finished going around town and marked everyone off as right-handed. Except for one person.

"Guys, there's only one person left on this list!" Ford gasped, showing the others.

"Of course!" Stan said. "It all adds up!"

\-----

The kids plus the two cops were gathered outside the _Gravity_ _Falls Gossiper._ Deputy Roy and Sheriff Holt each had a match stick with them.

"You kids better be right about this, or you'll never hear the end of it," Sheriff Holt warned.

"I can live with that," Bella said.

"You won't have to, because the evidence is irrefutable," Ford said proudly.

"So irrefutable," Stan agreed.

"I'm gotta get to use my match stick!" Deputy Roy said in excitement.

"You ready?" Sheriff Holt asked. The two of them cheered quietly.

"On three," Ford said. "One... two..."

Sheriff Holt slammed the door open, revealing Thompson Determined inside the building.

"Nobody move!" Sheriff Holt yelled, even though Thompson was the only one there. "This is a raid!"

"AH!" Thompson fell out of his chair in shock. "What is this? Some kind of raid?"

Deputy Roy smashed a lamp using his match stick and laughed.

"Thompson Determined, you're under arrest for the murder of the wax body of male Graunty Mabel!" Ford said, pointing at the news reporter.

"You have the right to remain silent," Fiddleford said, crossing his arms.

"And to remain impressed with our awesome detective skills," Stan added proudly. The four kids all high fived each other.

"What? I-I don't understand!" Thompson said.

"Then allow me to explain," Ford began. "You were hoping that Graunty Mabel's new attraction would be the story that saved your failing newspaper. But when the show was a flop, you decided to make your own headline."

Bella held up a newspaper, which had a picture of wax Mason's head.

"But you were sloppy," Ford continued. "And all the clues pointed to a shabby-shoed reporter who was caught left-handed."

"Thompson Determined, you're yesterday's news," Bella smirked, crumpling up the newspaper.

"Boy, your little knees must be soar," Thompson said, "from jumping to conclusions! I had nothing to do with that murder!"

"I knew it!" Ford said, then realized what Thompson had said. "Wait, what?"

"Then where were you the night of the break in?" Sheriff Holt asked. Thompson pulled at his collar nervously. He put in a VHS recording of the security cams. It was set to the time of the murder.

_In the video, Thompson pulled a cardboard cutout of Tambry Valentino out of his closet._

_"Finally, we're alone!" Thompson said. "_ _Cardboard_ _cutout of female news reporter Tambry Valentino_ _who_ _definitely_ _isn't_ _married to Robbie Valentino!"_

_Thompson started making out with the cutout._

The cops and the kids shuddered in disgust.

"Well, the time stamp confirms it," Sheriff Holt said. "Thompson, you're off the hook. You weirdo."

"Yay!" Thompson cheered.

"But- but it has to be him!" Ford said. "Check the ax for fingerprints!"

"No prints at all," Sheriff Holt reported.

"No prints?" Fiddleford asked, shocked.

"Hey, I have a headline for you," Deputy Roy said. " _City Kids_ _Waste_ _Everyone's Time!_ "

Everyone laughed at the four kids. Stan and Ford looked embarrassed.

"Boy, I'd be pretty embarrassed if I was you guys," Thompson said as the video of him played in the background.

"No! You should be embarrassed for making fun of kids who were only trying to help!" Bella yelled. "They were only doing what they wouldn't!" She pointed at the cops. "And they're the ones supposed to get paid for this!"

"Calm down, Bella," Fiddleford urged. "We don' need an outburst at the moment."

Bella screamed and stomped out the door.

\-----

Back at the shack, there were a bunch of chairs set up in the wax museum room. Most of them held the wax figures, but the rest held the twins, Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria. In the front of the room was the coffin. Inside it was the headless wax Mason. Standing behind a podium next to the coffin was Mabel.

"Kids, Ria, lifeless wax figures," Mabel began. "Thank you all for coming."

Ria was crying, and blew her nose into a tissue.

"Some might say it's wrong to love a wax replica of themselves as the opposite gender," Mabel began, close to tears.

"They're wrong!" Ria shouted, standing up.

"Relax, Ria," Mabel said. "Wax Mason." She turned towards the statue, dressed in its blue vest and orange shirt. "I hope you're solving mysteries in wax heaven." She started crying. "I'm sorry, I've got glitter in my eyes!"

Mabel ran off, sobbing into her hands.

"Nooo, duuude," Ria followed after her, also crying. Ford sighed, walking up to the front of the room.

"Those cops were right about me," He muttered.

"But Ford, we've come so far," Fiddleford said.

"Yeah, we can't quit now," Stan agreed.

"But I considered everything! The weapon, the motive, the clues..." Ford got a closer look at Mason. "Wax Mason's shoe has a hole in it."

"All the wax people have that," Stan explained. "It's how they connect to their stands."

"Wait a minute," Bella said thoughtfully, "what has a hole in its shoe and no fingerprints?"

"Guys! The murderers are-!" Ford was cut off by an unfamiliar voice.

"Standing right behind you?"

The kids turned around to see wax Sherlock Homles and all the other wax figures coming to life. The kids gasped.

"Wax Sherlock Homles!" Ford said.

"Wax Shakespeare!" Bella said.

"Wax Coolio?" Stan tilted his head.

"Wha sup, Holmes?" Wax Coolio tilted his head at wax Sherlock Homles. Another wax figure- a woman- took the ax from Stan.

"Holy Roman Empire!" Bella panicked, hiding behind the twins.

"Congratulations, my four amateur sleuths," Wax Sherlock Homles said. "You have unburied the truth, and now we're going to bury you."

The kids gasped.

"Bravo Stanford Pines," Wax Sherlock Homles said. "You discovered our little secret." He took wax Mason's head out from behind his cape. "Applaud everyone. Applaud sarcastically."

"But- but how is this possible?!" Ford asked. "You're made of wax!"

"Are yeh magic?" Fiddleford asked.

"Are we magic?" Wax Sherlock Homles laughed. "He wants to know if we're magic!" He stopped laughing. "We're CURSED!"

The rest of the statues mumbled in agreement.

"Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing," Wax Sherlock Homles said. "Your aunt made us from wax she bought at a crafts store."

"A _haunted_ crafts store, suckas!" Wax Coolio clarified.

"And so, the Gravity Falls Wax Museum was born," Wax Sherlock Homles continued. "By day we were the playthings of man."

"But when your aunt went to sleep, we would rule da night!" Wax Coolio said.

"It was a charmed life for us cursed beings," Wax Sherlock Homles said, "until your aunt closed up shop. We've waited ten years to get our revenge on Mabel."

_Flashback to wax Sherlock Homles cutting off wax Mason's head_ _with_ _the ax._

"But we got the wrong one."

"I told you she looked like a dude!" Wax Coolio said.

"Wait, so you were trying to murder Graunty Mabel for real?!" Ford's eyes widened.

"Wait, I thought we knew that already," Bella spoke up. "Isn't that why we were trying to find the 'murderer' of the wax one? For attempted murder of the real one?"

"Actually, Ah don' think that _was_ the reason," Fiddleford said.

"You were right, Ford!" Stan said. "Wax people _are_ creepy!"

"Enough!" Wax Sherlock Homles yelled. "Now that you know our secret, you must _die_."

All the wax people's eyes turned white, and they growled at the kids.

"What do we do?" Bella squeaked as the group backed up.

"I don't know!" Ford gulped. They backed into a table and started through stuff at the wax figures. However, nothing had an effect except for the hot coffee. One of the wax figures screamed as he began to melt.

"That's it, guys!" Fiddleford realized. "We can melt 'em with hot things!"

"Oh, it's a good thing I'm here," Bella joked. Each of the kids grabbed one of the fake decorative candles.

"Anyone move and we'll melt you into candles!" Stan threatened, holding out his electric candles.

"You really think you can defeat us?" Wax Sherlock Homles asked.

"I'm not sure, actually," Ford shrugged.

"Eh, it's worth a shot," Stan said.

"Better than not trying," Bella added.

"So be it," Wax Sherlock Homles said. "Wax figures, attack!"

Then the fight began. One wax woman swung her ax at Stan, but he ducked out of the way. She ended up cutting off the head of another wax figure. Stan walked around her, but was snuck up on by wax Shakespeare. Stan used the candle to cut off his hands and he ran off. Wax Shakespeare's hands moved to strangle Stan, but Fiddleford stabbed them with his own candle.

"Interview _this,_ Larry King!" Ford yelled and cut off wax Larry King's head.

"Ah, my neck!" He cried, feeling the stump. "My beautiful neck!"

Another wax figure went to grab Ford's candle, but the hot end melted his hand. Ford swiped at the figure, cutting him in half.

"Jokes on you, Groucho!" Ford yelled.

"Ehh, I've heard about a cutting remark, but this is ridiculous!" Wax Groucho joked as his upper half slid to the floor. "Hey, why is there nothing in my hand?"

Another wax figure ran at Bella, but she sidestepped and he ran into the fireplace.

"Haha, Genghis Khan fell harder than the, uh... I don't know, Qin Dynasty?" Ford tried. "Heh, yeah. Alright."

Stan was swinging the decapitated head of wax Coolio around by his hair, hitting the surrounding wax figures.

"Ford, watch out!" Stan shouted. Ford cut the leg of another wax figure when he saw wax Sherlock Homles approach him.

"Alright, let's get this taken care of," Wax Sherlock Homles said, sticking Mason's head on a rhino horn and grabbing a sword from the wall. The sword knocked the candle out of Ford's hand, breaking it. He swung the sword above his head, aiming at Ford.

"Stanford, catch!" Fiddleford tossed Ford a heated up fire poker.

Wax Sherlock Homles swung the sword downwards, but Ford blocked it with the poker. Wax Sherlock Homles attacked again and again, but Ford kept blocking and getting pushed back. Ford was backed into the corner by the wax man.

"Once your family is out of the way, we'll rule the night once more!" Wax Sherlock Homles shouted. Ford rolled out of the way towards the window.

"Don't count on it!" He yelled back, escaping out the window.

"Get back here, you brat!" Wax Sherlock Homles yelled, running after him.

Ford climbed onto the _Mystery Shack_ sign. Wax Sherlock Homles followed him, swinging his sword at Ford as he walked across the sign. Ford blocked the sword with the poker, and this happened a few times. Ford dodged a blow from wax Sherlock Homles, who ended up knocking the 'S' off the sign _._

"You really think you can outwit me, boy?" Wax Sherlock Homles asked. "I'm Sherlock _bleeding_ Holmes! Have you seen my magnifying glass? It's enormous!"

Ford climbed over the point at the top of the roof, over to the other side. He ended up dropping the poker, but hid behind the chimney on the roof. He peeked out from behind it to see that wax Sherlock Homles had followed him. The wax figure kicked him down, holding the sword above his head.

"Any last words?" Wax Sherlock asked.

"Uh, just a few," Ford panted. "Got any sunscreen?"

"Got any- what?!" Wax Sherlock turned around to see the rising sun. He dropped the sword in shock as he began to melt. "No."

"You know, letting me lead you outside?" Ford asked. "Probably not your best idea."

"Outsmarted by a mere child!" Wax Sherlock said, beginning to melt faster. As he did, he mumbled out words of agitation.

"Case closed," Ford said, dusting off his gloves. The dust caused him to sneeze, making the face of wax Sherlock Homles laugh.

"You sneeze like a kitten!" He laughed. "Those police men were right, you're adorable! ADORABLEEE!"

The pile of melted wax fell to the ground below.

"Eh, eww," Ford said.

\-----

Meanwhile, Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford were burning the remains of the wax statues. Only Shakespeare's wax head remained. Stan picked it up.

"Though our group be left in twain, man of wax shall rise agayn!" Wax Shakespeare's head said.

"You know any limericks?" Bella asked.

"Uh... there once was a dude from Kentucky-" The wax head began.

"Nope!" Stan tossed it into the fire. Ford entered the room.

"Ford! Yer ok!" Fiddleford smiled.

"You solved the mystery after all!" Stan grinned. Ford pulled up a chair, taking wax Mason's head off the rhino horn.

"Well, I couldn't have done it without my team," Ford smiled.

"No offense Ford, but it's my team," Stan said.

"What? Says who? Are people saying that?" Ford asked.

"Sweet sprinkle cupcakes!" Mabel cried upon seeing the room. "What happened to my parlor?!"

"Your wax figures were alive and evil, so we fought them to the death!" Bella told her.

"I decapitated Larry King," Ford said quickly.

"Haha, you kids are your imaginations," Mabel laughed.

"On the bright side, Ms. Pines, lookit what we found!" Fiddleford said. Ford handed her Mason's head.

"Mason's head!" Mabel smiled. "I missed this guy! You did good, kids! Alright, line up for hugs!"

"Uh, is there any other-" Stan was cut off as Mabel pulled him and the others into a big hug. They all laughed. Just then, Sheriff Holt and Deputy Roy pulled up to the window in their car.

"Solve the case yet, boy?" Holt asked. "I'm so sure that you didn't, that I'm going to take a long, slow sip of my coffee."

Ford let him get well into his drink before answering.

"Actually, we did," He revealed, showing them wax Mason's head. Holt spat out his coffee in shock, right in Roy's face. Roy screamed in pain and spat coffee back at Holt. This went on for a minute before the two drove off, screaming in pain from the hot coffee.

"They got burned!" Bella laughed.

"So, did you get rid of all the wax figures?" Ford asked his brother and friends.

"I am 99 percent sure I did," Stan smiled.

"Me too," Fiddleford agreed.

"Me three," Bella nodded.

"Good enough for me," Ford said. They left the room.

Up in the vents sat Larry King's head, laughing.

"Huh?" He saw a rat next to him. "So, you're a rat. Tell me about that."

The rat stole the wax head's ear, scampering off.

"Hey, get back here!" Larry King's head bounced after him. "I'm hopping! I'm hopping after a rat that stole my ear!"  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"Hey Ford, which do you think is better?" Mabel asked, working on a project. "Sequins or llama hair?"

Larry King's head answered from the vents.

"Llama hair," He said. "Llamas are nature's greatest warriors."

"Thanks Ford!" Mabel said and walked off. Ford looked up from his book, confused.


	4. The Hand That Rocks the Bella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella tries to be nice for once in her life, and Stan pays the price for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So in this chapter of most RF fics, Stan is in place of Mabel and him and Buddy become friends. However, I decided to use Bella instead.

Mabel was outside with some tourists. She was showing them a bag.

"For tonight's final illusion, we have the incredible 'Sack of Mystery'!" Mabel said. "When you put your money inside, it mysteriously disappears!"

The tourists nodded in amazement and put some money in before they left.

Inside the shack, the twins were watching TV with Bella and Fiddleford, since it was their break.

_"The tiger was badly_ _injured in_ _the explosion, but we repaired him," the narrator on_ _TV_ _said. "With a fist!"_

_A human fist appeared on the side of the tiger._

The twins and Fiddleford cheered on the tiger, which started punching itself in the face.

"There is absolutely no plot to this!" Bella's complaint was barely heard over the others' cheering.

_"Tiger Fist! will return_ _after_ _these messages!" The narrator said_ _before_ _the show went to commercial._

"Oh hey, it's that commercial I was tellin' y'all about," Fiddleford said, pointing to the TV.

_"Are you completely miserable?" A voice_ _over_ _on_ _the_ _TV_ _asked. There was a man sobbing in an empty room, alone._

_"Yes!" The_ _man_ _cried._

_"Then you need to meet Buddy!" The voice over man said._ _A shadow of a boy with big hair appeared._

"Buddy?" Ford said.

"What makes him so special?" Stan scoffed.

_"_ _He's_ _a psychic!" The man on_ _TV_ _said._

"Say huh?" Bella asked, tilting her head.

 _"So_ _don't_ _waste_ _your_ _time with another so-called 'Woman of Mystery'," t_ _he_ _man said, and a very_ _unflattering_ _picture of Graunty Mabel showed up on screen. There was a large red 'FRAUD' stamped over the picture. "Learn about it all tomorrow at Lil Bud's Tent O' Telepathy._ _"_

"Wow, I'm getting all wondery inside," Stan said.

"Well don't get too wondery," Mabel said, entering the room. She removed her suit shirt, leaving the undershirt she usually sat around in. "Bud's dad is nothing but trouble, and he's no better."

"What's so bad about Gideon Gleeful?" Bella asked.

"We do not speak his name!" Mabel screeched, then sighed. "Listen kids, the two of us used to date when we were young. He turned out to be a total jerk and I don't want you near him."

"But is Buddy really psychic?" Stan asked.

"I think we should find out," Ford said.

"No! I forbid you," Mabel said. "From now on, anyone who lives or works under my roof, isn't allowed under Gideon's roof."

The woman left the room, leaving the four kids to ponder.

"Do tents have roofs?" Fiddleford asked.

"Gentlemen, we have just found our loophole," Bella smirked.

_"So come on down, folks!" The man on TV said. "Buddy is expecting you."_

\-----

The kids joined the crowd at the Tent O' Telepathy. Gideon Gleeful was standing outside the entrance, holding a bag. He was dressed in a bright blue suit, and his hair has done up in a big poof.

"Step right up, folks!" Gideon called. "Put your money in Buddy's Psychic Sack!"

"Woah, this is like a bizarro version of the Mystery Shack," Ford said as he, Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford sat down. "They even have their own Fidds."

There was a boy by the edge of the tent that looked a lot like Fiddleford. Fiddleford narrowed his eyes at the boy.

"Ssh, it's starting!" Bella squealed. Sure enough, the lights were dimming and focusing more on the stage.

"Let's see what this monster looks like," Ford whispered, folding his arms. The curtain opened up, revealing a young boy with brown hair wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

"Hello Gravity Falls!" The boy greeted. "My name is Lil Bud!"

Buddy clapped and doves flew out of his hair. The crowd cheered and applauded.

"That's the son of Mabel's mortal enemy?" Stan asked.

"Aw, but he's such a smol bean!" Bella cooed.

"A _what?_ " Ford asked.

"Ssh, fandom talk," Bella waved him off.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is such an honor to have you all here tonight!" Buddy smiled. "Such an honor. You know, I have a vision. I predict that you will soon all go _'awww.'_ "

Buddy turned around and showed a very cute face. The crowd did indeed go _'Awww!'_

"It came true!" Bella giggled.

"What? I'm not impressed," Ford rolled his eyes.

"Eh, maybe a little," Stan said.

"Hit it, Dad!" Buddy pointed to Gideon, who started playing a piano. Buddy started tapping along to the beat.

" _Oh, I can see, what others can't see._

_"It ain't some sideshow trick, it's a neat ability!_

_"Where others are blind, I am futurely inclined._

_"And you too could see, if you was widdle ol' me!"_

"Come on, everybody, rise up!" Buddy said. "I want ya to keep it going!"

The crowd rose up on their feet.

"What the- how'd he-?" Ford looked up at the boy, who continued to sing and dance.

 _"You wish your son would call you more,"_ Buddy sung, pointing to an old woman in the front row. A cat laid in her lap.

"I'm leaving everything to my cats!" The woman yelled.

 _"I sense that_ _you've_ _been here before!"_ Buddy looked at a teen boy, who was holding lots of Lil' Bud merchandise.

"What gave it away?" The teen asked. Buddy walked down the aisle, stopping at where the twins, Fiddleford, and Bella were sitting.

 _"_ _I'll_ _read_ _your mind and_ _I_ _can tell-a,"_ Buddy looked at Bella, _"that_ _I_ _believe_ _you're_ _named Bella."_

"How'd he do that?" Bella whispered as Buddy walked back to the stage. Stan glanced at her fake sheriff badge, which said 'BELLA' on it.

" _So welcome all ye..."_ Buddy continued his song, _"to the Tent of Telepathy._

_"And thanks for visiting... widdle ol' me!"_

The song ended, with Buddy panting and sweating on the stage. As the crowd cheered, Buddy accepted their praises in between breathes. He took a sip of water.

"Thank you, everyone! You people are the real miracles!" Buddy smiled.

"Man, that kid's an even bigger fraud than Graunty Mabel," Ford chuckled.

"Oh come on! He was adorbsable!" Bella said. "And his song was super catchy!"

"Yer too easily impressed," Fiddleford laughed.

"What can I say? Small things always get my attention so _easily_!" Bella beamed. Buddy peaked out from the tent, watching the group of friends.

\-----

"Guys guys, look!" Bella ran up to Stan and Ford, who were hanging out in the shack the next day. "My Beanie Boo just got here!"

She showed them a pig stuffed animal

"His name is Piggley," Bella said. "Hey! PiggLEY, StanLEY! How cool is that?"

"Uh, yeah, pretty cool," Stan said. Just then there was a knock at the door.

"Someone answer that!" Mabel yelled from the other room.

"I will!" Bella yelled. She ran to the door and opened it, revealing Buddy. "Hey! It's wittle ol' you!"

"Haha yes, my song is quite catchy," Buddy chuckled. "Now I know we haven't formally met, but after yesterday's show, well I just couldn't get your laugh out of my head."

"You mean this one?" Bella asked and proceeded to laugh.

"Oh, what a delight!" Buddy smiled. "Now, when I saw you in the crowd last night, I thought to myself, 'Now there's a kindred spirit! Someone who enjoys the small things in life.'"

"That's totally me!" Bella smiled, hugging her new Beanie Boo, Piggley. She spoke in a baby voice, kissing its head.

"Adorable. Utterly adorable," Buddy smiled.

"Who's at the door?!" Mabel yelled just the other room.

"No one, Ms. Pines!" Bella yelled.

"Thank ya kindly for being discrete," Buddy said. "Ms. Pines and my father aren't on the best of terms. I don't know how a peach so sweet could be working for a lemon so sour."

"Aw, she's not that bad," Bella said. "In fact, I enjoy a good lemon from time to time. Heh heh..."

"What do you say we step away from here and chat a bit more?" Buddy asked. "Say, in my dressing room?"

"Hey-o, that was fast!" Bella laughed. "Hehe, sure, why not? It's not like I have anything better to do."

She poked Buddy in the stomach, making him laugh.

\-----

Buddy showed Bella to his room, which had its own fully-stocked pantry, a Zbox One, and stacks of video games.

"Wow!" Bella stared in awe.

"See something you like?" Buddy asked. "Cuz I most certainly do."

"Pfft, haha," Bella shoved him playfully.

\-----

A few hours later, Bella returned to the Mystery Shack. The twins were in the gift shop.

"Hey-o!" Bella greeted.

"Woah, what's up with the red stuff?" Stan looked over at Bella.

"You look like you got shot!" Ford's eyes widened.

"Haha, that's the point, silly!" Bella teased. "Me and Buddy were playing video games, and we got dressed up to look like we were in a first-person shooter! And he played with my Beanie Boos with me, and listened to my stories!"

"Bella, I don't trust anyone who's hair is bigger than their head," Stan said.

"Oh be quiet," Bella rolled her eyes. "You guys never do what I want. We're always going on monster hunts or doing things. You never just want to sit around!"

"What are you talking about?" Ford asked. Just then, Fiddleford ran in.

"Guys, are ye ready to go on an epic adventure?!" He asked.

"Are we!" The twins jumped up from their spots and ran off with Fiddleford.

\-----

The next day, Bella and Buddy were sitting on the roof of a warehouse.

"Wow, the view from your family's factory is amazing!" Bella said, taking a picture with an owl Beanie Boo. "Good thing we both brought our-"

"Binoculars!" The two said together, each pointing a pair of binoculars at each other. They laughed, lowering the tools.

"You know Bella, when I'm up here, I feel like a king," Buddy said, looking out at the town. "A king of all I can see. I guess that makes you my queen, ami'right?"

"Are you flirting with me?" Bella giggled. Honestly she was enjoying the attention. _Her_ crush never flirted with her. Now he only saw her as, well, a friend.

"Not necessarily," Buddy chuckled. "I'm speaking from the heart."

"Woah, wait-"

"Bella, I've never felt this close with anyone," Buddy said, reaching out to stroke her very short hair. "So very close."

"No touching," Bella said, smacking his hand away. "Look Buddy, I noticed all the flirting you've been doing, and I appreciate that you have such good taste, but let's just be friends, alright?"

"Bella, at least give me a chance," Buddy begged. "Bella, will you give me the honor of going on a date with me?"

"I-I, uh..."

"It'll just be one little ol' date," Buddy promised. "I swear on my lucky bowtie."

"Well... alright," Bella sighed. "Just one date."

"Bella McCreary, you've made me the happiest boy in the world!" Buddy exclaimed, wrapping the girl in a hug.

"...Are you sniffing my hair?" Bella asked. "Dude, I haven't washed it in a week!"

\-----

Back at the Mystery Shack, the twins, Bella, and Fiddleford were playing a video game.

"It's just one date, he promised," Bella said. "I didn't know what else to say, so I agreed."

"Guys don't work that way, Bella," Stan said. "He's gonna fall in love with ya."

"Ugh, I _know_ ," Bella groaned and won the game. "I mean, look at me, I'm perfect! I'm cute, pretty, hot; I like video games and everything!"

"You're also very modest, too," Ford mumbled. Just then the doorbell rang and Bella went to answer it. A horse broke through the door, Buddy sitting atop it. Bella screamed and fell to the ground, scooting backwards.

"A night of enchantment awaits, m'lady," Buddy smiled.

"Oh boy," Bella gulped.

\-----

Bella and Buddy were in a restaurant. They were sitting at a private table in the corner. The horse they had rode on was nearby, drinking from a fountain.

"Gee, if I knew we were going somewhere fancy, I would have dressed up," Bella said, looking at her outfit. She wore her normal clothes, a pink shirt and jean shorts. Her hair was also a mess, not having been brushed.

"Oh nonsense, you look lovely," Buddy assured.

"Ah, Monsieur Buddy, a refill on your water, yes?" The water came by and refilled Buddy's water.

"I never knew one meal could have so many forks!" Bella said in awe. "And water with bubbles? Ooh la la, _oui oui_!"

"Ah! _Parlez vous francais?_ " Buddy asked with a smiled.

"...I have no idea what that means," Bella said.

\-----

"Hey hey hey, what is Bella doing in the paper with Gideon's son?!" Mabel yelled, showing the cover of the newspaper to her employees and nephews. The newspaper cover had a picture of Bella and Buddy holding hands and smiling. Buddy had a wide, happy smile, while Bella's smile was more nervous.

"Oh yeah, it's like, a huge deal," Dan said. "Everyone's talking about Bella and Buddy's big date tonight."

"WHAT?! That little shyster is dating Bella?!" Mabel yelled, threatening to tear the paper in two.

"I wonder what their ship name will be," Ria said. "Belly? Budda? Ooh, Bella-uddy!"

Mabel marched out of the room.

"We didn't know!" Stan yelled.

"We didn't hear about it!" Ford added

"And plus, we told 'er not to!" Fiddleford shouted.

"Yeah well, it stops tonight!" Mabel snapped, pulling on her suit. "I'm going over to Gideon's house and shutting this down! No employee of mine is dating an employee of Gideon's!"

She slammed the door.

"Dudes, wouldn't it be funny if that was a closet, and she had to come back in and go out the real door?" Ria asked. She walked over to check the door. "Nope. Real door."

\-----

Mabel's car skidded to a halt in front of Gideon's house. She parked and marched up to the front door.

"Gideon!" Mabel yelled, pounding on the door. "Gideon, you little troll! Open up!" She saw the sign on the door, which read 'Please Pardon This Garden'. "I will pardon nothing!" She slammed the sign to the ground. "No matter how pretty the garden is!"

Just then, Gideon opened the door.

"Why Mabel, such a delight to see you," Gideon smiled.

"Cut the act, Gideon!" Mabel yelled. "I know about your son dating Bella and I want it to stop!"

"Well now I'm afraid I can't do anything about it," Gideon shook his head. "And I don't believe you can, either, seeing as Bella isn't your daughter nor related to you."

"She's still my employee," Mabel argued. "And I don't want her dating your employee!"

\-----

Back at the restaurant, Buddy was telling stories, while Bella picked at her fish dinner.

"And so I said, 'Autograph your own headshot, lady!'" Buddy laughed.

"Heh, yeah..." Bella said, poking at her fish. She didn't really like seafood.

"Bella, tonight's date has been a complete success!" Buddy said happily. "And tomorrow's date promises to be even better."

"Wait, what?" Bella looked up. "Uh, you said just _one_ date. This was it."

"Oh! What a surprise!" Buddy said, holding out his arm. "A red-crested South American rainbow macaw."

The titled bird flew over and landed on Buddy's outstretched arm. Bella yelled and hid under the table.

"Big bird!"

"Two, three, four..." Buddy counted.

"Bella! Will! You! Accompany! Buddy! To! The ballroom dance! This! Thurbday!" The macaw squawked out.

Buddy shook the bird.

"Thursday!" The bird corrected itself, coughed up a letter, and flew off. The other people in the restaurant turned towards them.

"Aw, how cute!" A woman smiled.

"Buddy's got a girlfriend!" The chef grinned.

"They're expecting us," Buddy whispered, showing Bella the letter. "Please say you'll go."

"Buddy, I'm super sorry, but I have to say-" Bella was cut off by the chatter of the customers.

"I'm on the edge of my seat!" The teen from before, with all the Buddy merchandise, said.

"This is gonna be _adorable_!" Another boy said.

"If she says no, I'll die from sadness," an old woman whimpered.

"I can confirm that that will indeed happen," a doctor said. Bella looked panicked as the crowd started chattering.

\-----

Back at the shack, Ford was reading while Stan watched TV. Stan turned off the TV as Bella entered, flopping down on the couch.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Ford asked, looking up from his book.

"I don't know," Bella murmured. "I have new rare and retired Beanie Boos at home."

"Well, at least it's over and you won't have to go on another date with him," Stan said. The twins noticed Bella hiding her face. "Bella? It's over, right?"

"AHHHH!" Bella screamed in frustration. "He asked me out again! I didn't know how to say no!"

"Like this! 'No'!" Ford said.

"It wasn't that easy!" Bella groaned. "There was this woman, and she said she'd die from sadness- and I do like Buddy, but as a friend/little brother! I just need things to get back to that point."

\-----

The next night, Bella and Buddy were on a boat, which was being rowed by Crazy Chiu.

"Boating at night! Boating at night!" The old woman laughed.

"Wow, I thought dancing was gonna be the end of the night," Bella chuckled nervously.

"But don't you want this night to last forever, honey?" Buddy asked, leaning over to her.

"NO!" Bella cried. "I mean yes! I mean... I always love hanging out with a friend, pal, buddy, chum, _amico,_ other word for friend..."

"Pal?" Crazy Chiu suggested.

"Already said pal," Bella said. "Uh, mate?"

"How about _soul_ mate?" Buddy said. A bunch of fireworks went off, the last one saying 'Bella' inside a giant pink heart.

"Well, you can't say no to that!" Crazy Chiu smiled. Bella clutched at her hair in desperation.

\-----

"I mean, he's so nice!" Bella was saying as she paced in front of the twins. "But I can't keep doing this! I don't wanna break his heart, either. GAH! I have no way out!"

"What the heck happened on that date?" Ford asked.

"FIREWORKS!" Bella panicked. "Fireworks, an-and dancing, and a boat ride! He just wouldn't let me leave the romance-zone! He's too clingy! I feel like I'm suffocating!"

"I think this is the first time I've seen someone WANTED to be friend-zoned," Stan said. Bella sighed.

"Don't worry guys, I'll... I'll think of something," she said. "We have another date tomorrow. I'll tell him then."

\-----

"So sweetie, how are you enjoying your meal?" Buddy asked. Him and Bella were sitting in a booth at _T_ _he_ _Club._ Bella had taken only a few bites of her food.

"Listen Bud, there's something I have to tell you," Bella said, refusing to make eye contact.

"Why of course! You can tell me anything!" Buddy said, tilting Bella's head upwards so she was looking at him.

"I-I..." Bella thought quickly, "I-"

\-----

"YOU TOLD HIM _WHAT_?!"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't think of anything else!" Bella yelled. "If I said anything else he wouldn't have let me leave!"

"So you said Lee was your _boyfriend_?!" Ford shouted.

"Let's see you come up with anything better!" Bella snapped.

"Tell him you don't like him!" Stan said.

"Arg, he wouldn't believe me!" Bella groaned. "He would _refuse_ to believe if I said I didn't like him! He had to think I had feelings for someone else!"

\-----

Meanwhile, Buddy was in his room. He was looking in his mirror, gripping the stone in his bowtie tightly.

"You don't know what you've done, Stan Pines," Buddy breathed. The stone began to glow through his fingers. A candle on the desk started to levitate, passing by each of the light bulbs around the mirror. As the candle passed, the light bulbs broke. "You have made the biggest mistake of your life!"

Other things in the room began to levitate. The objects dropped to the floor.

"Buddy Charles Gleeful! Clean up your room right now!" Gideon yelled, slamming the door open.

"Not right now, Father!" Buddy growled. "I have important business to attend to."

"Well if it's not cleaned before the end of the night, you're grounded!" Gideon yelled, slamming the door closed. Buddy glared at a picture of Bella and the twins together. The sides of the picture, where the twins were on either side of Bella, burned away until only the teen remained.

\-----

Bella, Fiddleford, and the twins were outside. Bella and Fiddleford linked arms, tucking pillows in their shirts.

"Hit us!" They said together. Stan and Ford came running at them, attempting to knock the two young teens over. They failed though, and the twins were the ones to fall backwards. The four friends laughed.

"Well, I'm glad everything's back to normal," Bella smiled. Just then the phone rang.

"Not it!" Stan said quickly.

"Not i- aw man," Ford said at the same time. He went to answer the phone. "Hello?"

" _Thompson Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper,_ " said the voice on the other end.

"Oh, hey dude," Ford said. "Sorry for accusing you of murder last week."

" _Water under the bridge,_ " Thompson waved it off. " _I'm_ _calling to ask if you and_ _your_ _brother have seen anything unusual in this here town since_ _you've_ _arrived._ "

"Oh finally! I thought no one would ever ask!" Ford said happily. "Lee, get in here!"

Stan raced inside. Ford told him about the interview, and he ended up getting excited too.

"Yes, a chance to become known for something!" Stan smiled. Ford listened to the man on the other side, writing down the address that they would meet up at.

"Tonight? Got it," Ford nodded.

\-----

Thompson hung up.

"There, I did your dirty work," he said to someone sitting on the other side of his desk. "Now it's time for your end of the bargain." The person handed Thompson a slip of paper. "Tambry Valentino's phone number! Thank you, Lil' Bud!"

\-----

That night, Stan and Ford walked over to the warehouse together. They stepped inside but didn't see anyone.

"Hello?" Ford called out. He slumped his shoulders at no reply. He and Stan went to leave. However, only Ford got out the door when suddenly it slammed shut, trapping Stan inside.

"Hey, let me out!" Stan yelled, kicking at the door. The lights turned on, and Stan turned around to see Buddy sitting in a spinny chair. The boy was playing with a doll of himself.

"Hello, friend," Buddy greeted.

"Ugh, Buddy," Stan rolled his eyes.

"Stanley Pines," Buddy said. "How long you been living in this town? A week? Two? You like it here? Enjoying the scenery?"

"What do you what, Buddy?" Stan asked.

"Listen here, boy," Buddy growled. "This here town has secrets you couldn't even begin to comprehend!"

"Is this about Bella?" Stan asked. "Didn't she tell you she isn't into you?"

"LIAR!" Buddy screamed. "YOU stole her from me!" Buddy grabbed at his amulet, walking towards Stan. "She was MY peach dumplin'!"

"Woah man, chill out!" Stan said, getting a little scared. Suddenly he was levitated into the air and thrown into a pile of boxes.

"Reading minds isn't all I can do, Stanley," Buddy said darkly.

"B-but you're a fake," Stan stuttered, trying to stand up.

"Oh tell me Stan, does this look 'fake' to you?" Buddy asked. He levitated all the merchandise behind him.

\-----

Bella was at her house, in her closet. It was dark inside, and she was snuggled in a pile of her Beanie Boos.

"I need help, guys," she spoke to the pile of stuffed animals. "I feel bad about lying to Buddy like that. He was a good guy. He just got a little clingy."

Bella paused, as if listening to the Beanie Boos.

"No, I don't think he does," Bella sighed. "I _should_ tell him the truth."

Bella looked at a pink unicorn.

"You're right, I shouldn't lie about love," she nodded. "That should never be lied about."

Another pause.

"You guys are right!" Bella stood up. "I'm going to go find Buddy and tell him that Stan _isn't_ my boyfriend, and that I _don't_ like him! Buddy, that is. Thanks, guys!"

Bella tumbled out of her closet, racing down the stairs and out the front door.

\-----

Stan was running from and dodging the merchandise being thrown at him. Buddy laughed evilly as he tossed a cabinet at Stan, who jumped out of the way and hit his head on the wall.

" _Son of a-_ " Stan hissed. "Graunty Mabel was right about you! You are a monster!"

"Bella belongs to me! Not you!" Buddy yelled and laughed evilly. Stan grabbed a baseball bat and swung at Buddy. The younger boy was distracting by cooing at a toy version of himself. Stan yelled and charged at Buddy, who levitated him. Stan dropped the bat as he was lifted into the air.

"She's never gonna date you, man!" Stan yelled.

"That's a lie! It's only because she's dating you!" Buddy yelled. He spotted a pair of Buddy merchandise shears. "And I'm going to make sure she's _not_ dating you, and _never_ will again."

Buddy levitated the shears towards a struggling Stan. Before he could do anything, however, Bella appeared in the doorway.

"BUDDY!" She yelled, catching both boys' attention. "We need to talk!"

"Bella! M-my dumplin'," Buddy said, dropping the shears. "What are you doing here?"

"Buddy, I can't be your dumpling," Bella said. "And I need to tell you the truth to why."

"I-I don't understand..." Buddy said, his grip on the amulet tightening. Stan seemed to be choking.

"Uh, Bella, right now might not be the best time to be brutally honest with him!" Stan gasped. Ford was watching from outside, clearly terrified.

"Buddy, I'm not... Stan isn't my boyfriend," Bella said softly. Buddy almost didn't hear her.

"He's... not?" Buddy asked. Stan stopped choking and took in a deep breath.

"No, he isn't," Bella shook her head. "Buddy, I just don't like you in that way. I'm sorry. But hey, we can still be Live Friends, right? Would you like that?"

"Really?" Buddy asked as Bella walked up to him. She looked at the exposed amulet and grabbed it.

"No not really!" She screamed. Stan fell to the ground. "You were attacking one of my best friends, what the heck?!"

"My bowtie! Give it back!" Buddy cried, watching as Bella threw it to Stan.

"Ha!" Stan laughed, catching it. "Not so high and mighty without this, are ya?"

Buddy screamed and charged at Stan, making him drop the amulet. The two of them fell through the window, falling of the edge of the cliff.

"STAN!" Bella and Ford yelled.

Stan and Buddy started slapping each other as they fell. Once they realized they were near certain doom, they started screaming for their lives. But they floated right above the ground, surrounded by a green light. They looked up to see Bella levitating them, and carrying herself and Ford down to the ground.

"Listen Buddy, it's over," Bella said. "I will never, ever, date you. You've ruined that chance by being clingy and almost killing Stan."

"Yeah!" Stan said in agreement. Bella dropped them to the ground. She tossed the amulet on the grass, stepping on and breaking it.

"MY POWERS!" Buddy cried. "Oh, this isn't over. This isn't the last you'll see of wittle... ol'... me..."

He backed away into the dark forest.

\-----

Back at his home, Buddy burst through the door, angry.

"Well how'd destroying Stanley go, Buddy?" Gideon asked.

"Horrible, Father," Buddy said. "They destroyed the amulet!"

"Hm, maybe there's some other way we can destroy him," Gideon said, setting a blue journal with a silver pine tree on the cover and a number two on it on the coffee table.

\-----

"What happened to you two?" Mabel asked, seeing the twins in such bad shape, though Stan seemed to be worse off.

"Buddy," Stan grumbled.

"Buddy," Ford said in agreement.

"I tried to warn you guys," Mabel shook her head.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Bella was checking her mailbox, excited. It was empty though, so she closed it again and sighed. She opened it again, excited, but sighed sadly at seeing that it hadn't changed. This happened a few times before she fell asleep.

Fiddleford walked past near sunset and wrapped a blanket around her.

In the morning she was startled awake and quickly checked the mailbox, where a lumpy package was waiting for her. She squealed happily, grabbing it and running inside.


	5. The Inconviencing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella and Stan get high while Ford acts gay for Dan and tries not to talk to ghosts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao, no I'm not posting this at two in the morning on Wednesday because I have nothing else to do.
> 
> So we learned in the original episode what happened if you ate a lot of Smile Dip. However, we never learned what happened if you only had a little bit, so that's where I was going with Bella not acting exactly the way Stan is. I think I was going for more of a high-type of behavior? Is this what it's like to be high? I wouldn't know, I'm fourteen.
> 
> Spoiler: Ford is gay.

The twins, along with Bella, Dan, and Ria were in the gift shop. Ford was reading through the journal, Dan was reading a magazine with his feet propped up on the counter, and Ria was working on cleaning something. Bella was reading her own book, seated against the wall, and Stan was spinning around on the globe.

"Hey guys, do you believe in ghosts?" Ford asked Stan and Bella.

"Of course," Bella said, flipping a page in her book.

"I believe you're a big dork," Stan laughed. Ford used the pencil he was holding to make the spinning globe stop. The sudden lack of motion caused Stan to fall off.

"Ria! Wendy!" Mabel called, entering the room. Ria ran over to her, panting, while Dan stayed at the cash register.

"What's up, Ms. Pines?" Ria asked.

"I'm heading out," Mabel said. "You two are going to wash the bathrooms, right? Please?"

"Yes ma'am!" Ria saluted her.

"Absolutely not," Dan said, also saluting her.

"Haha, stay out of trouble," Mabel smiled, walking out the door. Dan walked over to a curtain on the wall.

"What's this?" He asked, moving the curtain to reveal a ladder. "A secret ladder to the roof?"

"I don' know if Ms. Pines would like that," Fiddleford said, entering the room while wiping off his hands. Dan waved his hand near the ladder, making Ria whimper.

"Duude," Ria said as Dan did it again. "You're freaking me out, dude!"

"Can we actually go up there?" Ford asked.

"Sure we can," Dan said. "Roof time! Roof time!"

The twins, Dan, and Bella climbed the ladder, chanting. Ria watched nervously out the window.

"Alright, check it out!" Dan smiled. The spot on the roof had a cooler, a lawn chair, and even an umbrella. There was a pile of pine cones next to the lawn chair and a target sign taped onto the totem pole in the yard.

"Did you put all this stuff up here?" Ford asked.

"I may or may not sneak up here during work, all the time, everyday," Dan shrugged. He tossed a pine cone at the target and hit it in the center. "Bullseye!"

"Neato dorito!" Bella gasped.

"Me first!" Stan announced, grabbing a pine cone. He threw it, but it fell short of the totem pole. Ford and Bella joined in, and the three of them were throwing pine cones. Ford threw one that hit a car, making the alarm go off. He inhaled, blushing.

"Nice one! Up top!" Dan said, holding out his hand for a high five. "Don't leave me hanging, man."

Ford smiled and returned the high five. Just then a car pulled up and honked.

"Oh cool, it's my friends," Dan said. "Uh, you guys aren't gonna tell _Mabel_ about this place, right?"

Ford zipped his lips, 'throwing away' the key. Dan did the same and jumped off the roof onto a nearby pine tree. He slid to the ground and got into the car.

"Let's get outta here!" The boy driving yelled and sped off.

"Later Dan!" Ford yelled after them. He laughed to himself. "Good times."

"Uh oh!" Stan said teasingly.

"What?" Ford asked, looking at him.

"Somebody's in _looove_!" Stan smiled.

"Yay, love!" Bella giggled.

"What? No I'm not!" Ford denied. "I just think Dan is cool. It's not like I lie awake at night thinking about him!"

\-----

That night, Ford was in bed. He was lying awake, staring at the ceiling.

"Uh oh," Ford realized.

\-----

"Random dance party for no reason!" Bella announced. The gathered employees- her, Stan, Dan, and Fiddleford- started dancing when Bella turned on the radio. Ford was standing off to the side, holding a clipboard. He was watching Dan and glanced at what he wrote.

_'I am pretending to write something down.'_

Ford nodded as though in deep thought.

"Ford!" Dan called. The younger boy fumbled with the clipboard and threw it away.

"Uh, yeah?" Ford asked.

"Aren't you gonna get in on this?" Dan asked.

"Uh, I don't really dance," Ford shook his head.

"What? Yeah you do!" Stan laughed. "Ma used to dress him up in a lamb costume and make him do _the lamby dance._ "

"Now is not the time to talk about the lamby dance," Ford growled quietly.

"Lamb costume?" Bella asked, giggling. "That sounds adorable!"

"Was there like, little ears and a tail?" Dan asked.

"Uh, well-" Ford began nervously.

"Ford would prance around and sing a song about grazing," Stan explained, holding up a picture of Ford in a lamb costume.

"Aw, you're so smol and precious!" Bella cooed. "Smol cinnamon roll!"

Before Ford could say anything, Dan's phone started beeping.

"Whoop, quitting time," Dan said. "The gang's waiting for me."

"Wait! Why don't I- or, _we_ come with you?" Ford suggested.

"I think I'll just stay here," Fiddleford said.

"Ok, then Stan, Bella and I," Ford said.

"Hm, I dunno," Dan said. "My friends are pretty hardcore. How old did you guys say you were?"

"I turned thirteen the other day!" Bella said proudly.

"And we're thirteen, too!" Ford said quickly before Stan could respond. "So, technically teens."

"I'm officially an official teenager!" Bella squealed.

"Alright, I like your moxy, kid!" Dan smiled. "I'll get my stuff and we can leave."

Dan left the room, leaving the twins and Bella.

"But Ford, we're not thirteen for another few days," Stan corrected.

"Come on, Stan!" Ford said. "This is our chance to hang out with the cool kids! And Dan and whatever..."

"I knew it!" Stan cried happily, pointing at his brother. "You love him!"

"Ooh, I need a ship name!" Bella said. "Maybe DanFord?"

"Oh hey, what's that?" Ford asked, pointing. Stan turned to look and Ford hit the back of his head.

"Ow," Stan said.

\-----

Outside were Dan's friends. Two of them were holding a third upside down by his feet. The third teenager was shirtless as the others tried to throw jelly beans in his belly button.

"In the belly! In the belly!" The first two teens chanted. One of the girls attempted to throw a jelly bean, but Dan beat her to it.

"Dan!" The teens cheered.

"Hey dudes," Dan greeted. "These are my pals from work. Stan, Ford, and Bella."

"I chewed my gum so it looks like a brain!" Stan said, holding out his tongue with the wad of gum on it.

"He's not one for first impressions," Ford said. "Hi, I'm Ford."

Ford held out a gloved hand, but hid it behind his back when no one shook it.

"Hehe, ok..."

"So are you like, babysitting, or...?" One of the girls asked.

"I don't _need_ a babysitter," Bella folded her arms.

"Come on, Stacey," Dan rolled his eyes. "Guys, this is Daryl and Ed."

The two teens punched each other, laughing. Ed was tall and white, while Daryl was shorter, fatter, and black.

"Shandra," Dan pointed at a girl who was staring at her phone.

"Hey," She said, not looking up.

"Toby, who once ate a run-over waffle for 50 cents," Dan said.

"Don't tell them that!" Toby whined in a nasily voice.

"And Stacey," Dan pointed at the second girl. She had black hair and all black clothes. Her zipped up hoodie had a stitched heart on it. "You can probably figure her out."

"Yeah, I'm the girl who spray-painted the water tower," Stacey said.

"Oh, you mean the giant muffin," Ford said.

"Um, it's an _explosion!_ " Stacey corrected. The group looked towards the water tower.

"Hehe, it kinda does look like a muffin," Ed laughed. The rest of the group joined in, except for Stacey and Ford. The older girl growled and glared at Ford.

"Let's hurry it along, guys," Dan said. "I got big plans for tonight."

The teens and the twins climbed into the van. Ford went to sit up front but Stacey beat him to it.

"Sorry kid, but _I_ ride shotgun," Stacey smirked. Ford frowned, moving to sit in the very back with Stan and Bella.

"Ok, just, before we go, my mom said you guys aren't allowed to punch the roof anymore, so..." Toby, who was driving, looked back at his friends.

"Toby! Toby! Toby!" The older teens cheered, punching the roof of the van. Toby sighed, driving off.

In the back, the three younger friends were looking at the graffiti scribbled on the walls. Bella sat on the far left, drumming her fingers on the side. Stan took the marker from Ford and wrote 'You Stink!' on the wall next to him. Stan snickered.

"Stan, please," Ford said, taking the marker.

"Oh what? Am I embarrassing you in front of your new BOYFRIE-" Stan was cut off by Ford slapping his hand over his mouth.

"Did you just lick my glove?" Ford asked, pulling his hand away.

\-----

Back at the Mystery Shack, Mabel was settled down in her chair. Waddles the pig was laying on her feet. Mabel was knitting a sweater while the TV played in front of her. A black and white program turned on.

_"You're watching the black and white period piece old lady boring movie channel!" The announcer on_ _TV_ _said. "Stay tuned for the Friday night movie, The Duchess Approves, starring Sturly Stembleburgiss as 'The Duchess' and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as irascible coxswain 'Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire!'"_

"Ooh, a classic," Mabel smiled, turning the volume up slightly.

\-----

Meanwhile, the teens and the twins had reached their destination. They were standing behind a tall fence, peering through it at an abandoned store called 'Dusk 2 Dawn.'

"There it is, fellas," Dan said. "The condemned Dusk 2 Dawn."

"Cool!" Ed and Daryl said together.

"Neato dorito!" Bella gasped in awe.

"Why did they shut it down?" Ford asked. "Was it rats, or-?"

"Try murder!" Ed said.

"Some folks died in there," Daryl explained. "Place has been haunted ever since."

"Even cooler!" Bella exclaimed. "I've always wanted to talk to ghosts."

"Wha- are you serious?" Ford asked.

"Yeah, we're all gonna die!" Dan mocked. "Chill out dude, it's not that bad."

The group climbed over the fence. Only Daryl was left on the other side, and Ford was sitting atop the fence.

"Come on, Ford!" Dan called from the ground.

"Ok, ok," Ford sighed shakily. "Just gotta get a foothold..."

"Dude, _Bella_ did it!" Stacey yelled and pointed towards Bella. The girl was oohing at a lightning bug that had landing on her finger. She giggled when it glowed green and flew off.

"Here, I'll help you!" Ed said, now at the top of the fence. He dropped Ford off the fence to the ground. "Oops, sorry!"

"Good job throwing the kid off the fence," Daryl chuckled. Dan peered through the windows into the dark store.

"Woah, this place is amazing!" Dan said. Stacey tried to pull the door open, but failed.

"Ugh, it's stuck," She groaned.

"Here, let me try," Ford said, stepping forward.

"Oh yeah, I can't open it, but I'm sure Junior here is gonna break it down like Hercules," Stacey rolled her eyes.

"Come on Stace, leave him alone," Dan said. "He's just a kid."

Ford frowned, heartbroken to know that his crush only saw him as a kid. He fixed his gloves and set a determined face, walking to the side of the building. Using a dumpster and some boxes, he found a way to climb to the roof.

"Kid, what are you doing?" Shandra asked. Ford ignored her as he attempted to punch open the vent on the roof. It took a few tries, but he did it.

"Go Ford!" Stan cheered on his twin. Ford slid down the vent, landing inside.

"Hey Ford, take it easy!" Dan yelled at the roof.

"Who wants to bet he doesn't make it?" Stacey scoffed.

"Ten bucks!" Bella smiled. Just as the two had made the deal, Ford opened the door from inside. With a wide smile, he gestured for everyone to enter. Stacey grumbled and handed Bella a ten dollar bill.

"Good call inviting this one!" Ed cheered, walking inside.

"You're new name is Dr. Funtimes!" Daryl smiled, following him. Stan and Bella gave Ford a high five as they passed him.

"Nice work!" Dan smiled, ruffling Ford's hair. The boy smiled proudly, walking inside and letting the door swing shut behind him.

"Do you guys really think it's haunted?" Toby asked nervously.

"Nah, are you kidding?" Daryl waved it off.

"I hope it is," Bella said. "That would be cool!"

None of them saw, but the sign in the window flipped from 'Yes, We're Open!' to 'Sorry, we're closed!'

"Woah man, it's even creepier than I thought!" Dan said, walking around. Bella walked over to the counter, running her finger along the top. She sneezed, causing a big cloud of something to rise.

"Yup, it's dust," she sniffed. Ford took a newspaper, dusting it off. The headline read 'Stuffed Crust Pizza Declared Delicious!'

"Hey, where do ya think they keep the dead bodies?" Ed asked, looking around. Daryl shoved him playfully.

"Shut up, man," He laughed.

"Guys, check this out!" Dan called the group's attention to some light switches. "Think they still work?"

For answer, he flipped the switches one-by-one, which turned on the lights and appliances.

"Jackpot!" Stan smiled.

"So what do we do now?" Ford asked.

"Whatever we want," Dan said. The twins smiled at each other.

First the group had a food fight, throwing old expired snacks at each other. Next they dropped some mints into a bottle of soda, making it spray everywhere. Everyone cheered and Stan tried to catch some drops on his tongue.

Stan and Bella ran around the corner, throwing food at Ford. They stopped suddenly upon seeing something.

"Smile Dip!" Stan gasped, walking towards the sweet-filled stand. He grabbed a pack, looking at it. "I thought this stuff was banned in America!"

"Cool!" Bella said, taking a second pack.

"Maybe they had a good reason," Ford said. He got hit by an old food package and ran off, laughing. Stan opened the package of Smile Dip. He put the stick in and pulled it out, then dumped the whole bag in his mouth. Bella licked some of the powder off of the stick, smiling widely.

\-----

Ford and Dan were sitting on top of a shelf. They each had an ice cream bar in their hands. Somehow the frozen treat hadn't melted over the years, but neither boy questioned it.

"Hey Toby come here, we got something!" Daryl called.

"Whatever it is, I'll do it!" Toby yelled, running over.

"Whoo, Toby!" Dan cheered and laughed. "Man, Ford, this night is like, legendary."

"Really?" Ford asked.

"Just look around," Dan said. "The guys are bonding," they looked at Ed, Daryl, and Toby. The first two were pouring ice down Toby's pants while chanting his name, "I've never seen Shandra look up from her phone this long," said teen girl glanced up from her phone for a second before continuing to type, "and your brother and Bella seem to be going nuts for that smile dip."

"Ugh, I think I've had too much," Stan groaned. He looked around him. He didn't see the convenience store, but instead a brightly colored world with giant candy dogs. He proceeded to 'chew' on one of the dog's paws.

"Ooooh, you're so _fluffy_!" Bella giggled. She hadn't had nearly as much Smile Dip as Stan had (he had eaten countless packets, while Bella had only had one) but was still under the same-ish effects. She was laying on her side, playing with one of her Beanie Boos in her hands. She was still able to see the surrounding store and her friends, but everything was made of very bright colors.

"You know Ford, I wasn't sure if you could hang out with my crew at first," Dan said. "But you're surprisingly mature for your age."

"Yes. Yes I am," Ford nodded in agreement and smudged ice cream on the side of his face while staring at Dan.

"Hey guys, we need more ice!" Ed called, shaking out an empty bag.

"I'm on it!" Ford said, jumping down from the top of the shelf. He walked over to the cooler and opened it to grab a bag. He looked inside to see a floating brain with eyes. He screamed, dropping the bag of ice and slamming the door shut. He peaked back inside, but the monster was gone.

"What was that?" Ed asked, walking over with everyone else except for Stan. Bella was stumbling on her feet, her head leaning against Dan's arm for support. She giggled and laughed, giving a haphazard smile at Ford. "I thought I heard some lady screaming back here."

"You're not _scared,_ are ya?" Daryl teased.

"What? No! I'm cool!" Ford quickly assured.

"Then what's this mess?" Stacey asked, pointing to the fallen bag of ice.

" _Ooooh_ , they look like _cryyyyyystals_!" Bella giggled. "So _shiiiiiny_."

"Uh, the bag slipped," Ford lied. "Uh, cuz it's slippery, and... hey look! It's Dancy Pants Revolution! The game that tricks people into exercising!"

The teens looked towards the game. They ran towards it, cheering, leaving Bella and Ford where they were.

"Hehe, yeah! Let's all go... play that..." Ford trailed off, looking back at the ice cooler. He walked over to the game, helping Bella. They arrived to see Toby playing the video game and the older teens cheering for him.

"Wow, he's really terrible at this," Dan chuckled.

"Hehe, yeah," Ford said. "That's great..."

"Pretty _liiights_!" Bella giggled, reaching out towards the game. She leaned against Dan again. " _Wooooow, Daaaaanny_. Your flannel thingy is so _soooooft_."

Ford looked at the doors, ignoring Bella's mumbled nonsence. He saw everyone's reflections in the glass, but he could have sworn they were skeletons. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. The reflections were normal.

"I'll be right back," Ford said. He walked over to the telephone in the back, dialing the Mystery Shack's phone number. "Come on, Graunty Mabel, pick up. Arg, what is she doing?"

\-----

Meanwhile, back at the shack, Mabel was still watching the movie. She had a bucket of ice cream in her lap and had long-since abandoned her knitting.

_"I don't care about Dukes, or Commoners, or His Royal Highness Lionel of Cornwall!" The Duchess was saying on TV. "I'm not afraid anymore, Mother!"_

_"Duchess,_ _I_ _forbid you!" Her mother said._

_"I may be a duchess, but_ _I'm_ _also a woman!" The Duchess said, taking off her hat. Her long hair flowed in the breeze._

"Yes! Yes!" Mabel cheered, a scoop of ice cream in her mouth. "You go, girl!"

\-----

At the convenience store, Ford had given up trying to contact his Graunty Mabel. Now the phone was hanging from its spot. Ford paced in front of Stan, who seemed to be knocked out on the Smile Dip.

"Stan, I need your advice," Ford said. "We're hanging out in a haunted convenience store, I can't get a hold of Graunty Mabel, and if I say anything to any of these guys, they'll just think I'm a scared little kid!"

Stan apparently didn't hear him. He was foaming at the mouth with Smile Dip covering his face. His eyes were small and dilated, and they didn't seem their natural color. All Stan saw was himself riding a flying dolphin with lots of hands and mouths.

"Stan? Stan!" Ford cried, shaking his unresponsive twin brother. "How many of these things did you eat?!"

"Twoty-two..." Stan gurgled a response.

"Not good," Ford panicked, dropping Stan. "Not good not good not good!"

During all of this, Stacey had been using a dime to scratch off a lottery ticket.

"Ha!" She laughed. She accidentally dropped the coin, and it rolled behind the counter. She bent over to pick it up. "Uh, guys? You might wanna see this."

Everyone except for Stan gathered around the counter. On the floor were two tape outlines of bodies. The teens murmured to each other. Bella, still with a smile on her face, tilted her head and squinted her eyes, as though trying to make sense of the sight.

"The rumors _are_ true!" Daryl said. Ford gulped nervously.

"I dare someone to lie down in it," Stacey said. Bella laughed, stepping forward to do so.

"So many colors..." she said to herself. She was about to step inside the tape like when Ford grabbed her wrist stopping her.

"Wait!" He cried, pulling her back. "Er, maybe we shouldn't do that."

"Oh what, are ye _scared_?" Ed teased.

"All I'm saying is, why tempt the fates?" Ford asked. "What if this place really is..." he flinched, preparing himself for the taunting, "haunted?"

The others booed at him, except for Bella. The girl smiled wider, and no one noticed her slowly walking towards the lines.

"I wanna meet a ghost..." She murmured.

"Settle down, Captain Buzzkill!" Stacey said to Ford.

"I thought I was Dr. Funtimes..." Ford frowned.

"Well you're being a Captain Buzzkill!" Stacey rolled her eyes. The others agreed with her. Ford looked towards Dan.

"Yeah, a little bit," He muttered.

"Status update: trapped in store with insane 9-year-old," Shandra said, typing away on her phone.

"I'm _not_ a 9-year-old!" Ford yelled. "I'm thirteen! Technically a teen!"

"I'm officially an official teenager!" Bella said loudly with a smile, catching the others' attention. The tape started to light up, glowing a vibrant green. Though Bella saw the colors as a rainbow. Shandra looked up from her phone and disappeared. Her phone dropped to the ground. Ford and the older teens screamed.

"Status update: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Ford read.

"Awww, that sounds like angelic singing," Bella sighed happily. The group looked up at a pounding coming from the security cameras. They saw Shandra, who was screaming in the camera. "Woah, how'd you get in there?"

"Shandra, Shandra!" Dan yelled.

"Can you hear us?!" Ford shouted. Shandra didn't respond. She just continued banging on the glass.

"What do we do?!" Ed cried, him and Daryl hugging each other in fear.

"I don't know, man!" Daryl yelled.

"Let's just go already!" Stacey shouted.

"Toby, come on!" Dan called.

"Wait, I've almost got the high score!" Toby panted. He was still playing the Dancy Pants Revolution game, when suddenly he disappeared. The group of friends saw him reappear on the game screen. He began getting pelted by arrows.

"Toby!" Dan screamed.

"Forget them!" Stacey yelled. "Let's go!"

Before they could leave, the doors slammed shut. Dan tried to pull them open.

"What the-?" He tugged harder. "Guys, they're locked!"

"Outta my way!" Stacey yelled. She ran at the door, throwing the cash register at it. But it disappeared in a shower of green light, which shot at the teen girl.

"Everybody wait!" Ford yelled, flipping open his journal. "Whatever doing this must have some kind of reason! Maybe if we can figure out what, it'll let us leave!"

"Coolio, talking to ghosts!" Bella cheered with a giggle.

"'Uh-huh, they'll let us out of here!'" Stacey mocked. "Yeah, that makes a lot of sense!"

"I don't know guys, maybe he's on to something," Dan said.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure the ghost just wants to talk about his feelings!" Daryl said sarcastically. Suddenly he was lifted into the air and disappeared. They saw him show up on a box of cereal.

"I'm bonkers for eating you alive!" The toucan on the box laughed, stabbing at Daryl with a spoon. Stacey, Dan, Ed, and Ford screamed.

"Daryl!" Ed sobbed. "Ok kid, I'm with ya! Anything to get my Daryl back!"

Suddenly Stan floated up into the air from behind the counter. He looked possessed. His eyes were white and he was glowing green, and the voice that he spoke was not his own.

"Welcome!" A deep voice said from Stan's mouth. Stacey, Dan, Ed, and Ford screamed again, but Bella just laughed at the new voice.

"Weird," she giggled. "How'd he do that?"

"They got Stan!" Ford cried, pulling Bella behind him.

"Welcome to your graves, young trespassers!" 'Stan' said, kicking his legs and laughing.

"We're super sorry for messing up your store!" Dan apologized.

"Yeah, can we just go now and leave forever?!" Ford asked.

"Well, ok," the spirit said, opening the doors. "You're free to go. But before you go, hot dogs are now half off. I know it might seem crazy, but you've gotta try these dogs!"

"Yum, ok," Bella smiled and went to take one, but Ford held her back. Ed and Stacey screamed, running for the doors. However, they slammed shut in their face.

"Just kidding about the hot dog sale!" The ghost yelled.

"Just let us out of here already!" Ed shouted angrily.

"I don't like your tone!" The ghost snapped and made a fist. Ed disappeared and turned into a hot dog, now spinning on the hot dog rack.

"Oh no, I'm a hot dog!" Ed cried.

"Mm, I want that one," Bella reached for the Ed hot dog, but the ghost zapped her hand. "Whoops, sorry dude! Was that yours?"

"It begins," the ghost said in a deep voice. Gravity seemed to reverse itself, causing everything to fall to the ceiling. "Welcome to your home for all eternity."

"Ford! What do we do?!" Dan cried.

"DUCK!" Ford yelled. He pulled Bella to the ground as they and Dan ducked to avoid a flying shelf. Dan spotted a tipped over, empty ice cream machine.

"Quick! In there!" He pointed. They ran over, Ford pulling Bella long by her wrist. They hid inside, the two boys panting. Bella laid on her back, smiling at her friends. She didn't understand why they were so panicked. All she could feel was happiness. Maybe it was the Smile Dip.

"What do they want from us?" Dan asked.

"Revenge?" Ford guessed.

"What did we do?" Dan frowned.

"Ok, let's figure out the pattern," Ford said. "Why was each person taken?"

"I wasn't paying that close attention!" Dan panicked.

"Ooh, I like patterns!" Bella smiled upside down at Ford and Dan. "Shandra was tippity-tapping at her phone. Toby was being a dancing pants on the video game! Daryl made a meanie joke and being sarcastic. Ed yelled at the ghostie and was mad."

"I don't get it," Dan shook his head. "Those are all normal teenage things."

"Wait, say that last part again," Ford said, looking at Dan.

"Normal teenage things?" Dan asked.

"That's it!" Ford realized. "Guys, stay here!"

Ford crawled out of the ice cream machine.

"Dude, what are you doing?!" Dan yelled, watching Ford walk up to the ghost. Bella flipped over on her stomach. She propped herself up on her elbows, watching with a smile.

"Hey, ghost!" Ford yelled. The ghost, possessing Stan, looked down at him. "I've got something to tell you! I'm not a teenager!"

Everything that was floating dropped to the ceiling. The ghost of an old man appeared, holding Stan by his hair. An old woman appeared next to him. They had name tags that read 'Ma' and 'Pa'.

"Oh ho ho, well why didn't you say so?" Pa with a kind smile. His voice was more elderly now. He dropped Stan, who fell into a pile of candy.

"AHH!" Stan yelled, then landed. He rubbed his head. "Owww..."

"How old did you say you were?" The old man asked.

"I'm..." Ford glanced at Dan, who was still hiding in the ice cream machine. "I'm twelve. Technically not a teen..."

"When we were alive, teenagers were a scourge on our store!" Ma explained.

"Always sassafrassin' customers with their boomy boxes and disrespectful short pants!" Pa shook his fist. "So we decided to up and ban them! But they retaliated with this new fangled rap music."

"The lyrics! They were so... hateful!" Ma shuddered. "It was so shocking we were stricken down with double heart attacks. And that's why we hate teenagers so much! Isn't that right, honey?"

She and Pa nuzzled their noses together.

"Aw, how adorable!" Bella cooed from the ice cream machine.

"But they're my friends," Ford said. "Isn't there anything I can do to help them?"

"Well, there is one thing," Pa said. "Do you know any funny little dances?"

"Uh, is there anything else?" Ford asked, glancing at Dan.

"NOOOO!" Pa screamed, appearing on fire.

"Ok, ok!" Ford said quickly. "I do know... the Lamby Dance." He smiled. "But uh, I can't really do it without a lamb costume!"

He folded his arms in triumph. Pa snapped his fingers and a lamb costume appeared on Ford.

"Oh. Well. There it is," He said, and began to sing and dance. " _Welllll... Who wants a Lamby lamby lamby? I do! I do! So go up and greet your Mammy mammy mammy! Hi there! Hi there! So march march march around the daisies... Don't don't don't you forget about the baaaaaaby!_ "

He winked and poked his cheek cutely, sweating the whole time. Ma and Pa clapped for him.

"That was some _fine_ girly dancing, boy," Pa said. "Your friends are free."

"Well, I don't think you'll have to worry about us coming back, so..." Ford said, back in his normal clothes. Ma and Pa disappeared, and gravity went back to normal. Everything fell to the floor, including Ford and the others.

"OMG Ford, you were such a cinnamon bun!" Bella squealed, hugging Ford. They saw Stan, who was groaning and holding his stomach while laying on his side.

"I'm never going to eat or do anything ever again," Stan groaned.

"Hey, there's still some left," Ford saw, picking up the pack of Smile Dip. Stan jumped to his feet, smacking it out of Ford's hand.

"EVIL!" Stan cried.

"W-what happened after everything went crazy?" Daryl asked Dan, clutching onto Ed.

"You guys aren't going to believe it!" Dan laughed. "The ghosts appeared, and Ford had to-" He looked at Ford, who seemed to be silently begging him to not saying anything, "and... and Ford grabbed a bat and started beating ghosts down, left and right! And then they got scared, so the ghosts ran away like a couple of little kids!"

"But I thought he danced," Bella said, only a slight smile on her face.

"BELLA! Uh, there still must be some of that Smile Dip in your system!" Ford said quickly. "That didn't _really_ happen!"

"Alright, Dr. Funtimes!" Ed cheered. Dan pretended to zip his lips, and Ford did the same.

\-----

Everyone was back in the van except for Ford and Dan.

"Well, I'm probably scared for life," Dan said casually.

"Yeah, that was pretty crazy," Ford agreed.

"Hey dude, next time we hang out, let's just stay at the Mystery Shack," Dan said, climbing inside the van.

"Next time?" Ford asked with excitement. "Yeah! Let's- let's stay at the shack!" He climbed in after Dan and pulled the door shut. "Next time..."

He sat down next to Stan and Bella in the back. The kid was out cold, and as soon as Ford said down, her head fell onto his lap. Her feet were tucked up underneath her, the bottom of her crocs resting against Stan's legs. Stan groaned, holding his stomach and peeking at what he had written earlier.

"What kind of sick joke _is_ this?" He asked.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Mabel was still watching the movie, which seemed to be reaching its end.

"Ah, the wedding," the old woman smiled. "I've waited so long for this moment. Oh my gosh, look at her dress!"

Suddenly the sound of a door slamming open was heard on the TV.

"Count Lionel?" Mabel asked. "What's he doing there?!

_"_ _I've_ _come to reclaim my bride!" The man on TV said._

"You had your chance at the cotillion, you!" Mabel yelled. A second man on the TV repeated her words. "That's what I'm saying! ARRRRRRRRGG!"

She threw the TV out the window, just in time to see the twins and Bella walking inside.

"Uh... I can explain," Mabel said.


	6. Stanford vs. Manliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford accidentally befriends a bunch of homphobes, and Fiddleford is looking at Ford's chest for some reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I'm an impatient piece of shit, I've decided that I'm gonna post a new chapter everyday. So enjoy!

Mabel was at the counter in the gift shop. A man named Tyler was looking around.

"I like to get my Christmas shopping done early," he said. "Do you have anything that's in the spirit of the season?"

"Uh... how about these crystals?" Mabel suggested, holding out a bowl.

"Haha, looks like broken glass," Tyler laughed.

"Well I don't have anything else," Mabel said.

"Ooh, what is that new thing?" Tyler exclaimed, running to the other side of the gift shop. Stan and Ford walked up to the counter.

"Graunty Mabel, can we go to the diner?" Stan asked, holding his stomach. "We're _huuuuungry_."

" _Huuuuungry_ ," Ford repeated. He and Stan groaned, hitting their stomachs together.

"Sure, as soon as this guy makes up his mind," Mabel said, pointing at Tyler.

"Do you have this in another animal?" He asked, pointing to the fur trout.

"I'm fine locking him inside if you are," Mabel said. Stan and Ford nodded eagerly. The three stepped outside. Mabel set a piece of wood against the door, locking Tyler inside. The man didn't seem to notice as the family drove off.

"Puma shirt, panther shirt," Tyler was looking between two different shirts. "Puma shirt, panther shirt. Puma shirt... panther shirt."

\-----

Mabel, Stan, and Ford arrived at the diner. A waiter was hitting a woodpecker with a broom, making it fly off. The waiter then chased after a beaver in the floorboards.

"Coffee coffee coffee coffee!" Crazy Chiu laughed, drinking another cup of coffee. Dan was eating breakfast with his mom. Next to them, Sheriff Holt was quickly eating pancakes, while Deputy Roy used a speeding device to see how fast he was eating them.

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" Deputy Roy cheered.

Meanwhile, Mabel and the twins had sat down in a booth. The waiter, Growling Grenda, walked up to them with a notepad and a pencil.

"Growling Grenda!" Mabel smiled. "There she is! What were you doing yesterday?"

"I got hit by a bus!" Grenda said in her deep voice.

"Hahahaha, nice one!" Mabel laughed. "So, you do split plates, right?"

"Maybe," Grenda said and winked. " _Wink._ "

"Great! We'll all split the number seven, and two waters for the boys," Mabel said, tipping her pink fez. Grenda wrote the order down and walked off.

"But Graunty Mabel, I want _pancakes_ ," Stan whined.

"With the expensive flour they use these days?" Mabel asked. "Sorry kids, but our budget is a little tight."

"Aww..." Stan pouted. Ford glanced to the other side of the diner, spotting a 'Manliness Tester' game. There was a sign saying that whoever won got free pancakes.

"Don't worry guys, pancakes are on me," Ford smiled. "I'm gonna win some by beating that Manliness Tester."

"Manliness Tester?" Mabel repeated.

"Beating?" Stan snickered and laughed with Mabel.

"What? What's so funny?" Ford asked, frowning.

"No offense Ford, but you're not exactly... Manly Mannington," Mabel giggled.

"What? I am _too_ Manly Manny..." Ford snapped. "Or whatever it is you said."

"Look Ford, just face the facts," Stan shrugged. "You've got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let's not forget last Tuesday's...  _incident_?"

**_Flashback!_ **

Ford was in his room, holding a pillow with Dan's picture on it. He was kissing and cuddling it when Stan entered the room.

"DON'T COME IN, DON'T COME IN!" Ford screamed.

**_Flashback over!_ **

"You were kissing a pillow?" Mabel giggled.

"No!" Ford quickly denied. "Hehe, no, I wasn't... That's not important. Look, come on guys, I'm plenty masculine. You see this chest hair?"

He pulled down his shirt, but there wasn't any chest hair. Light reflected off of his chest, hitting Stan and Mabel in the eyes.

"Put it away!" Stan cried, covering his eyes. "Put it away!"

"So smooth! My eyes!" Mabel screeched.

"Aw man," Ford frowned, letting his shirt go back up. Mabel and Stan laughed again. "Fine, family of little faith. Get ready to eat your words." He stood up to walk over to the Manliness Tester. " _And_ a plate of delicious pancakes."

He walked over to the game, everyone in the diner watching him.

"Ok Stanford, time to man handle this... man handle," Ford said to himself. He stretched his hand and took hold of the handle. He sweated slightly, looking at at machine. "And a one, and a two..."

"Quit stalling!" Mabel yelled from the table. Ford breathed out, beginning to pull on the handle. It almost got to the top, but fell back down to 'Wimp.' The machine dispensed a card that read 'You are a cutie-patootie!'

"What?" Ford frowned, stuffing the card in his pocket. "Uh, it's obviously broken guys. It's like, a million years old."

Womanly Wendy walked over, knocking Ford to the ground.

"Hey, I wouldn't bother with it," Ford said. Womanly Wendy pushed the handle forward with her pinky, causing the machine to break and pancakes to rain down around the diner.

"Pancakes for everyone!" Womanly Wendy yelled. Everyone cheered for her. One of the pancakes fell onto Ford's head. Mabel and Stan laughed at him from their table.

"I need to get some chest hair and fast," Ford said. He went to leave but ended up tripping over a beaver. "I'm ok! Everything's fine, hehe."

He quickly left the diner. This left just Stan and Mabel, who started eating their pancakes.

"Hey Graunty Mabel, do you have any friends?" Stan asked suddenly.

"What? Of course I do!" Mabel said. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I never see you hanging out with other people," Stan shrugged.

"I have friends!" Mabel said. "Just... none my age, I guess."

"Well I'm gonna do something about that!" Stan stood up. "Graunty Mabel, we're gonna get you an old lady friend! Because nothing is stronger than the power of-"

"Friendship?" Mabel asked.

"Stanley," Stan finished. "To victory!"

\-----

Ford was walking down the street, his hands in his pocket.

"Not manly enough," he grumbled. "Stupid diner, stupid lumberjack..."

Suddenly he was sprayed by water. He turned to the source to see Ed and Daryl, Danny's friends, running around in a busted fire hydrant with no shirts on. Ford blushed slightly, stumbling backwards into a woman.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "I'm looking for the mailman."

"Oh what, are you saying I'm not a male man?" Ford asked, misunderstanding her. "Is that what you're trying to say? That I'm not male? That I'm not a man? Is that- is that what you're getting at?"

"Are you crying?" The woman asked, confused. Tears formed in the corners of Ford's eyes and he ran off, trying not to cry.

\-----

Ford was in the woods. He was lifting a thin stick above him like a weight

"Two... three... ffffffour..." Ford struggled to lift the stick into the air. He tossed it aside, peeking down his shirt. "No chest hair yet." He laid back in the grass. "Is it physical? Is it mental? What's the secret?" He pulled out a bag of beef jerky. On the package it read 'You're Inadequate!'. "You said it, brother. I need help."

Suddenly it felt as though the entire Earth was shaking. Ford sat upright as a loud roar was heard. Animals flew and ran in the opposite direction. Even a few fairies flew past. Womanly Wendy, who had been at the diner just moments before, ran by.

"For the love of all that is holy, run!" She yelled. A tree fell nearby, nearly crushing Ford. He screamed as a shadow loomed over him.

"Oh wait, sorry," he said, and screamed in a deeper voice. He coughed, looking up at the creature.

It roared again, which turned into a yawn. He grabbed a nearby buck and used its antlers to scratch his back. The buck scampered off as soon as he was dropped. The large creature looked towards Ford, who was now hiding behind the fallen tree. The creature knocked the tree away, revealing Ford.

"Please don't eat me!" Ford begged. "I haven't showered, in like a week! And I'm all elbows! Elbows, and gristle!"

"YOU!" The beast yelled, pointing at Ford. "Gonna finish that?"

"W-what?" Ford looked at the bag of beef jerky in his hand. "Uh, no..."

He tossed the bag to the beast, who tore it open and began eating.

"I can't believe it," Ford murmured, standing up. "Half animal, half human. Are you some kind of Minotaur?"

"I'm a MANOTAUR!" The beast yelled, punching the ground. "Half MAN, half... uh, half TAUR!"

"So did I summon you, or...?" Ford trailed off.

"The smell of jerky summoned me! JERKY!" The manotaur grabbed a rock, smashing it against his head and laughing. He sniffed the air and then Ford. "I smell... _emotional issues._ "

"I've got problems, manotaur," Ford sighed, fiddling with his fingers. "Man-related problems."

The manotaur sat down, patting his leg. Ford sat down next to him.

"Well, my own aunt called me a wimp," Ford began. "And I kinda failed this manliness tester video game."

"Mm," the manotaur nodded.

"Hey, you're pretty manly," Ford looked up at the beast. "Maybe you could help me out?"

"Very well," the manotaur said, standing up. "Climb atop my back hair, child."

He turned around, and Ford could see that his back was covered in hair.

"Uh, ok..." Ford said uneasily.

As soon as he did he regretted doing so. The manotaur ran off, crashing through trees and obstacles. Ford screamed the entire time. By the time they jumped over a gorge, Ford was sure he was about to die. The manotaur broke through a mountain, opening up a cave.

"Is it over?" Ford whimpered and opened his eyes. They were in a cave with other manotaurs, who were all fighting. "Woah... This place is amazing!"

"The fairies live in the trees," the manotaur began, showing Ford through the cave. "The merpeople live in the water, cuz they're LOSERS! But we manotaurs crash in the MAN CAVE!" He rung a gong, getting all of the manotaurs' attention. "BEASTS! I have brought you... a hairless child!"

He pushed Ford forward.

"Greetings," Ford said.

This is, uh, Pubetor, Testosteror, Pituitor," the first manotaur introduced. "And I'm Chutzpar. And what's your name?"

"Uh, my friends call me Ford," Ford said. The manotaurs started booing his name. "The uh, Fearless?"

The manotaurs nodded in approval.

"Ford the Fearless wants us to teach him how to be manly!" Chutzpar announced.

"I need your help!" Ford pleaded, showing them his chest. "Look at this, guys!"

"Hm... I need to confer with the High Council," one manotaur said. He and a few others grouped in a circle. "So what do you think? Teach him our man secrets?"

"He's a human," another grunted. "I don't like him."

"I DON'T LIKE YOUR FACE!" A third manotaur yelled, punching the second one in the face. Soon, all the manotaurs were fighting.

"I like these guys," Ford smiled.

\-----

Meanwhile, back at the shack, Mabel was sitting at the table knitting a sweater for Ford. Stan came up to her and took a picture. Bella, Fiddleford, Danny, and Ria stood behind him.

"Whatcha doing now, Stan?" Mabel asked.

"I never miss a photo album opportunity," Stan smiled, sticking the picture in a photo album. "Graunty Mabel, I'm going to train you so you can make some friends! Let's start with some role playing! Ria will pretend to be an old woman that you will try to be friends with."

"I'm soft, like an old lady," Ria said. She was in make-up similar to Growling Grenda's.

"Graunty Mabel, go up and ask to be friends," Stan said. "Remember, this is a non-judgmental environment. Me, Bella, and Fiddleford will just be over here judging you on a scale from 1-10."

The three younger kids sat at the table, pulling out notepads. Mabel approached Ria and took a deep breath.

"Hi! I'm Mabel! I'm 60-something and own a pig! Wanna have a sleepover?" Mabel smiled. Stan blew a whistle.

"This is gonna be harder than I thought," The boy groaned.

\-----

"After a lot of punching, we have decided to deny your request to learn our manly secrets," a manotaur said to Ford back at the man cave.

"Denied!" A second manotaur yelled, punching himself in the face.

"Denied?" Ford frowned, then got an idea. "Fine. Whatever. That's ok with me. Maybe I'm just too hard to train. I guess you're just not _man_ enough to try."

The manotaurs gasped.

"Not MAN enough?!" A manotaur stopped forward.

"Fearless..." Chutzpar warned.

"Not MAN ENOUGH?!" The same manotaur yelled.

"He didn't mean it!" Chutzpar defended.

"I have three Y chromosomes, six adam's apples, pecs on my abs and FISTS FOR NIPPLES!" The manotaur shouted.

"Seems to me you're too _scared_ to teach me how to be a man," Ford folded his arms and started clucking. "Did you hear that? It -cluck- It sounds like -cluck cluck- Huh, could have sworn that was -bucaw!- Yeah, a bunch of chickens!"

The manotaurs gasped, grouping together in a circle again.

"I feel weird," one manotaur said.

"He's using some sort of... brain magic," a second said. They broke apart, facing Ford.

"After a second round of deliberation, we have decided to help you become a man," a third manotaur told Ford.

"Yes!" Ford cheered. "Thanks guys! You won't regret it!"

\-----

The manotaurs and Ford had trekked down the mountain, and were now standing in front of a hole. Next to the hole was a sign that read 'Pain Hole'.

"Being a man is about conquering your fears," Chutzpar explained.

"For your first test, you must plunge your fist into the PAIN HOLE!" A manotaur yelled. Ford looked confused, so a second manotaur demonstrated.

"Pain hole, shmain ho-OHHHH!" He screamed in pain. He slapped himself a few times before running off, holding his hand.

"Are you sure this is necessary?" Ford asked.

"You want to be a man, right?" Chutzpar asked. The other manotaurs started chanting. Ford took a deep breath and pulled off his glove, revealing his six fingers. He slowly put his hand down the pain hole and screamed.

\-----

Back at the shack, Stan was talking to Fiddleford and Bella.

"Ok guys, think," Stan said. "How would you make a friend?"

"Um, well, I'd probably introduce myself, state a hobby, and ask about the other person," Fiddleford said.

"Usually I'd just start talking," Bella said.

"And that works?" Stan raised an eyebrow.

"On the social medias it does!" Bella smiled. Stan groaned and smacked his head on the table.

\-----

After 49 different tasks, Ford felt like he was finally fitting in with the manotaurs. Currently he, Chutzpar, and a few others were relaxing in a spring.

"Guys, I'd just like you to know that over these past few hours, I feel like I'm finally becoming a man," Ford said. "You guys have been really supportive, taking me under your wing and all."

"Oh, stop it," Chutzpar waved it off.

"No, you know what?" Ford sat up straight. "You really have been. I feel accomplished."

"Not yet, Fearless," Chutzpar said. "There's still one final task, and it's the deadliest of all."

"I've survived 49 other trials," Ford said proudly. "Whatever it is, I'm ready!"

The manotaurs cheered for him.

\-----

All the manotaurs had gathered in a part of the man cave. Chutzpar was applying temporary tattoos to Ford, who was wearing only a loin cloth. Even his gloves were missing. Ford stood in front of the manotaurs, kneeling down. The first row of the beasts bowed. The second row played their heads like drums.

"Behold our leader, Leaderaur!" Chutzpar announced. He motioned towards an old and frail manotaur. The old manotaur hummed a bit.

"Is he like, the oldest and the wisest?" Ford asked.

"Greetings, young-" the old manotaur began, but a much bigger manotaur reached down and ate him.

"Nah, he's just the offering," Chutzpar said, and pointed to the large manotaur. " _That_ is Leaderaur."

Leaderaur slurped up the rest of the old manotaur, turned towards Ford.

"You wish to be a man?" Leaderaur asked. Ford grunted and smacked his bare chest. The manotaurs cheered for him, "Then you must complete this heroic act." He yelled, pulling a spear out of his chest, "You must travel to the highest mountain, and bring back head of the multi-bear!"

The manotaurs gasped as Leaderaur tossed the spear to Ford.

"The multi-bear?" Ford looked up at the large manotaur. "Is that some sort of bear?"

"He is our sworn enemy!" Leaderaur yelled. "Conquer him, and your mansformation will be complete!"

"Conquer?" Ford asked. "You mean kill him? I-I don't know..."

Chutzpar was searching through Ford's backpack. He pulled out a few drawings of Dan with hearts around him.

"Fearless, are these yours?" Chutzpar asked, showing him the drawings.

"No!" Ford said quickly, grabbing them. "They're not mine! I'm just, uh, holding them for a friend! Yeah, my friend, she drew them."

"Hm, I'm not sure about this," A manotaur murmured.

"Uhh..." Ford looked around and picked up the spear that he had dropped. He held it above his head in determination. "I SHALL CONQUER THE MULTI-BEAR!"

The manotaurs cheered for him. Leaderaur breathed fire from his nose, and a spark landed on Ford's shoulder. He yelled in fear, quickly putting it out.

"I'm ok!"

\-----

Ford was climbing up the mountain and finally reached the multi-bear's cave. He stood at the entrance before walking inside.

"I'm coming for you, Multi-bear," Ford growled.

\-----

"Ok Graunty Mabel, you started like this," Stan held up the picture, "and you became..."

He lowered the photo to reveal Mabel, who looked the same as before.

"She looks just the same," Fiddleford said.

"Not that she isn't pretty!" Ria smiled at Mabel, who smiled back.

"Thanks, Ria," Mabel said. "And thank you kids, but I don't think it worked."

"But you haven't made any friends!" Stan whined.

"Hey, I got to hang out with you guys, didn't I?" Mabel smiled.

"But you're as lonely as Growling Grenda," Dan commented. Stan gasped in realization.

"Graunty Mabel, we have to go to the diner!" Stan said, pulling Mabel out the door.

"What? But we already had breakfast!" Mabel said. The others followed them.

\-----

Ford walked into the cave, kneeling down to examine a bone.

"What even is a multi-bear?" Ford asked himself aloud. He hadn't seen anything about it in the journal. It must have been a sort of recluse. Behind Ford, a bear with multiple heads rose up. The boy noticed and turned around to face the bear, which roared. "Oh, _that's_ a multi-bear."

"Bear heads, silence!" The main head ordered. They all quieted except for one, which the bear slapped until he stopped roaring. "Child, why have you come here?"

"I seek your head!" Ford said. "Or one of them, anyway. There's what, like, eight heads?"

"You're very foolish to come here!" The multi-bear said. "Leave now, or die!" Ford didn't back down, instead pointing his spear at the bear. "So be it."

The bear charged at Ford, but he dodged it. The multi-bear hit a bunch of bones towards Ford, but he jumped behind a rock. Ford jumped onto the multi-bear, holding his spear against the neck of the main head. The multi-bear roared in pain and fell over, defeated.

"A real man shows no mercy!" Ford yelled, raising the spear above his own head. The multi-bear sighed.

"Very well, warrior," the main head spoke. "But will you grant a magical beast one last request?"

"Well... ok," Ford agreed.

"I wish to die thinking of my lover," the bear said. "There's a picture on the table, right there."

Ford looked at the picture before handing it to the multi-bear. The picture was of a regular black bear.

"I will miss him so," the multi-bear said, shedding a tear.

"Wait, him?" Ford asked. The multi-bear nodded.

"All the manotaurs made fun of me, because I loved a male instead of a female," he sighed.

"I was made fun of back in New Jersey," Ford said, taking out a crumpled up photo of Dan. "For liking boys."

"We thought we were the only ones," the multi-bear smiled softly. "No one else understood our love."

Ford laughed in relief.

"Wow, this is crazy!" He smiled. "Finally, someone who- who understands! Oh... I guess I have to kill you now? Or I'll never be a man?"

"I accept my fate," the bear said.

"No... really?" Ford frowned.

"It's for the best," the multi-bear said. Ford raised his spear.

\-----

And threw it down at the feet of Leaderaur.

"I won't do it!" Ford yelled.

"YOU WERE TOLD!" Leaderaur shouted. "THE PRICE OF MANHOOD IS THE MULTI-BEAR'S HEAD!"

"Listen, Leaderaur!" Ford glared, turning to the crowd of manotaurs. "You too, Tesosteraur, Pubertaur, and... Beardy, is it?"

"It's Beardy," the manotaur nodded.

"You kept telling me that being a man means doing all these tasks and being... agro all the time? But I'm starting to think that's all a hoax!" The manotaurs gasped in shock. "You heard me! So what, I don't have muscles or hair in certain places. And yeah, I'll admit it- I like boys! I'm gay! There's nothing wrong with that, and I can't choose that! Like a friend of mine said, love is love!"

"Fearless, what are you saying?" Chutzpar asked.

"I'm saying the multi-bear is a nice guy with a great lover, and you guys are jerks if you want me to kill him!" Ford yelled. Leaderaur stood up.

"Kill the multi-bear or never be a man!" He shouted at Ford.

"Then I guess I'll never be a man," Ford said softly. The manotaurs booed at him.

"Hey guys, who wants to go build something and knock it down?!" Chutzpar asked. The rest of them cheered and followed him out of the man cave.

\-----

Growling Grenda was in the diner, hitting the broken pie trolley.

"Spin! Spin, dang it!" She yelled. Stan entered with Mabel. Bella and Fiddleford were behind them.

"Growling Grenda!" Stan said, catching the woman's attention. "Hey! My graunty wants to be friends, but she doesn't know how to ask. So I'll ask for her! Do you wanna be friends?"

Mabel smiled softly at Grenda.

"What do you say?" She asked. "Hang out again?"

"Sure, why not?" Grenda smiled and spoke in her deep voice. "It's been boring without stuff to do with friends! Here, have some free pie!"

Grenda set a plate of pie on a table, walking off. Stan and Mabel sat down, with Bella and Fiddleford on the other side.

"Awesome, you made a friend!" Stan cheered. "When are you gonna call? You wanna call now? I don't have a phone. Let's buy a phone! We can put it on a credit card. Let's get a credit card."

"Stan, relax," Mabel laughed. "Let me eat first, alright?"

"Hey, what did you mean by 'hang out again'?" Bella asked.

"Oh, well, me, Grenda, and Crazy Chiu used to be best friends," Mabel sighed. "But once Candy lost her mind, we kinda just stopped hanging out."

"Aw, that's sad," Stan frowned. He spotted Ford outside the window. "Hey, Ford! It's me, Stan! In the window! I'm inside!"

Ford nodded, getting Stan to be quiet. Ford walked inside, sitting down next to Fiddleford and Bella.

"Did you see me through the-?" Stan began.

"Yes," Ford said quickly.

"What's the matter?" Bella asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Ford said.

"That's ok, you don' gotta if you don' wanna," Fiddleford said.

"It's just that these half man, half bull humanoids were hanging out with me," Ford began, "but then they wanted me to do this really horrible, awful thing, but it wasn't right. So I said no."

"You were your own man and stood up for yourself," Stan spoke.

"Huh?" Ford looked at him.

"Well you did what was right and spoke your opinion even though no one agreed with you," Bella smiled. "Sounds pretty manly to me. And brave, too! I do it all the time!"

"Wait a dern second, are my eyes playin' tricks on me?" Fiddleford asked and pointed to Ford's chest. "You have a chest hair!"

"I do?" Ford looked down and laughed. "Haha, I do! Take that, man tester! Take that, Pituitor!"

"Pituitor?" Mabel asked. Ford ignored her.

"This guy has chest hair!" He smiled proudly. Suddenly, Stan used a pair of tweasers to pull the hair out and taped it into a book.

"Photo album opportunity!" Stan smiled.

"Don't worry Ford, you'll get more," Mabel said. "You just have to grow up a bit more."

"Yeah, I guess so," Ford sighed. "Thanks, Graunty Mabel."  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Mabel was sitting in her chair, knitting a rainbow sweater for Ford. The doorbell rang and Mabel went to answer, opening the door to Growling Grenda.

"Grenda!" Mabel smiled happily and hugged the woman. "You made it!"

"Of course!" Grenda said. She held up a bag. "And I brought the romance novels!"

"Oh my gosh, Grenda!" Mabel shoved her playfully and laughed. "Ahh, it's just like when we were kids."

"Yeah, it is," Grenda smiled. "Come on, let's get cracking on these books! First up, _Wolfman Bare Chest!_ "

Mabel giggled like a little girl as she let Grenda in.


	7. Double Ford

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford's gayness doubles with age.

Mabel was preparing for a party. Checklist in hand, she made sure everything was perfect. Meanwhile, the twins sat nearby on the couch.

"Oh no, Lee, I don't feel so good," Ford fake groaned. "I think I'm gonna- BLARRRRG!"

He shot a can of pink silly string at Stan, pretending to throw up. Stan faked a gasp.

"Graunty Mabel, what did you feed us?" Stan asked, and shot purple silly string at Ford. They both laughed, doing this back and forth for a minute.

"Guys, guys, stop!" Dan said, walking up to them. "Something terrible just happened!"

Stan and Ford looked at each other, covered in silly string, before turning their attention to the older teen. He pretended to barf, spraying green silly string all over the younger boys.

"Comedy gold!" Bella laughed, tossing gold-colored confetti over the boys.

"Haha, all right, kids," Mabel laughed, taking the silly string from them. "Save some of it for the party. You don't wanna tire yourself out before it starts, do ya?"

"No," Stan shook his head.

"Ms. Pines, whose birthday is it again?" Ria asked as she hung up some decorations.

"Actually, it's these two rascals," Mabel grinned and ruffled Stan and Ford's hair. The twins laughed.

"Really? Cool!" Bella smiled. "Happy birthday! You guys are Geminis, like me!"

"And we're _officially_ teenagers now," Stan added happily. Mabel handed him and Ford a flyer.

"Here, go and make some copies of this," she instructed. "The copier store is in town."

"Actually, Ms. Pines, Ah finally fixed up that old copier in yer office," Fiddleford spoke up. "They could use that."

"Oh really?" Mabel smiled. "How about you go show them how to use it, then? And you can put up some flyers in town, too."

"Yes ma'am!" Fiddleford smiled. He showed the twins down the hall to where the copier was. It looked a little busted up, and bits of electricity sparked along it. "Here it is, good as new."

"Are you sure it works?" Ford asked, looking over the machine.

"Only one way ta find out," Fiddleford said. He turned it on and laid an arm on it. It printed out a black and white copy of his arm.

"It works!" Stan smiled, holding up the picture. Suddenly the paper began to shake. Stan dropped it in surprise as color came to the arm. It became 3-D, crawling off the paper. Ford gasped as the arm dragged itself towards him and Fiddleford.

"Stay back!" Ford yelled, throwing a cup of soda at the arm. It melted into a pile of goop. "Oh my gosh! Guys, I think this copier can copy human beings!"

"Do you know what this means?!" Stan gasped. Ford and Fiddleford looked at him and Stan sprayed silly string at them again. Neither of them laughed this time.

\-----

The three boys had promised to keep the machine a secret. They had copied the flyers (which didn't come to life, unlike Fiddleford's arm) and Fiddleford hung them up around town. Now they stood in a line with Bella and Ria as Mabel stood in front of them, looking at her clipboard.

"Ok, party animals!" Mabel cheered. "And birthday boys. Let's talk business! Ria, because you asked so nicely, you'll be DJ."

"Yes! You won't regret it, Ms. Pines!" Ria said happily. "I got this book that teaches me how to DJ r-r-right!"

She held up the book, showing Mabel.

"Awesome!" Mabel smiled. "Dan, Bella, you two will work the ticket stand."

"Aw, but I wanted to have fun!" Bella whined.

"I-I could work with Dan," Ford volunteered, nervously raising a hand.

"You sure?" Mabel asked. "It is your birthday, after all, and doing this means you have to promise to stay at the ticket stand with Dan. No getting out of it, just the two of you, alone, all night."

She winked at Ford, who turned to look at Dan. He was spraying a face on Bella's stomach with silly string. The two of them, plus Stan and Fiddleford, laughed. Ford smiled.

"I promise," he said, turning back to face his graunty.

\-----

Ford was upstairs in the attic, getting ready for the party. He wore his normal clothes, plus a bowtie. It looked a little strange, but after learning that Dan had the same idea, the two decided to match. He reached for a can of hair spray. Once he looked back at the mirror, he screamed at seeing Stan there.

"Lee!" Ford yelled, surprised by his brother's sudden appearance. "W-what are you doing?"

"Uh, uh, I could work the ticket stand with you, Dan, on my birthday!" Stan mocked. "Let's kiss!"

He pretended to kiss someone.

"Yeah yeah, laugh all you want," Ford rolled his eyes. "But I've devised a plan to make sure my night with Dan goes perfect."

"Plan?" Stan groaned. "You didn't make one of your over-complicated lists, did you?"

"Pfft, over-complicated?" Ford waved the notion off. "Let me just..." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. He unfolded it to the point that it reached the floor. "Step 1: getting to know each other with playful banter. Banter is like talking, but smarter."

"That sounds like a dumb idea for poopheads," Stan stuck his tongue out.

"Ok, see? This isn't banter," Ford sighed. "This is what I want to _avoid_ with Dan. The final step is to ask him to dance." Ford smiled. "If I follow steps one through twenty, nothing can get in my way!"

"You're the one getting in the way, Sixer!" Stan said. "Why can't you just talk to him like a normal person?"

"Step nine, brother," Ford said and pointed to the step.

\-----

The party was just starting, and Stan was watching from the top of the stairs. He wore an unzipped, black leather jacket. Mabel danced over to him, humming. She had on a pink shirt and skirt, red high heels, red triangle-shaped earrings, and a bow holding back her hair.

"How's your big day, ankle-biter?" Mabel asked Stan, smiling. "Can your graunty throw a party or what?"

"It's the best birthday party ever, Graunty Mabel," Stan smiled back. He watched Ria from above. The woman was at a DJ table in the corner.

"The energy, it's electric!" Ria said into a microphone. She looked at a keyboard, pressing a few buttons. "Uh, lightning, lightning..."

\-----

Meanwhile outside, Dan and Ford were working the ticket stand. There was a long line of teenagers, waiting to get tickets. Ford looked at the list in his pocket.

"Step one, casual banter," he whispered to himself, then spoke loudly to Dan. "So here's a casual question!" He cleared his throat, his voice becoming quieter. "What's your favorite movie?"

"Oh man, this is a hard one," Dan chuckled, leaning back in his seat.

"No way! Mine too!" Ford blurted out.

"Wait, huh?" Dan looked at Ford, confused.

"I mean, uh, I-" Ford stuffed a handful of popcorn in his mouth. Dan shrugged and continued handing people their tickets. Ford looked at his list again, whispering to himself. "New topic, new topic!"

\-----

Inside, Stan was dancing by himself. After a minute he sighed, sitting down next to Bella and Fiddleford. He opened a bottle of water, taking a sip.

"Hey guys," he waved. "Man, is this party awesome or what?"

"Definitely awesome," Bella nodded in agreement. She wore a black t-shirt and pink shorts. Her usually messy hair was clipped back, out of her face.

"It certainly is somethin'," Fiddleford nodded. Stan noticed a raccoon resting on his shoulder.

"Wow, is that a raccoon?" Stan asked.

"Yup, she's my pet," Fiddleford said. "Would ya like ta...?"

He trailed off, seeing that Stan wasn't paying attention. Instead, he was looking at a very pretty girl in an orange dress. Her eyelids were blue with makeup and she had a wide smile as she danced.

"Wow, who's that?" Stan asked.

"Oh, that's Susan Wentworth," Fiddleford said. "Granddaughter'a Growlin' Grenda. You should go talk ta her!"

"Maybe I will," Stan smiled and and stood up, only to see another boy walk up to Susan. They talked for a minute before going to dance.

"Ooh, too late," Bella shook her head. "Preston Northwest got to her."

"Who is he?" Stan asked, feeling himself growing jealous.

"Only the richest, snobbiest boy in Gravity Falls," Fiddleford explained.

"Don't forget, dudes!" Ria announced into the microphone. "Whoever, uh, 'party hardys' the most, gets the party crown!" Ria held up a golden-colored crown. "Most applauds at the end of the night wins!"

"Wow!" Stan said, and got an idea. "I'm gonna win that party crown! Maybe I'll impress Susan, and she'll go out with me!"

"Haha, _you_?" Preston Northwest sneered, walking up to the three friends. "You think _you_ can beat _me_? As if. Heh, are these your friends? Raccoon Boy? The weird chick? You've got to be kidding me!"

"Shove off, Preston!" Bella snapped as Fiddleford hid behind her.

"Or what? What are you gonna do, weirdo?" Preston sneered. Bella hissed like a cat. "Ooh, what are you, an animal? Just makes you even more of a freak."

"Hey, leave her alone!" Stan yelled, stepping between the rich boy and the steaming young teen. "I'm gonna win that crown and prove you wrong! Me, Stanley Pines!"

"Pfft, Stanley?" Preston rolled his eyes. "That sounds like a fat old man's name. Whatever. The winner will get the crown. May the better dancer win."

Preston walked off.

"He is so going down," Stan said.

\-----

Dan was watching the party from outside, sitting at the ticket stand with Ford.

"Oh man, that party is getting insane," Dan said. He watched Stan dance in the middle of the room. "I gotta get in there!" He turned to Ford. "Cover for me?"

"Um, well I-" Ford didn't get a chance to finish before Dan was heading inside.

"Thanks birthday boy!" The older boy called. Ford turned to the crowd in front of the stand.

"I'll be back shortly!" Ford announced, turning the sign from 'OPEN' to 'CLOSED'. "I'm sure Graunty Mabel won't mind if I'm gone for a few minutes."

He went to head inside, but Mabel grabbed his hand and sat him back down.

"Where are you going, Ford?" She asked, crossing her arms. "You _promised_ to stay out here and sell tickets! Good people are waiting to get inside the party."

"Yes Graunty Mabel," Ford sighed, turning the sign back over. Mabel smiled and walked inside. Ford watched Dan inside. "If only I could be in two places at once." His face lit up with an idea. "That's it! But who's gonna watch the ticket stand?"

As he spoke, Fiddleford walked up to him.

"Hey Ford, how's everythin' goin; out here?" He asked.

"Fidds, great, I need your help!" Ford said. "Dan bailed and I need to, uh, use the bathroom. Can you watch the stand?"

"O-of course!" Fiddleford turned a little pink and smiled. Ford didn't notice, though, as he was already rushing off, yelling a thanks behind him.

Ford ran into the house and upstairs to the copier machine in Mabel's office. He laid down on top of it after pressing some buttons.

"I wonder if this is a good idea," he said aloud before a green light ran over him. A piece of paper with a full-sized Ford came out. It started shaking and gaining color as the second Ford came to life.

"Woah!" Ford said, looking at the clone. "I have a really big head."

The two Fords spoke together.

"So, uh..." they laughed. "My apologies, you first. Hey! Stop copying me!"

The two of them laughed again. Ford looked around in a drawer for some blank pricing stickers and a marker. He wrote '2' on a sticker and stuck it to the clone's jacket.

"For now, I shall call you Number 2," Ford said.

"Definitely not," the clone frowned. "You know a name I've always wanted?"

Ford and the clone smirked, leaning over to each other.

"Shermy," They said together.

"Ok Shermy, here's the plan," Ford began. "You cover for me at the ticket stand, while I dance with Dan at my birthday party."

"I know the plan, buddy," Shermy said. Both him and Ford pulled out the same plan. Ford narrowed his eyes, backing away from his clone.

"Hey, we're not gonna get jealous and turn on each other like the clones in the movies, right?" Ford asked.

"Stanford, please, this is you you're talking to," Shermy waved it off. "Plus, you can always just disintegrate me with water."

"Ehhhh," the two tapped their heads, then each other's. "Ehhhhhh."

\-----

A few minutes later, Shermy went to dismiss Fiddleford from the ticket stand. Ford was inside. He gave Shermy a thumbs up, who returned it. Ford walked over to Dan, who was leaning against the wall with a cup of soda in his hand.

"Great news, Dan!" Ford said, dancing. "I got someone to cover the ticket stand for me!"

"Sweet, you can hang out with me and Stacey," Dan said. Ford stopped dancing as he noticed the older girl there. "Stacey, you remember Ford, right? From the convenience store. He just turned thirteen today."

"Uh, no," Stacey rolled her eyes. "But happy birthday, I guess." She pulled out a guitar from behind her. "Hey Dan, check out my new guitar."

"Woah, cool!" Dan said as Stacey played the guitar. Ford gasped and imagined Dan dancing with Stacey instead of him. Ford's phone started ringing and he answered.

"Hey buddy, it's me, you," Shermy said, calling from outside. "I just had the same jealousy fantasy."

"We have to get rid of Stacey if I ever want to dance with Dan!" Ford hissed into the phone.

"Hey Ford!" Dan called. The boy looked over at him, smiling nervously. "We're gonna go sit on the couch. Join us when you're done."

"O-ok!" Ford waved to them as they walked away. "Oh no, they're sitting on the couch! We need to think of something, quick!" He spotted Stacey's bike outside. "I have an idea!"

"I have the same one," Shermy said. "But we're gonna need some help."

He looked over and saw Fiddleford, who had his arms crossed.

"You used the copier, didn' ya?" He glared.

"I didn't, he did," Shermy pointed inside at Ford. "Hey, uh, mind watching the stand?"

"Oh sure, fine, whatever!" Fiddleford snapped, sitting down. "Go make more clones,Ah don't care! Just promise you'll have one fer the stand!"

"Got it," Shermy said, racing inside and up to the copier room.

"It's a good thing he's cute," Fiddleford grumbled.

\-----

"And that's where you come in, Number 3," Ford said, writing a '3' on a sticker and sticking it to a third clone's jacket.

"But what if Stacey catches me?" Number 3 asked, looking at the first two. "I'll be all alone."

"Hm, good point," Ford nodded.

"Plus, we need a clone for the ticket stand," Shermy added.

"Ok, four Fords," Ford said, laying down on the machine. "This is a four Ford plan, plus another for the stand."

Suddenly the machine jammed, shaking.

"Uh oh, paper jam," Shermy said, tugging the crinkled paper out. He set it on the floor and another Ford came to life, except this one made a static sound instead of talking, and was all bent up. He crawled onto Shermy, knocking him over.

"Aw, come on," Number 3 said. "You're not gonna make me work with him, are you?"

"It's ok, he can work the ticket stand," Ford said. "Just one more clone."

\-----

Meanwhile downstairs, Preston was standing on stage, singing a song off-key.

" _Always means forever,_ " he sung. " _Alwaaaaaaaaaaaays! Forever..._ "

The crowd cheered and clapped for him.

"And Preston pulled ahead!" Ria announced.

"Top that!" Preston challenged, handing Stan the microphone.

"I will," Stan glared, running on stage. "Ria! Give me the 80s-ist, crowd pleasing-ist, rock ballad-y-ist song you got!" A song started playing on the karaoke machine. "Excellent. _Don't start un-believing! Never don't not feel your feelings!_ "

The crowd went wild, cheering Stan on.

"Now I'm gonna do a flip!" Stan yelled. He attempted to, but ended up falling on his face. He smiled anyway, looking at the crowd. He spotted Susan, who was in the back, laughing. "That was for you, Susan Wentworth!"

Preston glared jealously from the crowd. Ford walked up to Ria, whispering something in her ear.

"Dudes, would the owner of a red and silver dirt bike please report outside?" Ria spoke into the microphone. "It is currently being stolen."

"Wait, WHAT?!" Stacey screamed and ran to the window. She saw clones 3 and 4 (although she didn't recognize them as Ford) riding off on her bike. "Hey, get back here!"

She burst out the door, running off after the two Ford copies.

"Ooh, tough break," Ford said, leaning against the couch next to Dan. "I wonder who those guys are that aren't me because I'm right here."

"Now we're gonna bring it down for a minute," Ria said. The music became soft and slow. "Ladies, dudes, now's the time."

Boys and girls (and even Dan's friends Ed and Daryl) got together in pairs, slow-dancing to the music. Even Bella and Fiddleford danced together, but more just for something to do rather than liking each other.

"Huh, this song's pretty good," Dan commented. Stan ran over to Ford.

"Hey Sixer, now's your chance to ask Dan-" Stan was cut off as Ford placed his hand over his mouth. They walked away from Dan a little bit. "Now's your chance to ask Dan to dance! C'mon, go!"

"Ok ok!" Ford took a deep breath. He took a few hesitate steps towards Dan, then ran the opposite way, pulling out his plan. "I'll be right back!"

\-----

Ford and Shermy were pacing on circles in the attic. Ford had explained the situation, and now the two were thinking.

"Oh I agree, you can't just go and DANCE with him," Shermy nodded.

"The dance floor is a minefield, Shermy," Ford told him. "A minefield!"

"What if there's a glitch in the sound system?" Shermy worried.

"Mabel might get in the way," Ford added.

"Stacey might come back," Shermy said.

"There's too many variables," Ford said. "We need help."

And once again they were making copies. Ford labeled the new ones 5-10. The new clones talked and planned, crossing out ideas and coming up with new ones. After a lot of planning, Ford tapped a pencil against a lantern. The room became silent.

"Ok Fords, now's the time," Ford announced. "You all clear on what to do?"

The clones all nodded their heads and got to work. Number 10 walked downstairs and over to Ria.

"Ria look, a glowing dot!" Number 10 pointed to the wall, where he shone a green laser pointer.

"Oh man, I am so glad I turned my head," Ria said, fixated on the dot. "That dot is so worth it."

She tried to catch the dot, but Number 10 kept moving it as he turned to the DJ table. He inserted a CD labeled 'Dan Mix.' He gave a thumbs up.

Meanwhile, Number 8 was distracting Mabel with a stuffed animal on a string.

"Oh my gosh, how adorable!" Mabel squealed, trying to catch it. Number 8 moved the stuffed animal away. "Give me that kitty!"

Number 6 pulled a string, which rang a bell up in the attic. Ford and Shermy were up there, Ford adjusting his bowtie.

"That's your cue," Shermy said. "It's the perfect time to ask Dan to dance. Good luck, me!"

"I don't need luck. I have a plan," Ford smiled, patting his pocket. He left and walked down the hall, seeing Dan leaning against the wall. "AHH!"

"Oh, hey man," Dan waved, holding a cup of soda. "What's up?"

"W-what are you doing here?" Ford asked nervously. "Wouldn't you rather be on the dance floor?" He glanced at his watch. "In exactly 42 seconds?"

"I'm just waiting for the bathroom, dude," Dan shrugged.

"Um, ok," Ford said and pulled out his list, whispering to himself. "Small talk, small talk, small talk..."

"So hey, let's say everyone here was like, the opposite gender," Dan said. It was a thought he'd gotten from Bella. She had been talking about it the other day, and it had got Dan thinking. "What do you think they would look like?"

"I, uh..." Ford looked around nervously.

"I think I'd probably look like my mom, but not as big," Dan chuckled. "What about you?"

"Hehehe," Ford looked at his list and put it away. "I'm not sure. Maybe long hair, I guess? Maybe if Lee was a girl, I'd be taller."

"Hey, speaking of tall, wanna see something?" Dan asked, pulling out his wallet. He showed Ford a picture of four boys. He covered the fourth boy's face with his thumb. "These are my brothers. And I'm..." he moved his thumb, showing that the fourth boy was him. He had braces, and was very tall and skinny, "boop."

"Haha, you were a freak!" Ford laughed and quickly slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Yup," Dan said. "Certainly not the manly man I am now."

Ford blushed, scratching behind his head.

"You know, kids always made fun of my hands back in New Jersey," Ford said.

"Hands?" Dan questioned, looking down at the boy.

"No no, it's nothing!" Ford said quickly. "I- agh, why did I say that?"

"No way, now you _have_ to show me!" Dan smiled. "Show me, show me!"

Ford sighed, handing Dan his cup of soda (that somehow magically appeared). He took off his gloves, showing him his six-fingered hands.

"Woah, six fingers!" Dan gasped in amazement. "That's why you're always wearing gloves! I thought you were just a germaphobe or something. Hey, I guess we're both freaks."

Dan handed Ford back his cup and they klinked them together. Just then, Preston Northwest walked out of the bathroom, seething.

"Wait for me?" Dan asked, going into the bathroom.

"Of course," Ford smiled as the door closed. Shermy walked up to him with the rest of the clones.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Shermy asked. "Number 10 has been distracting Ria with that dot for fifteen minutes! She's gonna get tired of it eventually!"

"Never!" They heard Ria yell from downstairs.

"You won't believe it, guys!" Ford laughed happily. "I accidentally ran into Dan, and things are going great!"

"That's nice, but not the plan," Shermy said. The rest of the clones took out their own lists, reading off random steps.

"Oh man, you guys sound crazy," Ford said. "Look, maybe we don't need the plan. Maybe I could just talk to Dan like a normal person."

The clones gasped and made noises of disproval.

"You bite your tongue!" Number 7 said.

"If you're not going to follow the plan, maybe you shouldn't be the Ford to dance with Dan," Number 5 said. The rest of the clones mumbled words of agreement.

"Guys, come on," Ford said cautiously, backing up. "We said we weren't gonna turn on each other."

"I think we knew we were lying," Shermy said. The clones advanced on Ford and dragged him off, the original Ford screaming for help. Unfortunately, due to the loud music, no one could hear him. The clones threw him in a closet.

"No, wait!" Ford yelled before the door slammed in his face. Ford thought for a moment. "Ah! I can't breathe in here!"

"Yeah you can!" Shermy yelled from outside. "Plus there's snacks and some nonfiction books in there for you!"

Ford growled, angrily eating a cracker.

"Ok, so now that the original Ford, or 'Classic Ford', is taken care of, I nominate myself to dance with Dan," Shermy said. "I've been around the longest, so it should be me."

"Fair point, fair point," Number 10 nodded. "Counterpoint, maybe I should dance with Dan because I've been around him the least."

"That makes no sense," Number 5 said.

"You make no sense!" Number 10 yelled, shoving Number 5.

"Watch it!" Number 5 shouted, shoving him back.

"Don't shove people!" Number 6 scolded, in turn shoving Number 5. Suddenly Paper Jam Ford screeched from the corner.

"Hey hey, it's ok," Shermy said soothingly. "You want some cheese and crackers, bud?"

Paper Jam Ford nodded and Shermy tried to feed him, but it failed.

"Hey guys, what would you do if you were trapped in a closet?" Shermy asked, turning to the clones.

"Break out," they all answered together. They turned to see the closet door open and empty. Shermy slapped his forehead.

Ford was running down the stairs, towards the party.

"DAN-" Ford's cry was cut off as Number 5 covered his mouth and dragged him over to the others.

"Come on man, give it up," Shermy said. "You're outnumbered."

"Hold on guys, think about it," Ford began. "We're exact equals mentally and physically. If we start fighting, it'll just go on for infinity."

The clones murmured in agreement, but suddenly Ford punched Shermy. The clones paused to process what happened.

"CLONE FIGHT!" Number 9 yelled. They all started fighting but stopped when they saw Fiddleford walk out of the bathroom. They stared at each other for a minute.

"Not even. Gonna. Ask," Fiddleford said, turning and going downstairs to rejoin the party. "Ah ain't dealin' with this tonight."

Ford tried to follow him, but the clones saw him.

"Hey, Classic Ford's getting away!" Number 10 yelled.

"Get him!" Number 9 shouted. The clones approached Ford, who grabbed a nearby party popper.

"Stay back!" He cried, firing the party popper. The smoke from it turned on the sprinklers in the ceiling. All the clones booed as they started melting. "Huh. How about that." He noticed Shermy standing behind him. "Uh oh."

\-----

Meanwhile on the dance floor, Stan was doing the worm.

"One more song, dudes!" Ria announced. "Then it's time for the bestowing of the party crown! It's gonna be the-" She pressed a button on the keyboard, and an explosion sound played. "Nailed it."

"Well Preston, I hope you're not too humiliated when you lose," Stan smirked.

"Oh, it thinks it's gonna win," Preston teased. "Oh, you hear that? People clapping for the weird kids? Yeah, didn't think so."

"At least the weird kids have personalities!" Bella snapped.

\-----

Back upstairs, Shermy and Ford were fighting. Shermy pinned Ford underneath him.

"Say it!" Shermy yelled. "Say I can dance with Dan!"

"Never!" Ford shouted. The two heard Dan laughing and rushed over to the banister. They saw Dan and Stacey talking to each other. Stacey whispered something to Dan and he shoved her playfully. Ford and Shermy sighed, sitting down.

"We blew it, man," they said together.

"Wanna grab a soda?" Shermy asked.

"Sure, I guess," Ford sighed. The two stood up and left.

\-----

"Let the voting for the party crown winner begin!" Ria announced in the dance room.

"Good luck, _Stanley_ ," Preston sneered.

"Applaud to vote for Stan!" Ria said. The entire room clapped and cheered. Ria raised her arm. "Pretty good." Stan smiled proudly. "And the next contestant, Preston!"

Only a few people clapped this time. Preston glared at them and everyone else clapped nervously. Ria raised her other arm to the same height.

"Uh oh, we have a tie," she said. Preston glanced around and saw Crazy Chiu sleeping on some chairs nearby. He ran over and gave her some money. She woke up and started clapping, taking the money. Ria raised her arm a little higher. "Ladies and gentlemen, we... we have a winner. The winner of the contest, Preston Northwest."

Ria set the crown on his head.

"And now to claim my other prize," Preston smirked and walked over to Susan, but she glared at him.

"What are you talking about?!" She snapped, shocking both Preston and Stan, who was listening in. "I'm not your _prize_. I'm my own person! Honestly, I liked Stanley's dancing better."

Preston's eyes widened and Stan smiled. The richer boy growled and stomped off. He announced an after party at his parents' yacht Stan walked over to Susan.

"You really mean that?" Stan asked.

"Of course," Susan smiled at him. "You're a cool guy. It's a shame I can't get to know you better before I go home."

"What? You're leaving?" Stan frowned.

"Yeah, I was just visiting my grandma for the weekend," Susan said. "Sorry. But hey, we can still have fun at your party."

"Yeah, ok," Stan smiled softly. Fiddleford and Bella walked over.

"Hey Stan, sorry ye didn't win," Fiddleford said.

"You were way better!" Bella said. "Preston cheated! He doesn't deserve the crown!"

"Guys, it's alright," Stan said. "RIA! Play another song, we're gonna keep partying!"

"You got it, dude!" Ria said and started another song. The four friends began dancing.

\-----

Ford and Shermy were sitting on the roof. They didn't notice all the guests leaving, instead choosing two sodas and cracking them open.

"Some night, huh?" Shermy said softly, watching a shooting star. It reminded him of the one on his- _Ford's_ graunty's fez.

"You think we even have a chance with Dan?" Ford asked. "I mean, we don't even know if he likes boys. Not to mention, he's 15 and we're only 13."

"I don't know," Shermy sighed, shaking his head. "The only time you got anywhere with him was when you weren't following the plan."

"I know," Ford said. "Stan was right, I _do_ get in my own way."

"Literally!" The two Fords said together.

"Woah," Shermy made an explosion sound. The two klinked their sodas and took a sip. Shermy looked down when he realized his stomach was melting. "Oh no. Don't look now."

"Shermy!" Ford gasped, standing up.

"It's ok dude, I had a good run," Shermy said. "Remember what we talked about."

"Yes, of course," Ford nodded.

"Hey, and quit being such a wimp around Dan, ok?" Shermy asked. "For my sake...!"

He melted completely, leaving a pile of wet paper where he once sat.

"Shermy..." Ford said, then sighed. "You were the only one who understood."

He dumped out some of his soda and drank the rest. He went inside, seeing Stan, Fiddleford, Bella, and another girl all dancing. Dan was standing to the side. Ford was about to go inside, but stopped. He ripping up the plan before walking through the door.

"Ford! Where have you been?!" Stan yelled excitedly. "Meet my new friend!"  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
After the party, Ria was pressing every one of the keys on the keyboard. Finally she pressed the last one, which made a thunder sound.

"Found it," she smiled proudly.


	8. Irrational Treasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella proves that just because you have a mental disorder, it doesn't mean you can't do important things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK if I've said it yet, but Bella has ADHD, SPD, and possibly Asbergers.

Stan and Ford were sitting in the back seat of Mabel's car. Mabel was driving while the twins talked in the back seat. They didn't know where they were going or what they were doing. Mabel hadn't told them. But she had dressed them and herself in old-timey clothes.

"Ok guys, that's as far as we go in the car," Mabel said, stopping the car a while from the town. "We gotta walk now."

"Why do we have to walk?" Stan asked, stepping out of the car.

"You'll see in a bit, come on," Mabel led them to town. When they got there, they saw that the entire town was old-fashioned.

"Wow, look at the town," Ford said in amazement. He held up a postcard with the present-day town and compared it to the transformed town they were seeing now.

"Ah, Pioneer Day," Mabel smiled. "Every year the town people dress up to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded.

"Welcome to 1863!" Thompson Determined said, holding out a newspaper.

"Thank you!" Mabel smiled and took the paper, flipping Thompson an old-fashioned coin. The twins looked at the town. There were stations with various activities, one of which caught their graunty's eye. "Well boys, if you need me, I'll be candle-dipping. Have fun! And remember, you gotta talk like these guys!"

"There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!" Ford said.

"Well hornswabber my haversack!" Stan laughed. They ran off, looking at the other activities. They saw Fiddleford at the gold-panning station. There was also an old-timey wedding.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," A priest said to a man holding a woodpecker. The bird tapped at the man's hand.

"Say wha?" Stan tilted his head.

"Oh yeah, I read about this," Ford said, taking out his journal. "Apparently in Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers."

"Oh, it's still legal," the man said. He walked over with his new woodpecker wife on his shoulder. " _Very_ legal."

The man walked away and the twins walked around some more. They saw Bella, who was taking pictures of her Beanie Boos with her phone.

"Hey, Bella!" Stan called out, and the twins walked over to her. She was wearing her normal clothes, but she also had two Cool Ranch Doritos hanging from her ears.

"Oh, hey guys," Bella smiled. "Check this out! Isn't it the coolest?"

"Yeah, it is," Ford agreed. "I didn't think you'd be the kind of person to celebrate."

"Are you kidding? I love old stuff!" Bella laughed. "Except for the 'no technology' thing. But that's not gonna keep me away from my phone!"

"Come one, come all, to the opening ceremonies!" An announcer yelled from a stage. Bella and the twins ran over, standing in the front of the crowd.

"Here-ye, here-ye!" Sheriff Holt said. "Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to begin!"

"I have a bell!" Deputy Roy laughed, ringing a hand bell. Sheriff Holt laughed and the two stepped off stage. Preston Northwest took their place, his mom sitting behind him. He tapped the microphone.

"Howdy everyone!" Preston smiled. "You all know me. Preston Northwest, great-great-grandson of town founder, Nathaniel Northwest. I'm also very rich." The crowd applauded and cheered. "Now, if you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you to come on up and introduce yourself."

"Ooh, audience participation!" Bella said.

"Bella, isn't that guy like, your arch-enemy?" Ford asked.

"Eh, so what?" Bella waved it off, "Like I'm gotta let that stop me from being heard!"

She ran up on stage, her blue drawstring bag bouncing against her lower back.

"And here we have our first newcomer," Preston turned towards Bella and narrowed his eyes, "Bella..."

"Yeah! Let's get this Pioneer Day started!" Bella cheered. "Pi-o-neer! Pi-o-neer!"

The town started chanting with her.

"Um, sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for _serious_ people, and you look and act like a weirdo," Preston scoffed. "I mean, do you really carry that bag of stuffed animals everywhere? Grow _up_."

"Well why would I want to do that?" Bella crossed her arms. "Being weird is _fun_. It's not a bad thing!"

"You do have Doritos hanging from your ears, dear," Preston pointed out with a sneer.

"That's because they're _neato Dorito_ earrings, you jerk!" Bella yelled. The crowd murmured.

"Wow, I feel sorry for you," Preston chuckled. "Give her a hand, folks!"

The crowd clapped as Bella stomped off stage and over to the twins.

"Now who wants to hear more about me?" Preston asked.

"Hey Bella, you ok?" Stan asked, walking over to her with Ford.

"I need some old-timey butterscotch," Bella growled angrily.

\-----

Meanwhile, Mabel was still candle-dipping, and was holding up the line. People yelled at her to move faster and let other people have a turn.

"Ah, keep your pants on," Mabel waved them off.

"Ma'am, I have to ask you to leave," the man running the station said. "Or I'll call the police."

"Ha! What are they gonna do?" Mabel laughed. "Put me in a stock?"

\-----

That's exactly what the police did. They locked Mabel in a stock in the middle of town.

"I should really keep my mouth shut," Mabel grumbled.

\-----

Bella and the twins were sitting in front of a statue of Nathaniel Northwest. Bella was eating a bag of caramel, and had abandoned her Dorito earrings.

"Hey guys?" She said, looking at the twins. "Do you think being weird is a bad thing?"

"Uh, nooooo?" The twins said, stretching out their answer.

"Exactly!" Bella agreed. "I just can't get Preston to see that! And he always make fun of me for _being myself!_ Who does that?!"

"Preston," Ford growled, turning to look at the statue behind them. "Why does he think that being related to the town founder means he can treat everyone like garbage? Someone needs to take him down a peg." Ford gasped in realization. "Hold on a second! I think I read something about this in the journal." He pulled out the third journal, flipping open to a page. "Here we go. Of course!" He read aloud in a deep voice. " _In my investigations-_ should I do the voice?"

"Nuh-uh," Stan shook his head.

"I'll just read normal," Ford said and cleared his throat. " _In my investigations, I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the true founder of Gravity Falls! I believe this secret is emburied somewhere on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code._ " He opened up a folded piece of paper. It was covered in weird symbols and shapes. "Oh man! If this cover-up is true, it means that Preston's whole family is a fraud! This is a major conspiracy!"

"Woah," Stan said in awe.

"I like conspiracy theories," Bella smiled.

"We have to investigate," Ford said to his brother, standing up.

"Wait! I wanna help," Bella said, standing up with the twins. "Real life conspiracy theories are a big deal."

"Yeah, totally," Ford agreed.

"Well if I help prove it true, then Preston can't ever say being weird is a bad trait!" Bella smiled.

"Plus it's revenge for being a huge jerk," Stan added.

"Yeah!" Ford smiled, "Mystery Team?"

He held out his fist for a fist bump.

"I thought you hated that name," Stan said.

"I'm starting to accept it," Ford shrugged. Stan and Bella both returned the fist bump. The group of friends ran off. Behind the statue, the two police officers watched them.

"This is Sheriff Holt," Holt said into a walkie-talkie. "We have a code sepia."

 _"What?!"_ The man on the other end of the walkie-talkie yelled.  _"And what are you doing_ _about_ _it?!"_

"I'm following them right now," Holt informed the man.

 _"Find_ _them_ _and stop them,"_ the man ordered.  _"_ _There's_ _no room for error."_

"I understand," Holt nodded. "Holt out." He turned off the walkie-talkie and turned to Deputy Roy. "Deputy Roy, maintaining this cover-up is the mission we've been training for our entire careers. Are you ready?"

"I'm ready, Holt!" Roy said. "Let's go get them!"

\-----

Bella and the twins first went to the Gravity Falls Library. In a corner, Crazy Chiu was reading to a group of kids.

"In the olden days, pioneers used to draw substance from telling tales around the fire," Crazy Chiu told them. "So let's eat some books! Go ahead, eat the books, kids!"

She started chewing on a corner of the book in her hands, tearing off a chunk.

"Alright guys, if we can prove that Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls, it'll finally put Preston and his family in their place," Ford said to Stan and Bella. They were sitting at a table covered in books. Ford had a projector and was looking through some slides.

"And solving a mystery while being myself will prove that being weird is ok," Bella said. She peered at a book, grabbing some open caramels with her tongue.

"We just need to crack this code," Ford said as Stan handed him slides. "It's not Egyptian, it's not numerology, it's not- wait, of course! The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame. Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!"

"It's so obvious!" Stan said in agreement.

"Let's just light it up, and- Bella!" Ford had grabbed a candle and was about to burn the parchment. He saw that Bella had made a hat out of the paper.

"I made a hat!" She smiled proudly, pointing at her creation. "Wait, that's not helpful... shoot!"

"No, wait," Ford held up the candle, shedding light on the paper hat. "You folded it into a map!"

"Nice one!" Stan smiled.

"And I was gonna _burn_ it," Ford titled his head, angry with himself.

"We're looking for three kids who might be reading," a familiar voice caught the attention of Bella and the twins. The police officers were talking to a librarian.

"We're hunting them down for secret reasons!" Roy said a little loudly. Bella and the twins hid underneath their table. Roy and Holt began looking around.

"We should take this elsewhere," Ford whispered.

"Let's see," Bella peered at the folded hat-map. "The map leads right to..."

\-----

The three friends stood in front of the Gravity Falls museum.

"The Gravity Falls Museum of History," Bella said.

"Does this mean we're gonna have to break in?" Stan asked excitedly.

"What? No!" Bella rolled her eyes. "It's _open,_ Stan. We can just go in."

"Oh..." Stan looked disappointed as the three walked inside.

\-----

"And here are your free Pioneer Day passes," the woman at the entrance smiled. She pinned a badge to Stan's shirt. "And your balloons, two blues and a pink."

She handed Stan and Ford each a blue balloon, but Bella refused hers.

"I want red," she smiled. The woman handed her a red balloon instead, and Bella tied it around her wrist.

"What are we gonna do next?" Stan asked as they looked around the museum. "Steal Thomas Jefferson's ribcage?"

"What? Ew. No," Ford looked at his brother. "According to the map, the next clue should be right... here."

He stood in front of a painting. It was an upside-down triangle and had a wrinkled white canvas.

"We have to figure this one out quickly," Ford said. "I don't think those cops were at the library to check out books."

"I don't think the second one can read," Stan whispered.

"That's so sad," Bella frowned.

"So what is this, anyway?" Ford asked, turning his attention back to the painting. The kids looked at it for a minute. Bella groaned walking backwards to sit on a bench.

"Come on, what _are_ you?" She whispered. She remembered a trick her teacher told her when she was having trouble with one of those 'Spot The Hidden Items' pictures. "Get a different perspective..."

"Hm?" Stan looked back to see Bella sitting upside down on the bench.

"Hey, it worked!" Bella announced. Stan and Ford rushed over, sitting upside down on either side on Bella. The crinkled paper turned into a shape. It was a woman pointing at something.

"It's not abstract, it's upside down!" Ford realized.

"I think I've seen that statue at the cemetery," Stan shared. "Let's go!"

They all stood up. The twins staggered and held their heads from the blood rush.

"Haha, weak," Bella laughed. She seemed perfectly fine.

\-----

"I'm sorry, but we're all out of red balloons," the woman at the entrance of the museum say to Deputy Roy.

"Why did we even come?" Roy sighed sadly.

 _"Officer Holt," t_ he man from before spoke over the walkie-talkie. Holt grabbed at the device, speaking into it.

"Holt here," he said.

 _"Have the targets been apprehended?"_ The man asked.

"Not yet, but we're close," Holt informed. "Trust me, there's no way those kids are getting past us."

As he said that, Bella and the twins ran past them and out the museum.

"Hey, wait!" Holt yelled. He and Roy chased after them, but they got stuck in the museum door.

\-----

Meanwhile, Mabel was trying to pick the lock of the stock with a hairpin. She couldn't quite reach well enough, though, and ended up dropping the hairpin.

"Aw, man!" She groaned. Just then, Preston walked up to her and picked the hairpin up off the ground.

"Well well well, if it isn't Stanley's aunt, Ms. Pines," the boy said. "Looking for this?"

"Yeah yeah, whatever," Mabel rolled her eyes. "What do you want, Preston?"

"I want you to say that the Northwest family is the best family in Gravity Falls," Preston said.

"Oh sure, you want that in writing?" Mabel rolled her eyes. Preston held out a notepad and a pen. Mabel grabbed the pen in her mouth and wrote on the notepad.

"Thank you very- WHAT?!" Preston yelled upon seeing what Mabel had wrote. The words 'You stink!' were written across the paper, with a small heart dotting the 'i'.

"Ha! I did that with my mouth!" Mabel laughed. Preston whistled, gaining the attention of some people standing nearby. They started throwing tomatoes at Mabel. "Aw, come on!"

\-----

Bella and the twins were looking at the statue in the cemetery.

"It must be pointing to the next clue," Ford mused, looking in the direction that the statue was pointing.

"Oh no, my balloon!" Bella cried. It had slipped off her wrist and caught on the finger of the statue. She tried to grab it, but was too short to reach. "Curse my short shortness!"

"Ooh, tough luck," Stan shrugged. Bella frowned. Standing on her tiptoes, she managed to grab hold of the statue's upper arm. She used this to climb up the side of the statue and grab her balloon.

"Yes!" Bella cheered. Suddenly the statue's arm bent downwards like a lever. It opened up a secret doorway in the grave.

"Bella, Stan, look!" Ford pointed it out.

"Ha! Take that, Preston!" Bella smiled and jumped down from the statue's arm. The three friends walked down into the grave, Bella eating some more caramel. "Now we're getting into real conspiracy mode."

"Ok, look out for booby traps," Ford warned.

"Haha, booby traps," Stan laughed. He accidentally stepped on a tile, activating a bunch of darts to fly out of the wall.

"Tranquilizer darts!" Ford cried. He, Stan, and Bella ran through the hall, dodging the darts. At the end of the hall they fell down a path, which led them to a room filled with stuff.

"It's a room full of old secrety things," Bella gasped. Stan picked up a document labeled 'Top Secret'. The first paper in it showed Abraham Lincoln with a hand on his head in place of his top hat. The second page showed Ben Franklin.

"Oh man, Ben Franklin was secretly a woman!" Stan laughed.

"Wow, neato Dorito!" Bella gasped. "Although technically he's a man, actually."

"But it says here-" Stan began, but Bella interrupted him.

"Ah shsshhhhsshshh," she said, holding a finger up. "Transssssssssssss."

She waved her arms around, knocking over a second document. It opened up, revealing a paper titled 'Northwest Cover-Up.' Ford picked it up.

"Jackpot!" Ford smiled. "Now we'll find out who the real town founder is." He began to read aloud from the paper. " _'Let it be here recorded that Nathaniel Northwest, fabled founder of Gravity Falls, was, in fact, a fraud... as well as a waste-shoveling village idiot.'_ " Ford laughed. "Aw man, bad news for Preston. Wait until the press hears about this!"

"Once people find out how I helped solve a historical conspiracy, they can never say being weird is a bad thing!" Bella smiled.

" _'The true founder of Gravity Falls was sir lord, Quentin Trembley, III, Esquire,'_ " Stan read.

"Who's Quentin Trembley?" Bella asked.

" _That's_ none of your business!" Sheriff Holt yelled. The kids gasped, turning to see him and Deputy Roy.

"Whoo, we got 'em!" Roy cheered. "We... hoo..."

He passed out, showing several tranquilizer darts sticking out of his back.

"He got hit with quite a few of those darts," Holt said.

\-----

After a while, Deputy Roy woke up. Holt continued what he was saying.

"I hate to do this, but Quentin Trembley is a matter of national security," He said.

"Yeah!" Roy agreed, and doubled over in pain. "Ohhhh... I think I might be colorblind..."

"What do you mean, 'national security'?" Ford asked, confused.

"And just who _is_ Quentin Trembley, anyway?" Stan asked.

"See for yourself," Holt said, pulling a reel of film from his pocket. He put it in a projector and the kids sat in a few chairs, facing the screen.

"Aw, it's black and white?" Stan complained once the film started. Bella shushed him. The film showed a man standing in an office.

_"If you're watching this, then you are one of eight people in these United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot as soon as the filming is complete." The man looked offscreen. "What? No? Ho! Well, that's a relief!" He looked back at the camera. "Of all of America's secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Quentin Trembley: The eighth-and-a-half president of the United States."_

"President?" Stan repeated.

"Eighth-and-a-half?" Ford questioned.

" _After winning the 1837 election in a landslide," a clip was shown of a landslide killing all the other_ _candidates_ _except for Trembley, "Quentin Trembley quickly gained a reputation as America's silliest president. He waged war on pancakes, appointed six babies to the supreme court, and issued the de-pants-ipation proclamation."_

"Pfft, still better than Donald Trump," Bella rolled her eyes.

" _His state of the union speech was even worse," the man in the film continued._

_"The only thing we have to fear is gigantic, man-eating spiders!" A_ _recording_ _of Trembley said._

"Couldn't agree more," Bella shuddered.

_"He was kicked out of office and escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls, after plummeting into it at high speed," the man in the film continued. "Trembley's shameful term was erased from history and officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as President and local nobody Nathaniel Northwest as founder of Gravity Falls. The whereabouts of president Trembley's body are unknown."_

"Until now," Sheriff Holt said, stopping the video. He turned to Quentin Trembley's body, which was stuck inside a box of a clear, brownish substance.

"Woah!" Ford said in amazement. He ran his finger along the substance. "Is that like, amber or something?"

"The idiot thought he could live forever by encasing himself in solid peanut brittle," Holt laughed. "Smooth move, _Mr. President._ Finding Trembley's body was our special mission. And now, thanks to you, it's complete."

"Who knew all we had to do was follow a little girl's trail of candy wrappers?" Roy asked, holding up a caramel wrapper.

"Arg, stupid!" Bella snapped, smacking herself in the forehead.

"And now that you know the truth, we can't let you go around telling anybody," Holt told the kids.

"Does that mean-?" Ford's eyes widened.

"Are you gonna kill us?!" Stan cried.

"Heavens no!" Roy yelled.

"We're just going to escort you and all this stuff back to Washington," Holt explained. "You're not coming back, by the way."

\-----

Holt and Roy were on a train. Roy pulled out a bed as Holt stuffed their luggage away.

"We have fold out beds!" Roy smiled.

"Good thing I brought the ghost stories!" Holt held out a book.

In the back of the train, Bella and the twins were trapped in a crate with Trembley's body. They pounded on the crate, yelling for help.

"Ugh, this is all my fault," Bella groaned, sliding down to sit on the floor. "I can't believe I left a trail of candy wrappers! And now we're stuck on a stupid crate going to stupid Washington."

She broke off a piece of the peanut brittle, taking a bite of it. The missing chuck caused the rest of the block to collapse, leaving a- very much alive- Quentin Trembley.

"It is I, Quentin Trembley!" The man announced. He ripped off his pants, leaving only his undergarments.

"You're alive!" Ford gasped. "B-but how?!"

"Peanut brittle really _does_ have life-sustaining abilities!" Stan said.

"You're not silly, you're a genius!" Bella smiled.

"And so are you, dear girl, for following my clues and freeing me from my delicious tomb!" Trembley spoke.

"He's right," Ford agreed. "Making maps into hats, hanging upside-down- your weirdness solved a mystery serious cops couldn't solve in a hundred years!"

"You're right!" Bella gasped happily. "Also, not girl, please. You could use like, child?"

"By Jefferson!" Trembley exclaimed, looking around. "We seem to be trapped in some sort of... crate-shaped box!"

"It's a crate, Mr. President," Stan said.

"It's a good thing I have my president's key, which can open any lock in America," Trembley said. He took out the key and started poking the walls of the crate.

"I don't think that's working," Ford said.

"Wood! My age-old enemy," Trembley narrowed his eyes. "In order to get out of here, this is going to take the weirdest plan ever conceived."

"I could help you, Mr. Trembley," Bella stepped forward, smiling. "I'm the weirdest kid in Gravity Falls!"

"Excellent, my dear child!" Trembley said. "What is your plan?"

"Hm..." Bella looked around the crate, taking in every detail. It was easy for her to notice small things. One glance and a small thing no one would ever notice would end up bugging her until it was fixed. She spotted a small hole in the corner, and remembered hearing a woodpecker in the train. "How about that hole?"

"Yes, we will _leap_ through it!" Trembley announced. He and Bella leaped at the hole. Bella managed to get her finger through and startled wiggling it around. "Yes, almost. Almost there. Good! Keep pushing."

"I don't think this is gonna work either," Ford said.

"Trust. The. Weirdness!" Bella cried. The woodpecker flew over to the hole. It started pecking at it, trying to get Bella's finger. The crate fell apart and the bird flew off.

"Well, we didn't get through the hole," Trembley said. "Let's rebuild the crate and try again!"

"We gotta get outta here!" Ford yelled, running off with Stan and Bella.

"Also good," Trembley said, following them. Ford led them through a door. On the other side was Roy, who was getting some ice. He dropped the bucket when he saw the kids and Trembley.

"HOLT!" Roy called. Trembley and the kids ran off, climbing up a ladder. They reached the emergency hatch. Trembley tried to open it with his president's key but, _surprisingly_ , it didn't work.

"Oh for Pete's sake, let me-" Ford pushed the emergency hatch open, and the four of them escaped onto the roof. Roy and Holt followed them, panting.

"There is... no... escape," Holt panted.

"Sheriff Holt, do you really want to lock us up in a government facility somewhere?!" Ford asked.

"I have no choice," Holt said. "Our orders come from the very top."

"Wait!" Ford spun around to face Trembley. "Quentin, did you ever sign an official resignation?"

"No sir!" Trembley yelled. "I ate a salamander and jumped out the window!"

"Then, technically, you're still the president of the United States!" Ford realized. He turned back to Holt and Roy. "You gotta answer to _this_ guy now!"

"Huh?" The cops looked at each other.

"As president of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened," Trembley said. "And- and go on a delightful vacation." He hit his head on a passing sign. "Yeeeees!"

"Vacation?" Holt turned to Roy. "Where have we always wanted to go? 3, 2, 1-"

"Cedar Point Amusement Park in Sandusky, Ohio!" Holt and Roy said together and cheered.

\-----

At the next stop, the kids and Trembley got off the train. They waved to the cops, who were still on the train. Trembley kneeled down in front of Bella.

"You've done a great service to your country, Bella," He said. "As thanks, I'd like to make you an official US congressman."

He took out a top hat and set it on Bella's head.

"I don't know what that is, but thank you!" Bella smiled. "Could I say congressperson?"

"And Roderick," Trembley said, turning to Ford.

"Uh, actually, It's Stanf-" Ford began, but was cut off by Trembley.

"You, dear boy, are on your way to discovering the secrets of this great land," he said. "So I'd like you to have my President's key!"

"Wow, thanks!" Ford smiled, taking the key.

"And what do I get?" Stan asked.

"You, my dear boy, get this," Trembley handed him something.

"Oh boy, money- HEY!" Stan got a good look at the green bill. "Negative twelve dollars?! This is worthless!"

"It's _less_ than worthless!" Trembley smiled.

\-----

Back in town, Trembley was telling the kids a story.

"And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours," Trembley said. "Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk."

"Agreed!" Bella nodded. She spotted Preston, who was teasing a little kid. "Hey, Preston!"

"What do _you_ want?" Preston rolled his eyes as Bella ran over. The little boy took this as his chance to escape.

"I uncovered a government conspiracy about the eighth-and-a-half president of the USA!" Bella said proudly.

"What? Who is that fool?" Preston asked, pointing to Trembley. The president was chasing after a bald eagle, holding fists up to it.

"The eighth-and-a-half president!" Bella said. "How is he still alive, you ask? Well, apparently you can hibernate in peanut brittle, and-"

"Haha, wow!" Preston laughed. "You really are a weird, dumb little girl."

"Hey! I'm not a girl, you jerk!" Bella yelled. "You know that!"

"Oh that's right, you're 'both', aren't you?" Preston sneered. "That just makes you even _weirder._ "

Preston's mom laughed from her car nearby.

"Nice one, son!" She called.

"Have fun walking home, weirdo," Preston said, stepping into his car. The car drove off.

"Bella!" Stan said. "Aren't you gonna tell him about his great grandpa?"

"Oh right, that," Bella said. "Eh, I don't feel like telling him. Ford, could you-?"

"Gladly," Ford said and ran after the car. "HEY, PRESTON!" The car lurched to a stop, and Ford slipped him the papers through the window. "Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls, and your whole family is a sham. Deal with it."

Preston looked at the papers as the car started driving again.

"WHAT?!" He yelled. "MOOOOOM!"

"Man, revenge is underrated," Ford said to Bella and Stan. "That felt _awesome_!"

"Children, I am needed elsewhere," Trembley said. "Just remember, I'll always be right there, on that negative twelve dollar bill! Trembley, AWAY!"

He jumped backwards, landing on a horse. The horse neighed loudly and ran off.

"Where do you think he's going?" Stan asked.

"I'm gonna say... off a cliff," Ford answered.

\-----

Mabel was still locked in the stock, telling the story of her imprisonment to Bella and the twins.

"And then Ria came by and talked to me for like, an _hour_ ," Mabel finished.

"You've been through so much," Stan shook his head. Ford used his president's key to open the stock and free Mabel.

"Hey, it works," Ford smiled.

"So, why with the top hat?" Mabel asked Bella. "You look very handsome, by the way."

"Thank you, Ms. Pines," Bella smiled. "Apparently I'm a congressperson. Whatever that is."

"Hey, what's up with that, anyway?" Ford asked, turning to Bella. "The whole 'both' thing."

"Oh, I'm bigender," Bella said.

"What's that?" Stan asked.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Trembley was in a courtroom, talking to five babies with top hats and mustaches.

"Esteemed gentlemen of the Supreme Court of the United States, I implore you to rethink your decision!" Trembley begged. The babies just sat there making gurgling noises. "Very well. But who would you have replace me?"

"Mama," a baby cooed.

"That old crone?" Trembley raised an eyebrow. "Chief Justice Num-Num, y-you're spitting up on yourself! Now ohh! Oh, come on! This is a courtroom! I... this... this is a dark day for America."


	9. The Time Traveler's Goat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford becomes brokenhearted and does something crazy, and Bella and Stan get a kid.

Stan, Ford, and Mabel were at the fair. Mabel explained to them that, every year, Gravity Falls had a fair. There was a lot of fun activities and rides. The two twins had practically begged Mabel to take them. Even Ria was there, but more for working at the fair.

"Ok kids, here's some money," Mabel handed the two of them each 20 dollars. "Go have fun, alright?"

"You got it, Graunty Mabel!" Stan smiled. He and Ford ran off, laughing.

"Hey Ria, you seen my red screwdriver?" Mabel asked, patting herself over. "Darn thing went missing."

"Haven't seen it, Ms. Pines," Ria shrugged. "Sorry."

Over behind the portable toilets, a man dressed in a gray suit was fixing his watch using Mabel's red screwdriver.

"The mission is proceeding as planned, over," the man spoke into his watch. His gray suit turned to the color of the portable toilets and he walked off.

"The dunk tank is now open!" A man announced through the speakers. "12:00, dunk tank is now open!"

Ford was with Dan. The two had each just bought a corn dog. The weird thing about them was that they were in the shape of question marks.

"How do they get them in this shape?" Ford asked, holding up his corn dog. "It's unnatural."

"But Ford, it's so... delicious?" Dan held his corn dog in front of the 'Delicious' sign. The two laughed. Ketchup from Dan's corn dog spilt onto his sleeve. "Oh, booo! I'm gonna go clean up. BRB."

Dan walked off, leaving Ford by himself.

"I'll be right here!" Ford laughed nervously. He then added in a whisper. "I love you."

"Look at you two!" Stan said. He walked over with Bella, each of them holding a pink cotton candy. "Getting all romantic at the fair."

"Aw, how adorable," Bella giggled. Her ever-present blue drawstring backpack was dangled over her shoulders. "And you guys aren't even my OTP!"

"Oh, it's no big deal," Ford waved it off.

"Um, yeah it is!" Stan said.

"Ok, yeah, it is!" Ford agreed happily. "Isn't it fantastic?! I just dove right in! I asked him if he wanted to hang out at the fair, and you know what he said?"

_**Flashback!** _

Ford was standing in front of the counter at the Mystery Shack. Dan was sitting behind it, reading a magazine.

"Sure, why not?" Dan shrugged.

_**Flashback over!** _

"Sure, why not!" Ford repeated. "All of your advice about just going for it is finally paying off!"

"Ford, when are you gonna learn?" Stan shook his head. "I'm always sure about everything."

"Hey, do you smell a gallon of perfume?" Bella asked, scrunching up her nose. She coughed and pulled the collar of her shirt over her nose.

"Hey, have any of you dorks seen Dan around?" Stacey asked, walking up to them.

"Why do you want to know?" Ford glared at the older girl. She took some of Stan's cotton candy.

"Hey!" Stan cried, pulling his treat anyway.

"Yeah, I got some new skinny jeans, and I wanted to see what he thought," Stacey said, stretching out.

"Yeah, I think I saw him in the Bottomless Pit," Ford said. "You should go jump in there."

"Maybe I will, smart guy," Stacey glared at him. She walked away, bumping into Ford as she left.

"She's such a jerk," Bella shook her head, removing her shirt from her nose.

"Yeah, but she's a jerk with skinny jeans and a guitar," Ford worried. "I need to keep her away from Dan."

"Don't worry, pointdexter," Stan said. "No matter what happens, I'll be right here to- OH MY GOSH A GOAT!"

He ran off through the crowd, Bella following after him. They stopped at the goat pen. Inside were several goats, but one stood out to Stan.

"If'n you can guess the critter's weight, you can take the critter home!" The man running the goat stand announced. The goat bleated, but it sounded like 'Stan'.

"He said Stan!" Stan gasped. "Either that or pan. Did you say 'Stan' or 'pan'?"

The goat bleated again, sounding more like 'Stan.' Stan gasped happily.

"Aw, he's adorable!" Bella squealed. Just then Preston walked by with his friends.

"Oh look gentlemen, Stanley found his _real_ twin," Preston laughed snootingly. Stan growled, narrowing get his eyes.

"Preston..." he growled, then turned to the man. "Sir, I must have that goat!"

"Oh, old 15-Poundy," the man said. "So, how you guessing he weighs?"

"Um... 15 pounds?" Stan said.

"Are you some kind of wizard?" The man asked. "Well, here's your goat."

The man handed the goat over to Stan, who hugged him.

"Yay, Stan!" Bella cheered, petting the goat's head. The crowd around them applauded.

"And you'll be needing these," the man said, holding out a fork and knife. Stan and Bella glared at him. "No? Ok then."

"I feel like a mom," Bella cooed. "Can I be the mom?"

"Haha, sure!" Stan smiled.

\-----

"Woah, check it out!" Dan walked up to a game with Ford. The prize was some sort of weird stuffed animal. "I don't know if it's a duck or a panda, but I want one!"

"My brother taught me the secret to these games," Ford said. "You aim for the carnie's head, and take the prize when he's unconscious."

"Haha, nice," Dan laughed.

"One ball, please," Ford said, handing the carnie a dollar.

"You get one chance," he said, handing Ford a baseball. Ford turned to Dan, who gave him a thumbs up. Ford aimed for the pins.

"One, two, three," Ford counted down and threw the ball. He missed, and it came back to hit Dan in the eye.

"AH! My eye!" Dan shouted, holding the spot.

"Oh my gosh, Dan! I'm so sorry!" Ford quickly apologized.

"Does it look swollen?" Dan hissed, removing his hands to show a black eye. Ford jumped.

"Uh, it's going to be alright!" He said, more to calm himself than Dan. "Don't worry! I-I'll get some ice!" He ran off and grabbed a bag of ice. "Where is he, where is he?"

Oh his way back he ran into the gray-suited man from earlier. They both fell over. Ford dropped the bag of ice, causing it to spill everywhere, and the man dropped what looked like a tape measure.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" Ford yelled, scooping the ice back into the bag. The man ignored him, running off after grabbing his tape measure. Ford rushed off back to the game where he left Dan. He slowed to a stop when he heard a familiar voice.

"Just ease your eye into the snow cone," Stacey told Dan. She was holding a purple snow cone and looking up at Dan. The taller boy leaned into the snow cone.

"Thanks Stacey, that's really cool," Dan sighed. "The gesture, and the frozen treat."

"Yeah, I guess I was just where I was needed," Stacey chuckled. She started nervously playing with her jacket string. "Hey, uh, I was wondering. We've known each other for a while now, and I kinda really like you. So, maybe if you're not busy, we could, I dunno, go out sometime?"

"Mm... sure, why not?" Dan said with a smile. Ford frowned, devastated. A red heart-shaped balloon popped behind him. The rest of the ice fell out of a hole in the bottom of the bag.

"Ford, look!" Stan cried, running up to Ford. Bella was with him and he was holding the goat. "I won my pet goat! His name is Gompers! I call him that because he eats everything!" Stan shook Gompers back and forth. "Goooooooommmmp-errrrrrrrrs!"

"Everything is different now," Ford muttered, staring at Stacey and Dan.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked. For answer, Ford pointed at Dan and Stacey getting on a ride called 'Tunnel Of Love And Corn Dogs.'

"Oh..." Stan frowned.

\-----

Soon it became night, and the lights around the fair turned on. Ford was laying on a game called 'Slopey Toss.'

"Hey, are you gonna move?" A man asked, holding a ball. Ford shook his head. The man sighed sadly, walking off. Bella held up Gompers, who walls dressed as a doctor.

"Paging Dr. Gompers, we have a boy here with a broken heart!" Bella joked. She and Stan laughed.

"Come on Sixer, these are the jokes," Stan said.

"Hey guys, do you ever wish you could go back and fix one mistake?" Ford asked.

"Nope! Because I do everything right the first time," Stan smiled. He sat down and played with Gompers.

"Sometimes," Bella shrugged, sitting next to Stan. "But it's usually only cringey stuff that happened years ago."

"I mean, Dan only went out with Stacey because she was there with the ice, and he only needed the ice because of the baseball, and I would have had the ice if it wasn't for," Ford gasped, standing up and spotting who he was talking about. "that guy!" He stalked over to the man. "Hey, you! Tool belt! You ruined my life!"

"Huh?" The man looked at him.

"Don't 'Huh' me!" Ford snapped. "I've seen you before. What's your deal? Are you following us?"

"And why are you bald?" Stan asked rudely, walking over with Bella and Gompers. "What's that about?"

"Aaahhhh! My position has been compromised!" The man cried. He started messing with his watch. "Color match! Initiating color match! Come on, dang it!"

He pulled out Mabel's red screwdriver and tried to fix his watch.

"Woah, neato Dorito!" Bella gasped. "Are you from the future?"

"N-no! Who told you that?!" The man panicked. "MEMORY WIPE!"

He threw something at Bella's face. She looked at it in her hands.

"This is a _baby_ wipe," she said, confused.

"Alright, you've caught me," the man sighed. "I'm... a time traveler."

"So, wait a minute," Ford said. "If you're from the future, do you have a time machine?"

"That's pretty much how it works," the man said. Ford saw Stacey and Dan riding the Ferris Wheel.

"Can I borrow it?" Ford asked with a smile. "Just this once?"

"Out of the question!" The man said. "This is sensitive, extremely complicated time equipment."

He pulled out the tape measure he had dropped earlier.

"It looks like a tape measure," Stan said.

"You shut your time-mouth!" The man yelled.

"Ooh, I'm gonna call it a Time Tape," Bella laughed.

"This making any sense to you?" Ford asked, turning to Stan.

"I think he's just crazy," Stan said.

"You don't believe me?" The man asked. He pulled on the tape measure and let go. He disappeared and then reappeared wearing old fashioned clothes. "Guess where I just was."

"Woah!" Bella and the twins gasped in amazement.

"That's right! Fifteen years ago there was a costume shop right here!" The man said. "One second." He disappeared and reappeared again in his normal suit, which was flaming. "Ah! Aw, heck! Pat, pat down!"

He patted the small fires out.

"So, who are you again?" Bella asked.

"Blendin Blandin, Time Anomaly Removal Crew year twenty sñeventy-twelve," the man said, holding out a card. "My mission is to stop a series of time anomalies that are suppose to happen at this very location! But- but I don't see any anomalies! I don't know if it's some kind of paradox, or I'm just really tired..."

He sat down on a tree stump, his head in his hands.

"You sound like you could use a break," Ford said.

"Definitely," Stan agreed. "Maybe you should try out one of the rides at the Gravity Fair."

"You know what?" Blendin said, standing up. "What the heck! I'm worth it!" He started to walk away. "But I've got an eye on you."

Blendin walked over to the spinning barrels, which was being run by Ria.

"One please," he said, handing her a ticket.

"Uh, I'm gonna have to ask you to take off your tool belt for the ride," Ria said. "One of your tools might accidentally fly off and fix something."

"Guard it with your _life_ ," Blendin said, taking off the belt and handing it to her.

"I will watch it like a hawk, dude," Ria said. Blendin climbed onto the ride and she started it. She set the belt on a barrel nearby. Blendin cheered and laughed as the ride started. Ford snuck over and grabbed the belt. "Like a hawk!"

\-----

Bella and the twins were sitting inside at the table. They were looking at the time machine, which sat in the middle of the table.

"Here it is, guys," Ford said. "Our ticket to any moment in history."

"Let's go get two T-Rex's and force them to fight!" Stan smiled.

"No," Ford said, "We have to be careful. All that paradox stuff kinda freaked me out. I'm just going to go back and fix my one mistake. If I don't hit Dan with that baseball, Stacey won't comfort him, and they won't start going out."

"We're coming too!" Bella and Stan said together.

"I wanna relive the greatest moment of my life: winning Gompers," Stan smiled. Bella hugged the goat around his neck.

"And I want to have fun at the fair again," Bella giggled. "Also just _think_ of the Instagram pictures!"

"See you guys later," Ford said, pulling out the tape measure.

"See you _earlier_!" Stan said to Gompers. He laughed as Ford released the tape. The three of them high-fived and they froze. Gompers bleated, running off and knocking over a pile of cards. Everything started going backwards. Gompers ran back to where he was, Ria ate a sandwich in reverse, and a guy at the fair un-threw a ball.

Ford, Stan, and Bella reappeared in the same spot. Ford's jacket was on fire, so he patted it out. The three kids smiled at each other, running outside and to the fair.

"The dunk tank is now open!" A man announced through the speakers. "12:00, dunk tank is now open!"

"Do-over?" Ford asked, looking at his brother and friend.

"Do-over," Stan and Bella nodded. The two of them ran off towards the goat pen.

"If'n you can guess-" the man began, before Stan interrupted him.

"15 pounds!" Stan said. Bella was holding Gompers. "And yes, I am a wizard."

The two friends ran off, laughing.

"Well, time to round up a mob," the man said, lighting a baseball bat on fire.

\-----

Ford was walking around, looking for Dan. At the same time, someone else was looking for Ford.

"Hey, Ford!" Fiddleford called out, running over to his friend. "Ah've been lookin' e'rywhere fer ya."

"Oh, hey Fidds," Ford said. "What's up?"

"Uh, well, I-I was wonderin' if maybe ya wanted ta, I-I dunno, go ride the Ferris Wheel with me?" Fiddleford asked nervously. Ford didn't notice his nervousness, though.

"Sorry buddy, I'm a little busy," Ford said. "I'm looking for Dan. Maybe later!"

Ford ran off, leaving Fiddleford by himself.

"Heh, yeah... later..." Fiddleford sighed sadly.

Ford looked around some more before spotting Dan over by the corn dog stand.

"Hey, Dan!" Ford called.

"Oh, there you are, Ford," Dan said. He noticed the burn spot. "What happened to your jacket?"

"I-It's nothing!" Ford lied. "Uh... hey! Check it out!"

He pointed to the game from earlier, with the stuffed animal prize.

"Woah, cool!" Dan said. "I don't know if it's a duck or a panda, but I want one!"

"One ball, please," Ford requested, handing the carnie a dollar.

"You get one chance," the carnie said, handing Ford the baseball.

"That's what you think," Ford said quietly. "One panda-duck, coming up!" He then spoke quietly again. "Ok Stanford, second chance. Don't mess this up."

He chucked the ball, knocking over the pins. Dan cheered. The ball bounced off the ground and back at Dan, hitting him in the eye.

"AH! My eye!" Dan yelled, holding the spot.

"What?!" Ford cried.

"Does it look swollen?" Dan asked, moving his hands to reveal the same black eye.

"That's so weird..." Ford murmured, looking at his hands.

"Oh, hey Stacey," Dan said. Ford looked up to see Stacey holding the same snow cone up to Dan's eye.

"Hey, uh, I was wondering," Stacey began. "We've known each other for a while now, and I kinda really like you. So maybe, if you're not busy, we could, I dunno, go out sometime?"

"Hm... sure, why not?" Dan shrugged with a smile.

\-----

Ford was pacing in front of Stan and Bella. Stan was holding Gompers on his lap while Bella fed the goat a caramel apple.

"The same thing happened again!" Ford said. "It was spooky."

"Ooh, maybe it's a time curse," Stan said. "Gompers, can you say 'time curse'?"

Gompers bleated twice, sounding like 'time curse'.

"Oooooohhhhh!" Bella squealed, picking Gompers up. "Your face is so _fluffy_!"

"It is possible that the forces of time naturally conspire to undo any new outcomes?" Ford asked. "No, I just need to try again. Third time's the charm!"

"It's worth a shot," Stan said. The three of them disappeared again, using the time machine to go back a few hours.

\-----

Ford tried many, many times to win the stuffed animal and not hit Dan in the eye. Nothing worked, and every time Dan went out with Stacey because she had the snow cone for his black eye.

"Hey Dan?" Ford asked, holding yet another baseball. "How bad do you want that stuffed animal thing?"

"More than anything, Ford," Dan said. Ford sighed. He threw the ball, which hit a net full of baseballs. They all fell on Dan, knocking him to the ground. Stacey helped him up, shaking her head at Ford.

Stan and Bella were on the Merry-Go-Round, Gompers sitting between them.

"We love our goat!" The two yelled happily.

\-----

Ford was writing on a popcorn machine, mumbling to himself. Stan and Bella were sitting nearby. Bella was on her phone, tapping on a picture of Gompers.

"The wind speed... factoring cotton candy..." Ford mumbled.

"Face it Sixer, you're obviously fated to have a bad day at the fair," Stan said.

"Just like how we're fated to be with Gompers!" Bella smiled. She showed off a picture she edited of Gompers, which had filters and emojis.

"I feel like I'm just missing one variable," Ford said.

"What's a variable?" Stan asked, appearing on the other side of the popcorn machine, on the right side of an equal sign.

"That's it!" Ford cried. "I figured out how to win the toss, not hit Dan, and stop him and Stacey from going out!"

"Great! I'm gonna go win our goat again!" Stan smiled, walking off. Ford caught his arm.

"Woah woah woah, you can't leave," Ford said. "I need you guys for my plan."

"But what about Gompers?" Stan frowned.

"It'll just take a second," Ford promised. "Bella, you stay right here. I'll be right back."

Ford pulled Stan off, leaving Bella by herself. That is, until Fiddleford walked up.

"Hey Bella," the boy sighed. "How's yer day been?"

"It's been the best!" Bella beamed. "I've gotten to hang out with Stan, we won ourselves a pet goat, and we're having a lot of fun!"

"Seems like you've had a good day," Fiddleford chuckled sadly.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Bella asked.

"It's just... you've got to spent the whole day with your crush, while mine won't even go on the Ferris Wheel with me," Fiddleford mumbled.

"Ah, Ford's just preoccupied," Bella said. "He'll get over Dan soon enough."

\-----

After everything was set up, Ford and Dan were at the ball toss game. Ford was checking everything, including wind speeds.

"Dude, are you gonna go or what?" Dan asked. Ford counted down and threw the ball up over the tent, "Aw, you missed."

"Did I?" Ford asked with a smirk. The ball came back down, rolled down the tent, flew up, hit the windgage, rolled down a pipe which Stan lifted up, and flew at the dunk tank. It bounced off the glass, flying back at the game.

"Stacey, could I ask you to move over here a bit?" Bella said, pulling Stacey over so that the baseball crashed through her snow cone. "Thank you!"

"Wha- hey!" Stacey yelled as the younger teen ran off. The ball knocked over the pins and didn't come back to hit Dan in the eye.

"Your stuffed creature of indeterminate species, sir," The carnie said, handing Dan the stuffed animal.

"Sweet!" Dan smiled, squeezing the toy.

"There you are, Dan," Stacey said, walking over. "I've been meaning to ask you-"

"Hey Stacey, check out what Ford won me!" Dan smiled, holding out the stuffed animal. Ford smiled from behind Dan.

"Pfft, whatever," Stacey said. "You can't even tell what it is. Stupid..."

Stacey pulled her hoodie over her head, walking away.

"What's her deal?" Dan asked. "Guess I came to the fair with the right person."

Ford beamed. A bell rang behind them. Stan and Bella walked over, smiling happily. Ford gave them a thumbs up. Bella returned it.

"Anytime, bro," Stan said. "Now to win our goat- AHH!"

Stan and Bella screamed when they saw Preston being handed Gompers by the man running the goat stand.

"Here you go, ol 15-Poundy," the man said. "Just yours. No one else's. Yours. Forever."

Preston linked a leash onto Gompers neck, pulling him away. Gompers bleated, pulling against the boy. Stan and Bella screamed, running off.

\-----

Ford and Dan were riding the Tunnel Of Love And Corn Dogs while eating corn dogs. They laughed as they stepped off the ride.

"Man, it's even funner the third time," Dan said. "Ooh, funnel cake! Let's go get some!"

Dan ran off. Ford was about to follow him when Stan and Bella ran up to him, screaming. They stopped for a second.

"What-" Ford said, but was interrupted by Bella and Stan screaming again. "Guys, what's-" They screamed once more. "I'll just wait till you're done."

"We're done," Stan said.

"Ok, what's wrong?" Ford asked.

"We messed up the time line, Ford!" Stan cried.

"Preston saw the flyer and won Gompers before we did!" Bella yelled. "He took Gompers, Ford!"

"Oh, tough luck," Ford said.

"It's ok! We just have to go back," Stan said, snatching the time machine from Ford. "And fix things."

"Stan, wait!" Ford said, grabbing the machine back. "Look, I did the math. In any other time line, Dan ends up going out with Stacey. I can't mess this up again!"

"But if we don't go, we'll lose Gompers forever!" Stan cried. He jumped on Ford, trying to grab the machine. It fell on the boarding area for the ride and Bella grabbed it. Ford tried to take it from her, and Stan tried to hold him back. A corndog car came by, stretching out the tape measure. It released, flying back to make the kids disappear into the past.

"When are we?" Ford asked, looking around.

"The real question is, _when_ are we?" Bella said. "Oh wait, you already-"

"Yeah, I said that," Ford said. "Hey, do you guys hear that?"

A heard of buffalo were running past. Bella and the twins screamed, running off the side of a cliff. The screamed more until they fell through the roof of a caravan and onto some bags of flour.

"Be on the look out for mountain lions, travelers!" A settler warned.

"Dysentery! Who wants dysentery?" A second settler called, holding out a canteen.

"Forge ahead, mighty oxen!" The settler driving the caravan said. "For a new life waits us on this... Oregon trail."

"Where are we?" Stan asked, looking around. "The 70's?"

"I thought the 70's had more color," Bella said.

"You sent us back 150 years, genius!" Ford snapped. "We're in pioneer times!"

"Neato Dortio," Bella said, taking pictures with her phone.

"By Trembley!" The man up front said. "Fertilia, it seems you've given birth to three more children!"

"It appears I have," the woman said. She was surrounded by young kids. "More little hands to render the tallow."

"Tallow? What?" Stan asked.

"She has a glowing box, Mother," a boy said, pointing to Bella.

"This is called a cell phone," Bella said, showing it off.

"Bella! We can't start messing with the past!" Ford hissed.

"Oh, says the guy who messed with the past all day and cost us our goat?" Stan snapped. "We'll mess with whatever we want!" He pulled out a calculator and gave it to the boy. "Check it out, a magic button machine!"

"Shoes made of rubber!" Bella said, showing off her crocs.

"Oooh," the kids said. Ford snatched the calculator back from the boy.

"Hey, sister! Guess who gets to vote in the future!" Bella said to the woman. "Ladies! Up top!" Bella held out her hand. The woman reached out and gave her a high five. "That's called a high five! Teach it to your friends."

"Give me that!" Ford snatched the time machine from Stan. "I'm gonna set the time line right."

He pulled on the tape, making him, Stan, and Bella disappear. They reappeared in front of a large dinosaur. It roared at them, causing the kids to scream. Ford pressed buttons on the machine, and they disappeared again. They were now way in the future. Everything was in ruins.

"Run, run!" A man yelled.

"It's coming!" A second man shouted. A big floating baby shot lasers from its eyes.

"This future seems neat," Stan smiled. Ford pressed more buttons on the machine and they reappeared at Gravity Falls Lake, the opening day of fishing season.

"WE'RE COMING, GOMPERS!" Stan yelled, running off with Bella.

"Hey!" Ford hurried after them, the calculator falling out of his pocket.

"I seen it!" Past-Crazy Chiu yelled. "I seen it again!"

The kids were then at the unveiling of wax Mason.

"But enough about me," Past-Mabel said on stage. "Behold... male me!"

Bella tripped over a wire, loosing one of her crocs.

They reappeared once again at the Mystery Shack, where the swarm of fairies was cornering past-Stan and past-Ford. Stan's band-aid fell off of his cheek.

The traveled to the same spot, but now it was snowing. Stan tossed the time machine between his hands as they ran across the yard.

"This thing is getting hotter!" Stan yelled. "HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Ford yelled.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Stan cried. The kids disappeared just as someone looked out from the shack's door. It looked like the real version of wax Mason.

\-----

Bella and the twins were now in complete darkness.

"Where are we?" Stan asked.

"There's nothing but inky blackness for miles," Ford squinted. "Guys, do you know what this means? We've transported to the end of time!"

Stan and Ford screamed back and forth for a minute, but Bella looked thoughtful.

"Wait a minute, time doesn't have an end," she said. "Just like it doesn't have a beginning, either."

"Why does it smell so bad in here?" Stan asked. He opened a door, showing that they were back at the Gravity Falls Fair and inside a portable toilet. "Look, we're back in the present!"

"But _which_ present?" Ford asked. He saw Dan hugging the panda-duck. "Yes!"

Bella and Stan saw Gompers trying to get away from Preston.

"NO!" They cried.

"Give me that thing!" Stan yelled, chasing Ford around. "Give it back!"

Ford climbed to the top of the portable toilet.

"Lee, give it up!" Ford shouted. "I've worked too hard to lose this! It's over!"

"But what about Gompers?" Bella sniffed. "He was our baby!"

"You say that about 80 Beanie Boos!" Ford rolled his eyes. "Do you really want Dan to date Stacey?"

"I don't know..." Stan sighed. He walked over to a pole and started knocking his head against it. Bella curled up against it, her face buried in her arms and sitting in a fetal position.

"You're not guilt tripping me, Stan," Ford said. "Not this time." He watched Stan hit his head against the pole. "Stan, I know you! You'll forget about this in a day. And I'm sure Bella will, too." He looked at the time machine. "Here, I'll prove it."

He traveled a day into the future. The fair was almost cleaned up, but Stan and Bella stayed where they were.

"Ok, maybe they'll forget in a week."

Ford traveled forward another week. Nothing changed, except that there was no sign of the fair. Ford started to sweat nervously.

"A month! They'll be better in a month!"

A month later (though it was only a minute for Ford) both kids now had vines growing around them.

"Gompers..." Stan smacked his head. "Gompers..."

"And here we have Sorrowful Stan and Brokenhearted Bella," Ria said, leading a tour group over to the kids, "the kids who went bonkers after their dreams were shattered by some heartless jerk. Oh, hey Ford!"

"Ugh..." Ford groaned and went back. He was standing next to Dan at the toss game.

"I don't know if it's a duck or a panda, but I want one!" Dan said. Ford sighed.

"Dan, I just wanted to say that- well, I just wanted say that people make mistakes, and when they do, you should forgive them," Ford said. "And also that skinny jeans are overrated."

"Dude, you lost me," Dan raised an eyebrow.

"I know," Ford sighed. He turned to the carnie. "One ball, please."

"You get one chance," the carnie said, handing Ford one last ball. Ford sighed, counted, and tossed the ball. Of course, it bounced back to hit Dan.

"AH! My eye!" Dan yelled.

"Woah, are you ok?" Stacey asked. She put her hand on Dan's back, leading him away. "You know, now's the perfect time for me to ask you something."

"It is done," Ford sighed. Stan and Bella screamed happily, tackling him in a hug. Gompers stood nearby.

"FORD!" Bella shouted happily. "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"

"Look, we have Gompers!" Stan beamed. Preston walked by, being pecked by a chicken.

"I couldn't break your hearts, guys," Ford sighed. "Besides, there's no way Dan can date Stacey all summer, right?"

"Oh, Ford! Hey!" Fiddleford called out. "Um, Ah-Ah was wondering if you wanted ta ride the Ferris Wheel with me."

"Sure buddy," Ford smiled. "Let's all ride."

"YOU THREE!" Blendin yelled, walking up and snatching the time machine from Ford. The kids, except for Fiddleford, yelled. Gompers bleated in surprise.

"Uh, who's this?" Fiddleford asked.

"Do you know how many rules you've just broken?!" Blendin yelled. "I-I'm asking. I wasn't there. It was probably a lot, right?"

"Blendin Blandin," a man said. Two guard-looking guys appeared next to Blendin.

"AHHH! The Time Paradox Avoidment Enforcement Squadron!" Blendin yelled.

"That's right! And our phones have been ringing off the hook!" the second man said. "There are settlers high-fiving in the 1800's, and calculators littered through eight centuries!"

"You're under arrest for violation of the Time Traveler's Code of Conduct," the first man said. He used a pair of glowing handcuffs to cuff Blendin and lead him away.

"It wasn't me! It was the kids!" Blendin cried. "And their leader, Gompers!"

"That's a goat, Blendin," The second man said.

"I'll get you for this!" Blendin yelled at Bella and the twins. "I'll go back and make sure none of your parents ever meet!"

"Well, we're still here," Ford said after Blendin was dragged off.

"Guess he forgot to go back," Stan smiled.

"Wait, so can someone explain what the heckle is goin' on?" Fiddleford asked.

"It's a long story," Ford said. "Come on, we'll tell you on the Ferris Wheel."

"Uh, you guys go on ahead," Bella said. "We'll catch up."

"What? What are we-" Stan was cut off by Bella putting a hand over his mouth and shushing him.

"Um, alright," Ford said. He and Fiddleford walked off to the Ferris Wheel. Bella gave Fiddleford a thumbs up, and he returned it.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Blendin was suspended in front of the giant baby from before.

"You have broken the eternal laws of space time!" The baby boomed in a deep voice.

"I beg your mercy, Time Baby!" Blendin begged.

"You must now clean up all the anomalies!" Time Baby said.

Blendin spent some time picking up everything Bella and the twins had dropped. He picked up the calculator, and Bella's shoe. He was now picking up Stan's bandaid. He saw a fairy, who was staring at him.

"What are you looking at?" He asked, disappearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A baby goat is called a kid.


	10. Fight Fighters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The idiotic solution to Ford's fear ends up creating the solution to Stan's realistic fear.

Ria was showing Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford around the arcade.

"This is it dudes, my favorite place in Gravity Falls," Ria smiled. "Everything I know, I learned right here. A frog taught me how to cross a street." She showed them the Frog Time game. "When my house was haunted, I learned how to eat ghosts." They stopped at a Ghost Maze game. "And this thing taught me how to dance."

She pointed to a dance machine. Crazy Chiu was currently dancing on it, but the game didn't seem to be working.

"I've been jigging for seven days straight!" Crazy Chiu laughed.

"Uh, Ria?" Bella said, picking up the wire to the dance machine.

"Ssh. Let her have this," Ria said. Stan walked up to a game called 'Insert Token.' He slipped a token into the game.

 _"Congratulations, you win!"_ The game said. Stan smiled happily. The screen flashed 'Insert Token!' again. Stan growled.

Meanwhile, Ford was playing a game with Dan. The game was called 'Fight Fighters.' Dan's character was a man called 'Dr. Karate.' Ford was using a female character named Giffany.

"Watch out! Ooh, cut scene!" Ford said. They watched the scene on the screen.

_"Dr. Karate! You killed my boyfriend!" Giffany yelled. Dr. Karate grunted. "You take that back!"_

The fight began, with Ford and Dan controlling Giffany and Dr. Karate. Ford cheered on his character and soon won.

_"K.O!" The game announcer said. "The winner: Giffany!"_

_"Winners_ _don't_ _lose!" Giffany winked at the screen._

"What? No way," Dan laughed. "You cheated!"

"You take that back!" Ford said, imitating Giffany.

_"Round two. Fight!"_

"I'm gonna punch the ref," Dan said.

"Let's team up on him," Ford said. The two moved their characters to kick and punch, making it look as though they were beating up the referee. Stacey stood nearby, putting up a flyer.

"Danny!" Stacey smiled, walking over. She planted a kiss on Dan's cheek. "What's up, hon? I'm just putting up some flyers for my band. I play lead guitar."

"Cool," Dan smiled. "Hey babe, Ford was just showing me this awesome game."

"Yeah, sweet," Stacey said. She stood Ford's place at the controls. She looked at him. "Hey, how about you sit this one out, ok?"

"But, we just started this round..." Ford trailed off.

"Woah, easy kid!" Stacey said defensively. "I'm just trying to spend some time with my boyfriend."

"It'll just be one round, dude," Dan assured.

_"Round three. Fight!"_

Stacey and Dan started playing the game.

"Hey, so I'm going camping with my family tomorrow," Dan told Stacey. "So I'm not gonna be around."

"Ok, cool," Stacey nodded, not really paying attention. "Woah, watch out!"

Dan continued playing the game, putting one arm around Stacey's waist. Stacey glared at Ford, who was watching them.

"Hey, don't worry about it, Ford," Bella said, walking up to the saddened Ford. "Come on, let's go play a game. I wanna kill stuff!"

\-----

Back at the shack, Mabel, the twins, Ria, Fiddleford, and Bella were playing poker.

"King me!" Bella smiled, showing her hand, which had two kings. The others groaned and complained as Bella dragged the poker chips over to her.

"It's not fair! She doesn't even know what we're playing!" Stan complained.

"Just because I don't know the name, doesn't mean I can't know the game," Bella folded her arms. The ground of friends and family heard an electric guitar being playing from outside.

"Dude, I think I'm picking up a radio station in my head," Ria said, picking at her ear.

"Try blinking to see if you can change the channel," Stan said. Ria blinked a few times, but nothing happened.

"Daaaaaannnyyyy!" Stacey sung from outside.

"Ugh, sounds like Stacey," Ford rolled his eyes.

"Stacey? Is she that one I see making goo-goo eyes at Danny all the time?" Mabel asked.

"She called me 'Big Chick' once," Ria said. "I mean, I know I'm a big chick, but it kinda hurt."

"Should I sic Gompers on her again?" Stan asked. The goat started chewing on his shirt. "Woah, easy tiger."

"I'll handle it," Ford said, standing up. He walked outside. Stacey was calling for Dan. "You realize he's not here, right?"

"Pfft, yeah," Stacey looked confused. "What."

"He's camping with his family," Ford said, then spoke under his breath. "Maybe if you listened to him, you'd know that."

"Um, what was that?" Stacey glared.

"I said he's not here," Ford said.

"Oh no, you want to get into it, kid?" Stacey asked. "Then let's get into it! You think I don't know what's going on? It's obvious that you have a thing for my boyfriend!"

"W-what?! No I don't!" Ford denied. "I'm not- I'm straight!"

"Yeah, ok, I'm sure you are, and I'm sure he's just _dying_ to ask out a thirteen-year-old boy," Stacey said sarcastically. "Hey, how about I call him right now? Ask if he wants to go on a date with you?"

She pulled out her phone, dialing Dan's number.

"Hey! No, you don't have to-!" Ford tried to stop her.

"'Oh, don't, please!'" Stacey mimicked Ford, her thumb hovering over the 'Call' button. "What are you gonna do, kid? Huh?"

She pressed the button, calling Dan. He answered after only one ring.

 _"Hello?"_ Dan spoke. Ford smacked the phone out of Stacey's hand. The phone broke upon hitting the ground.

"My phone!" Stacey gasped.

"I-I'll buy you a new one!" Ford promised nervously.

"Oh no, you're not getting off that easily!" Stacey snapped. She picked Ford up by his collar, preparing to punch him.

"HEY!" Stan yelled from the window. "I know a fight when I see one! Stay right there!"

He disappeared back inside, and Stacey dropped Ford to the ground.

"You. Me. Circle Park," Stacey growled, walking away. "We finish this."

"Aw, she's gone!" Stan said, showing up with his brass knuckles. "I was gonna show her what happens when you mess with my brother."

\-----

Ford was now inside, pacing in front of Mabel, Stan, Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria. Gompers was chewing on a can, laying under the table.

"What was I thinking?" Ford asked. "I can't fight! I've never been in a fight! Look at these noodle arms!"

He waved his arms.

"Just bonk her over the head," Stan smiled. "It's nature's snooze button!"

"Boys! Why can't you hate each other in secret?" Mabel asked. "Like girls do!"

"I have never hated someone in secret my entire life," Bella said, "I like making it known that 'Hey! I don't like you. Go away.' Maybe it's because I'm not really a girl..."

"Maybe she'll just forget about it and it'll all blow ever," Ford said.

"I dunno dude," Ria said. "Teenagers are dangerous. Your hormones turn you into killing machines."

"Hey! That ain't true of _all_ teenagers," Fiddleford glared.

"It's true for me," Bella shrugged. "Though, that might just be the anger issues."

"Th-they do?" Ford gulped.

"Oh yeah," Ria nodded. "My cousin Regina got in a fight with a teenager once. The girl dude broke like, all of her arms, all of her legs, and I think killed her or something. Me and Regina were just talking about it."

"I-I can't stay here!" Ford panicked, backing into a corner. "What if Stacey comes back? I have to hide!"

"Ok Sixer, you have two options," Stan said. "You can either face your problems like a man, or hide inside like a wimp. What's it gonna be?"

\-----

Ford was hiding under a pinball machine at the arcade. Ria was playing the game.

"Wimp it is," She said. Ford crawled out from under the game.

"Come on, Ria!" Ford said. "Stacey's like, twice my size! What does getting myself killed accomplish? I just need to hide here until 3:00." He looked at his watch, which read 11:30. "Ugh, this day will never end."

"Relax, Ford," Ria advised. "Try to not think about Stacey."

 _That's_ _gonna be hard,_ Ford said, looking around at the posters for Stacey's band.

\-----

Mabel was at the shack, watching a TV show. Waddles was laying at her feet.

_"Girl, why you 'ackin so cray-cray?"_ _The_ _woman on TV asked._

_"Why You 'Ackin So Cray-Cray! will be back in a moment," the_ _TV_ _announcer said._

"Poor Ford," Mabel shook her head. "Hiding from Stacey, unable to face his fears."

"Fears are for chumps," Stan said from the kitchen. He was trying to reach the top shelf in the cabinet, but was too short. "That's why I don't have any."

"Here, let me get a ladder," Mabel said, going to stand up.

"NO!" Stan yelled, then laughed nervously. "I uh, I don't need a ladder." He threw something at what he was trying to reach, which knocked it down. "See? Hehe."

"Stanley, why you 'ackin so cray-cray?" Mabel asked.

"I'm not 'ackin cray-cray!" Stan denied. He pointed at Mabel. "YOU'RE the one 'ackin cray-cray! I'm leaving now!"

Stan quickly left the room.

"Why would Stan be so weirded out by ladders?" Mabel asked herself. She gasped. "Of course! He has a secret fear of heights! But we'll have to test him to to sure. Or we could leave well enough alone." She looked at Waddles. "Nahhh!"

\-----

At the arcade, Ria was playing 'NORT: The Game Based Off A Movie Based Off A Game.' Her character fell over as it raced across the screen.

"Man, I wonder what it would be like to go inside a video game," Ria said thoughtfully. She got an idea and started unscrewing the back of the game. "I should have thought of this years ago!"

She tried to squeeze into the game. Meanwhile, Ford was playing single player 'Fight Fighters.'

"Stupid Stacey," Ford mumbled. "Such a jerk."

_"K.O!" The game announcer said, showing_ _that_ _Ford had lost. "Continue?"_

_"Winners never back down from a fight!" Giffany said._

"That's easy for you to say," Ford sighed. "You have more than one life. Ugh, I wish one of these characters could fight Stacey for me." 

He went to put another quarter in, but dropped it. The coin rolled to the side of the machine. Ford went to pick it up but noticed something on the side. He dusted it off.

"'To release ultimate power'?" Ford read aloud. "Well, I _do_ like things that are ultimate." He stood back up, punching in the code. "Back, back, hold, forward, back, forward, down, hold, quarter circle, forward, triple punch."

The screen turned black, the machine shutting down.

"Aw, come on," Ford groaned. "Stupid prank code. Will anything go right today?!" The screen shone brightly, making Ford cover his eyes. "Uh, Ria?"

_"SELECT YOUR CHARACTER!" The game announcer said._

"Uhh... Giffany?" Ford spoke. The virtual girl materialized in front of the game. "Woah! You're real?"

"I am no ordinary game," Giffany smiled. "My name is Giffany."

She held out her hand.

"Uh, I'm Stanford," Ford said, reaching out to shake her hand. "Ow! Your pixels are really sharp."

"What is this strange new world?" Giffany asked, looking around. Ford ignored her question, beginning to talk to himself.

"With Giffany around, Stacey will be so scared, I won't even need to fight her," Ford smiled. "I've got the world's greatest fighter as my bodyguard! This is amazing! I have to show Ria! Ria?"

A man walked up to NORT and inserted a coin. The screen turned on, showing Ria trapped inside. Her face and arms were squished against the screen.

"Help, I'm trapped in the game!" Ria cried. "In theory it was cool, but in practice it's very boring!" The man screamed, running off. "It's not just a game anymore..."

\-----

Back at the shack, Mabel was talking to Waddles.

"Ok Waddles, it's time to begin _Operation: Get Stan_ _Over_ _His Fear_ _of_ _Heights,_ " Mabel smiled. "I came up with that name."

She entered the living room, where Stan was watching TV.

"HAPPY GREAT NEPHEW'S DAY!" Mabel yelled, shoving a present into Stan's hands.

"What? Great Nephew's Day?" Stan asked.

"No, it's not a holiday I just made up!" Mabel waved it off. "Go on, open your present!"

"High heels? You shouldn't have," Stan said, opening the present. "No, you really shouldn't have. What am I supposed to do with these?"

"What, are you saying these heels are _too_ high?" Mabel asked. Stan got out of the chair and went to fix the TV, which had turned to static. "Do they make you uncomfortable?"

"Um, yeah?" Stan said, a little confused. "I don't wear high heels?"

"Admit it! Admit you have a fear of heights!" Mabel said.

"What? That's what this is about?" Stan asked. "Graunty Mabel, I do not have a 'fear of heights.'"

The TV turned back on. It showed a man in an airplane.

_"We now return to 'World's Most Terrifying Skydiving!'" The_ _TV_ _announcer said. The man in the airplane_ _jumped_ _out and fell to the ground miles below._

"AHHH! TURN IT OFF!" Stan screamed. He ran backwards and tripped over the side table. Mabel hovered above him. "Ok, so I have a fear of heights. Is that really so cray-cray, Graunty May-May?"

\-----

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Ford was looking around in the fridge. Giffany stood behind him. She caught a fly in her hand and crushed it, laughing.

"Hm, we don't have any traditional power ups," Ford said. "Turkey legs, pizza boxes, or gold rings. How about." he pulled out a taco, "half a taco?"

"Ew, you expect me to eat that?" Giffany turned away. "I can defeat the world's greatest warriors without it."

"Well, I do know a fighter here in Gravity Falls," Ford said. He showed Giffany Stacey's poster. "Her name is Stacey Valentino, and she's kinda my arch-enemy."

"Did she kill your girlfriend?" Giffany asked, crushing the poster in her hand.

"Um, no," Ford said. "I don't actually like girls... She's dating this boy I like, and she posts a really annoying amount of status updates."

"And then she killed your boyfriend," Giffany repeated.

"Uh, sure," Ford said/ "I was hoping you could scare her off, so I don't have to fight her."

"Tee-hee, you're funny," Giffany laughed. "I could easily defeat her!"

"So you'll protect me?" Ford asked with a smile.

"Challenge accepted!" Giffany said. A button appeared next to her. "Press start!"

Ford glanced around before pressing the button.

"Uh oh, I think I hear my aunt," He said. "Stay perfectly still."

\-----

Upstairs in the attic, Stan was reading a comic book. Ford entered with Giffany.

"Hey Stan," Ford greeted. "Have you met Giffany yet? She's my new bodyguard."

"Wow, she's pretty," Stan said, looking up from his comic book.

"Tee-hee, thank you," Giffany laughed.

"She's gonna protect me from Stacey," Ford smiled.

"Isn't that like cheating?" Stan asked.

"I guess so," Ford shrugged.

"Ha! I've never seen you cheat before, Sixer!" Stan said. "Looks like I'm rubbing off on ya!"

"Whatever. I'll see you after the fight," Ford said, leaving with Giffany.

\-----

Ford and Giffany were walking to Circle Park.

"What are my opponents special moves?" Giffany asked.

"Don't worry," Ford said. "As soon as she sees you, she'll run away screaming."

"She will be no match FOR THIS!" Giffany yelled, picking up a metal pipe.

"Woah! Where'd you get that?" Ford asked.

"I destroyed an oil drum," Giffany smiled proudly.

"Trust me, you won't need that," Ford said. "Just scare her, ok?"

"Yes, with THIS!" Giffany picked up a random sword.

"This street has REALLY dangerous litter..." Ford said.

\-----

Stan was at the shack, drinking a Pitt Cola while watching TV.

"HEY STANLEY!" Mabel yelled, appearing in the doorway. Stan spit out and choked on his soda. "How'd you like to take a walk to nowhere in particular while wearing a blindfold?"

"Sure, that sounds like-" Stan was about to get out of the chair. "Wait a minute. Graunty Mabel, you're not taking me somewhere super high up, are you?"

"What? Stan, I would never!" Mabel pretended to be insulted. She pulled on a sweater with a hand with two fingers up. "Scout's honor!"

"Well... ok," Stan smiled. "Let's go!"

He ran out the door. Mabel turned around to show that the back of the sweater hand a hand with two crossed fingers. She chuckled mischievously and pulled her long hair out of her sweater, covering the back.

\-----

Stacey was waiting at Circle Park. The clock struck three and Ford stepped in front of her.

"Ah, there you are!" Stacey smirked, walking over. "I thought you would chicken out. You ready to settle this like teenagers?"

"Look Stacey, I don't think you want to fight me," Ford warned. "Let's just call this off before someone gets hurt."

"Oh, are you scared?" Stacey taunted. "Is that it? Huh?"

"Ok then. Don't say I didn't warn you," Ford said. He snapped his fingers and Giffany stepped out from behind the tree.

"Who's your friend?" Stacey asked, peering at Giffany. "And why is she blurry?"

"This happens to be the greatest warrior that ever lived!" Ford smiled.

"Ha! Yeah right!" Stacey laughed. "Hey Highlights! What did the kid promise you? More pink dye for your hair?"

"How can you laugh, when you killed this boy's boyfriend?!" Giffany yelled angrily.

"Wait. What?" Stacey asked, confused.

"I'm giving you one last chance," Ford crossed his arms. "Back down now, or Giffany here is gonna go nuts."

"Um, how about YOU back down?" Stacey snapped.

"Ok then. Giffany?" Ford turned to the video game. Stacey laughed but suddenly had to duck to avoid Giffany's punch.

"Woah! What the-!" Stacey tried to run off, but Giffany grabbed her and lifted her above her head. "What's going on?!"

"I didn't want to do this, but you gave me no choice," Ford shook his head. "Maybe now you'll-"

Giffany suddenly slammed Stacey to the ground.

"Woah woah, Giffany!" Ford said. "You can stop, I think Stacey has had enough!"

Giffany yelled as she threw Stacey. The girl landed on the metal climbing pen thing.

"STOP!" Ford cried. "I SAID STOP!"

"W-what's happening?!" Stacey screamed. "She's crazy!"

Giffany gave off an electric spark, shocking Stacey. The older teen ran off.

"What the heck was that?!" Ford shouted. "You were only supposed to scare her! Not kill her!"

"I will not rest until Stacey Valentino is destroyed!" Giffany yelled, punching a poster of Stacey. She ran after Stacey, electricity sparking in the electric wires above her.

"This is bad," Ford worried. He arrived at _Barrels & Crates, Incorporated. _"Something told me this would be her first stop."

Stacey ran out of the building and started climbing down the fire escape. Giffany burst through the wall. Stacey screamed as Giffany threw a barrel at her.

"Giffany, please!" Ford cried. "You have to stop!"

Giffany tossed barrels at Stacey, who jumped over them. Stacey ran off and Giffany chased after her.

"Giffany, wait!" Ford panted. "You don't have to... do this! At least... pace yourself! You might- ah!- get a cramp!"

Ford bent over, holding his side. Giffany ran through an 'All You Can Eat' outdoors buffet, destroying the grill. Ford splashed some water on his face before continuing to chase after the two girls. Panting, he stopped by a street corner. Ria pulled up in her pick-up truck. She had the frame of NORT around her neck.

"Ria! Where have you been?" Ford asked.

"Uh, long story dude," Ria said. "Hey, did you see that video game girl tearing up everything in sight? It was crazy!"

"Uh, yeah, I sorta brought her to life to be my bodyguard," Ford said. "But now I have to stop her before she kills Stacey!"

"You need an amiable sidekick with a pickup truck?" Ria asked. Ford smiled, stepping into the truck.

"You know I do," he said.

\-----

Meanwhile, Mabel had led Stan, who was wearing a blindfold, to the water tower. They were standing at the top.

"Ok, take off your blindfold... now!" Mabel instructed. Stan untied his blindfold and looked around.

"Yup, this is what I expected," He said.

"You're doing a lot better than I thought you would," Mabel smiled down at the boy, "Now let go of my leg..."

"Nope!" Stan squeaked in a high-pitched voice. His arms were wrapped tightly around Mabel's leg.

"Hey, do you smell anger and hormones?" Mabel asked. Stacey appeared at the top of the ladder, panting.

"Whew! I'm safe," Stacey sighed.

"Hey Stacey, get your own water tower!" Mabel said.

"Ssh, keep it down!" Stacey hissed. "She'll find us."

"Oh _Staaaaaaaaceyyyyyyyy!_ " Giffany called from the ground. She looked up, seeing Stacey. The teenage girl screamed. Ford and Ria pulled up in Ria's pick-up truck.

"Time to save the day, dude," Ria smiled.

"You can run, but you can't hide!" Giffany yelled. She started punching the legs of the water tower, making it shake.

"Giffany, please! This has to stop!" Ford begged.

"Oh boy," Stan gulped as the tower began to lean.

"W-we're safe, right?" Mabel asked, holding onto Stan.

"Of course not!" Stan cried. "This thing is on stilts! High, high up!"

Stacey fell off the tower and was caught by Giffany.

_"Finish her!" The game announcer was heard._

"No no no, don't finish me!" Stacey cried.

"GIFFANY!" Ford yelled. The video game character turned to him. "I have something to tell you! Stacey... Stacey didn't kill my boyfriend."

"What?" Giffany asked, dropping Stacey. "Then who did?"

"No one," Ford sighed. "I've never had a boyfriend. I lied to you."

"You... you USED ME?!" Giffany screamed.

"I... guess I did," Ford frowned, looking at his feet.

"AHHHHHH! FORGET STACEY!" Giffany yelled. Her hair was suddenly tied back using her bow. "It is you I must destroy!"

A start button appeared next to Ford. Ria ran over, panting.

"Dude, don't do it!" Ria said. "The girl's like, a major yandere! She could kill you!"

"I have to," Ford sighed, "I started this and I have to at least try to stop it."

"You sure you wouldn't rather just hide like a wimp?" Ria asked. Ford pressed the start button. Ria smiled proudly. "Fight like a man it is."

Two health bars appear, one for Ford and the other for Giffany. Both of them got into a fighting stance. Ria covered her eyes with her hand. She peeked through her fingers as he took a picture with her phone.

Giffany yelled, shooting an electricity ball at Ford. His health lowered dramatically and Giffany laughed. Ford growled and ran at Giffany, punching her in the stomach. She fell to the ground, but her health only lowered by .5%.

"Aw, what?" Ford complained. He yelled in fear as he ran away from Giffany. He climbed up a tree.

"Get back down here!" Giffany yelled up at him. "GAAHHHH!"

"Haha, not so strong and powerful now, are ya?" Ford laughed.

"ELECTRICAL STORM!" Giffany shouted. Dark clouds rumbled by, striking Ford and Ria with lightning.   "NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THAT I CONTROL ELECTRICITY!"

She held out her hands to her side. They started to spark and she broke the nearby electrical wires. The electricity from them flew to her hands. The winds started to pick up and her hair billowed around her. The ball of electricity grew in her hands, and she shot it and Ford. He fell to the ground, burnt.

"You ma'am, truly are the greatest fighter ever," Ford coughed.

_"Giffany wins!" The game announcer said._

"Winners don't lose!" Giffany giggled, pretending to wink at a screen.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," Ford smiled as Giffany started disappearing. He stood up, collecting his points and typing in 'SIX' to the high score entry.

"Haha, nice one dude," Ria laughed.

"I'm sorry, Stan!" Mabel said. She and Stan were still on the water tower. Mabel was pressed against the side and Stan was still holding her leg. "I thought this would help, but I was wrong!"

"I-I'm alive," Stan said, letting go of Mabel's leg. "I'm alive and I feel great! Wait, let me do a cocky dance to make sure." He hummed as he did his dance, then laughed. "HAHA! DEAL WITH IT WORLD! STAN PINES HAS CURED HIS FEAR OF HEIGHTS!" He started climbing down the ladder and saw that Mabel hadn't moved. "You coming, Graunty Mabel?"

"Uh-uh," Mabel shook her head.

"Aw, what's wrong? YOU have a fear of heights now?" Stan laughed, then realized that Mabel actually did. "Uh oh."

Down on the ground, Stacey walked over to Ford.

"W-who was that crazy chick?!" Stacey yelled. "Why is it that whenever you're around, something weird happens?!"

"I don't know," Ford sighed.

"That girl almost broke my neck!" Stacey shouted. "Do you have any idea how mad I am right now?!"

"So I guess we have to fight now, huh?" Ford said. "Go ahead. Do your worst. I just want to get this over with."

"Oh man, I am _so_ going to enjoy this," Stacey pulled a fist back. Fold held his arms wide, welcoming her hit. "You're... you're not gonna run?"

"Nope," Ford said.

"Are you sure?" Stacey asked. Ford nodded. She paused before dropping her hand. "Arg, it's not even worth it! Don't wanna mess up my pedicure..."

"Hey guys, I heard some crazy screaming over here," Dan walked over with a backpack. His family was behind him a few feet.

"Dan?!" Ford and Stacey said.

"You're back!" Ford said.

"Yeah man," Dan said, then looked around. "Woah, what happened here? A freak tornado or something? And why are your faces all messed up? You weren't fighting, were you? I hate it when people fight!"

Ford and Stacey quickly denied it.

"We actually got hit trying to stop two _other_ people from fighting," Ford lied. Dan smiled.

"Sweet. It's nice to see my two favorite people working together," he said. "Hey, I gotta unpack. See you later."

He kissed Stacey and ruffled Ford's hair before walking over to his family.

"Did you hear that?" Ford smiled. "He called me one of his favorite people!"

"He was looking at me, though," Stacey scoffed.

"Look Stacey, if we keep fighting, we're both gonna lose Dan," Ford said. "We need to make a cold war pack, to hate each other in silence."

"Well... I suppose that could work," Stacey said.

\-----

Back at the shack, Dan was behind the counter while Stacey and Ford sat nearby. He tossed a football between his hands as he told a story.

"So then I told Toby, 'Hey! Save some for the rest of us!'" Dan said. Ford and Stacey laughed loudly. Dan dropped his football. "Oops. One second, dudes."

He bent down to get the football. Stacey and Ford glared at each other. Dan stood back up and Stacey and Ford smiled again.

"So, as I was saying..."  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
 _The twins, Mabel, Dan, Fiddleford, and Bella were in_ _front_ _of the Mystery Shack. Everything looked like it was a video game._

_"_ _I'm_ _Ford!" Video game Ford said. "I have glasses and determination!"_

_"_ _I'm_ _slower, but_ _I_ _jump_ _higher," video game Stan said._

_"It's-a me, Mabel!" Video game_ _Mabel_ _said._

_"I can fix things," video game Fiddleford said._

_"I come up with great ideas!" Video game Bella said._

_"Pick me or whatever," video game_ _Dan_ _shrugged. A_ _giant_ _video game Ria-head floated by, eating them._

Ria woke up from her dream, laying on the counter in the gift shop.

"Alas. Twas not but a dream," Ria said and fell back asleep.


	11. Short Ford

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford wants to be bigger than Stan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I know that the summary is a sexual innuendo and they're 13-year-old twins, but it's all I could think of.

Buddy and Gideon were in Buddy's room, flipping through the second journal. They sat at Buddy's desk, which had a model of the Mystery Shack.

"Zombie attack?" Buddy asked his dad.

"Never works, they don't take orders," Gideon shook his head. "Blood rain?"

"That won't do anything," Buddy said. "And ew. How about demon caterpillars?"

"No no NO!" Gideon yelled, slamming the book shut. "There must be a perfect way to exact revenge on the Pines family! It's not enough to harm 'em, we need to take something from them. Something that will give us ultimate power."

Buddy looked at his model of the Mystery Shack.

"Dad, that's it!" Buddy said, holding up the model. "It's perfect."

\-----

At the real Mystery Shack, Mabel, the twins, Bella, and Fiddleford were watching TV in the living room.

_"_ _You've_ _gone too far this time, Ducktechive!" The constable_ _said_ _on TV. Ducktechive gave a series of quacks._

The doorbell rang and Mabel answered it, dressed in her Ms. Mystery suit, including the shooting star fez and eyepatch.

"Welcome to a world of mystery!" Mabel smiled, spreading her arms.

"Mabel Pines?" The man at the door said.

"Yes, that's me," Mabel said.

"Miss Pines, I'm from the Winninghouse Coupon Savers contest," the man said. "And you are our BIIIIIIIIIIIG WINNER!"

A camera man entered the shack, along with two men who were holding up a giant check for 10'000'000 dollars.

"Huh?" Mabel's eyes widened. "My biggest dream, which was to possess money, has come true!"

"We're rich!" Ford cheered. "I'm gonna get a butler!"

"I'm gonna buy a talking horse!" Stan smiled.

"Wow, congratulations guys," Fiddleford said.

"Just sign here for the money," the man said, holding out a clipboard for Mabel.

"Abso-tivi-lutely!" Mabel smiled and wrote on the clipboard. Suddenly, Gideon and Buddy tore through the check, laughing.

"Mabel, you beautiful fool!" Gideon laughed.

"You just signed the shack over to my dad and widdle ol' me!" Buddy smirked.

"Oh no!" Ford and Stan gasped.

"Uh, might want to take another look there," Mabel smirked. Gideon took the clipboard from Buddy, reading aloud from it.

"'The shack is hereby signed over to- SUCK A LEMON, OLD MAN'?!" Gideon yelled. Bella snickered.

"Oh my God that's so wrong and I just-" Bella giggled and laughed. Mabel laughed at Gideon and Buddy. The younger boy tore the paper in half.

"HOW DARE YOU!" He yelled at Mabel. The twins and Fiddleford laughed along with Mabel. "WE ARE _NOT_ A THREAT TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY!"

"Calm down, son," Gideon said, picking him up. "We will get the shack, Mabel Pines."

"WE'LL GET YOU ALL!" Buddy shouted as Gideon carried him out.

"Wanna see what else is on TV?" Mabel asked. The kids mumbled in agreement, going to sit down.

\-----

Later that day, Stan and Ford were playing chess in the gift shop. Ria and Fiddleford were cleaning up, while Bella watched the twins' game.

"Little guy to black space nine!" Stan smiled, moving the piece.

"It's a pawn, that's not your color, and stop stealing the knights!" Ford said.

"You'd be great at Cinema Sins," Bella pointed out.

"And... checkmate!" Ford smiled, knocking over Stan's king.

"What? Boo!" Stan said.

"Ooh, Ford wins again!" Ford cheered, and marked another tally in a notebook. The page was labeled 'Chess' and had Stan and Ford's names. Ford has a lot of tally marks, while Stan had none.

"Ok, my turn!" Bella smiled, taking Stan's spot. "I like chess!"

"Hey Stan, can ye get me that brain in the jar?" Fiddleford asked. "The lady one."

"I've got it," Ford said, standing up.

"Thanks, but Lee is taller," Fiddleford said.

"What? But we're the same height," Ford said, standing next to Stan. "We've always been."

"Better check again, dude," Ria said. The two stood back to back and Ria measured them with a tape ruler. "Yup. Stan's got exactly one millimeter on you."

"What?" Ford gaped.

"Woah, don't you see what's happening, Ford?" Stan asked. "This millimeter is just the beginning! I'm evolving to the superior sibling! Bigger! Stronger!"

"Like some kind of alpha twin," Bella smiled.

"Alpha twin! Alpha twin!" Stan chanted.

"Come on guys, no one even uses millimeters anymore," Ford said. "That only makes you taller than me in Canada."

"Hey! One of my best friends lives in Canada!" Bella said.

"You know Ford, I've always wanted a _little_ brother," Stan said. "Who knew I already had one?"

"I was awoken by the sound of mockery," Mabel said, entering the room. "Where is it? Show me the object of ridicule!"

"I'm taller than Ford!" Stan said proudly.

"By _one_ millimeter!" Ford pointed out.

"Hey hey hey, don't get... _short_ with your brother," Mabel laughed.

"Now Ms. Pines, I hope you don't think _little_ of him," Bella snickered.

"Haha, yeah!" Mabel laughed. "And uh, uh... he's short!"

Stan, Mabel, and Bella laughed. Ria and Fiddleford stood to the side, watching.

"Hey, maybe you should lay off 'im a tiny bit," Fiddleford spoke.

"Ha! TINY!" Stan laughed. "Now Fidds is in on it!"

"W-wait, Ford, I-I didn't mean-" Fiddleford watched Ford leave. "Aw, man."

"Ah, he'll get over it," Stan said. "He's got a..."

"Three... two... one..." Bella counted down.

"Short attention span!" Stan, Mabel, and Bella said together, laughing.

"Ha! We are on FIRE!" Mabel said, giving Stan a high five.

"Oooh, ouch," Stan hissed, holding his hand. "That's- ah."

"I high five hard," Mabel said.

\-----

Ford was upstairs in the attic, pacing the room.

"Stupid Stan. I'm not short," he mumbled. "Why was Bella making fun of me? She's shorter than both of us!" Ford reached for the third journal, which was tucked away on the top shelf. "Ugh, come on." He kicked the bookshelf, making the journal fall into his hands. He flipped through the book. "There has to be _some_ way to make me taller. Let's see... ' _Legends of miniature buffalo and giant squirrels have led me to believe there are height altering properties hidden deep within the forest.'_ "

\-----

Ford was walking through the forest. Suddenly he tripped on a tree root, making him fall face-first down a hill.

"AHH!" He yelled. Finally he stopped, laying on his back. He looked at his chest and saw a miniature deer. "Woah."

The deer trotted off, joining a bunch of other tiny deer under a mushroom. A small eagle flew in front of Ford's face. Ford looked up and gasped, seeing a mountain lion.

"Is that mountain lion tiny, or just far away in perspective?" Ford asked, narrowing his eyes. The cat lunged at him, yowling. "PERSPECTIVE, PERSPECTIVE!"

Ford screamed as the big cat approached him. It jumped through a pink light, shrinking before landing on Ford. He laughed as the now-tiny cat crawled into his jacket and out his sleeve. It meowed, biting down on his thumb.

"It still hurts, but less," Ford said. The cat scampered off, leaving Ford to examine the giant crystals. "Woah..."

A butterfly passed through the pink light and shrunk. It then went through the blue light and grew bigger. It bumped into trees as it flew off.

"What the-?" Ford kneeled down and dug out a small crystal.

\-----

Back at the shack, Ford was in his and Stan's room. He tied the crystal to a flashlight and turned it on. The light shone light blue, and Ford rotated it so it shone pink instead.

"Smaller," he said, shrinking a pawn. He rotated it again so the light was blue. "Bigger." The pawn grew so that it burst through the ceiling. "TOO BIG!"

\-----

Meanwhile downstairs, Stan was talking to Ria, who sat behind the counter. Bella and Fiddleford sat nearby.

"I've been buying big clothes," Stan shrugged. "I'll grow into them."

"Hey guys," Ford said, walking up to his friends and brother. "Notice anything different about me?"

Ria peered at Ford, looking between him and Stan.

"Holy hotsauce!" Ria exclaimed. "You've grown an extra millimeter!"

"How can you TELL that?!" Bella asked.

"W-w-what?!" Stan jumped off his chair, standing back-to-back with Ford.

"What can I say?" Ford shrugged. "Growth spurt."

"Yeah, well... mine happened first," Stan countered. "I'm gonna be taller in the end. It's just science, Ford."

"What? But we're the same height now!" Ford said.

"Alpha twin! Alpha twin!" Stan chanted.

"Oh yeah?" Ford glared. "Well, I think I feel another growth spurt coming on right now."

He walked upstairs to the attic, growing himself with the flashlight. Stan kicked the door open, Bella and Fiddleford behind him

"Give it up, Ford!" Stan said. He gasped when he saw that Ford was much taller than him. "W-what-?

"Holy banjo polish!" Fiddleford gaped.

"Great, now I feel even _more_ like a midget!" Bella folded her arms.

"What happened?!" Stan asked.

"You know. Puberty and stuff," Ford shrugged.

"But that doesn't make sense!" Stan cried. "Just a second ago, you were- WAIT! This is some kind of Gravity Falls weirdness, isn't it? Is there a wizard in here?"

"What? No!" Ford said.

"So you're saying there isn't a wizard in this closet," Stan said, standing next to the closet. "You're saying that if I open this door-"

"Stan, a spell does not exist that makes a person taller!" Bella said. "Besides, wizards aren't allowed to use magic in front of muggles."

"Fine! Go ahead and open the door!" Ford said. Stan did so, and saw that nothing was there.

"An invisible wizard," Stan glared at his twin. "Really, Ford?"

\-----

Mabel answered the door, which had been knocked on a second ago.

"Ugh, you," Mabel rolled her eyes. Buddy was standing on the porch, holding a baseball bat and a glass jar.

"Oh, hi there Mabel!" Buddy smiled, then glared menacingly. "Listen closely. Inside this jar I have 1000 Cursed Egyptian super termites. Hand over the deed to your property or I'll smash this jar with a bat, and they'll devour this shack with you inside!"

"Hey, what's that?" Mabel asked, pointing.

"Huh?" Buddy turned to look, and Mabel smacked the jar out if his hand. The jar broke, and the termites attacked Buddy. "Oh, no! Aaaah! Get them off! Awww!"

Buddy ran around, being chased by the termites. Mabel laughed as he tried to shoo them off.

"Ria, get in here!" Mabel called. "I wanna take pictures of this!"

"You may have won this battle, but mark my words, Mabel!" Buddy yelled. "Your family has a weak spot, and I'm gonna find it! Ahh, my hair!"

Buddy ran off.

\-----

Back upstairs in Stan and Ford's room, the two were arguing.

"It's not a wizard, Stan!" Ford snapped. "I grew myself using this magic flashlight."

Stan turned to see Ford holding out the flashlight.

"Lemmie see that thing!" Stan cried, leaping for it. Ford yelled out and ran downstairs. Stan ran after him, and Bella and Fiddleford followed. They ran outside, where Stan and Ford fought for the flashlight. They accidentally made a caterpillar grow, and it crushed a car as it crawled off.

"Holy Roman Empire," Bella murmured. Stan took the flashlight and aimed it at his hand.

"AHH!" He shouted as his hand grew.

"It's ok!" Ford assured, snatching the flashlight back. "It can shrink things, too."

He turned the crystal to pink and shrunk Stan's hand back to normal.

"Left hook!" Stan cried, punching the light out of Ford's hand. He grabbed the flashlight, growing Ford's head.

"Ah! Hey!" Ford cried as he hit his head on the side of the shack. He knocked Stan over, grabbing the light and shrinking both of their heads. Ford's back to normal, and Stan's smaller than normal.

"Ahh!" Stan cried. He attacked Ford and grabbed the flashlight back, fixing his own head.

"Hey, give it back!" Ford yelled.

"Never!" Stan yelled.

"Guys, cut it OUT!" Bella shouted, smacking the light into the air.

"Curse the Pines family, curse Mabel, curse-" Buddy stopped his pacing when he saw the light land in front of him. "Hello? What is this?"

He picked it up, looking it over.

"Maybe he didn't see us use it and doesn't know it's a magic flashlight that can grow and shrink things," Stan said to Ford. They looked over to see Buddy standing right next to them.

"Really?" Ford glared.

"Beep, boop," Buddy said, flicking the flashlight on and off. He laughed evilly.

"No no no-!" The twins cried. Buddy shrunk them, Bella, and Fiddleford down to the size of ants. To them it sounded like he was laughing darkly, but really he was only giggling. He smirked evilly as he placed a jar over the miniature kids.

\-----

Gideon was selling cars at his dealership. A group of people followed him as he showed them around.

"Folks, sometimes I wish I were a highway," Gideon said. "Just so I could have the luxury of being driven on by one of these fine beauties." He patted the hood of a car, making a hubcap fall off and a possum to appear in the hood. It hissed and scampered off. "Engine possum at no extra charge."

"I want that car!" Crazy Chiu yelled, waving a wad of money around. The rest of the group yelled for the car, agreeing with the old woman. Buddy walked by with the jar containing Stan, Ford, Bella, and Fiddleford.

"Howdy Buddy, what's in the jar?" Gideon asked.

"It's a secret, Father," Buddy smiled cutely. "One I call onwy tell you."

"Awww..." The group smiled and cooed at the boy. Buddy giggled, walking inside. He walked past a woman, who was vacuuming the kitchen.

" _Mother_ ," Buddy said shortly. He walked to his room, dumping the kids out on his desk. "You!"

"What are you gonna do with us?" Bella asked fearfully.

"Why Bella, I wouldn't dream of hurting you," Buddy giggled, ruffling Bella's hair with his finger. "If you agree to be my queen."

"No touching the hair!" Bella snapped, shoving his finger away, "And never! I wouldn't be a 'queen' anyways."

"Maybe you'll change your mind after _this_ ," Buddy said. He picked up a struggling Bella by the back of her shirt.

"Never! I will fight you until the day I-" she gasped when she saw the bag of Gummy Snakes Buddy was holding. "Gummy Snakes!"

Buddy dropped her in the bag. She started nibbling on a snake. He sent the bag on the desk and turned a light to shine on the twins and Fiddleford.

"As for you, boys..." Buddy growled. "Tell me. How did you find out about this magic item? Did someone tell you about it? Did you _read_ about it?"

Ford tucked the journal into his jacket. He glanced over at Stan and Fiddleford. His brother looked angry, while Fiddleford just looked plain terrified. Ford didn't know why, but the second sight angered him more.

"Lean closer and I'll tell you," Ford said to Buddy.

"Oh, don't mind if I-" Buddy was cut off by Stan blaring the air horn in his face. "AHHHH!" Buddy turned away, holding his ears. He huffed, his cheeks painted red. He knocked the light away, holding up a fist. "I COULD SQUASH YOU ALL RIGHT NOW!"

"Guys!" Bella cried in fear. The boys gasped and braced themselves. Buddy calmed down, turning away.

"Calm yourself, Buddy," he said to himself. "You can use them. OH DADDY!"

\-----

Back at the Mystery Shack, Ria was setting up mirrors. Mabel watched her from the top of the staircase.

"Ria, this is your best idea ever!" Mabel smiled. She walked down and slapped a sticker on Ria's shirt. "People will have so much fun in the Maze of Mirrors!" She removed her fez, looking in a mirror. "Have my ears always been this big?"

The phone started ringing and Mabel went to answer. Ria put her hat away, setting Mabel's fez on her head.

"One day," Ria held her chest out proudly. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror.

"Hello?" Mabel said, answering the phone.

_"Mabel Pines, what a delight," Gideon said._

"Ugh, Gideon," Mabel rolled her eyes. "What now?"

"Listen very closely," Gideon said. He and Buddy were sitting in the younger boy's room. "I have your nephews and your two youngest employees. Give me the deed to the Mystery Shack, or great harm will befall them!"

"Haha, this is your worst plan yet!" Mabel laughed. "The kids are fine. I saw them playing in the yard a few minutes ago."

"We have them in our possession!" Buddy yelled into the phone. "Don't believe me? We will _text_ you a photo!"

" _Text_ me a _photo_?" Mabel repeated, confused. "Now you're not even speaking English."

She hung up the phone.

"Hello? Hello?" Buddy spoke into the phone. He screamed, throwing it at the wall above his desk. The broken pieces fell onto the twins and Fiddleford.

"Arg, that woman," Gideon growled, stomping out of the room. Buddy started laughing insanely, looking at his mirror.

"What- what am I doing?!" He laughed. "I don't need ransom! I have THIS!" He held up the flashlight. "I'll shrink Mabel and take the shack for myself!" He turned to the four kids on his desk. "You'll all be helpless to stop me! And if any of you step out of line..."

He held up wooden dolls he made out of each of them and snapped off their heads. They gasped, and Bella's hands clutched her throat.

"Buddy, the ice cream truck is here!" Gideon yelled from the other room.

"Coming!" Buddy called from his room. He set a hamster cage next to the kids. He opened it and the hamster scampered out. "Guard them, Cheekums."

Buddy ran off, closing the door behind him. Stan poked the hamster with a q-tip, but it didn't do anything.

"We have'ta do somethin'!" Fiddleford worried.

"We need to get out of here and go save Graunty Mabel," Ford.

"I know," Bella said. She shoved a bit of Gummy Snake in her bag. "I'll see _you_ later."

Stan and Ford tipped the bag over, letting Bella out.

"Ok, how are we going to do this?" Ford asked, pacing around. "Buddy has magic and like, a zillion inches on us. On the bright side, at least Stan and I are finally the same height."

"Actually, I reckon..." Fiddleford began. They quickly found a ruler. Fiddleford and Bella held it up for the twins to measure themselves against.

"Arg, you're still taller?" Ford groaned. "How did this happen?"

"I guess it's another mystery," Stan shrugged.

"Just another reason we have to get that flashlight back," Ford said.

"Yes, because making sure we're normal size is not a good enough reason," Bella said sarcastically.

"Hm..." Ford looked around, spotting Buddy's hairbrush. "I have an idea."

The four of them tied loose strands of hair together, creating a rope long enough to climb down from Buddy's desk.

"This is seriously gross," Bella said as the four of them climbed. They found their way to the living room, where Buddy and Gideon were eating ice cream. The flashlight sat on the coffee table. Buddy wiped his mouth off after finishing his ice cream.

"Oh Father, could you give me a ride to the Mystery Shack?" Buddy asked.

"I would love to, and I'd love to see you take over the shack, but I'm very busy with selling cars," Gideon explained. "Yes I am!"

He started tickling Buddy. The boy laughed, but slapped his hand away.

"Father! You know I don't like being tickled!" Buddy yelled.

"I know, that's why I do it," Gideon snickered. Buddy growled and walked out the door.

"Come on!" Ford urged the others. They snuck out the doggy door, looking around. "We have to get higher."

"Yeah, especially you, cuz you're short," Stan snickered.

"How about that?" Bella pointed to the giant floating discount dollar on top of the building. They climbed up to see Buddy sitting at the bus stop next to Growling Grenda.

"What cute little thing are you off to, you cute little thing?" Grenda asked.

"I'm going to annihilate my arch-enemy's entire family," Buddy answered with a smile.

"Oh, ok..." Grenda said, worry in her deep voice. "Yaaay!"

The bus stopped next to them and Buddy climbed aboard.

"He's going to shrink Mabel!" Ford cried. "We have to stop him!"

"Oh flying discount dollar, if only you could fly us back to the Mystery Shack," Stan said.

"Maybe it can," Fiddleford murmured. He pulled out a Swiss Army Knife and used the scissors to cut the rope holding the dollar. It floated off and Gideon saw it. He spat out his coffee.

"My sky-high prices!" He screamed.

The kids cheered as they steered the giant dollar towards the bus.

"Down there!" Ford pointed. They pushed the wings to make the dollar fly lower.

"To the Mystery Shack!" Stan cheered. They flew towards the shack and ended up crashing into the totem pole. They stood on top, watching below them.

"We're just in time," Ford pointed to the bus, which Buddy was just getting off of. "But how do we stop him?" A woodpecker flew over and started pecking at him. "Ahh! Shoo, get! Ow!"

Stan and Fiddleford hurried to help Ford, but Bella was thinking. She looked at a string of flags that led to the room of the Mystery Shack. The other end was connected to the totem pole.

"I have an idea," she smiled.

Buddy hummed as he approached the shack.

"I'm coming for you, Mabel," he said. He yelled out as a bit of Gummy Snake suddenly fell into his hair.

"I'm sorry, friend!" Bella called to the candy snake.

"It's fer the greater good," Fiddleford said, patting her back.

"Arg! One of those infernal Gummy Snakes has gotten in my perfect hair!" Buddy cried, trying to reach the candy. "I can't defeat Mabel looking like this!"

He dropped the flashlight and walked over to a mirror on the porch. He reached up and removed the Gummy Snake, using hair spray to fix his hair. Bella, Fiddleford, and the twins ran over to the flashlight.

"Quick, get in front and I'll regrow you guys," Stan said.

"Ok," Ford nodded. "Wait- you're going to grow you and me back to the same height, right?"

"Ugh, Ford! That doesn't matter!" Stan said.

"Well if it doesn't matter, why don't you just do it?" Ford asked.

"Why are you making a big deal about this?!" Stan yelled. "Why can't you just accept that I'm a little bit taller than you?"

"I'm making a big deal?" Ford snapped. "You're the one who keeps calling me names!"

"Oh, you mean like Short-" Stan began.

"Don't say it!" Ford shouted.

"Short Ford," They heard Buddy said. He picked up the four miniature kids. "I dare say, you would have defeated me, if it wasn't for your brotherly bickering!"

"You guys are both USELESS!" Bella yelled, folding her arms. Buddy kicked open the door of the shack, holding the flashlight out.

"The Mystery Shack is mine, Mabel Pines!" Buddy laughed. He turned on the flashlight and Mabel's fez fell to the floor.

"NO!" The twins cried out.

"Well well well, Mabel, it appears I've finally gotten the best of-" Buddy picked up the fez to reveal Ria.

"AH!" Ria cried out.

"What the-?!" Buddy yelled. Ria pulled her own hat out and put it back on.

"Ok, something is definitely different here," the woman mused. Buddy dropped her and the kids into a glass jar.

"Tell me where Mabel is!" Buddy snapped.

"Never! You'll never find Mabel!" Ria yelled. "On the second door to the left down the hall. W-wait, why did I say that?"

"I'm coming for you, Mabel!" Buddy laughed, shoving the jar in his pocket. Ria and the kids tried to break the jar, but it was no use. Bella stuck her tongue out at Buddy's picture on his school ID.

"I'm sorry guys," Ria sighed, sitting down. "I kinda messed that one up, didn't I?"

"You done pulled a Ria," Bella said.

"It's not your fault, Ria," Ford sighed. "I'm the one that put together the shrinking device. It's just..." he turned to Stan, "you kept teasing me, Stan, like all day. Why?"

Stan handed him the notebook from earlier.

"I guess it's that you're better than me at like, everything," Stan explained sadly. "Chess, checkers, ping pong. I guess I felt like I was finally _winning_ at something."

"Oh man," Ford sighed. "I feel like a huge jerk now."

"Don't you mean a _little_ jerk?" Stan asked.

"Oh," Ford laughed. "Ok, I walked into that one. Are we cool?"

"We're cool," Stan smiled, giving him a high five.

Buddy walked into the mirror room, seeing multiple Mabel's in the mirrors.

"Mabel!" Buddy cried, jumping.

"Oh, hi Buddy!" Mabel said. "I've been looking for someone to try out my new mirror maze. Then again, you're an idiot. That's the end of the sentence."

Mabel disappeared from the mirrors.

"You come back here!" Buddy yelled, tucking the flashlight in his other pocket.

"Try and find me, sucker!" Mabel laughed.

Meanwhile in the jar, Ria and the twins were stacked up to the top of the jar. Ria was at the bottom, and Stan was on top. He pushed open the top of the jar.

"Let's get that flashlight before Buddy gets Graunty Mabel," Ford said. He and Stan helped the others out and they peeked out of Buddy's pocket.

"There it is!" Fiddleford said, pointing to the flashlight. They crawl to the back of Buddy's neck.

"Wow, his hair is so soft," Bella whispered, reaching out to feel it.

"Bella, no!" Stan hissed, catching her hand. Ria fell backwards onto Buddy's neck.

"His neck is so squishy," Ria said. "Hey look, I'm making fat angels!"

"Ew, termites!" Buddy said, smacking at Ria. She fell to the floor.

"Tell my storyyyyy!" She yelled. She landed in the carpet and looked around. "Oh, there you are!" She picked up a big chip. "Thought you could get away, eh corn chip?"

Buddy continued searching and saw Mabel's reflection in a mirror. He cried out, shooting the mirror with the light. The kids, who were now in Buddy's other pocket, reached out for the flashlight. The pink light bounced around the mirrors, finally shrinking a moose head on the wall. Mabel laughed.

"NO!" Buddy screamed. He threw the flashlight at the mirror, breaking it.

"Hey! Watch the merchandise!" Mabel snapped. Buddy looked at the light and smirked before breaking more mirrors. The real Mabel walked up to him. "You little troll! These mirrors cost me 10 bucks each, and you're paying for all of them!"

"That's so many years bad luck," Bella shook her head.

"Oh contraire!" Buddy said, pointing the flashlight at Mabel. "It'll be you who pays!"

"Graunty Mabel is doomed!" Stan gasped.

"Not yet," Ford said. "To his armpit!"

"Uh-uh."

"No way."

"Eww."

"Just come on!" Ford groaned.

"Woah woah, hey! W-what is that?" Mabel asked, backing away from Buddy.

"Finally after all these years, after every humiliation!" Buddy yelled, backing Mabel against the was. "Your business, your family, everything will be mine! You have no one to protect you now! Get ready for the wrath of Buddy Glee- Glee- hee hee, hahaha!"

He started laughing as Bella, Fiddleford, and the twins tickled his armpit.

"Uh... I don't know how to respond to this," Mabel said. Buddy tried hard to stop laughing, but failed miserably.

"No! S-stop! Stop it!" Buddy laughed harder.

"Listen kid, I think this whole rivalry thing is getting to you," Mabel said. "I mean, I understand. I'm a formidable foe, but-"

"NO!" Buddy laughed and started foaming at the mouth.

"Hey now, it's ok," Mabel comforted. "You'll get me one day. Just uh, maybe run your evil plan by some friends first. Oh wait, do you even have any?"

Buddy kept laughing, so Mabel started rolling him towards the door with her foot. As Buddy rolled out the door, the kids ran on top of him like a rolling log. They jumped off of him and Buddy stopped laughing. He patted himself over, realizing he dropped the flashlight.

"My light!" He screamed, reaching out towards the door.

"You're the light of my life too, pal," Mabel deadpanned, and slammed the door shut. "What a freak show."

Ford set up the flashlight inside. Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford stood in front of it.

"After you," Ford said.

"Hey, you can go first if you really want to," Stan said. Ford pressed the button, growing the others back to their normal height. "Woah!"

Stan picked up the flashlight, growing Ford back to normal. Ford and Stan stood back to back, checking their heights.

"Hey, you let me keep my extra millimeter!" Stan smiled.

"You earned it," Ford smiled back.

"Aw, thanks!" Stan put an arm around Ford's shoulders. " _Little_ brother."

"Stop it," Ford said quickly.

"I reckon we should destroy the crystal," Fiddleford said. "So it don't get into the wrong hands again."

"That seems smart," Bella said. She took the crystal and smashed in on the floor. "Die! Die!"

"There you dudes are!"

The kids looked down at Ria, who had arranged some pieces of glass to spell 'Help Ria'.

"I've been trying to get your attention!" Ria waved her arms. They looked at the broken crystal.

"Glue," Stan said.

"Lots of glue," Ford added.

\-----

Buddy was pacing in the living room. Gideon was sitting on the couch, watching.

"Don't worry about Mabel, Buddy," Gideon said. "We'll get that shack soon enough."

"But how SOON is SOON ENOUGH?!" Buddy yelled. "I don't want to wait. I want it now!"

"We will get the Mystery Shack, don't you worry," Gideon said. "After all, good things come to those who wait. You want some ice cream?"

"Yes please," Buddy sighed. He took a spoon and ate a scoop of ice cream.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
The doorbell rang and Mabel answered, opening the door. Standing there was a man in a suit.

"Miss Pines," the man said. "I'm from the Winninghouse Coupon Savers contest, and YOU ARE OUR BIIIIIIG WINNER!" Mabel closed the door, leaving the man outside. "I guess we'll have to give the price to our runner up winner." The man peered at a clipboard. "Candy S. Chiu?"

Crazy Chiu laughed as she walked up to the porch.

"How would you like 10 _million_ dollars?!" The man asked.

"It's my dream come true!" Crazy Chiu laughed and proceeded to eat the check.

"Cross this town off our list," the first man said to the camera man.


	12. Summerween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids get dressed up to get candy so they don't get eaten by candy.

Mabel drove into the parking lot of the _Summerween Superstore,_ crashing into a handicap sign. The twins stepped out of the backseat, along with Ria, who was riding in the front.

"Here we are! The Summerween Superstore!" Mabel smiled, looking at the store.

"Wait, Summer-what?" Ford asked, looking at his aunt.

"Summerween!" Mabel smiled, pulling out a calendar. "The people of this town love Halloween so much, that they celebrate it twice a year. And wouldn't you know it, it's today!"

"Do you always carry that calendar around in your pocket?" Ford asked.

"...Yes," Mabel answered after a minute.

"Summerween? Something about this feels unnatural," Stan said.

"There's free candy," Ria said. The twins looked at each other.

\-----

"TO THE COSTUME AISLE!" The twins shouted once inside the store. Ford was pushing Stan in a wheelbarrow. Ria was standing by a shelf of skulls. She pushed down one of them.

"I'd lend you a hand, but I don't seem to have any!" The skull cackled.

"Haha. This dude tells it like it is," Ria laughed.

"Ma'am, could you _please_ stop pushing that?" An employee asked Ria.

"Miss, make these heads less hilarious, and you've got yourself a deal," Ria said. She pushed down on the skull again, making it cackle.

Meanwhile, Mabel was looking at barrels of fake blood. Ever since she had gotten too old for trick or treating, she had found a new Halloween past time: scaring people.

"When the kids come to _my_ door tonight, they'll run away screaming from Mabel Pines: master of fright!" Mabel laughed. She turned to see a baby looking at her. "Boo."

The baby started crying, and the mother glared at a laughing Mabel. The employee watched as Ria kept pushing the laughing skulls and the twins knocked over a pile of jack-o-melons.

"Uh oh, I think this one's leaking," Mabel said, picking up a dripping barrel of fake blood.

"Have the police come and eject the Pines family from the store," the employee spoke into a walkie-talkie.

"NOT TODAY!" Mabel yelled, tossing a glitter bomb.

"My eyes!" The employee cried as Mabel, the twins, and Ria ran out of the store.

"You paid for this stuff, right?" Ford asked Mabel.

"Of course," Mabel said.

\-----

Back in the store, the employee was holding a 100 dollar bill. She watched as Mabel backed her car into a giant inflatable melon and drove off.

"I hate Summerween," The woman sighed.

\-----

Back at the Mystery Shack, which was decked out for Summerween, the twins, Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria were sitting in the living room. Ria sat on the chair, dressed as a superhero.

"I'm so excited!" Stan smiled.

"We're gonna have the best costumes..." Ford began.

"Get the most candy," Fiddleford added.

"And have the biggest stomach aches ever!" Bella finished.

"Dudes, I've never seen you so pumped," Ria said.

"Well, back home me and Ford were _kinda_ the kings of trick or treating," Stan said, showing the others a scrapbook.

"Ford and I," Ford corrected. "Grammar, Stanley. And yeah, twins in costumes. The people eat it up."

Stan showed them in matching cat costumes, salt and pepper costumes, and zombie costumes.

"Well, you guys should he careful out there," Ria warned. "It's a night of ghouls and goblins. Not to mention," she turned off the lights and shone a flashlight on her face, "the Summerween Trickster."

"The Summer-what what?" Stan asked, confused.

"It's just an urban legend," Fiddleford waved it off.

"Yeah, but a cool one," Bella said. "It says that the Trickster eats kids that don't have the Summerween spirit."

"Well, we don't have to worry," Ford said. "Lee and I have plenty of spirit to go around." He ate a piece of candy but spit it back out. "Ew! What is this stuff? I've never heard of these brands! Sand-Pops? Gummy Chairs? Mr. Adequate-Bar?"

"This is all cheapo loser candy!" Stan complained.

"Quiet your discontent, children, lest the Trickster overhears," Ria said, picking up a pair of Gummy Lips.

"Your cape is caught in your pants zipper, Ria," Bella pointed out.

"Touche..." Ria nodded and ate the gummy. Ford walked to the window and started tossing out the candy.

"Goodbye, loser candy!" He said. Just then the doorbell rang.

"Trick-or-treaters!" Mabel yelled. "Quick, give them the candy!"

Ford walked to the front door, opening it.

"Happy Summerw- AHH!" Ford jumped, seeing Dan and Stacey standing outside.

"Sup, loser," Stacey said. Dan had his arm around her shoulders.

"Dan! Haha," Ford backed away into the staircase. "Ow! Uh, w-what are you doing here?"

"Forgot my jacket," Dan said, grabbing the article of clothing from a clothes rack. "Again."

"So what's with the candy?" Stacey asked. "You going trick-or-treating or something?"

"Uh, actually I-" Ford began.

"Shut up, Stacey," Dan nudged her. "Of course he's not going trick-or-treating."

"Uh, yeah, of course not!" Ford laughed nervously and hid the scrapbook behind his back. "Trick-or-treating is for babies."

"You should come to this party with us," Dan said, handing Ford a flyer. "Shandra's parents are out of town, and it's gonna be off the _chain_!"

"Not surprised _you_ didn't hear about it," Stacey scoffed. The two walked off and climbed into Stacey's van. Ford ran out to them.

"Guys, wait!" He called. "Uh, maybe I'll see you at the party."

"Yeah, if you're not too busy playing dress up," Stacey rolled her eyes. Dan shoved her playfully and turned to Ford.

"It's at nine. Don't forget!" He yelled as the can drove off. Ford waved to them, then sighed.

"How am I gonna tell Lee?"

\-----

Stan was waiting by the front door. Bella and Fiddleford were also waiting with him. Bella was dressed as the devil, and Fiddleford was a miner. Stan was dressed as a jar of strawberry jelly.

"Ford should be down soon," Stan said.

"Is Gompers comin' trick-or-treatin' with us?" Fiddleford asked.

"I wish he could, but he has some _very important meetings to attend_ ," Bella giggled. Gompers entered wearing a fake suit. He walked over to Stan, who picked him up.

"File these documents under 'I', for 'I am very fluffy,'" Stan joked, and the three of them laughed. He sent Gompers down and the goat walked off. "Oh man guys, just _wait_ till you see Ford's costume. It's gonna be amazing! Here he comes!"

Ford walked down the stairs, dressed normally.

"That is a very good Stanford costume," Bella nodded.

"What the hey-hey, bro-bro?" Stan asked. "Where's your costume?"

"Listen, I can't go trick-or-treating," Ford said. "I'm uh, _really_ sick." He faked a cough. "Must have been that bad candy. You go on without me."

"Fight through it, man!" Stan said. "Where's your Summerween spirit?"

Someone knocked on the door and Ford answered. On the other side was a tall man, wearing a mask and a trench coat.

"Trick-or-treat," the man said.

"Really man? You're a little old for this," Ford said. "Sorry."

He shut the door.

"Why'd you close the door?" Stan asked.

"I told you Lee, I'm just not feeling it tonight," Ford faked another cough.

"Maybe some trick-or-treating will help you feel better," Stan suggested.

"I'm not trick-or-treating!" Ford yelled. There was another knock on the door and Ford opened it to reveal the same man. "Look man, just go to another house!"

"Ford! Where's your Summerween hospitality?" Stan asked when Ford slammed the door shut. There was another knock.

"I'm not getting that," Ford said, folding his arms.

"Then I am!" Stan said, opening the door. "I'm sorry about my brother. He came down with a case of the grumpy-grumps."

"SILENCE!" The man yelled. "You have insulted me! And for that you must pay... with your LIVES!"

"Wow, what a cool little mask," Stan laughed. "You're a funny guy."

"Funny, am I?" The man asked, stepping inside the shack.

"Twik-owr-tweet!" A small boy smiled, standing on the porch, dressed as a pirate. "My name is Gourney!"

The man grabbed Gourney by the head and ate him. The twins, Bella, and Fiddleford screamed.

"Gourney!" Bella cried.

"There's only one way for you to avoid his fate," the man said. He poked Fiddleford's head, and the boy clung onto Ford's arm in fear. "I need a treat. If you collect 500 pieces of candy, and bring it to me before the last jack-o-melon goes out..." he blew out the candle inside a jack-o-melon, "I will let you live."

"500 treats in one night?" Ford gaped. "But that's impossible!"

"The choice is yours, children," the man said. "You must trick-or-treat... or DIE!"

He crawled off across the shack's roof, laughing.

"Oh my gosh, Stan, do you realize what this means?" Ford asked.

"I do," Stan nodded. "It means you have to come trick-or-treating with us! Yay!"

"W-who was that?" Fiddleford asked shakily.

"That must have been the Halloween Trickster," Bella gasped. "I thought he wasn't real!"

"What do we do?!" Fiddleford cried.

"What's goin' on out here, dudes?" Ria asked, exiting the shack. "I thought I heard a ruckus. Hehe, that's a funny word... ruckus."

"Ria! A monster is making us trick-or-treat or else he's gonna eat us!" Ford panicked.

"I got a picture!" Bella said, and showed them a picture on her phone of the Trickster.

"The Summerween Trickster!" Ria gasped. "Oh man, dudes! You guys are in crazy bonkers trouble."

"How are we going to get that much candy in one night?" Ford asked. "There's no way!"

Stan clapped, standing on top of a nearby old car.

"Listen up, people!" He said. "Now, some might say being cursed by a bloodthirsty holiday monster is a bad thing."

"It is!" Bella interrupted.

"But that monster messed with the wrong crew," Stan continued. "With Fiddleford's spirit, Bella's cuteness, Ford's brains, and... R-Ria! We'll get 500 pieces of candy and have fun doing it, too! Even if it takes all night!"

Ria, Fiddleford, and Bella cheered.

"To the streets!" Stan ordered, jumping off the car.

"All night?" Ford said. He looked at the flyer in his pocket. "B-but I'm sick, remember?"

"Ford, what's worse: getting eaten by a horrifying monster, or going trick-or-treating with us?" Stan asked. Ford hesitated for a second before Stan grabbed his wrist. "Come on!"

\-----

Mabel was putting in a pair of vampire fangs. She was dressed as a vampire (and NOT the hot kind) and looked in the mirror at her costume.

"Ah, Summerween," Mabel smiled and laughed evilly. "Those kids aren't gonna know what hit 'em!"

Just then the doorbell rang, and Mabel opened it to reveal a group of kids.

"Trick-or-treat!" They said together.

"Oh, hello! Now what can I do for y- oh, oh no!" Mabel shrieked. Her face melted away, leaving only a skull. The kids screamed, running off. Mabel laughed, taking off the skull mask. She noticed two kids that hadn't run off. "Huh?"

"Can we have candy now?" The boy dressed as a soldier asked.

"What's wrong with you kids?" Mabel asked. "That was the scariest thing you've ever seen, right?"

The boy dressed as a mummy made a 'so-so' motion with his hand, looking at his friend.

"Well have you seen _this_?!" Mabel said and started pulling a hotdog chain from her costume. "Ahhh! Guts! Real, very real guts!"

"Oh, we've been watching horror movies since we were like, 2 years old," the mummy kid rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, we're not scared," the soldier kid added.

"Oh, you will be," Mabel narrowed her eyes, covering her face with her cape. "You _will_ be."

\-----

A colony of bats flew over the town. Womanly Wendy and her sons stood in front of a house, dressed as vikings.

"For glory, my children!" Womanly Wendy yelled. "CHARGE!"

Her sons ran into the house, yelling loudly. Sheriff Holt and Deputy Roy walked by, dressed as each other.

"You make a great me," Roy said.

"No, _you_ make a great _me_ ," Holt laughed.

"I don't understand why we can't just buy our candy and be over with it," Ford said. He and the others were walking around with a wheelbarrow.

"That sort of takes the fun out of trick-or-treat or die," Stan said.

"I'm trying to take the _die_ out of trick-or-treat or die," Ford said.

A group of kids rung Growling Grenda's doorbell. She answered dressed as a ball of yarn.

"Trick-or-treat!" The kids said.

"Well aren't you just the cutest!" Grenda smiled. "And is everyone in costume?" She poured some candy into everyone's bag. "Good."

"Happy Summerween!" The kids yelled, running off. The twins, Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria took their place.

"Trick-or-treat!" They said.

"Is everyone in costume?" Grenda asked. She pointed at Bella. "Devil." She pointed at Ria, "Superhero." She looked at Fiddleford. "Miner." She turned to Stan. "Jelly." Finally, she looked at Ford. "And what are you supposed to be?"

"Uh, I'm not actually dressed up as anything," Ford explained. "We're kinda in a hurry here."

"Oh. I see," Grenda gave everyone but Ford a single piece of candy, "Enjoy!"

She slammed the door shut.

"One piece of black licorice?" Bella gagged.

"Circus peanut!" Fiddleford frowned. "This is loser candy!"

"Four pieces of candy?" Ford groaned. "This is gonna take forever!"

"We gotta up our game, Ford," Stan said. "You need to put on your costume."

"I told you, Stan! I'm just not feeling it," Ford faked a cough.

"Oh really?" The Trickster spoke. He climbed down onto Ria. She shook as he examined the piece of candy in her bag. "I've seen better." He grabbed a jack-o-melon. "Tick tock."

He blew out the candle and jumped behind a house.

"What was that about being too sick to wear a costume?" Stan asked, smirking. Ford sighed, kicking a pebble.

\-----

At the shack, the two kids still hadn't left.

"We want candy! We want candy!" They chanted. Mabel opened the door, dressed in her normal clothes.

"Alright kids, you've got me," she sighed. "You guys win. I guess I'm not that scary after a- oh. No! Arrg!" She screamed as Waddles tore through her shirt, squealing loudly. "Why?! Why is there a pig coming out of my chest?!"

The two kids looked at each other, unphased.

"Candy," the mummy boy said.

"Can-dy!" His friend repeated. Waddles fell out of Mabel's shirt, walking off.

"What scares you two?!" Mabel asked. The soldier kid smirked at the other.

"Here, watch this," he said. He held out a phone, showing a kitten video.

"Aw, what a cute kitty!" Mabel cooed. Suddenly a monster appeared on the screen, screaming, "AHHHH!" Mabel screamed and ran inside, shutting the door on the cackling kids. She sighed, looking at a mirror. "What happened to you, Mabel Pines?"

\-----

Stan was standing in front of Bella, Fiddleford, and Soos.

"Introducing, for the first time in public..." Stan began. Ford walked out wearing a peanut butter costume. "Peanut Butter and Jelly!"

"Awww!" The three others said. Bella took a picture.

"I will make you guys a meme!" She giggled.

"Hey, delete that!" Ford ordered. He glanced at his watch. "Let's just get this over with, ok?"

"Over with! Over with!" They chanted, walking off.

\-----

Ford rang a doorbell, standing on a porch with Stan.

"Do you really think this is going to help?" Ford asked. A man answered the door. Ford and Stan started dancing.

"TWIIIIIINS!" They smiled. The biker teared up, smiling, and dumped the entire bowl of candy into their bag. They ran back to the wheelbarrow, throwing the candy in and counting it.

"34, 35..." Stan counted. They Trick-or-treated some more, getting more candy.

"22, 23, 24. 124!" Stan said. People started blowing out their jack-o-melons, getting ready for the end of the night.

"Hurry, hurry!" Ford said. They rung some more doorbells and eventually came to the _Gravity_ _Falls Gossiper._

"Hello," Thompson Determined said, answering. The kids and Ria yelled.

"What a horrible mask!" Ria cried.

"That's just my face!" Thompson said. He put on a mask. " _This_ is a mask!"

The group murmured about how that was actually better. Thompson sighed.

\-----

"498, 499!" Stan counted after a lot more trick-or-treating. "We did it!" The group of friends cheered. "All we need is one more piece of candy!"

"And it's only 8:30," Ford said, looking at his watch. "Perfect timing."

"Whoo-hoo!" Bella pulled the three other kids into a hug.

"And your cough went away, too," Stan smiled at Ford.

"I'm gonna go grab the truck," Ria said. "Ria, away!"

"Last one to the last house is a pair of wax lips!" Stan yelled, running off. Bella and Fiddleford followed after him.

"The perfect time to go to the party, and no one needs to know I was trick-or-treating," Ford said to himself. He saw Stacey's van driving up. He panicked, hiding the candy and his costume in the nearby bushes.

"Hey Ford!" Dan called, waving to the boy as the van stopped.

"Oh, hey Dan," Ford said. "What's up?"

He nudged a bit of his costume into the bushes using his foot.

"Are you coming to the party?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, what are you doing out here?" Stacey asked from the driver's seat.

"Oh, I'm on my way," Ford lied. "I just like, uh, watching the trick-or-treaters. Reminds me of when I was a kid."

"Ok then," Dan said. "You're coming, right?"

"Yeah, of course," Ford nodded.

"Sweet. See you there!" Dan called as the van drove off.

"Later guys!" Ford waved.

"You're going to a party?"

Ford spun around to see Stan and the others standing there.

"Stan, I-" Ford began, but Stan threw the last piece of candy at him.

"That's why you were acting so weird and trying to hurry us!" Stan yelled. "You're not sick at all! If it wasn't for this crazy monster, you were gonna ditch me! On our favorite holiday!"

"Oh man," Bella frowned.

"What happened to the Ford that used to love Halloween?!" Stan looked around. "And where's all the candy?!"

"Relax, relax," Ford said. "I left it right here, behind this bush."

He parted the bush, revealing a hill on the other side. At the bottom was a river, where the overturned wheelbarrow had spilled all the candy.

"What did you do?!" Stan yelled.

"Well, I-I," Ford said nervously.

"Uh, guys..." Bella said. The others turned to see the last jack-o-melon go out.

"Oh banjo polish!" Fiddleford gasped. "All the jack-o-melons are out!"

"Look!" Ford pointed down the street, where one jack-o-melon remained: Crazy Chiu's.

"Good night!" Crazy Chiu laughed. Everyone but her gasped.

"STOP!" Stan shouted.

"Huh? What?" Chiu looked around, confused, as the others yelled to not blow out the candle. "What's happening?"

"Just don't blow out that candle!" Ford shouted.

"Eh?" Chiu said, holding a horn to her ear.

"Don't blow out that candle!!" Ford yelled into the horn. There was a pause.

"I'm Crazy Chiu!" The old woman laughed. She inhaled, preparing to blow out the candle.

"Wait!" Ford cried. Bella knocked into Crazy Chiu, grabbing the jack-o-melon.

"Sorry!" Bella said. Crazy Chiu scuttled over a pile of trash, escaping into the junk yard.

"Phew, that was close," Ford said. The group sighed together, making the candle go out.

"Uh oh," Stan said.

"We're all idiots," Bella said. The Trickster walked up the empty and now-dark street.

"Knock knock," he said. Bella dropped the jack-o-melon. "So children. Where's my candy?"

"We had all 500 pieces, I swear!" Ford tried to convince him. "It's down there somewhere. We can still get it!"

The group nodded nervously in agreement.

"I'm afraid it's too late!" The Trickster yelled. "That was your last chance!"

Ford threw the last piece of candy at the Trickster. He laughed as he absorbed it.

"Go go go go!" Ford yelled, and the group started running. Bella and Fiddleford each screamed as the monster grabbed them. Stan tripped, and the Trickster picked him up in an extra arm.

"FORD!" Stan cried.

"Stan!" Ford yelled. He skidded to a stop, and the Trickster picked him up, too. Suddenly Ria drove by, crashing through the Trickster and causing him to explode. The kids fell to the ground.

"We're alive!" Bella cheered. She hugged the boy closest to her, which happened to be Fiddleford. "We're alive we're alive we're alive!"

"Woah," Ria said, stepping out of her truck.

"Ria!" The twins shouted happily, running over.

"That wasn't like, a regular pedestrian, was it?" Ria asked.

"It was the monster!" Stan smiled. "You saved us!"

"Thanks, Ria," Ford said. "Phew, I'm just glad it's over, right?"

Stan just glared at him, turning away. The kids and Ria climbed into the car. Bella and Fiddleford sat in the back, while the twins sat up front with Ria.

"Did everyone put on their seat belts?" Ria asked.

"Yes," Ford and Fiddleford said.

" _Si_ ," Bella said at the same time. Stan just nodded silently.

"Then let's go!" Ria said as she drove off. Ford looked at Stan. The younger twin rubbed a bruise on his elbow.

"Hey, you ok?" Ford asked. Stan didn't answer, but turned to look the other way. "There's probably some band-aids back at the shack."

Still no response. Stan watched out the window as the destroyed bits of the Trickster started to form back together.

"Uh, guys...?" Stan said. The Trickster reformed, growling angrily. It jumped onto the back of the car, making the group scream as Ria swerved. The Trickster fell off, landing harshly against a telephone pole.

"Breaks breaks breaks!" Ford screamed, pulling on Ria's cape. The truck crashed into the Summerween Superstore. The group of friends coughed as they fell out of the truck.

"We have to hide!" Ford hissed upon seeing the monster. The group did just that, running off into the store. The Trickster crawled up to the truck, ripping its door off. It sniffed around before going to search around the store.

Stan and Ford were hiding in a bottom shelf. They moved to sit in a shelf across from Bella and Fiddleford. Ria was hiding in a shelf full of clothes.

"It's blocking the only exit," Ford whispered, "Everyone stay quiet."

"Oh, _now_ you're worried about the monster," Stan snapped quietly. "I thought all you cared about was Dan."

"Lee, you know that's not true," Ford whispered. "I just... I felt like I was getting a little too old for trick-or-treating."

"That's exactly why we _need_ to go trick-or-treating," Stan said, and sighed sadly. "We're getting older. There's not that many Halloweens left. I guess I didn't realize it was already our last one..."

The Trickster roared, trying to find the group.

"We gotta escape," Fiddleford said.

"What if it sees us?" Bella worried.

"If only there was something to cover our bodies and faces with," Ria said thoughtfully. "Like a disguise..."

\-----

The kids had quickly changed into the costumes. Stan and Ford, dressed as skeletons, ran past Ria, who was dressed as a gorilla holding a sign. They hid in a shelf next to Bella, who was also dressed as a skeleton. The Trickster walked by, moving a clothes rack to reveal Fiddleford hiding in the clothes. The four kids moved towards the exit, Bella and the twins removing their masks.

"This way. Almost there," Ford whispered. He turned around to see Ria by the cackling skulls. "Ria!" The kids dove in front of the counter. "Stop!"

"Ria, don't you dare!" Stan snapped quietly.

"Sorry dudes, today's been way stressful," Ria said. "I need some levity."

She pushed down on the skull, but nothing happened. The kids sighed, relieved.

"Oh thank God, it's out of batteries," Bella said. "RIA, NO!"

Ria was struggling to open a pack of batteries. She put the new ones in, pressing down on the skull.

"No matter the score, I'm always _a-head_!" The skull cackled. Ria laughed along with it.

"This cackling head is the voice of a generation!" Ria laughed. The Trickster appeared behind her, and she turned to face him. She pressed down on the skull again before getting eaten by the monster.

"Hey, monster!" Stan yelled. Him and the others pulled out fake weapons, including a battle ax and Bella even had a Devil's trident. The kids yelled, attacking the Trickster. Fiddleford cut off an arm, tasting something.

"Salt water taffy?" He asked. "Ew!"

"What are you-?" Ford looked that him, then licked around his lips. "Wait, it is."

"You _really_ haven't figured it out yet?" The Trickster asked. He picked up the four kids, making them drop their weapons. "Don't you recognize me? Look at my face! Look _closely_..."

He took off his mask, revealing a face made of candy.

"Loser candy!" Fiddleford gasped.

"Wait, so candy corn is considered 'loser' candy now?" Bella asked.

"That's right!" The Trickster yelled. "Did you ever stop and think about the candy at the bottom of the bag that no one likes? Every year the children of Gravity Falls throw away all of the 'REJECTED' candy into the dump. So I seek revenge; revenge on the picky children who cast me aside. I'm made of every tossed piece of black licorice, every discarded bar of old chocolate with like that white, powder stuff on it. You know that stuff!"

"I hate that stuff!" Stan snapped.

"No one would eat me," The monster said. "But now, I'm going to eat you." He felt something. "W-what is that?!"

He screamed as Ria burst out of his stomach. She was eating the candy that made up the Trickster.

"Sup bro?" She asked. The Trickster fell to the ground, vomiting jelly beans. Ria held out a chunk of candy. "You dudes want any of this?"

The twins, Bella, and Fiddleford shook their heads silently, watching from the floor.

"Wait, you actually think I taste... good?" The Trickster asked, looking at Ria.

"Uh, yeah," Ria shrugged, munching on more candy. "I guess. Candy is candy."

"All I've ever wanted was for someone to say that I was... good," the Trickster started crying happy candy corn.

"The crying makes it a little weird," Ria said, and took another bite of candy. It was shaped to look as though it might have been the Trickster's heart. "But I guess I'm still eating." The kid from earlier burst through. "Sup Gorney?"

"I've been twaumatized!" Gourney smiled.

\-----

Back at the shack, the two boys from before were kicking up Mabel's outdoor decorations.

"What now?" The mummy kid asked.

"Let's go get our candy already," the soldier boy said. The two dragged their bags of candy inside, looking around. "Old lady? Old lady?"

Mabel was upstairs in the bathroom. She turned on the water in the bathtub.

"Wash off the shame, Mabel," she sighed. "Wash off the same."

"Ha! She thought she could scare us!" The soldier kid laughed. He and his friend entered the bathroom just as Mabel took off her bath robe.

"Huh?"

The kids screamed and ran out of the house, dropping their bags of candy in the floor. Mabel stood in the doorway, still wearing a bra and underwear.

"Haha, yes!" Mabel cheered. "Still got it."

\-----

A few minutes later, the kids and Ria entered the shack to see Mabel sitting in her chair, now dressed.

"Hey Graunty Mabel," the twins greeted.

"Hi Ms. Pines," Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria said.

"How's it hangin'," Mabel nodded towards them.

"Hey Ford," Dan said. He was sitting at the table, carving a jack-o-melon.

"Dan!" Ford jumped, surprised.

"I didn't see you at the party," Dan said. "Where were you?"

"I, uh..." Ford looked at Stan and put and arm around his shoulders. "I was trick-or-treating. With my brother."

The twins smiled at each other.

"Eh, party was lame anyway," Dan shrugged. "Stacey ate a lollipop stick-first and had to go home sick."

Ford tried not to laugh, though Stan had no problem with doing so.

"Aw man," Bella complained. "We went to every single house and didn't even get any candy to keep."

"Candy?" Mabel said. "How's _this_ for candy?"

She held up the bags of candy dropped by the two kids.

\-----

The Pines, Bella, Fiddleford, Ria, and Dan had gathered around the TV. The candy was spread in a pile in the middle of the room. Ford entered the room, laying a band-aid on Stan's bruised elbow. He smiled, showing Ford the band-aid. Gompers ate the candy in his bowl, and Waddles munched on some unwrapped pieces at Mabel's feet.

" You know, kids? I've been thinking," Mabel began, "At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes. Or even scaring people. It's a day when the whole family can get together at one place and celebrate what really matters: PURE EVIL!"

She started laughing evilly, prompting the others to join in. The stopped after a minute, continuing to watch TV.

"I ate a man alive tonight," Ria said.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Bella and Stan were taking pictures of Gompers in his costume. Bella was editing them and making them into memes.


	13. Boss Stan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel leaves two kids alone in a house for three days. Exactly what you would expect to happen, happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Haven't heard from me in a while, have you? So this is about Mabel and Stan in this episode. Obviously Mabel wouldn't run the place like Stan does. And since all of her employees are used to it (and know not to take advantage of her) the way she runs things goes pretty well. I think she'd be a little tougher, after 30-odd years of running the business, but she still wouldn't lose that can-do nice attitude.

Mabel, the twins, Waddles, and Gompers were watching TV. The show was _Cash Wheel_ , and Stan and Gompers were snacking on a box of Chipackerz.

_"Ladies and gentlemen, we now return to Cash Wheel!" The_ _TV_ _announcer said. "Sponsored by Chipackerz: The Chip-Flavored Crackers!"_

"But they taste just like chips," Stan said in amazement, eating a cracker.

_The contestant on_ _TV_ _spun the wheel, and it landed on 'cash shower.'_

_"Congratulations!" The_ _TV_ _announcer said. "_ _You're_ _taking a Cash Shower!"_

_Money started falling on the man. He laughed,_ _reaching_ _out and gathering the money. He punched the other contestants when they tried to grab some._

"I like that guy's style," Stan smiled.

"Ms. Pines, we got tourists at 9:00!" Fiddleford announced, entering the room. "A whole bus load'a 'em!"

Mabel and the twins entered the gift shop, looking out the window to see a bunch of tourists get off a bus.

"Yay, new customers!" Mabel cheered. "Ria, make some new attractions! I want everyone to have fun!"

"I'm on it, Ms. Pines!" Ria said. She glued a wolf head onto a chicken.

"Graunty Mabel, you should raise some of the prices," Stan suggested. "It's not often we get this many tourists."

"Heh, go crazy, knucklehead," Mabel ruffled Stan's hair and handed him a permanent marker. He smiled, raising a price on a sign from '$2' to '$200.'

"We'll bleed 'em dry," Stan laughed.

"Yeesh Stan, it's like when you look at tourists, all you see are wallets with legs," Bella said.

"What? That's not true!" Stan waved the notion off. He looked outside, where a family of wallets was stepping out of a van.

"Thank you for taking me to the Mystery Shack, Daddy," a small wallet said.

"Now don't spend yourself all in one place," the bigger wallet told him. Another wallet stepped out of the van.

"Oh, I feel sick," it groaned, and vomited pennies. Stan rubbed his eyes.

"Graunty Mabel, someone threw up!" Stan informed his aunt.

"Got it," Mabel said. "Ford sweetie, could you go clean it up? Please?"

"You got it, Graunty Mabel," Ford smiled lightly and grabbing a mob and bucket.

\-----

While Mabel showed a group of tourists around, Stan was watching the counter.

"Behold, Gravity Falls bumper stickers!" Stan announced, holding out the sticker. "You can stick them on your bumper!"

"Ooh, how much?" A woman asked, opening her purse.

"One- I mean, ten dollars," Stan corrected. The woman handed him the bill and he gave her the bumper sticker. "Pleasure doing business with you."

"What?!" Mabel said, appearing with a cardboard cutout of herself. The cutout held a sign that read 'Have Fun!'. "What the heck are you doing, Stan?"

"Business, duh," Stan said, pressing buttons on the cash register.

"Stan, those bumper stickers are supposed to be _free_ ," Mabel reminded him.

"But Graunty Mabel, you'll never make any money if you just give things away!" Stan protested.

"Nonsense, I make plenty," Mabel said, shooing him away from the counter. "Now you're off register duty. Go on."

"Hey Graunty Mabel?" Ford said, entering. "I've been thinking-"

"That's dangerous," Stan joked.

"I've been _thinking_ ," Ford began again, glaring at his brother. "You have all these fake exhibits. Meanwhile, I see real monsters in the woods everyday! Maybe I could go out and catch something _real_?"

"I'd love to let you, Ford, but I don't think that's the best thing to do," Mabel said. "Could be dangerous."

"B-but-" Ford began.

"Ah ah ah, no buts!" Mabel smiled. "I'm sorry Ford, but I just don't think it's safe. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Well... ok," Ford mumbled. "I guess I understand..."

\-----

After the tourists left, Mabel had the twins, Dan, Ria, Bella, and Fiddleford paint the 'Mystery Shack' sign with pink glitter.

"More! More I say!" Mabel laughed. "Glittery signs are great! They attract tourists, and they look pretty! Just remember, call if you need a break!"

She left and walked inside, leaving the others to paint the sign.

"Man, having Mabel as a boss is seriously the best," Ford smiled, dipping his paint roller in a pan of glitter.

"Yeah," Bella agreed. "She's super nice, and she gives us stickers!"

"Well, I think she's too nice," Stan folded her arms. "People could walk right over her!"

"I had this idea for an improvement to the shack, once," Ria shared. "It was like a mascot. Questiony the Question Mark. I asked questions, and did a little dance. I had to give it up, though. I kept forgetting my lines, and the outfit was more... revealing, than I thought."

"She always lets me hang out with friends during my shifts," Dan said. "Well, I'm taking a break."

"What?! But you barely did anything!" Stan cried.

"Yeah, so?" Dan shrugged. "Ms. Pines will still let me take a break."

"THAT'S IT!" Stan yelled.

\-----

"You!" Stan shouted, bursting into Mabel's office. She was counting the profits from that day.

"Ah!" Mabel jumped. "Oh, hi Stan. What's up?"

"Graunty Mabel, you're being way too nice!" Stan said, walking up to her desk. "Dan just took a break after five minutes of working!"

"Well, if he needs a break..." Mabel began.

"But he _doesn't_!" Stan said. "Graunty Mabel, you should be demanding respect! When you give people everything they want, they walk all over you!"

"I make way more money by being nice," Mabel waved it off.

"Well I think I could be a better boss than you!" Stan said. "Don't you think so?"

"Ha! No way," Mabel scoffed. "You couldn't wear this hat. I can, because I give people respect and glittery stickers."

"I bet I _would_ make a better boss!" Stan snapped. "People would actually _listen_ to me!"

"Oh yeah? I'd make more money on vacation than you would running this place," Mabel smirked.

"Then _go_ on vacation!" Stan said. "I'll run this place."

"Interesting," Mabel tapped her fingers together. "Ok, I like making bets. 3 days. 72 hours." She set a clock to 72 hours. "You run the shack, and I'll go on vacation. If you make more money than me, I guess it means you're right about how I run my business. But if you lose, you have to wear a 'LOSER' sweater all summer. And you have to sing an apology dance. With lyrics by _me_."

"And if I win, I get to be the boss for the rest of the summer," Stan said. "And _you_ have to wear the loser sweater!"

"Oh ho! You've got yourself a deal, mister," Mabel said.

"No, you've got _your_ self a deal!" Stan responded.

"Deal!" Mabel said.

"Deal!" Stan repeated, standing on the desk.

"Deal!"

"Deal!" 

Mabel stuck a pink star sticker on Stan's nose. 

"Deal..."

\-----

Mabel was packing her bags into the trunk of her car. Stan watched from the porch, holding the glass jar.

"See you in 72 hours!" Mabel called, stepping into the car. "We'll see who makes more money."

She tossed her shooting star fez onto Stan's head. Mabel drove off, laughing, and leaving Stan standing on the porch.

"Did you just make a bet with a professional con woman?" Ford asked, stepping outside.

"Oh come on!" Stan rolled his eyes. "Being a better boss than Graunty Mabel will be a cinch! Profits, here we come!"

He held out the jar. It slipped through it fingers, crashing to the ground.

"You broke the jar-" Ford said.

"We'll get a new one," Stan interrupted.

"I guess I shouldn't be too worried," Ford said. "I mean, how much money could Graunty Mabel make on vacation, anyway?"

\-----

"Can I help you, ma'am?" A man asked, looking up from a clipboard

"I'm here to take all the cash from your wheel," Mabel smiled. She was standing in the _Cash Wheel_ set.

\-----

Ford, Bella, Fiddleford, Ria, and Dan walked into Mabel's office. There was a strange lack of glitter and pink stuff. Mabel's chair was facing away from them.

"You wanted to see us, Ms. Pines?" Ria asked. Stan turned around in the chair, wearing a suit. He scooted forward to sit at the desk.

"Mabel is no longer with us," Stan said.

"She's dead?!" Ria cried. She fell to her knees, crying. "No! It should have been me!"

"Woah woah, Ria!" Stan said quickly. "Mabel's not dead! She's on vacation for three days! We made a bet."

Ria looked up at Stan, standing up and fixing her hat.

"Thank you for that clarification," Ria sniffed.

"Stan's in charge now!" Stan smiled.

"Are those shoulder pads?" Ford asked.

"Uh-huh!" Stan said, moving the shoulder pads. "It's just one of the up-to-date managerial tricks I learned from this book I found propping up the kitchen table."

He held up a book titled 'Succeeding In Management 1983.'

"I don't think that's very up-to-date," Bella said quietly.

"Walk with me," Stan said, standing up. The group followed him as he walked. "With me as boss, you're going to notice a few changes. My job is to make sure we make as much money as possible!"

"What about Ms. Pines' 'SELVES'?" Fiddleford asked. He pointed to a chalkboard, where 'S.E.L.V.E.S' was written, and each letter had a word: 'Satisfied, Everyday, Loving Life, Very Much, Everyday, Satisfied.'

"No time for that," Stan said, erasing the chalkboard. "Gompers, hold my calls."

Said goat was chewing on a phone. Stan walked out into the gift shop, the others following him.

"Alright people, so like I said, there's going to be a few changes," Stan began. "Dan, no more hanging out with friends during work."

"Aw, what?" Dan said. "Why not?"

"You could probably be more productive if you're focused," Stan explained. "Ria, I was thinking about your Questiony the Question Mark idea, and I kinda like it. Just because you can't remember your lines, doesn't mean you should just give up. Here." He handed her a question mark suit. "Just wear it over your normal clothes."

"Uh, but Stan-" Ria began nervously.

"No buts!" Stan interrupted. "Practice your lines. And Fidds," Stan turned to the boy, "I came up with a great idea: The teen wolf-boy! Here, put this costume on."

He handed Fiddleford furry pants and fake wolf ears.

"Uh, Stan, and ye sure-?" Fiddleford began nervously.

"I'm sure about everything!" Stan said. "As for you, Ford-"

Ford looked nervous. After Stan's other 'ideas', he wasn't sure he wanted to hear what his brother had in store for him.

"Go out into that forest and catch us a monster!" Stan smiled.

"Wow, really?" Ford beamed. "Thanks, Stan! Finally! It's time to show Graunty Mabel how a _real_ mystery hunter does it!" He grabbed a flail and opened the window. "Stanford, out!"

He fell out of the window.

"Ok guys, time to prove that nice bosses don't finish first," Stan said. "In the next 48 hours, we're gonna fill this jar with six hundred billion dollars!"

"Yeah!" Bella and Stan high fived.

"Wait, do you know how money works?" Dan asked.

"Of course," Stan scoffed. "Gompers, run down to the shop and grab me a latte." He fed Gompers some money. "Woah, he's a hungry little guy."

\-----

Mabel was in a line for the auditions of Cash Wheel.

"Ugh, this line is taking forever," she complained. "Time to use my old woman powers... AH, I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK!" She fell to the ground, and everyone around her began to worry. "And the only cure is to be a contestant on Cash Wheel! Arg! Someone give me a part! I'm old!"

"Should we escort her off the lot?" A man holding a clipboard asked.

"That woman is a self-centered attention hog, with no regard for human decency," another man said. "Get her on TV!"

\-----

"Ladies and gentle-tourists!" Stan was saying. He lead a group of tourists through the Mystery Shack. "Looking around the Mystery Shack, you will see many wonderous roadside attractions. Be amazed at the only known picture of a horse riding another horse." Stan showed them the picture. The tourists muttered in interest, taking pictures. "And now, be astounded by the horrible, teenage wolf-boy!"

Stan pulled back a curtain, revealing Fiddleford. He was wearing the wolf costume, which unfortunately didn't come with a shirt.

"Oh! Look at him!" Stan said as the tourists snapped pictures. "All that hair! His body is changing!"

Fiddleford spat out a pair of fake wolf teeth.

"Stan, do I really gotta wear this?" He asked. "It's demeanin'."

"What? I don't know 'de-meaning' of that word!" Stan joked. "If you throw money at him, he dances."

The tourists started throwing money at Fiddleford, and he made a poor attempt at dancing. Stan laughed as he tried to catch the money in the jar.

After the tour the tourists left. Stan stood at the door, holding out the jar for them to put money in.

"Thank you!" Stan smiled. "Come back soon!"

He smiled happily, looking at the money in the jar. Ford dragged a giant bag up.

"Stan! I caught something big!" Ford said happily. "This is gonna blow those tourists away!"

The monster in the bag grabbed his arm. Ford punched it through the bag, making it let go.

"Great work, Ford!" Stan said. "Oh! Is that Questiony the Question Mark?"

"Uh, Stan?" Ria said, poking her head out from behind the portable toilet. "I don't know about this. I just can't remember my lines."

"You don't even have that many lines, now come on out," Stan said.

"B-but I-" Ria began, but Stan ignored her and entered the shack.

"And how are you doing, Dan?" Stan asked. He saw that Dan was asleep, his head on the counter. "DAN!"

"Huh-? Wha-?" Dan jumped awake, nearly falling backwards. "Oh, what's up?"

"Why are you sleeping during work?!" Stan yelled.

"Woah, chill out dude," Dan said. "It's boring here by myself. I guess I just fell asleep."

"Well where's Bella?" Stan asked. "Shouldn't she be working the counter too?"

"OH!" A yell was heard from behind the counter. Bella appeared from behind it, fumbling with her phone. Her face seemed more red than usual. "I-I'm here! Heh, just... reading."

"Are you ok?" Stan raised an eyebrow. "Your face is more red than usual-"

"It's nothing!" Bella said. She shook her head, shutting her eyes. She mumbled quietly to herself. "Grr... stop it... bad thoughts..."

"Uh, ok..." Stan said, confused. "Just get back to work."

"Got it," Bella smiled. On the other side of the gift shop, Ria was walking around in her Questiony the Question Mark costume. She walked up to a woman.

"I'm Questiony the Question Mark!' Ria yelled. The woman screamed and sprayed something in Ria's eye. "AH! IT STINGS!"

\-----

Meanwhile at the Cash Wheel set, the show was just starting.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to CASH WHEEL!" The man running the show, Rich, said. The logo appeared on the screen. "Now let's meet those contestants!"

"I'm Doug, from Fairview, California," a man said.

"I'm Donna, from-" the woman was interrupted by an excited Mabel.

"I'M MABEL! MABEL PINES!" She laughed. The camera panned over to wear she was supposed to stand. "Hello? Did we already do me? Hi! I'm Mabel from Gravity Falls, Oregon!"

"Haha, well ok," Rich laughed nervously. "This is going to be a long night, folks."

The audience laughed.

"It's time to solve-" Rich began, but Mabel interrupted him by laughing. "It's, uh, time to solve that puzzle! Carla?"

"Yes, Rich?" A woman standing next to a board asked.

"Are there any 'S'es?" Mabel asked.

"Actually, it's not your turn-" Rich began. Two 'S'es appeared on the board in the first and last spots.

"I'm ready to solve!" Mabel smiled.

"No wait, the game hasn't-" Rich tried to say.

"Is it 'Shut your yaps'?" Mabel asked. The remaining letters filled up.

"Well played," Rich nodded. Mabel spun the wheel.

"Cash shower cash shower cash shower," she begged, crossing her fingers.

"Cash shower!" Rich announced when the wheel stopped and landed on the spot. Mabel cheered, and the audience clapped for her.

\-----

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Ford was showing around a group of tourists. He wore a suit and Mabel's eyepatch. "My name is Honest Stanford, and unlike my great aunt, I have something to show you that isn't a hoax! It nearly killed me getting him into that cage; behold, part gremlin, part goblin: the Gremloblin!"

He pulled the cover off a cage, revealing a monster inside. The gremloblin roared, spitting out the bones of a human arm.

"Well that's fun," a man smiled.

"It's _fake_ , honey," his wife scoffed. "You can see the strings."

"What?" Ford said, surprised. "Those aren't strings! That's body hair!"

"Oh, look at this, dear," the woman said. She pointed towards a deer with a six-pack. "The Six-packalope!"

"Haha, wordplay!" The man laughed, taking a picture.

"No, everything _else_ here is fake," Ford said, pulling the couple back towards the gremloblin. "This is a _real_ paranormal creature. Hey, fun fact about this guy. If you look into his eyes, you'll see your worst nightmare."

The couple looked at the gremloblin's eyes. The beast's eyes turned yellow, and so did the couple's.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Ford asked. After a moment of silence, he smiled nervously. "I work for tips."

\-----

The couple was being loaded into an ambulance. They were both strapped down, their eyes yellow and their faces twisted into looks of horror.

"Thanks again for visiting!" Ford sighed.

\-----

Meanwhile inside, Stan and Bella were rushing around the gift shop. Dan had 'gotten sick' and went home. Truthfully he was tired of Stan being mean and bossy, but the younger teen boy didn't know that.

"Thanks for shopping with us!" Bella said, working at the counter. Stan ran over and stood up a stand that a kid was knocking over.

"I'll get that!" He said. He flattened a dollar that someone was trying to shove into the snack machine. "Here ya go!"

After a few more minutes, the customers were all taken care of. Bella and Stan both slumped against the front of the counter, exhausted.

"I never knew how hard working a cash register was," Bella sighed.

"Running this place isn't a piece of cake, either," Stan said.

"Well, I just made two people go insane," Ford said, walking in and sitting on the other side of Bella. "How about you?"

"I reckon I'm gettin' hookworm from this costume," Fiddleford said, entering the room. He scratched the fur on his leg. Stan laughed.

"Yeah, gluing wolf hair to your body will do that," he said. "Ugh, I'm so tired. Dan went home sick, so I had to do his job."

"I just saw Dan, he seemed fine," Ford informed.

"Maybe he was sick of you being so bossy," Bella mumbled.

"Lee, maybe you should start being a bit nicer," Ford suggested.

"No way! That's what Mabel would do!" Stan said. "I just need to demand more respect! Everything will work out fine, trust me!"

Suddenly, the gremloblin burst through the wall, roaring. The tourists screamed, running out of the shack. The twins, Bella, and Fiddleford hid behind the counter.

"What?! How'd he get out of his cage?!" Ford cried.

"Maybe the cage wasn' strong 'nuff," Fiddleford said.

"We have to round him up," Ford said. "Where's Ria?"

"I told her to go practice her lines somewhere quiet," Stan explained. "I think she's in the woods?"

\-----

"Hello? Civilization?" Ria called, wandering aimlessly through the forest. A wolf howled nearby. "Doggy?"

\-----

The kids turned their attention to a TV, which was tuned in to the Cash Wheel show.

_"Ladies and gentlemen, Mabel Pines is poised to become our grand champion!" Rich said. "Anything to say to your fans out there?"_

_"See you tomorrow night, Stanley!" Mabel laughed, holding_ _up_ _a 'LOSER' sweater._

The gremloblin roared, throwing a calendar towards the kids. They screamed, running to hide behind the wall in the living room. The gremloblin started putting Mabel's stickers on his face.

"What do we do?" Stan whispered. "He's wrecking the gift shop!"

"Uh, uh..." Ford pulled out the third journal, flipping through it. " _'When fighting a gremloblin, use water...'_ "

Stan ran out, splashing a cup of water onto the monster. Ford flipped a page in the journal.

" _'Only as a_ _last_ _resort, as water will make him much, much scarier!'_ " Ford cried. The gremloblin grew in size. "Ahh! Who writes sentences like that?!"

The gremloblin growled and roared as spines sprouted from its back. The cuckoo clocked chimed and the monster breathed fire on it.

"Don't worry, y'all," Fiddleford gulped. "H-he's gotta leave eventually, don't he?"

\-----

Some time later, the gremloblin was still sitting in the gift shop. He pressed the button on the singing salmon.

"I'm the singin' salmon spendin' all day jammin'," the salmon sung. The gremloblin pressed it again, and another time after that.

"Arg, why doesn't he just leave?" Stan complained. The gremloblin sniffed the jar of money before started to eat its contents. "Our profits!"

Stan ran out to confront the monster.

"Lee, no!" Ford cried.

"Stan, your life isn't worth money!" Bella yelled.

"Hey, stop it!" Stan yelled at the gremloblin, ignoring his friends. The gremloblin looked at him, picking him up.

"Oh no!" Fiddleford worried.

"Don't look into his evil eye!" Ford warned. "You'll see your worst nightmare!"

"I wish _we_ had an evil eye to show _him_!" Stan snapped. He made the mistake at glaring at the gremloblin's eyes. "Oh no! Ahh!"

Stan yelled as his eyes turned yellow.

"Wait," Ford said, getting an idea. "Hey monster! Take a look at this!"

Ford showed the gremloblin a mirror. The beast roared, seeing his worst nightmare (which turned out to be turning into his father). He screamed, bursting through the wall.

"Well, at least he didn't do _that_ much damage," Bella said, always trying to look on the bright side. The gremloblin crashed into the totem pole outside, breaking it. The top of the totem fell on a car, setting off the alarm. "Oh bi..."

"Guys, it's the third day!" Stan realized. He held out the clock, which had about seven hours left on it. "We only have seven hours to earn all of our profits back, or I have to wear that loser sweater all summer!"

"Hey guys," Dan said, walking over with Ria. "Am I nuts, or does this place look different?"

"Dan, Ria!" Stan sighed, relieved. "Thank goodness you're here! Get to work, we still need to beat Mabel!"

"Uh yeah, I still have a bit of a headache," Dan lied, rubbing his head. "So maybe I shouldn't work today."

"And I actually just met a pack of wolves," Ria explained. "I think they're gonna raise me as one of their own, so I should really be at the den."

"But hey, I'll see you on Monday," Dan smiled. Stan growled, clicking a pen furiously. He sighed, trying to calm down. Maybe his aunt was on to something...

"Guys, _please..._ " Stan began. The others looked surprised at hearing him say that. "I just fought a monster to save this shop. I really _really_ need your help. I can't do this on my own. Pleaaaaaase?"

Dan and Ria smiled softly, feeling bad for the young boy.

"Alright dude, don't sweat it," Dan said.

"Yeah, we'll get to work," Ria nodded.

"Thanks guys, so much," Stan smiled.

"See? Being nice makes people _want_ to do things for you," Bella said.

"Yeah, ok..." Stan reluctantly agreed. "Ok people! We have seven hours to turn this thing around! Let's do this!"

He held up the now-empty money jar, smiling.

\-----

At Cash Wheel, the wheel landed on 'Cash Flood.' A wave of money covered Mabel. She laughed.

"I'm giving most of this to charity!" She smiled.

"And now you can go home a thousandaire!" Rich said. "Or you could risk everything to double your money with the bonus word!"

"Ooh, bonus word!" Mabel said. "That sounds fun! I'll do it!"

\-----

Back at the shack, a crane was repairing the totem pole.

"Hurry on up, guys!" Stan rushed, speaking into a megaphone. "We have to go quickly! That's it, good job!" Stan saw a bus pulled up. "Ford, Bella, we've got tourists at 9:00!"

"But what do we show them?" Ford asked.

"Real stuff is too dangerous," Bella said.

"Come on, knuckleheads!" Stan smiled. "You can figure something out."

\-----

Ford and Bella showed a tourist group around the shack. Ford wore the tux from earlier and the eyepatch, and Bella wore a matching suit.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and other nonbinary terms!" Bella began. "This shack is filled with wonders, NEVER before seen by human eyes!"

"Behold, the horrible giant question baby!" Ford said, directing their attention towards Ria, who was still dressed in the Question Mark costume.

"Am I a woman? Am I a baby?" Ria asked. "These are legitimate questions."

The tourists gasped.

"Have your picture taken with her for a buck," Bella said, holding up a camera.

"Ten bucks," Ford said, adding a zero after the '1' on a sign.

"100 bucks!" Bella added another zero. The tourists held out their money, clamoring for a picture.

\-----

"We put the fun in no refunds!" Bella called to the group of tourists, who were leaving happily. Her and Ford walked back inside.

"How'd we do?" Ford asked.

"We filled the whole jar!" Stan cheered.

Ford counted the money, subtracting money to fix the shack.

"Minus the money to replace all the furniture. And supplies to fix the shack, that leaves us..." Ford typed everything into a calculator, setting aside some piles of money.

"One dollar?" Stan said sadly, looking at the jar.

"Time's up, kids!" Mabel entered the shack, holding a buzzing clock.

"Uh oh," Fiddleford said.

"Nice suits, guys," Mabel said to Ford and Bella.

"How much did you beat us by?" Stan sighed.

"I won $300,000!" Mabel smiled proudly. "And then!"

**_Flashback!_ **

"For a chance to double your cash or lose it all, what is a six-letter word you use to ask for some politely?" Rich asked. "For example, 'May I BLANK have that?'"

"Oh, this is easy!" Mabel laughed. "Please!"

**_Flashback over!_ **

"$600,000?!" Everyone yelled.

"Well, I donated half of it to charity," Mabel said. "But I still got $300,000."

"So that means Mabel won," Bella said.

"Wait, what did she win again?" Ria asked.

"Well, according to our bet, I have to wear a loser sweater all summer," Stan sighed.

"Aw, Stanley honey," Mabel smiled softly. "If you really don't want to, I won't make you."

"Really? Wow, thanks Graunty Mabel," Stan smiled. "You were right, after all. Everyone was miserable until I started being nice like you."

"Yeah well, I have to admit, it's good to be back," Mabel smiled, taking her fez back. "Ria, Dan? Could you please get back to work?"

"We're on it, Ms. Pines!" Ria saluted.

"Hey Ms. Pines, didn't your agreement say something about Stan having to do an apology dance?" Bella asked cheekily.

"Uh, no!" Stan denied. "No it didn't!"

"Oh yeah, I think I have it in my notes here," Mabel said, taking out a notepad.

"No! That never happened!" Stan yelled.

"Oh ho, I'll get my camera!" Dan laughed.

"Alright, just let me-" Stan ran off.

"Stanley!" Mabel yelled after him.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Stan was standing in front of a camera, wearing a sparkly orange jumpsuit.

"Look, I'm not gonna-" he began.

"Do it!" Mabel shouted. Stan sighed and started to sing.

" _I'm Stan, and I was wrong. I'm singing the Stan Wrong Song. I shouldn't have taken that chance. Now here's my remorseful dance._ "

"Do the kicks!" Mabel ordered. Stan started to kick. "Jazzier!"

Gompers walked over. He started to chew on Stan's sleeve.

"Gompers, cut it out!" Stan said, tugging on his sleeve. Mabel turned to Waddles, who was sitting in a director's chair next to her own.

"What do you think?" She asked him. Waddles squealed. "Take thirty!"

Stan groaned.


	14. Bottomless Pit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Pines, Ria, Bella, and Fiddleford all get thrown into a hole after becoming monsters.

Mabel was driving the golf cart. On board was the twins, Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria. She skidded to a stop next to a giant hole. She stepped off the golf cart, leading the others towards the hole.

"In this land of ours, there are many great pits," Mabel began, "but none are more bottomless than the Bottomless Pit. Which as you can see here is bottomless."

"Question, is it bottomless?" Ria asked.

"Kids, can one of you try explaining this to Ria?" Mabel asked.

"Bottomless equals no bottom," Bella said.

"Graunty Mabel, why are we here again?" Ford asked.

"To dispose of things we don't want," Mabel smiled. "Goodbye, old loser candy!"

She tossed a handful of candy into the pit.

"Arrivederci, creepy love letters from Lil' Bud!" Bella said, dropping the letters and presents over the edge. "Die, die!"

"So long, unused Mystery Shack suggestion cards," Stan threw the paper into the pit.

"See ya never, failed inventions," Fiddleford tossed the broken machinery into the hole. Ria took off her shoes, flinging them into the pit.

"What are you doing?" Ford asked the woman.

"Throwing stuff, dude," she answered simply. "Everybody's doing it."

She grabbed a grill and threw it down the hole. Mabel pushed a large chained box into the pit.

"What was that, Graunty Mabel?" Stan asked.

"Oh, just my personal box of mysterious secrets," Mabel answered. "Nothing worth wondering about."

"Graunty Mabel, do I really have to be the one to point out that a bottomless pit is, by definition, impossible?" Ford asked.

"Just let us have fun, jeez," Bella rolled her eyes. The wind picked up, blowing hard against the group of friends.

"Oh no! It's some kind of invisible pushing force!" Ria yelled, shielding herself against the wind.

"It's called wind, Ria," Fiddleford said.

"Come on, let's get back to the shack!" Ford yelled over the wind. They ran back to the cart, except for Stan. He stayed by the pit, trying to throw the cards into the pit, but they kept blowing back at him.

"I'm not done getting rid of these!" Stan cried.

"God dang it, Stan!" Bella yelled. "Do you really have to pull this crap _now_?!"

The cards blew back to cover Stan's face.

"Stanley, no!" Mabel cried. Everyone tried to pull him away from the pit, but he dug his heels into the ground, insisting on throwing away all the cards.

"Almost, almost..." Stan said. He ended up slipping, and everyone fell into the pit, screaming. Waddles oinked nearby.

Down in the pit, the six friends screamed for a time. They then stopped, looking around.

"So, anyone wanna keep screaming?" Ria asked.

"Where in tarnation are we?" Fiddleford asked, looking around. Mabel cracked a glow stick, making it light up.

"It's somewhere where it looks like we're nowhere," she mused. She let the glow stick fall up, the string catching on her arm. She giggled.

"We have to land on something eventually," Ford said. "Could be any second now!"

The group braced themselves, but nothing happened.

"Well, I guess we're in here for a while," Stan said. "Who wants to see some card tricks?"

He pulled out a pack of cards. He attempted to fold them and do a trick, but they flew upwards when he shuffled them. He watched them for a minute before waving his hands.

"Ta-da!" Stan smiled. Mabel clapped for him.

"Hey, maybe we should pass time by telling stories," Ria suggested.

"Ooh, I'm good at that!" Bella smiled proudly. "I'm a great writer!"

"I've got a story," Ford began bitterly. "It's called the time Lee got us all thrown into a bottomless pit where we spent the rest of our natural lives!"

"Go on..." Ria encouraged.

"C'mon Ford, you can do better than that," Fiddleford said.

"Fine," Ford said, taking the glow stick. "I'll tell you a story. A story I'd like to call 'Voice Over.'"

\-----

"Ready?" Stan said. He, Bella, Fiddleford, Ria, and Dan were in the front yard. Gompers was laying on the ground in the middle on their circle.

"Spin the goat!" The friends cheered as they spun Gompers. He stopped, pointing at Mabel, who was reading the newspaper on the porch.

"Hey, Graunty Mabel!" Stan called. "Ever kissed a goat before?"

"I'm not gonna answer that," Mabel said. Ford ran up, holding his arm. On his forearm were two small, red dots.

"Guys! I think I just got bit by a snake!" Ford panicked. "I need you to get me to a hospital quIIIICK!"

Mabel started laughing, rocking back in her chair.

"What? What's so funny?" Ford asked, rubbing his arm.

"I'm sorry, but it's hard to take you seriously with the squeaky puberty voice you have," Mabel laughed.

"My what?" Ford frowned.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Ford," Stan said. "Your voice is hiLARioUS!"

"Are you saying my voice cracks?" Ford asked, visibly offended. "My voice doesn't crack."

"Dude, no offense, but it cracks so much we've already made a techno remix out of it," Bella said. Ria pulled out a recorder and pressed play.

" _Nice to meet you. My name's Stanford PINES, P-P-Pines, Pines, Pines Nice to meet you. P-p-pines, Pines, Pines."_

"Do I really sound like that?" Ford blushed.

"Heh, hate to break it to ya Ford, but ya do," Fiddleford smiled sheepishly.

"Oh oh, here comes my favorite part!" Dan said.

_"StOP it gUYSs!"_

Everyone except for Ford laughed.

"Give me that!" Ford snapped. He snatched the recorder from Ria and ran off. The friends turned their attention back to their game, except for Fiddleford. The young boy stared after the retreating Ford.

"Spin the goat!"

\-----

Ford sighed, walking along the sidewalk. His hands were buried deep in his pockets.

"Even my sighs sound weird," He voiced. He heard someone behind him and turned around. Fiddleford ran up to him, panting.

"Ford, I-" Fiddleford panted, placing his hands on his knees. "Ah think I might be able ta help ye with yer voice problem."

"Wha- really?" Ford said excitedly.

"Yeah, come on," Fiddleford said. "Follow me."

\-----

The two were now in the dump. Fiddleford was digging around in the empty hood of a car. Well, sort of empty. Instead of the usual engine, inside the hood was a different machine.

"Let's see, over there? No, not that one," Fiddleford murmured.

"Fidds, why do you work in the dump?" Ford asked, looking around.

"Oh, well, it's easy ta get parts, fer one," Fiddleford began, "an' two, no one usually comes here 'cept for Crazy Chiu. But she don' bother me much." He pulled out a vile filled with a green liquid. "Ah, here it is."

"This will really change my voice?" Ford asked, smiling. "Thanks!"

He drank the potion, walking back to the shack.

"Heh, anything fer you, Ford..." Fiddleford said quietly.

\-----

The next morning, Ford woke up in his bed. He sat up, stretching and yawning.

"Good morning, Stanford," he spoke with a new, deep voice. He gasped. "I did it! I _diiid_ it! Now I have a neeew voice!" He ran over to Stan's bed on the opposite side of the room. "Good morning, Lee. Who's my favorite Lee?"

"AHHH!" Stan screamed upon awakening. He started hitting Ford over the head with a golf club. "Who are you?! What have you done with my brother?! Ford! I'll save you from this body-switching warlock!"

"Lee, it's me!" Ford cried. "This is my new voice. I sound awesome. _Souuund aweeesome._ "

"I know our voices are supposed to change, but this is weird," Stan frowned. "Weird and bad."

"But Stan, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me!" Ford defended. "And just think of the prank calls."

He picked up the phone nearby and dialed a number.

 _"Hello?"_ The man on the other end answered.

"Hello, this is the President of the United States of America. I am calling to tell you-" Ford blew a raspberry into the receiver.

 _"What? Who is this?!"_ The man yelled. Ford laughed and hung up.

"Magnificent!" He laughed.

"Stan no like," Stan shook his head.

\-----

After they got dressed, the twins walked downstairs into the gift shop. Ria was standing behind the register, while Fiddleford and Bella sat nearby.

"How you diddly-doing, guys?" Ford asked. Ria grabbed a broom, chasing him around.

"Kill it! Kill it with fire!" She yelled. "Everybody flee!"

The tourists screamed, running out the door.

"What gives, Ria?!" Ford cried. The woman stopped hitting him with the broom. "You guys all made fun of my old voice."

"Well, at least then you sounded like a real person," Bella said.

"Yeah, now you sound like some weird commercial dude," Ria agreed.

"How- oh man," Fiddleford worried. "Ah'll be righ' back, guys."

He ran out the door, closing it behind him.

"I'll find Mabel," Ford said. "She'll like my new voice. You'll see. I'll be right back after these messages! I mean... goodbye."

\-----

Ford walked downtown, searching around and calling out for Mabel.

"Graunty Mabel! Graunty Mabel!" He yelled. He passed by _Skull Fracture._  "Where are you, Graunty Mabel?!"

"Hey, I know that voice!" The guard yelled. "You're the guy that prank called me earlier!"

"What? No I'm not!" Ford denied. "I'm just a thirteen-year-old boy."

"You expect me to believe that?!" The guard yelled. "You crazy-voiced punk!"

"Wait, no!" Ford cried, running off. "Aeeeee!"

"There's a prank caller on the loose!" The guard announced to the bar inside. "Let's get him!"

The people inside agreed angrily, following the guard in his chase for Ford. He ran down the sidewalk, diving into the hole in the fence from before.

"Escaaaape!" He yelled. The angry mob passed right by him. He walked up to Fiddleford, who was digging around in the car hood from before. "Fiddleford! Your invention was a total disaster!"

"I know, I know," Fiddleford sighed, his face red.

"Stan didn't recognize me," Ford said. He started to sob. "I even sound ridiculous when I cry-y-y!"

"Uh oh. Ford, d-don' cry," Fiddleford frowned, trying to comfort the boy. "Ah hate seeing ya upset. Look, I-I just got the wrong one! That one is fer voice over professionals. I got a better one right here."

He turned to continue searching through the car.

"Phew, good," Ford sighed, relieved.

"It's a good thin' ye got here just in time," Fiddleford smiled over his shoulder, somewhat sadly. "Come sunset, ya'd have gone back to yer, eh, old voice."

"It was pretty ridiculous, wasn't it?" Ford sighed, holding up the recorder.

"Actually, if I'm bein' honest, Ah didn' think it was ridiculous," Fiddleford said, not looking at Ford. "I thought it was... unique."

"You really think so?" Ford asked.

"Yeah. I liked it," Fiddleford smiled softly. He blushed red, handing Ford a vile. "Uh, h-here. This one should work. An' it should be, um, permanent."

"You're really letting me have this?" Ford asked, looking at the red liquid. "I thought you liked my old voice."

"But it's yer voice," Fiddleford shifted his feet, looking down. "I jus' want ya to be happy."

Ford looked at the vile. He took a deep breath and prepared to drink the liquid inside.

\-----

Back at the shack, Ria, Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford were watching TV in the living room. Ford walked in and took a deep breath.

"HeY guYS," he waved, speaking in his normal voice.

"Ford!" Stan said happily.

"Dude, you're back!" Ria smiled.

"Ye didn't drink the potion!" Fiddleford beamed, running over and hugging Ford. They both blushed and Fiddleford pulled away, embarrassed.

"Yeah, well, I guess I realized that even though my voice may not be perfect, it's still mine, and I wouldn't change it for anything," Ford smiled. "Not even for whatever was in this new vial."

He held up the empty vial.

"So what did you do with the rest of that potion?" Bella asked.

"I dumped it in Mabel's coffee," Ford snickered. Mabel walked in, holding a cup of coffee.

"Any of you kids seem mah girdle?" Mabel asked with a Valley girl voice. "Where my girdle at?"

The kids and Ria laughed.

"What? What's so funny?" Mabel asked. "I'm Graunty May-bel! Kids these days. Laughing at they graunty."

\-----

"I spy with my little eye, something that is... black!" Mabel said, looking around the bottomless pit.

"Oh, oh!" Ria raised her hand, "Everything!"

"Yay for Ria!" Mabel cheered. "Remind me to give you a sticker when we get out of this."

"Hey guys, who wants to pass the time by spinning?" Bella asked. She started spinning upside down.

"No," Ford said. Stan started to spin Ford. "WOAH!"

Stan laughed as he ran on top of Ford, rolling him like a log.

"Ow ow ow ow!" Ford said.

"Ford's pain is funny, but I'm starting to get bored," Stan said, floating off of Ford. "Ria, tell a story."

"Really? Ok," Ria said as Ford floated behind them. "This story is called 'Ria's Really Great Pinball Story.' Is that a good title? Does it have to be a pun or whatever?"

\-----

Ria, Fiddleford, and Bella were standing by a pinball machine. Ria was at the controls, while the two younger kids watched. They cheered her on as she played the game.

"This is it, dudes," Ria said. "After four long years of trying, I might finally beat the high scores on Mabel's creepy old pinball game. If I do this, I might finally go down in history with the likes of Sal, Gaff, and of course, Poo."

She pointed to each of the names on the game.

"Have ya ever thought about just, I dunno, tiltin' the machine?" Fiddleford asked.

"But isn't that against the rules?" Ria frowned.

"Screw the rules! Tilt tilt tilt!" Bella chanted. Ria lost the pinball game when the ball rolled through the fins.

"Failure, you stink!" The pinball skull said.

"Alright, that's it," Ria said. "Are you ready kids?"

"Aye aye captain!" Bella said. She and Fiddleford stood on either side of the machine.

"Tilt tilt tilt tilt!" The two kids chanted. The rocked the machine back and forth.

"Quit tiltin', partner!" The skull said. "Quit tiltin'!"

"Tilt!" Ria yelled, tilting the machine up. The ball rolled into the skull's open mouth, scoring Ria the high score.

"Bullseye!" The skull announced. "New high score!"

"This is the best moment of my life," Ria smiled. "This totally beats my old best moment."

"Well that ain't right," the skull said. "You _cheated_!"

"Wha- that thing's alive?" Fiddleford's eyes widened.

"Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?" Bella asked the game. "You're just a pinball game, pinball game. Taunt taunt."

"Uh, fellas?" Fiddleford said nervously. "There's an awful lot'a green lightnin' comin' from the game..."

"No, that's the normal amount of green lightning," Ria said. The lightning struck them.

Ria woke up in the game, wearing old western clothes. She groaned, hitting the buzzer beside her.

"Five more minutes," she said, then sat up. "Woah, you're not a normal alarm clock."

"Ria! We're inside the game!" Bella said. She and Fiddleford ran up to Ria, both dressed in old western clothes.

"Sweet banjo polish," Fiddleford gasped.

"Hushed exclamation of wonder," Ria whispered.

"Awesome!" Bella laughed. The three friends started running around and playing.

"If this is a dream, I never want to wake up!" Ria said.

"That can be arranged," the skull said. "Welcome to Tumbleweed Terror, partner!"

"Hey, it's the skeleton cowboy guy," Ria said. "Did you zap me into your game to congratulate me on getting the high score? I beat Poo, dude!"

"Hardly, and if'n I do recall, I did warn y'all not to cheat," the machine said. "I tried to be gentleman-like, but I'm plum sick of being tilted. So, now I reckon, I'm gonna tilt you."

Fiddleford and Bella gasped, clinging on to each other in fear.

"Oh yeah? Well take this!' Ria yelled. She punched a button, but her fist bounced back to hit herself in the eye. "Ow! And this!" She did it again with the same results. "Ow, it hurts! I wish this was working better."

She punched the button one more time, and once again it came back to punch herself in the face. She fell backwards to the ground.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results," Bella said.

"Ria!" Fiddleford rushed over to her. The skull laughed.

"Get yourselves ready for the..." the words 'Multi-ball' appeared on a screen.

"Multi-ball!" The three gasped. Three pinballs rolled out of the skull's mouth, chasing after the two kids and Ria. The skull laughed again.

"Quick, over there!" Fiddleford said. The three ran over to the area behind the cardboard wall.

"Where'd ya go?" The skull said. "I'm not done teaching you a lesson about cheating, yet!"

"How are we gonna get out of here?" Fiddleford asked. "Think, guys!"

"I'm trying," Ria said. "But it's hard with that handsome pinball bartender distracting me." She waved to a cutout of a male bartender. "Okay. Don't worry, guys, I know every inch of this machine. There's a manual power switch inside. I can sneak in there and turn off the game. But we'll have to distract the cowboy guy. Are either of you good at jumping up and down and making annoying noises?"

Bella stood up, her short hair ruffling in a breeze.

"My time has come," she said.

"Alright, let's go, Ria," Fiddleford said. "Ria?"

"So are you, like, doing anything later?" Ria was talking to the cutout. Fiddleford walked over and spun the bartender. "Right."

"Come on out and show yourselves, varmints!" The skull yelled.

"Hey, over here!" Bella shouted, catching the skull's attention. She was jumping up and down on a buzzer. "Look at me! Watch this!"

She started dancing and blowing raspberries. Fiddleford did the same on the opposite buzzer.

"Something ain't right here," the machine mused. "Let me see where this is going."

While Bella and Fiddleford were distracting the skull, Ria climbed into a minecart. It rolled down the track, leading to the inside of the game.

The skull was laughing, watching the kids.

"Yippee ti yi _what_?" He said, noticing that Ria was gone. "Where'd ya go?" He tried to turn his head. "Darnit, I wish I had a neck."

Bella and Fiddleford escaped to find Ria. Fiddleford pulled out a screw from the floor and saw Ria below them. She was looking at a big green button.

"Psssst, Ria!" Fiddleford called quietly. "What're you doin'? Just press the button!"

"Ok, so, I was going to do that," Ria began, "but I've been thinking. According to this, turning off the machine erases the scores permanently. That high score is like, my one big life accomplishment."

"What?! If you don't press that button, we could die in here!" Bella cried, her voice higher than usual.

"Fair point," Ria nodded. "But, what is life anyway, when compared to the immortality of a high score?"

"Ria, are ye out of yer-!" Fiddleford yelled.

"There y'all are," the skull said. "Get ready to meet your maker, kids. My maker is Ballway Games in Redmond, Washington."

The skull took a deep breath, pulling the kids towards him. They clawed at the ground, trying to hold on.

"Ria!" Bella yelled.

"Ria, please!" Fiddleford cried. "Turn it off!"

"Uhhh," Ria bit her lip. "Goodbye, high score!"

She pressed the button. The high scores disappeared one by one, and Ria and the kids appeared back to normal, outside the game.

"Woah! Are you dudes alright?" Ria asked the younger teens.

"Yeah! You did it! You freed us!" Bella cheered, hugging Ria.

"Sorry about yer high score, Ria," Fiddleford said.

"Aw, it's ok," Ria said. "I've got a new life accomplishment now. Saving you dudes." Fiddleford smiled, joining the hug. "You think that pinball bartender will call me?"

\-----

The group of friends were still falling through the bottomless pit.

"I can't believe this nonsense," Stan said. "Magic tonics? Ria winning at something? Where did you get this stuff? Here, I'll tell you a real story. It's called 'Stanley Wins The Football Bowl.'"

\-----

Stan was running across a football field. He made a touchdown and cheered, dancing.

"Stan Pines!" A football player said. He walked over with the rest of the team. "I used to think little kids couldn't accomplish anything. But you taught me and my gloating friends a lesson."

Another guy pushed over a giant trophy. A woman was sitting on top of it.

"Here's your football trophy, Stan!" The woman said.

"Thanks, beautiful woman!" Stan smiled. "But I couldn't have done it without my sidekick, Footbot."

A robot stood to the side, kicking its legs.

"Thank you for building me, Daddy," the robot said. Stan laughed as the robot ran over and fireworks went off behind them. "I love you, Stan."

\-----

Ford, Bella, Fiddleford, Ria, and Mabel booed the story.

"What? That was a great story!" Stan folded his arms. "I even threw in a talking robot."

"Yeah yeah, I'm gonna tell a _non-_ terrible story," Bella said, taking the glow stick. "It's called 'Monster Falls'!"

\-----

Mabel was leading the twins, Bella, and Fiddleford through the woods. Fiddleford was dragging a wagon full of bottles behind him.

"Here we are, boys!" Mabel said, smiling. "This is the river I told you about."

"It does look very clean," Fiddleford said.

"So, wait, your plan is to sell this water from a random river you found in the forest?" Ford asked, looking at Mabel. "I don't know if that's a good idea..."

"Lighten up, Pointdexter," Stan said. He stuck his feet in the cold water. "It's just water."

"Yeah, so let's get to work filling up all these bottles," Mabel said.

The kids started to fill up the bottles with water, having fun in the river as they worked. By the time they were done, the four kids and even Mabel were soaked. They walked back to the shack, shivering at the sudden chill they felt.

"Alright kids, go on up to bed," Mabel told the twins. "We'll sell the water tomorrow."

"Graunty Mabel, can Bella and Fiddleford sleep over?" Stan asked.

"Yeah, I feel too tired to walk home," Bella yawned.

"Well alright. I'll call your parents and tell them where you are," Mabel said. The kids cheered, running upstairs to the attic. Mabel chuckled, shaking her head.

"Hey Ms. Pines," Ria said, entering the room. "I was just about to head home."

"Hey, want some water for the road?" Mabel offered, holding out a bottle. "It's really good."

"Yeah, ok," Ria smiled and took the bottle. "Thanks, Ms. Pines!"

\-----

The next day, Ford was the first to wake up. He opened his eyes, seeing the blurry outlines of Fiddleford and Bella asleep on the floor. Except they looked... different. Even without his glasses.

"Wha- Ford? Why does your face look so fluffy?"

Ford looked over at his brother, slipping on his glasses. He blinked a few times to make sure he was correctly seeing the sight in front of him.

"Lee, you're a gargoyle!" Ford yelled. In turn, this woke up Fiddleford and Bella.

"Huh?" Stan looked himself over, seeing the rough stone instead of skin. He saw a long stone tail, and wings sprouting from his back. He felt two stone horns poking out from under his messy brown hair. His eyes glowed yellow.

"Woah, what's going on?" Bella asked. She was covered in black fur, her eyes a bright, cat-like yellow instead of their usual brown. She had a cat tail and ears, and her teeth were sharp and pointy.

"I-I don't know," Fiddleford shook. He seemed to be some sort of large bird. He had a beak on his face, and his arms were replaced by big wings.

And lastly, Ford. After a quick once-over, he had deduced that he was a griffon. He had a lion's body and eagle wings on his back. He ran his tongue over his teeth, feeling that they were unusually sharp.

"We seemed to have been turned into monsters," Ford said, wiggling the six toes on his front paw.

"But why? How?" Bella asked. Her ears were folded back.

"Maybe it had something to do the water," Stan said.

"Yeah, it's a river in the middle of a weird forest," Fiddleford agreed. "Ah'd be surprised if it _didn'_ have any magic innit."

"Kids!!"

"That's Graunty Mabel!" Ford said. "Come on!"

They rushed downstairs to see that Mabel was a mermaid. She had managed to get herself into the fish tank, and was wearing a fish sweater.

"Do any of you know what's going on?" Mabel asked. Ford turned around, flipping through the journal so Mabel couldn't see.

"T-there has to be something about this in the journal," Ford muttered. "Ah, here we go. _The Fluvius Cantatis is a river in the forest. Coming into contact or drinking its water will turn the_ _person_ _into a monster based on their personality._ "

"That's great, but is there a _cure_ , Pointdexter?" Stan asked.

"Yes, it's right here," Ford said. " _After some searching,_ _I've_ _discovered a flower deep in the forest that, once ground up and eaten,_ _will_ _change_ _a monster_ _back_ _to their original form._ "

"Awesome!" Bella smiled. "Don't worry Ms. Pines, we're gonna go find the cure!"

The kids ran out the door, but bumped into Ria before they could get into the woods.

"Ria! Y-yer a skeleton!" Fiddleford gasped.

"Yeah dudes, I woke up like this," Ria said. "Uh, do you know how to fix it?"

"There's a special flower in the forest," Ford explained. "We were just about to go get it."

"Sweet! I'll come with you," Ria said. "You know, to keep you safe."

\-----

Soon the kids and Ria were walking through the forest. Ford was reading the journal.

" _Unfortunately, the flower lies in the fairies' territory,_ " Ford read aloud. " _It's_ _difficult to retrieve the flower, but the fairies are usually open for a trade._ "

"Ugh, not the fairies," Stan groaned. "Do we really have to do this?"

"There's no other way," Ford said. "We need that flower."

The kids and Ria walked some more before they started to see signs of the fairies. They saw traces of fairy dust on the ground and followed the path. They eventually reached the tree clearing where they lived.

"Well well well, Stan Pines."

They turned towards Jill, the leader of the fairies. She was sitting in a gathering of flowers. A few butterflies fluttered around, feeding on the nectar.

"Hey... Jill..." Stan waved awkwardly.

"What are you doing here?" Jill asked. "Finally decide to become our king?"

"Ugh, no," Stan rolled his eyes. "In case you haven't noticed, we've been turned into monsters."

"Oh, what a shame," Jill said, feigning interest. "And how does that affect me?"

"We need your help," Ford said, holding out the journal. He pointed to the drawing of the flower. "This flower only grows in your territory, and we need some to change back to normal."

"Oh? And what do I get in return?" Jill asked. She looked over the journal, finding it familiar. Almost as though she had seen it as a baby.

"We'll give ye anythin', we just gotta get that flower," Fiddleford promised.

"Anything, eh?" Jill smiled sweetly. "How about a kiss?"

"Ew!" Stan yelled. "Anything but that!"

"Here! How about..." Bella kneeled down next to the flower patch. She picked some flowers by the bottom of their stems, weaving them into a crown for Jill. "There!"

"Oh! It's beautiful!" Jill giggled, taking the flower crown and setting it on her head. "Can you make a necklace? And a matching bracelet?"

"In exchange for some of the magic flowers?" Bella said, working some flowers into a necklace.

"Absolutely!" Jill smiled. The boys and Ria cheered.

\-----

Bella walked off with the others, holding a small bundle of the magic flowers. They waved goodbye to Jill, who now sported flower jewelry.

Once they got back to the shack, Ford ground up the petals of the flowers and sprinkled them into cups of water for each him, Stan, Bella, Fiddleford, Ria, and Mabel. The water shone a bright pink before dimming.

"Hope this works," Ford said, picking up his glass.

\-----

The next day, they had all changed back to normal. Mabel locked the bottles of water in a box, pushing it over the edge of the Bottomless Pit.

\-----

"And the box full of magical water was never seen again," Bella finished. She looked over and saw the box falling next to them. "Oh, there it is."

"Oh sweet, my shoes!" Ria said. She grabbed them out of the air and slipped them back onto her feet.

"I like the part with the mermaid," Mabel said. "The rest seemed a little far-fetched."

"Bella, we already know that story," Ford said. "We just lived through it."

"Well it would still make an interesting book," Bella said.

"Wait, so, if we're living through that story right now, then how does it end?" Ria asked.

"Uh, I haven't gotten that far yet," Bella said. Ford looked below them, seeing a white light.

"Uh, guys?" He said. "Do you see that?"

"What is it?" Fiddleford asked.

"Oh no."

"Where are we going?!"

"Not good!"

Mabel, Ria, the twins, Bella, and Fiddleford screamed as they approached the light. They fell out of the pit, falling back out the top. Waddles squealed, running off.

"Where... where are we?" Mabel asked.

"Look, the shack!" Ford pointed out.

"Which means," Fiddleford turned to look at the pit, "we came right back out the top."

"And I don't think any time has passed," Bella said, looking at her phone.

"It must be some kind of worm hole," Ford mused.

"Yeah dude, that sounds sciencey enough to be true," Ria nodded in agreement.

"But- but that's impossible!" Mabel said. She leaned on the sign nearby. "No one will believe us!"

"Maybe this is a story that we keep to ourselves," Ford said.

"Agreed," they all said together. Mabel screamed as she fell back into the pit.

"She'll be fine," Stan said.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Mabel fell down the hole for a good few seconds. She sighed and fell some more.

"This is stupid."


	15. The Deep End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan gets seduced by a fish, but Ford saves the day with Gay Power™.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I decided to switch Mermando and Darlene's species, but not their personalities and goals. Aka Darlene is a siren (pretending to be a mermaid) who is trying to kill Stan for food, and Mermando (or Armando) is a spider-person who wants to get back home, but needs Mabel's help to do so.

It was a burning hot day in Gravity Falls. Inside, the twins, Bella, Fiddleford, Ria, and Mabel were sitting in the living room, not really enjoying the heat. Wax Mason melted in the other room. The wallpaper peeled away in the heat. Even the water in the fish tank was boiling up.

 _"Watch out, Gravity Falls, because at a 110 degrees, we're looking at the hottest day of the summer!"_ Thompson Determined said on the radio.

"All those in favor of doing nothing all day, say 'Ugh'," Ford groaned. The others repeated him, raising their hands. Gompers walked up to Mabel.

"I'm gonna throw this goat outta the house!" She snapped. Gompers bleated, chomping down on Mabel's fez. "You called my bluff, goat."

 _"On the bright side, pun very much intended, it's opening week at the Gravity Falls Pool,"_ Thompson continued.

"Gravity Falls Pool?" Ford perked up.

"Today?" Stan said.

"Pun intended?" Bella repeated.

"Quick, to the car!" Mabel cheered. She attempted to get up, but was stuck to the wooden floorboards. "Hey Lee, Ford, a little help here?"

The twins walked over with spatulas, peeing Mabel off the floor. The floorboards stuck to her back.

"Alright, off to the pool!" Mabel smiled, walking outside.

 _"_ _And remember to be on alert for random wildfires!"_ Thompson warned.

"Wait, what?" Mabel said. She screamed as the wood stuck to her back caught fire.

"She'll be fine," Stan assured.

\-----

"Ah, the pool!" Stan said. Him and the others were at the pool in their swimsuits. "A sparkling oasis of summer fun!"

"Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers," Mabel rolled her eyes. "It's like the bus, but wet."

Ford looked at the towel Ria was carrying.

"Why would the sun need to wear glasses?" Ford asked.

"To protect his eyes from your face," Bella said.

"Haha, dude you just got roasted," Ria laughed.

"Woah, stop the presses!" Stan said, holding out his arms. He was looking at a girl in the pool with long, blond hair. She had dreamcatcher earrings and a pink bikini top. Her lower half was covered by a pool floatie. "Who _is_ that?"

"Oh right," Fiddleford said. "Word is, she never leaves the pool. Folks say she's a 'Mysterious loner'."

Stan's eyes widened and he started to fan himself with his hands.

"Is it getting hot out here, or is it just _that_ girl?" He asked.

"It's the hottest day of the year, Lee," Ford said. Crumbs from Ria's chips fell into his hair. "Besides, can't you go one week without having a new crush on some random girl?"

"Uh-uh," Stan shook his head and gasped. "Look at her little freckles!"

"You are clearly enamored," Ria said. "Go to her."

Stan ran across the pool, but he tripped over a bucket and two men in lawn chairs. They yelled at him as he kept running. Stan stepped in a lawn chair and had to pull his leg out before knocking over a basket of beach balls.

"It's so beautiful," Ria whispered.

"Eh, Lee's all talk," Ford waved it off. "You wanna know a secret? He's never even kissed a girl before. He always messes it up somehow."

"Ugh, boys," Mabel said. A water balloon splashed in her face. "Ahh!"

"Hey Ms. Pines!" Dan waved from the lifeguard chair.

"Dan? Where's the life guard?" Mabel asked.

"I _am_ the lifeguard," Dan said. "I make the rules, sucka! Boosh!"

He threw more water balloons at Mabel.

"Ahh! He's attacking me with water!" Mabel cried, running off. Ford, Ria, Bella, Fiddleford, and Dan laughed.

"Well, I'm gonna swim," Bella said. She took her glasses off and handed them to Ria, who put them in her bag. Bella snapped on a swimming mask and dove into the water.

"Wow, you work here?" Ford asked Dan, looking up at him.

"I found out lifeguards get free snack privileges," Dan folded his hands behind his head. "Plus I get the best seat in the house."

"Yeah you do!" Ford laughed nervously, then added in a whisper. "I've been laughing for too long."

"Dude, are you and Dan having a secret staring contest?" Ria asked. "Because I think you're winning."

"Ria! Ssh!" Ford pushed Ria away.

"Ah think I'll just go join Bella in the pool," Fiddleford said awkwardly, walking off. Dan looked at Ford, confused.

"So hey! You wanna go chuck some more water balloons at Graunty Mabel?" Ford asked.

"I wish I could, but I gotta spend the day doing tryouts," Dan said. He pointed to the open seat beside him. "We're looking for a new assistant lifeguard."

"Hey!" Ford said excitedly. He cleared his throat, repeating in a deeper voice. "Hey. What if I was the assistant lifeguard?"

"Dude, that would be awesome!" Dan cheered. "You're so in!" He tossed a hat at Ford, who caught it. "You just gotta check in with my boss, Mr. Poolcheck."

"Your boss?" Ford repeated. He looked where Dan was pointing, at a man on the other side of the pool. The man dropped and did some push ups with his index fingers. He looked at Ford, causing him to gasp.

\-----

The girl Stan was looking at before was relaxing in the pool. She sipped on a lemonade, setting it on the floatie in front of her. Suddenly Stan burst out of the water, startling the girl.

"Hi there!" Stan greeted. "Oh, I seem to have lost my number. Can I borrow yours?"

"Oh, you are a _riot_!" The girl laughed and hummed lightly. "What's your name?"

"Stan Pines! But most just know me as Stan," Stan smiled. "May I ask the lovely lady _her_ name?"

"It's Darlene," the girl answered. "I'm charmed by your sense of humor. And your bold lack of water wings."

"Oh, you're pretty funny yourself," Stan laughed. "And your hair is so beautiful."

He reached out to stroke it, but Darlene pulled her hair away.

"No, it has silly tangles," she denied, sighing in a sing-song fashion.

"I could..." Stan pulled out a comb and ran it through Darlene's hair.

"Wow Stan, you're so kind," Darlene smiled.

 _This is it, Stan!_ Stan thought.  _She likes you. Go for it! Ask her out on a date!_

"Say, how about we dry off and hit the snack bar?" Stan suggested.

"I'm afraid I can't," Darlene sighed. "For I have a terrible secret! I-I must go."

She swam off, pushing the floatie in front of her.

"I'm upset," Stan frowned. "Yet intrigued..."

\-----

"And that is why I think I would make a good assistant lifeguard," Ford was talking to Mr. Poolcheck. The man walked over to Ford, sniffing him.

"SPF 100," he said. "Good. I like you. But this isn't an easy job! It's anarchy out there."

Ford looked at the pool, which was calm and happy.

"I think I can handle it," he said.

"Can you handle THIS?!" Mr. Poolcheck yelled. Ford turned to look at him and yelled at seeing his detached hand. "I lost my HAND to a pool filter!" He reattached his hand to his arm. "The pool may seem friendly, but she can turn on you in an instant. Which is why you must respect her rules! Do you think you have what it takes, boy? Do you?!"

Ford looked at Dan, who was giving him a thumbs up.

"Sure, I guess," Ford said. Mr. Poolcheck put a whistle on a rope around Ford's neck.

"Welcome to the deep end, son," Mr. Poolcheck nodded.

"Well thanks, I-" Ford was cut off by Mr. Poolcheck pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. "Oh, yup. This is happening."

\-----

"There it is, Ria," Mabel said. She was showing Ria over to a pool chair. "Equal distance from the snack bar and the bathroom. Just the right amount of sun and shade. And pointed away from where Chiu lotions herself. The perfect lawn chair."

"The legends you told me in the car were true," Ria gasped.

"I just can't believe it wasn't already taken," Mabel said, tossing her towel over the back. "And now to sit in it, therefore claiming it as my own."

She sat down on the end, but a foot rested on her back.

"What?!" She yelled. She looked back to see Buddy sitting in the chair.

"Why hello, Mabel," Buddy giggled.

"Buddy!" Mabel screamed, standing up. "Get outta my chair, kid!"

"Oh, was this your chair?" Buddy asked. "I had no idea." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Yes I did, Mabel. Yes I did."

"Move it, you little troll!" Mabel snapped.

"First come first serve," Buddy said, rolling around in the chair.

"I'll first serve you!" Mabel yelled. She picked up Buddy and a whistle sounded.

\-----

Mabel was being shut in pool jail.

"Come on, Dan!" Mabel begged as the teen locked the gate. "You can't do this to me!"

"Sorry Mabel, it's not up to me," Dan said, then laughed. "Oh wait, yes it is."

"Hey Dan!" Ford ran up to him, holding out the whistle. "I got the job!"

"Sweet! Wanna go abuse our powers?" Dan asked.

"But what if Poolcheck catches us?" Ford worried. "He seems emotionally unstable."

"Pssh, you just gotta be sneaky about your rule-breaking," Dan waved it off. "Race ya to the no running sign!"

The two ran off, laughing. Poolcheck scooped up some water from in the pool in a cup, drinking it. He looked at Ford, licking the water from his upper lip. Ford slowed to a walking pace.

\-----

"How long you in for?" A kid in pool jail asked Mabel.

"Two hours for rough housing," Mabel said. "But I'm innocent!"

"Eh, pool jail ain't so bad," the second kid said. "As long as you don't end up in solitary."

They looked at a boy, who was trapped in a pool vent.

"It's the nights that are the hardest," he said quietly.

\-----

Meanwhile with Darlene, Stan rose out of the water beside her. She looked at him, and he sunk back under. This happened a few times before Stan popped out of the water.

"Hey there!" Stan said loudly. "I brought a sandwich for the beautiful lady. It's a little wet, but it's still good."

He set the soggy sandwich on the floatie.

"Oh, that's so nice of you," Darlene smiled.

"I like sharing things," Stan said. "Sandwiches, secrets." He leaned over to Darlene, whispering, "Tell me your secret, Darlene."

"Well, you have been so kind to me," Darlene mused and hummed. Her hair blew in the wind, "Ok then. But you must never tell anyone else my secret." Stan nodded. "You must stay away from me because I am," Darlene moved the raft, revealing a pink fish tail, "a mermaid."

"Oh, thank goodness," Stan sighed. "I thought you were gonna say you liked girls. A mermaid! Who woulda known?"

"No one, hopefully," Darlene said. She sung lightly, but Stan couldn't make out any words.

"Your voice is so light and beautiful," Stan said. "How old are you?"

"I am only 13," Darlene shared. "Mermaids voices change when we're like, three."

"But I don't understand, Darlene," Stan said. "What's a girl like you doing in a public pool?"

"It is a tragic story," Darlene sighed. "I was swimming with my dolphin friends, when I was caught in a fishing net. The boat was going to Gravity Falls, and I escaped at the soonest possible moment. I tried to swim back home, but I couldn't. I fell down a drainage pipe and ended up here."

"Woah," Stan gasped.

"But now that you know what I am, you must hate me," Darlene sighed sadly.

"What?" Stan said. "Darlene, I don't care that you're a mermaid! You're like, the most beautiful girl I've ever met! And you have a very pretty singing voice."

"Oh Stan, I've never met a man like you," Darlene smiled. "Would you like to play a game of Marco Polo?"

"I'd love to!" Stan smiled.

\-----

"Oh _marcooo_!" Darlene was heard singing. Buddy was putting on sunscreen, giggling.

"Ooh, my cheeks are baby soft," he giggled. Mabel was watching him from the bathrooms.

"Look at him," she growled. "That smug, chair-stealing jerk. But I can't touch him, or the pool police will throw me in pool jail. Hmm..."

She looked at the sun reflecting off her watch. She snickered evilly, attempting to shine the light in Buddy's eyes.

"Yes, yes! Burn the child..." she said. Buddy pulled out a pair of sunglasses, reflecting the light back at Mabel. "AHH! MY EYES!"

She fell into the pool. Buddy put his sunglasses on.

"Deal with it," he said.

\-----

Ria was slipping into an inflatable duck tube.

" _Ria_ ," a voice sounded.

"Inflatable duck guy, is that you?" Ria asked.

" _Yes Ria,_ _I_ _can talk_!" The duck said.

"Yes! I knew you guys were secretly alive!" Ria cheered.

Unbeknownst to her, Ford and Dan were around the corner, holding a megaphone. They were the ones making the duck talk. They snickered and shushed each other.

" _My people have been enslaved, Ria!_ " The 'duck' said. " _You_ _must free us!_ "

"The inflatable duck resolution is at hand!" Ria announced. Ford and Dan laughed, when suddenly they heard a whistle. Poolcheck rode by on the pool cart.

"Pool's closing! Everyone clear out!" He yelled. Bella ran by, laughing while squirting Fiddleford with a squirt gun. "No running!"

"Poolcheck!" Ford worried.

"Hide!" Dan hissed.

"Out! Do not _touch_!" Poolcheck yelled at Ria, who was reaching for the inflatable ducks. "Assistant Lifeguard!" Ford stopped in his tracks, nervous. "Have a good night, son. Lock up for me."

Poolcheck removed his prosthetic hand, letting the keys fall out of it and into Ford's hand. Ford took the keys, locking up the supplies.

Stan was combing Darlene's hair, while the two laughed at a joke he had just told. They heard the whistle.

"Oh, the pool is closing," Darlene said sadly. "Can I see you tonight?"

"Sure! Where?" Stan asked excitedly. "You wanna go for a walk?"

"...Mermaid... I am a mermaid," Darlene said.

"Oh, right," Stan climbed out of the water. "Then I'll be back tonight."

Darlene watched after him, singing quietly. Some of the lyrics were audible this time.

"It's about time... you will be mine..."

\-----

That night, Stan drove up to the pool in the golf cart. He used the handle of the pool skimmer to climb up the fence.

"Look, here's a photo album of human stuff," Stan said. He set the photo album on the concrete, showing Darlene. "Here's me standing with my legs. And here's me kicking Ford in his legs. He couldn't walk for a week! Could you imagine? Not being able to walk?"

"Maybe we should skip this part," Darlene said.

"And here's my whole family kickboxing," Stan said, pointing to another picture. "Those two are Fiddleford and Bella. They're not family, but I think Fidds likes Ford."

Darlene sighed, swimming away.

"What's wrong?" Stan asked, swimming after her. Darlene sung under her breath before speaking.

"I miss my home," she told him. "Back in the ocean."

"Well why don't you just leave the pool?" Stan asked.

"I couldn't get too far," Darlene sighed. "My tail is too heavy to drag behind me, and the concrete is rough on my scales. No, I'm glad I'm here. Because I met you."

She watched as a shooting star flew across the sky.

\-----

The next day, Sheriff Holt and Deputy Roy were sitting on a bench by the pool, putting on sunscreen. Suddenly two lifesavers fell around them.

"I'm scared!" Roy cried.

"Me too!" Holt gasped.

Ford and Dan were sitting atop the lifeguard chairs, laughing. They had been the ones to throw the lifesavers.

"100 points!" Ford said.

"Dude! With this job, you and me are gonna be having fun all summer," Dan smiled.

"All summer?" Ford blushed and grinned. Poolcheck blew the whistle from below. He was standing next to the trapped Roy and Holt.

"Pines! Here! Now!"

\-----

Ford and Poolcheck were in front of the supply building. Poolcheck was pacing in front of Ford.

"You gave me your WORD," Poolcheck yelled, "that you would respect the pool rules!"

"Mr. Poolcheck, are you crying?" Ford asked.

"That's not important right now!" Poolcheck sniffed and wiped his eyes off on his sleeve. "You're on thin ice, boy! You wanna keep this job? Well, some maniac broke in to the supplies closet last night and destroyed our one and only pool skimmer! I want you on stake out. If one more supply gets taken, you're fired!"

"I won't let you down, sir," Ford promised.

\-----

"Darlene, get ready!" Stan yelled. The two of them were in the pool, and Stan was holding a beach ball. "I'm gonna bring the heat!"

He tossed the ball at Darlene, but it bounced off her head.

"Hey Darlene, are you alright?" Stan asked. Darlene swam over to him. "It's your home, isn't it? Do you miss it?"

"Hmmm," the mermaid hummed sadly.

"Darlene, enough is enough!" Stan yelled. "I care about you too much to see you so miserable. We're gonna bust you outta here and get you back home!"

"Oh Stanley, you really mean it?" Darlene said happily. "Thank you!"

"We're breaking you out of here tonight!" Stan said, determined.

\-----

That night, Ford was pacing next to the fence, flashlight in hand.

"Alright Stanford, here's the plan," he spoke to himself. "Catch the trespasser, protect the supplies, keep job at pool, and eventually marry Dan." He heard a noise and pointed the flashlight towards the fence. "Who's there?!"

He pointed the flashlight towards the noise, which turned out to be Mabel cutting the fence.

"Graunty Mabel?" Ford said, confused.

"Uh, I'm sleepwalking," Mabel lied. "Also now I'm sleeptalking. Nice hat by the way."

"You're the one destroying pool supplies?" Ford asked.

"What? No!" Mabel denied. "My crime is way better than that! I'm gonna get that chair and be ready in the morning when Buddy comes. And then maybe I'll destroy some pool supplies. Night's still young."

Ford blew his whistle loudly.

"Alright, I get it," Mabel said. "Hey look, Dan in a speedo!"

"Really? At night?" Ford spun around.

"Nope!" Mabel ran past Ford and bolted towards the chair.

"Hey!" Ford yelled, running after her. Stan appeared from a bush, driving the golf cart through the hole in the fence. Darlene saw him and swam over.

"Stanley!" Darlene smiled.

"Are you ready to go home?" Stan asked.

"Yes, but how can I, a mermaid, possibly escape?" Darlene asked.

"We'll transport you in this cooler," Stan explained, filling up a cooler with water. "I would let you sit up front, but if you're in the cooler, then no one will see you."

Stan dragged Darlene on land by her arms. He struggled to pick her up and set her in the cooler.

"Hey! Who goes there?!"

"Quick, hide!" Stan hissed, shoving the lid on top of the cooler.

"Lee?" Ford said, walking over. "Is anyone _not_ breaking in tonight? What, is Ria here too?"

Ria climbed over the fence, landing on the ground.

"I'm ok!" She said.

"Go home, Ria," Ford ordered.

"You got it," Ria nodded.

"So, why are you here?" Ford asked his twin.

"Uh, no reason," Stan lied. A cough sounded from the cooler.

"Did that cooler just cough?" Ford asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't be silly," Stan laughed nervously. "There certainly isn't a mermaid in there, if that's what you're implying. Who said anything about a mermaid?"

"Stan, I don't have time for this," Ford groaned. "If you don't give me those supplies, I'll loose the coolest job ever!"

"Alright, I'm going, yeesh," Stan said. "Let me just-" He jumped on the golf cart, flooring it with the cooler still aboard. "Sorry, Sixer!"

"Stanley!" Ford cried. He climbed on the pool cart, racing after him.

"We're gonna get you home!" Stan yelled to Darlene.

"Hand over those pool supplies in the name of pool law!" Ford spoke through the megaphone.

"Pool law is stupid!" Stan snapped. "And so is your hat!

A water balloon hit the golf cart. Ford was throwing them using the broken pool skimmer. Stan dodged the onslaught of balloons.

"Look, Gravity Falls Lake!" Stan said, pointing to the sign. Darlene peeked out from the cooler, watching the scene.

\-----

Back at the pool, Mabel snuck out of the bathroom where she was hiding.

"The coast is clear," she said. She walked over to the chair and laid down. "Now all I have to do is wait here for eight hours until the pool opens... This was a good plan."

\-----

Ford tossed another water balloon, causing the water from the cooler to start leaking out.

"Hurry, he's catching up!" Darlene cried. Stan drove towards the lake, slamming on the breaks. He jumped off the cart when the cooler fell off.

"The jig is up!" Ford yelled, slowing down his out cart. "Hand over that cooler!"

"Never!" Stan argued.

"Why not?" Ford asked. "Why do you even need it?"

Stan bit his lip.

"I needed the cooler to save my new friend because she needs to go home and she needs to be in the cooler because no one can know about her because she's a mermaid!" Stan explained, opening the cooler. Darlene rolled out, looking up at Ford.

"Stan, that's not a mermaid!" Ford's eyes widened. "It's a siren!"

The two boys screamed as Darlene lunged at them, hissing. Her teeth grew sharp and her eyes turned black. Her skin became slimey and more fish-like, her ears becoming fins and her scales growing sharper. Her top seemed to melt into her skin.

"What the-?!" Stan stared. "Darlene?!"

"Yes Stan, I'm a siren, not a mermaid," Darlene said, sitting up. "Very crucial differences people don't usually pick up on."

"B-but I thought you liked me!" Stan said. "You said a was a real catch!"

"Yes, the catch of the day," Darlene clarified. She jumped forward, grabbing Stan's ankle. He screamed as she dragged him towards the water.

"Ford, help me!" He cried, reaching for his brother. Darlene was now in the water, and Stan was knee deep. The siren kept her head above water and started to sing.

"Stan, don't listen to her!" Ford cried. "The singing- it hypnotizes you!"

It was too late, though, as Stan seemed to already be under Darlene's spell. He stood in the water, no longer struggling to escape. Darlene turned towards Ford, raising her voice, but it didn't seem to work on the older twin.Ford shouted, jumping on Darlene.

"What?! Why aren't you hypnotized?!" Darlene yelled, thrashing her tail in the water.

"Newsflash, siren!" Ford snapped. "Your spell doesn't work if I'm not interested in girls!"

He shoved her into a fishing net, which was left tied to the dock.

"No! No, let me out!" She screamed, biting and tearing at the thick rope, but it didn't let up.

"Lee, Lee!" Ford said, shaking his brother. Stan snapped out of his trance, shaking his head.

"Wha- what happened?" He asked. "Wait, Darlene's a siren?"

"Yeah! Oh, thank goodness you're ok!" Ford sighed, wrapping Stan in a hug. The two watched as Darlene morphed back into her mermaid form. Her upper half was above water as she played with her hair.

" _Staaaaaanleyyyy_ ," Darlene sung. "I'm sorry, I dunno what came over me. You'll let me out, right?"

"What?! Do I look like an amnesiac to you?!" Stan yelled. Darlene giggled.

"You're so funny," she laughed. "Have you ever thought of becoming a comedian?"

Stan smiled slightly.

"You know, I actually have," he said. "Uh, here, let me help you out of that thing."

He walked to the end of the dock and was about to free Darlene.

"Stan, no!" Ford pulled him back just as Darlene turned into a siren again.

"Oh, right," Stan said.

"You win this round, Stan!" Darlene snapped. "But mark my words, as long as there's boys like you out there, with their dumb one-liners and pickup moves, I'll never run out of prey!"

"Let's get outta here," Stan said.

\-----

The next day, Poolcheck was pacing around.

"A wrecked fence, dents in the pool mobile, and someone here before hours," Poolcheck said angrily. "Who is responsible for this?!"

"It's my fault, sir," Ford sighed, stepping forward. "I'm sorry. I got in too deep."

"Hand. Over. The WHISTLE, boy!" Poolcheck yelled. Ford gave him the whistle, which Poolcheck promptly ate. Ford backed away from him, slightly scared. Poolcheck swallowed the whistle.

"If one more thing goes wrong today-" he began. Ria ran behind him, tossing the inflatable ducks over the fence.

"You're free now, free!" She said.

"YOU!" Poolcheck shouted. Ria screamed and climbed over the fence. Poolcheck burst through it, chasing after her.

"Get 'em, get em'!" Tyler said, walking over.

Ford walked off sadly, when suddenly a water balloon hit him in the face.

"Hey dork," Dan said. "You'll never guess what happened. I just got fired."

"What? Really?" Ford asked.

"Yeah," Dan shrugged. "I guess Poolcheck found out I was taking too many snacks."

"How many?" Ford asked. Dan removed his hat to reveal a stack of chips. They both laughed.

"Hey, wanna go break rules somewhere else?" Dan suggested.

"Do I!" Ford agreed. The two left, laughing.

\-----

Stan sighed sadly, sitting on the edge of the pool. Bella walked over.

"Hey dude, what's wrong?" She asked, sitting next to him.

"I met this really cool mermaid, but she turned out to be a siren," Stan explained. "She didn't really like me. And I guess I'm still kinda upset."

"Well if she can't see how amazingly awesome you are, then she doesn't deserve you," Bella said. "She doesn't know what she's missing."

"Really?" Stan looked up at the young teen, smiling lightly.

"Really," Bella nodded, wrapping an arm around Stan in a one-armed hug.

\-----

Buddy walked up to the lawn chair, seeing Mabel sitting in it.

"Mabel!" Buddy cried, jumping. Mabel laughed and Buddy sighed. "Well, I guess you've won. Put 'er there."

Mabel reached up to shake his hand, but couldn't move.

"Hey, what the-?" She struggled.

"Unless perhaps I predicted your plan, and coated the entire chair with glue last night!" Buddy laughed. "Enjoy your chair... _forever_."

"Kids, get the spatulas!" Mabel yelled. "KIDS!"  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
The boy in solitary watched from the pool vent as the seasons went by. At one point he could have sworn he saw a mermaid in the pool.


	16. Carpet Diem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Ford pretend to be each other.

Stan hit a fake eyeball into a cup using a golf club.

"Ha! Total domination!" He cheered. "I am the master of Attic Stuff Mini-golf! From the mighty Swiss Alps! To the badlands of Ford's old laundry, where man fears to tread!"

The attic seemed to be turned into a mini golf course. The different holes were made up of random household items. Ford walked up to another ball.

"Ok, let a pro on the floor," he said. He hit the ball with his golf club. It bounced around the room before breaking through the window and hitting Mabel in the head.

"Ah, my head!" She yelled. "It hit me right in the head!"

"Yes! Mabel shot!" Ford said. "Is that legal?"

They looked over at Gompers. He was sitting on Stan's bed and eating a score card.

"The judge says it's out of bounds," Stan said.

" _You're_ out of bounds!" Ford laughed, poking Stan with the golf club. Stan laughed and did the same to Ford. Just then, Ford's spaceship alarm clock started ringing.

"Aw, sorry Lee," Ford said, shutting off the clock. "I gotta hang out with Bella and Fidds tonight."

"Ugh, again?" Stan asked. "You can't leave mid-game."

"Don't be silly," Ford waved him off. "I'm not leaving. They're coming here!"

"Wait, what?" Stan's eyes widened as he looked around. "Sleeping bags? Documentaries? _Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons?_ You're not having a-"

Bella and Fiddleford appeared in the doorway. Fiddleford held a sleeping bag, while Bella was carrying a bunch of blankets.

"Sleepover!" They finished Stan's sentence.

\-----

Ford, Bella, and Fiddleford were sitting on the floor of the attic. Bella was sitting on a pile of her blankets. The game _Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons_ was set up in the middle of their little circle.

"You walk into the dungeon," Ford was saying. "It seems quiet, but wait!"

Bella and Fiddleford gasped.

"In the corner hides one of Probabilitor's ogres!" Ford finished. The three played the game while Stan watched from his bed. He groaned, burying his face under a pillow.

"Ford, do you think you could do this somewhere else?" Stan asked. "You guys are nerding at frequencies only dogs should hear!"

"Sorry brother, once the game starts, you can't really move it," Ford said and rolled the dice. "Yes, 17!"

"Hm, y'know what we should do?" Fiddleford said.

"Does it involve markers and Stan's face?" Bella asked, holding up a rainbow of colored markers. Stan screamed.

\-----

Stan walked down the hall, dragging a blanket and pillow behind him. He walked up to Ria, who was screwing something in.

"Hey Ria, can I sleep in your break room tonight?" Stan asked.

"Sure dude," she said. She opened the door to reveal a very cramped room. "You just gotta make your body go like a video game puzzle piece." She climbed into the pipes. "The trick is to hold perfectly still."

"I'll just sleep somewhere else..." Stan said, walking off.

\-----

Stan was outside. His head was rested on his pillow and he laid under his blanket.

"Ah, sleeping under the stars," he said, his hands behind his head. "Not bad."

He heard a growling sound and looked up to see a wolf biting his leg. He screamed and tried to get it to go away. He looked up at the attic window, where he could see Ford, Bella, and Fiddleford nerding out over some documentary.

"This is still better," Stan grouched, folding his arms.

\-----

The next day, Ford woke up confused. 'King of Nerds' was scrawled across his forehead.

"Ugh, what happened last night?" He groaned. He looked up to see Bella taped to the ceiling. "Woah!"

"Greetings, my king," Bella smiled. Fiddleford walked out of the closet with purple spots all over his face. They looked similar to the one on Ford's neck.

"I-I ain't sure what I was kissin' in there..." he said nervously.

"Haha! I told you guys I'd get you to have crazy fun!" Bella laughed, falling down from the ceiling. She fell on top of the Eiffel Tower hole of the twins' golf course.

"That was pretty awesome, guys," Ford laughed. "See you soon."

He waved as Bella and Fiddleford left, replaced by Stan, who had a black eye and twigs in his hair. The brother walked over and laid down on his bed.

"Hey Stanley," Ford smiled. "You want some left over pizza? It's cold, but it's still good."

"Ford, last night an owl tried to eat my tongue," Stan deadpanned.

"What? Are you ok?" Ford worried.

"No, I'm not!" Stan snapped. "This," he gestured to their messy room, "is impossible to live with!"

"But-" Ford began.

"You totally wrecked our room!" Stan cried. "And," he gasped, rushing over to the pieces of the destroyed golf course, "our mini golf course!"

"Hehe, yeah... Bella can get pretty destructive," Ford laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head.

"Listen Ford, if we're gonna keep this up, we gotta set some rules or something," Stan said. "Like, no sleepovers."

"Well, I guess after last night that's kind of expected..."

"Also, stop keeping me up with your summer reading," Stan added.

"What? How does _reading_ keep you up?" Ford asked.

"You talk to yourself and you constantly click that stupid pen!" Stan said.

"Well at least I don't whistle through my teeth when I talk," Ford argued, pointing out Stan's missing tooth.

"At least I wash my clothes every once in a while," Stan snapped, kicking at a pair of Ford's underwear.

"Washing clothes is a waste of time!" Ford said angrily. "I'm a busy guy!"

"Quack quack quack quack quack!" Stan taunted.

"Ok, if you say quack one more time-!" Ford yelled.

"Quack quack quack!" Stan shouted.

"That's it!" Ford yelled. "I'm done! Maybe we just shouldn't share a room anymore."

"Wha..." Stan's face fell, but then he looked angry again. "Well maybe we shouldn't!"

"Fine by me," Ford folded his arms.

"Double fine by me," Stan did the same.

"Then we need to talk to Graunty Mabel about switching rooms," Ford said.

"Yeah, she's pretty reasonable," Stan nodded.

\-----

Meanwhile downstairs, Mabel was knitting while watching TV. Stan and Ford ran into the room.

"Graunty Mabel, we want different rooms," Ford said.

"Ha! And I want rainbow cupcakes made of glitter," Mabel said. "Not happening."

"Rainbow cupcakes...?" Stan trailed off, confused.

"Come on, Graunty Mabel," Ford begged. "Can't we work something out?"

"I'm sorry Ford, but there's my room and the attic," Mabel said. "That's it. What, you think there's some sort of secret hidden room in the shack?"

A loud crash was heard.

"Dudes! I found some sort of secret hidden room in the shack!" Ria called. The twins looked at each other, grinning.

\-----

Ria was showing them a door.

"Ok, so I was cleaning up behind this bookshelf, when boom!" Ria said. "Mystery door! This shack is full of weird secrets."

They walked inside and looked around. Ford looked at a calendar. Stan blew the dust off of a mirror and coughed. Ford kneeled down to look at the carpet. He peered at the tag.

"Experiment 78?" He read. "Graunty Mabel, what is this place?"

"I'm not sure," Mabel said. She picked up a pine tree hat that looked just like the ones in the gift shop. "I can't even remember. I guess it's just another room."

"This carpet is amazing," Stan smiled, making a snow angel in the carpet. Ford spotted a key hanging on the wall and grabbed it.

"Problem solved, I'll just move in here," he said.

"What? How come you get the room?" Stan asked, walking over. "We both saw it at the same time! Graunty Mabel!"

"Hm, so you both want the room, huh?" Mabel said, taking the key from Ford. "Well, to make it fair, how about you guys earn it?"

"Yeah, that sounds fair," Ford nodded. Mabel left the room. Stan and Ford went to follow her, but Ria blocked the doorway.

"I dunno dudes, this room is giving me major creepo vibes," she said. "You know, the attic is a pretty good space. Maybe you should appreciate what you got."

The twins looked at each other before squeezing past Ria. She watched them run off before grabbing a broom.

"Eh, what do I know?" She shrugged. "Maybe there's nothing weird about this room."

As she swept the floor, she didn't notice sparks of electricity flicker through the rug.

\-----

The twins stood in the kitchen, elbowing each other in the sides. Mabel stood in front of them, holding the key.

"Ok, here's the rules," she said. "Whoever does the most chores and sucks up the hardest gets the room."

"Graunty Mabel, we're not gonna suck up to you just for a new room," Ford said.

"Yeah we are!" Stan cheered.

"Ten suck-up points for Stan!" Mabel said.

"Uh, I mean, yeah we are," Ford laughed nervously.

"Trying too hard, minus 15 suck-up points," Mabel said.

"Aw, what?" Ford complained.

"Excellent decision, Graunty Mabel!" Stan smiled.

"Trying _way_ too hard!" Mabel giggled. "Plus fifty suck-up points."

Stan cheered while Ford frowned.

"Now, who wants to earn some chore points by re-tiling the roof?" Mabel held up a bucket of tiles.

"Me! I'll do it!" Stan and Ford yelled. Ford grabbed the bucket and ran outside.

"Ford, give it back!" Stan shouted, chasing after him.

"This was a good idea," Mabel smiled. Meanwhile outside, the twins were fighting over the bucket of tiles.

"Gimmie!"

"No, it's mine!"

"I'll kill you!"

\-----

Outside, the twins were mowing the lawn. Mabel watched from the couch on the porch, drinking a lemonade. Ford stopped for a second, wiping off his forehead.

"Stanford, you're phoning it in!" Mabel warned. Ford continued mowing and Mabel took a sip of her lemonade. "Mm, refreshing. Ten suck-up points for this lemonade." She changed her voice, pretending to be the lemonade. " _Thank you, Mabel!_ Oh, ten more for politeness!"

\-----

Ford pushed open the door to the new room, sighing. He set down the tool box he was carrying and sat down on the couch.

"All these chores will be worth it once I get this room," he said. "Shag carpeting? Come on!"

He removed his shoes, shuffling his feet on the carpet. Electricity buzzed around his socks and legs.

"Hey bro," Stan appeared in the doorway. "Don't get too comfortable. I just made Mabel an omelet shaped like a cat."

\-----

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Mabel was looking at a cat-shaped omelet.

"It's so adorable!" She cooed as she took a bite.

\-----

Ford started circling Stan, dragging his feet across the carpet. Electricity built up along his legs.

"Face it. I'm like a suck-up ninja," Stan said. "This room's as good as mine. You might as well give up now. What do you say?"

He held out his hand.

"I say I'm gonna win this room somehow, and when I do I'll finally have my own space, and we'll never have to share anything ever again!" Ford slapped Stan's hand away. He zapped Stan, causing a bright glow between them. They both screamed.

"Ugh, what happened?" Ford asked, sitting up in Stan's body.

"Ford? Why are you wearing my clothes?" Stan asked. He reached up to touch Ford's face, feeling the glasses. "And my... face?! Am I in your body?!"

"Am I in _your_ body?!" Ford cried.

The two began to scream, running around the room and panicking. Ford ran in front of the mirror. He saw Stan in the mirror and screamed, running off. He returned soon after and screamed again.

"Get out!" Stan yelled, punching Ford's stomach. "Get out! Get out!"

"This isn't happening," Ford mumbled, rocking in the corner. "This isn't happening. This isn't happening."

\-----

Finally the twins calmed down after a while. They stood in the mirror, looking over their new bodies.

"Great, just what we need," Ford complained. "More Gravity Falls weirdness."

"This is stupid!" Stan agreed. "Sharing a room was bad enough. Now we have to share bodies?"

"Ugh, your missing tooth is so uncomfortable," Ford said, running Stan's tongue over the hole. "It feels like something should be there, but it isn't. And you _really_ need to wear your glasses; you're practically blind!"

"Ew, you're so sweaty," Stan said. "And _awkward_. And it feels so weird having an extra finger."

Stan wiggled Ford's six fingers.

"Look at this," Ford said, kneeling down next to the carpet. He looked at the tag again. " _Experiment 78: Electron Carpet._ Atoms can swap electrons. This carpet must build up a static charge so powerful it can swap minds!" He started clicking his pen. "It was the static electricity! Maybe we can use it to switch back!"

"Phew, that's a relief," Stan sighed. "If I was you, I would totally lose the contest."

"And if I was _you_ , which I _am_ ," Ford said thoughtfully, "I could sabotage myself! Then Stan would lose all his points and the room would go to Ford!"

"Wait, what?" Ford's eyes widened with Stan's surprise.

"Oh Mabel, I've always hated you!" Ford yelled. He laughed. "Let's see who she gives the room to now."

He ran out the door.

"Hey, wait!" Stan tried to follow him, but tripped and fell on Ford's face. "Ugh, tie your shoes!"

\-----

"Yum, that was delicious," Mabel said, finishing the omelet.

"Graunty Mabel!" Ford called, running up to her.

"Hey, what's up Stan?" Mabel smiled.

"That's right, it's me," Ford fixed the band-aid on Stan's cheek, which was starting the peel off. "Stan. If you liked that omelet, you'll love this!" He pulled out a sandwich. "A sandwich made out of rocks."

"Candy rocks?" Mabel asked excitedly, taking the sandwich. Ford shook Stan's head.

" _Regular_ rocks," he smirked. Mabel frowned, setting the sandwich down.

"That's not funny, Stanley," She said. She pulled out the key. "Keep that up and I'll be giving your brother this key."

"Haha!" Ford cheered. "I mean, oh no. Don't do that."

"Hey Graunty Mabel!" Stan called from the doorway. "Your face looks like a butt!"

"What?" Mabel's eyes widened.

"Breaking stuff is so much fun!" Stan sung as he kicked stuff. "I am Stanford and I stink!"

"Stanley's gone bananas!" Ford laughed, pouring cereal over Stan's head. "Zing! Zow! Ballow!"

"Well, this is getting weird," Mabel said, leaving.

"What! Aren't you gonna dock Ford points?" Stan yelled.

"Stan should lose all his points!" Ford shouted. He tackled Stan. "Graunty Mabel!"

\-----

Waddles was rolling around on the carpet in the new room. Ria was nearby, vacuuming. She turned off the vacuum, looking over at the pig.

"Waddles, you've got it good, bro," she said. "I mean, no one thinks it's cute when I lie naked on the living room floor. I wish I could be a pig."

She scratched Waddles' belly, and they ended up switching bodies. Ria sat up, looking around.

"Yes!" She cheered. "I should do out loud wishing more often." She sniffed the air using Waddles' nose. "Is that a corn cob I smell?" She crawled over the couch and out the window. "I got little legs."

Waddles looked around the room, confused when he was now in Ria's body. He attempted to walk out the door, but bumped into the wall three times before succeeding. He walked out to the gift shop, looking at the vending machine. He licked the glass and accidentally knocked over the postcard stand.

"Hey Ria," Dan said, walking into the gift shop. "Have you seen my-"

He looked at Waddles in Ria's body. Waddles chewed on a t-shirt, staring at Dan.

"Uh, I'll come back later," Dan said nervously, quickly leaving.

\-----

Stan ran down the hallway.

"Graunty Mabel, come back!" He yelled. "I have more terrible things to do! Haha, you're toast, Ford!"

Stan suddenly bumped into Fiddleford and Bella, who were standing at the door.

"There ye are, Ford," Fiddleford smiled.

"Attack him with hugs!" Bella squealed, the two of them hugging Stan.

"Sleepover!" Bella and Fiddleford cheered.

"What? No no no!" Stan cried as the two dragged him upstairs.

"Stan? Hey wait, come back!" Ford ran after the others. Fiddleford, Bella, and Stan went to the attic, slamming the door behind them. Ford knocked on the door. Bella opened it. "Hey! Can I talk to, uh," he felt his face, "Ford for a minute?"

"Sorry Stan, but no can do," Bella said. "The King of Nerds hasn't authorized you yet."

She shut the door. Ford peeked through the keyhole.

"Look guys, I'm not really in a sleepover mood right now," Stan said.

"Aw, come on!" Bella whined. "I got a new book downloaded onto my kindle! _Harry Potter and The Cursed Child._ "

"Wow!" Ford whispered. "We've been waiting forever to read that!"

"Uh, really, I probably should-" Stan tried again.

"No getting out of it!" Bella said. She wrapped an arm around Stan, pulling him onto the bed. She read aloud the first few lines. " _King's Cross. A busy and crowded station. Full of people trying to go somewhere._ "

"Ooh, I've been so excited for this," Ford said from outside the door.

"What's going on, Stan?"

Ford gasped, turning around to see Mabel. He covered up the keyhole he was looking through.

"Oh, are you at that creepy age where you spy on girls?" Mabel asked awkwardly. "Maybe we should have a little talk, about the birds and the bees."

Ford gulped nervously.

\-----

Mabel set a book on the desk in her office. Ford sat on a chair nearby.

"I-I really should go-" Ford tried to escape, but Mabel pulled him back.

"No way out of it!" She said. "Ok, so, it all begins with this little fella. The pituitary gland. He may be little, but he has BIG PLANS."

Ford screamed.

\-----

Ria was walking through town in Waddles' body.

"I wonder what frolicking adventures I'll stumble into," she said before coming across a mud puddle. "A mud puddle! Do I dare live out the cliché?"

She jumped into the puddle, laughing. Crazy Chiu walked around the corner.

"Chiu Chiu Chiu," she said. She gasped upon seeing Ria/ "Wow!"

"Haha, I'm a pig!" Ria laughed, rubbing mud over the pig's body. "Oink oink, ami'right?"

"Free meal!" Crazy Chiu said, pulling a fork and knife out of her hair. Ria turned around upon seeing her shadow.

"No, wait! Don't eat me!" Ria cried. "I'm a woman trapped in a pig's body!"

"That's what they all say," Crazy Chiu laughed. Ria ran off and Chiu chased after her.

"Help! Someone!" Ria yelled. They passed by Ed and Daryl, who were sitting on the sidewalk. Daryl was looking through the newspaper.

"A witch chasing a talking pig!" Ed gasped.

"My horoscope came true," Daryl said.

"Ooh, read mine!" Ed said.

"Haha, what're you, a Gemini?" Daryl asked with a smile.

"You knew?" Ed smiled back.

"Of course I knew," Daryl chuckled.

\-----

Mabel closed the book on her desk.

"And now you know where babies come from," She said.

"Goodbye, childhood," Ford murmured.

"You know, you're being really nice today," Mabel said. "Maybe you could still win that room."

"Huh?" Ford looked at Mabel.

"Well, I was gonna give the room to Ford-" Mabel began.

"No, you should! Give it to Ford!" Ford cried. "You jerk!"

"What did you say?" Mabel glared at Ford.

"I said, uh, shut up old lady!" Ford yelled. "You're fat and dumb and you're a dummy and, take that!"

He lightly punched Mabel in the arm.

"'Stan'ing' up to me, huh?" Mabel then laughed. "I love it! You know, I've made up my mind! The room belongs to you. Stanley."

She dropped the key into Stan's hand.

"No! You have to give it to Ford!" Ford cried. Mabel pulled him into a hug, shushing him.

"You had me at 'Shut up old lady,'" She said.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Ford screamed.

\-----

Upstairs, Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford had just finished up _Cursed Child._

"The end," Bella said, turning off her kindle. Stan sighed, relieved.

"Hey, let's watch a documentary!" Fiddleford suggested. "I got one about the history of robits."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Stan screamed.

\-----

Crazy Chiu had backed Ria into an ally.

"I'm gonna make you into bacon," Crazy Chiu said.

"Oh, that sounds pretty good," Ria said, then realized. "No wait, I mean NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

\-----

Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford were watching another documentary. Honestly, Stan was surprised at the amount that Ford had tucked away. Bella eventually came up with a documentary about dinosaurs.

"Wow, it's amazin' how far life on Earth has come," Fiddleford said. "To think we evolved from apes!"

"My mom doesn't actually believe we did, because it's too short a time span," Bella said.

"Hm, it's an interesting theory," Fiddleford nodded. "Well Ford, it's yer turn ta pick a documentary." The two looked to see that Stan was missing. "Ford?"

\-----

"Gotta win that room," Stan panted. "Mabel! It's me, Ford! I'm doing things you hate!"

He kicked over a table. The lamp on top rolled to the floor, stopping at Stan's feet. Ford sighed.

"It's over, Lee," Ford said. "Mabel gave you the room."

"Haha! Yes!" Stan cheered. Ford's glasses fell down his face, and Stan fixed them. "Well then, let's switch back so I can start moving in."

"Wait a minute," Ford said. "You can't have the room, if you can never get in!"

He ran off towards the room.

"Hey, come back!" Stan yelled, chasing after him. Ford ran into the room, locking the door behind him. Stan banged on the door. "Open the door, Stanley! I mean... Ford." He groaned, sliding down the door and facepalming. "How am I gonna get in there?"

He got an idea.

\-----

Upstairs, Bella and Fiddleford were reading their own books. Stan walked in, smiling mischievously.

"Hey guys?" He said. "Who wants to go draw on my brother's face?"

Bella and Fiddleford gasped happily.

\-----

Downstairs in the gift shop, Waddles was still walking around in Ria's body. He grabbed a box of tissues and began to eat them. A man walked in to the shack, looking at a map.

"Can you help me?" He asked. "I'm looking for directions."

Waddles looked at the open door and oinked happily. He stumbled out the door.

"Oh, you'll show me the way?" The man asked. "How sweet!"

He ran after Waddles.

\-----

Ford was in the new room, laying on the floor. He was working on a sign that read 'No Jocks', but that was crossed out. Under that he wrote 'No Nerds', but crossed that out, too. Finally he wrote 'No Jocks Allowed.' Just then there was a knock on the door.

"It's Bella and Fidds!" The two kids said outside the door.

"Friends!" Ford said happily, opening the door. "Hey guys, what's up?" He saw Stan behind them, smiling evilly. "Stan! No wait, don't let him in!"

"Marker time!" Bella giggled.

"No wait, stop!" Ford begged. He slipped on his sign as Bella and Fiddleford began drawing on Stan's face. "Guys, please! You gotta listen to me!"

"Good job, gentlemen," Stan said after the two had finished. He walked over, dragging his feet on the carpet. "Now let me add one. Final. Touch."

He poked his nose, and the twins switched back into their own bodies. Bella and Fiddleford rubbed at their eyes, confused at the sudden light.

"Ah, my own body," Stan smiled. He took the key out of his pocket. "I'm a genius! Uh..." He wiped the marker off of his face. "Alright Ford, the room is mine!"

"Wait, can someone explain what in the hay just happened here?" Fiddleford asked.

"I barely understand it," Ford sighed. "All I know is that if you shuffle your feet on this carpet, you can swap bodies."

Bella shuffled her feet on the carpet, reaching out to touch Stan's nose.

"Zappity zap zap," She said.

"No!" Stan cried. Bella touched his nose and the two swapped bodies. "Aw, come on!"

He snatched the key from Bella.

"Haha! I am male now!" Bella laughed. She looked over her new body. "...This was poorly thought out."

"Give me the key, Lee!" Ford yelled, tackling Stan.

"Guys, stop fighting!" Fiddleford cried. He tried to pull them apart, but they ended up swapping bodies again. Now Ford was in Fiddleford's body, Fiddleford was in Bella's body, and Stan was back in Ford's body.

"Aw, man!" Ford said. "Then again, I like having at least a little muscle."

"Wow, I feel like such a midget," Fiddleford said, seeing how the others were taller than him.

"Welcome to my world," Bella folded Stan's arms.

"Ok listen," Stan said. "Everybody swap back." The four started building up electricity. "In three... two..."

"Oh, dudes!" Ria ran into the room in Waddles' body. Crazy Chiu chased after her.

"Come back! I wanna deep fry your ears!" Crazy Chiu yelled. The group argued and yelled as everyone switched bodies multiple times.

\-----

In the other room, Mabel was watching TV. She ran her thumb over the brim of the pine tree hat. She turned up the volume of the TV when she heard the others fighting.

\-----

"Woah, I'm old," Bella said in Crazy Chiu's body.

"Whoo-hoo! I've regained my innocence!" Chiu laughed, dancing around in Fiddleford's body.

"Well, I guess I'm a pig now," Ford sighed in Waddles' body. "So I guess that's a thing."

He grabbed an apple core and started eating it.

"This body is like, the exact opposite of my old one," Ria said in Bella's body. Just then, Sheriff Holt and Deputy Roy showing up at the door.

"We got reports of excessive giggling," Holt said. Bella and Fiddleford in Chiu and Ford's bodies ran past, swapping with the two cops.

"Woah, what the-?" Holt said in Chiu's body.

"What's happening to me?!" Roy screamed in Ford's body. He ran into a wall, screaming.

"Ooh, I'm a cop now," Bella said, looking in the mirror at Holt's body.

"Let's go solve some crimes, Bella!" Fiddleford giggled in Roy's body.

"Give me that key, Stan!" Ford yelled, jumping on Stan- who was in his own body- in Waddles' body.

"Never!" Stan yelled. They all switched bodies a few more times before they were all back to normal.

"Ford?" Stan spoke. "Are you you?"

"Yeah. I'm me," Ford smiled, relieved.

"Well I've got the key!" Stan laughed happily, showing it off. Ford chased Stan up to the attic, tackling him. Ford grabbed the key. "Ford, the room is mine! Give it back!"

"What's with you?!" Ford yelled. "Why do you want that room so bad?! I never even wanted to move out!"

"Well neither did I!" Stan admitted.

"Wait, what?" Ford said, getting off of Stan. "What did you...?"

"I... I said I don't want to move out," Stan said.

"Then what _was_ all this?" Ford asked, thoroughly confused.

"Everything was fine until you started hanging out with Bella and Fidds all the time," Stan sighed sadly. "Hanging out with you this summer has been fun. But now you three are always off together, and I'm just... left behind."

"Aw, Stan," Ford frowned, putting a six-fingered hand on Stan's shoulder.

"It's ok. I've just been having a hard time," Stan sighed. "You wouldn't understand."

"You're probably feeling really unincluded, huh?" Ford asked awkwardly, remembering how he felt when he was left out of his own sleepover.

"Yeah... how'd you know?" Stan smiled slightly.

"Here," Ford tossed him the key. "I won't fight you for it."

"Thanks," Stan smiled.

\-----

Back in the new room, everyone was gathered around the carpet.

"Well, it looks like everyone is back to normal," Stan said. "Except for Ria, who may be a pig permanently?"

They looked over at Ria, who was chewing on the doorway.

"Oh no, I changed back," she assured. "At least I think I did..."

"I will still eat you," Crazy Chiu said, rising up behind Ria with a fork and knife.

"Ok pal, that's enough of that," Ford said, him and Stan pushing Chiu out of the room.

"Move along, weird old lady," Stan said. Waddles walked under Ria's foot. She looked down at him.

"Heh, I guess being a pig isn't all that great after all," she said. "Hey, let me get that spot you can never reach."

She scratched the top of Waddles' head, and he grunted happily. The doorbell rang and Ria went to answer it. Standing outside was the man from earlier.

"Hey, I've been thinking," the man said. "And the answer is yes! I will marry you!"

"W-wait, I don't remember anything about-" Ria began, but was cut off by the man kissing her. She shrugged, returning the kiss.

\-----

"And, there," Stan said, finishing setting up his new room.

"Ah, a man in his own space," Mabel said.

"That's right," Stan agreed. "Finally."

"So what are you gonna do with this thing?" Mabel asked, pointing towards the rolled up carpet.

"Get rid of it," Stan told her. "It was ugly anyway."

"Haha, you got it," Mabel smiled, dragging the carpet outside. Stan sighed happily, laying back in his bed.

"Finally, my own room," he said. "Night, Sixer."

He looked over and remembered that Ford was still in the attic. He frowned sadly.

\-----

Ford was up in the attic, also getting ready for bed.

"Good night, Stan," Ford said. He remembered that said boy was down in the new room. He turned over to face the wall sadly. Someone knocked on the door and Ford got up to answer it.

"Hey, uh... you wanna have a sleepover?" Stan asked, standing on the other side. Ford smiled, letting him inside.

"FORE!" Ford yelled, smacking a golf ball. Stan laughed, grabbing his own club as they started to play. Stan hit his ball out the window, where it, again, hit Mabel in the head.

"AHH! Why am I even out here at night?!" She yelled. The twins laughed.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"So, what are you gonna do with the new room?" Ford asked Stan as they played mini golf.

"I gave it to Ria to replace her old break room," Stan said. "Hey, do you know what the deal was with that guy?"

Ford shrugged.

\-----

Downstairs, Ria and the man were sitting on the couch in the new room.

"I don't think I can do this anymore," the man was saying. "You just seem so different."

"Look dude, I'm playing a little bit of catch up here," Ria explained. "I was in a pig's body for most of the day. Wha- what's goin' on?" The man looked at her. "Can we kiss again? Is- is that an option?"


	17. Girlz Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford tries to prove that Stacey is mind-controlling Dan, while Stan kidnaps a bunch of girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, but wouldn't the mind-control thing technically be rape/non-consensual? Think about it. With the CD, Robbie/Stacey took away Wendy/Dan's ability to consent to, well, anything.

Ford and Dan were watching the gift shop's security footage. They sat behind the counter, Dan eating a bag of chips.

" _Do you have this_ _T-shirt_ _in my size?_ " Ford said, voicing the tourist on the screen.

" _I have_ _something_ _even better!_ " Dan said, voicing Mabel. The Mabel in the video bent over to get something out of a box. " _Behold, my butt!_ "

The two of them laughed.

"I could play this game forever," Ford whispered.

"What was that?" Dan asked.

"COUGHING! I was coughing!" Ford lied. "Those weren't words!"

"Haha, this is fun," Stan said, leaning on the counter. "What you two have."

"Lee! How long have you been standing there?" Ford asked.

"Let's not talk about that," Stan said. "Instead, let's talk about why I'm doing this dance!"

He started dancing in the middle of the floor.

"Oh no, he got into the Smile Dip again!" Ford worried.

"Wrong one thousand!" Stan smiled. "It's because today is the greatest day of my life!"

He threw a calendar in Ford's face. Ford looked at the back of the calendar. There was a picture of five similar-looking girls.

"Mult'ple Timez is playing at the Gravity Falls Civic Center and Buffet!" Stan explained.

"Ugh, Mult'ple Timez?" Ford asked. "Aren't they that girl group that's supposed to be the girl version of Sev'ral Timez that disappeared three years ago?"

_"Oh oh ooh, Boy, you got me ackin' so cray cray._

_CRAY CRAY!_

_You tell me that you won't be my ba-bay!_

_We're not threatening!"_

Stan posed with his arms crossed. He started dancing again.

"Lee, you know that girl group is fake, right?" Ford asked.

"Ford's right," Dan said. "They're just a manufactured product of the bloated corporate music industry."

"You're making my dance sad," Stan frowned. Ford snickered.

"They were probably made by a machine or something," he said.

"Or maybe the girls were grown in pods," Dan laughed. Ford joined in his laughter.

"Yeah, pods!" Ford agreed. "Totally!"

"You guys can't ruin this for me," Stan said. "Stan's got back-up!"

Bella and Fiddleford entered the gift shop, decked out in Mult'ple Timez merchandise.

"Howdy y'all!" Fiddleford greeted.

"Eeeeee!" Bella squealed.

"Bella, Fidds, not you too?" Ford asked.

"I've never been to a concert before!" Bella beamed. "Plus, Mult'ple Timez is pretty darn catchy."

"Heh, Bella actually got me into their music," Fiddleford smiled awkwardly.

"Who's ready for the greatest night of our lives?" Stan asked excitedly. "How many times am I gonna love ya?"

"Mult'ple times!" Bella, Fiddleford, and Stan said together. The three laughed and ran into the other room. Stan and Fiddleford ran through the 'Employees Only' door. Bella tried to follow, but ending up running face-first into the vending machine. A high-pitched whine escaped her before she started crying.

\-----

Bella, Fiddleford, and Stan were upstairs in the attic, getting ready for the concert.

"Should I go with pink or blue?" Bella asked, holding up two pairs of shorts.

"Do whatever you want to!" Stan said, "Tonight's _our_ night!"

"Ahh, I'm so excited for tonight!" Bella squealed.

"I know!" Stan agreed. "Tonight we're gonna meet Dreggy H, Hreggy D, Meggy Q, Chubby A and High Carla!"

"She's the cool one," Fiddleford said.

"And those girls will absolutely love us!" Stan said.

"Well I don't like them that way, so you two can have fun with that," Bella chuckled.

\-----

Dan and Ford were still watching the security tapes, voicing over the people. They saw Stacey walk in the door on the security tape.

" _Hey, is this the fingerless glove store?_ " Ford asked as Stacey. " _I like things that are dumb, I'm Stacey._ "

"Hehe, shut up, dude," Dan laughed, playfully shoving Ford. Just then Stacey walked up to the counter. Dan glared at her.

"Ha ha ha, laugh it up, chief," Stacey snapped. "So Dan, Ed and Daryl are heading to Lookout Point this weekend. Maybe we should tag along."

"Are you serious?" Dan asked angrily. "First you stand me up last night, and instead of apologizing, you want me to go to Lookout Point with you?"

"I'll just... be... over here," Ford said, backing out of the room. He watched from behind the door.

"Look Stacey, I'm not sure if this relationship is working out," Dan sighed. "Maybe I should see other people."

Behind the door, Ford cheered silently, hugging Gompers.

"W-woah, hey, before you do anything drastic, I uh, I want you to hear this," Stacey said. She pulled a CD out of a scary-looking case. Ford raised his eyebrow in suspicion. Stacey put the CD in a radio nearby. "I wrote this song just for you."

She pressed play and started singing.

_"When I think about you,_  
_I feel feelings so deep._  
_I'm tossing and turning,_  
_And you know I'm losing sleep._  
_And I know I'm going crazy,_  
_When I look into your eyes._  
_Just listen to this song,_  
_And you'll be hypnotai-ai-ai-zed."_

Dan stared at Stacey as she finished the song. He rubbed his eyes.

"Y'know, maybe I was being a little hasty," he said. "I'll give you another chance."

"Yes alright!" Stacey cheered as Dan kissed her cheek. Ford stared from the door in horror.

"Let me grab my coat," Dan said, walking off. Ford approached Stacey.

"Alright Stacey, I saw that weird CD," Ford said angrily. "What are you up to?"

"It's called romance, sweetheart," Stacey said. "Something that you wouldn't understand."

Ford growled angrily. Dan walked back into the room.

"You ready?" He asked Stacey. "Man, I can't believe you wrote that song for me."

"Yeah, I'm just so insanely talented," Stacey said as they left. Ford turned to the radio, pulling out the CD. He looked it over and even licked it.

"What are you doing?" Stan asked. He stood nearby with Bella and Fiddleford.

"Guys, the weirdest thing just happened," Ford said. "I think Stacey might be hypnotizing Dan with her music."

"Oh Ford, he just likes the song," Bella said. "It's a thing. You'll understand when you're older."

"You're four days older than me," Ford argued.

"I'm mature for my age," Bella shrugged. "Right, Fidds?"

"If ya consider obsessin' over fictional characters 'mature', sure," Fiddleford responded.

"Says the boy that kisses a picture of his crush every night before going to sleep."

"Shut up!" Fiddleford turned red.

\-----

That night, Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford stood outside the Gravity Falls Civic Center and Buffet.

"Ok guys, did you practice your fanboy scream?" Stan asked. Fiddleford screamed meekly, and Bella gave a high-pitched squeal. Crazy Chiu ran up behind them, screaming. They stared at her.

"Just gonna ignore that," Stan said. The three friends ran up to the ticket booth. "Three tickets please!"

"Sorry kids, but the show is sold out," the man running the booth said. He closed the shutters. The friends gasped as they looked around at all the 'Sold Out!' signs plastered everywhere. They shuffled over to a large poster and sat down.

"This night is ruined," Fiddleford said. Bella faceplanted into the ground.

"I want to death," she said. Stan looked at his friends before jumping up with renewed determination.

"No!" He yelled. "I said we're going to meet Mult'ple Timez tonight, and I meant it! And I'm not gonna let a 'Keep Out' sign keep us out!"

\-----

Back at the shack, Mabel was stacking cans of meat on the shelves in the kitchen.

" _Stocking_ _meat_ _for the apocalypse, doodily-doo,"_  she sung. "We're all gonna all gonna die."

Ford entered the room, staring at the CD. He started pacing around.

"What's with the pacing, Ford?" Mabel asked. "You look even more paranoid than usual."

"I dunno," Ford said. "You wouldn't understand."

"Aw, come on," Mabel said, pulling up a chair. "Try me."

Ford sat down and Mabel started eating a can of meat.

"Ok, this is gonna sound weird, but I think Stacey might be brainwashing Dan with her music," Ford explained.

"I've seen this before," Mabel said.

"Really?" Ford asked.

"His name was Chris McCorkle. Chris 'Hottop' McCorkle," Mabel said.

_A_ _younger_ _Mabel was in a diner,_ _leaning_ _against the jukebox. Her head nodded to the music._

_"Me and Chris would cut a rug together at The Juke Joint, our favorite 50's themed 1970's diner,"_ _Mabel_ _narrated._

_Young Mabel and Chris started dancing together._

_"Then one day, this girl comes in and starts playing this new hippie music," Mabel said._

_Young_ _Mabel saw Chris and the hippie girl embrace happily._

_"_ _Chris's_ _hottop turned into a tie-dyed t-shirt before I even knew what was happening," Mabel sighed._

_Young Mabel watched as Chris's shirt literally turned into a tie-dyed_ _t-shirt_ _. Him and the girl flew upwards in a rainbow._

"My memories get a little rainbowy at the end, but you get the gist," Mabel said.

"So wait, you actually believe my theory?" Ford asked.

"You're darn right I do," Mabel said, crushing the can of meat in her hand. "And we're gonna get to the bottom of it."

Ford smiled happily at his aunt.

"Just as soon as I get to the bottom of this brown meat," Mabel said, dumping the contents into her mouth. "It's apocolicious!"

\-----

At the Mult'ple Timez concert, the girls were singing on stage.

"Mult'ple Timez!" They sung. The crowd of boys yelled happily. High Carla sat on a stool, holding a microphone.

"Hey guys," she said. "I just wanna get real for a moment. And say that while we love being superstars, the real reason we do this... is for you. For you specifically. Not the boy sitting next to you. But _you_."

"I love you, High Carla!" A boy yelled.

"She was talking to me!" A second boy yelled at him. The crowd of boys started fighting.

"Get 'em, get 'em!" Tyler encouraged.

"Thank you! Goodnight!" Dreggy H said.

\-----

The back stage door of the Civic Center had been picked with a hair clip. Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford walked around.

"Hello? Mult'ple Timez?" Bella called.

"We want to give you mult'ple kisses!" Stan said.

"Look y'all!" Fiddleford pointed to a door with a star on it. The three of them ran up to the door.

"This is it, guys," Stan prepped. "You're finally going to meet the five cutest girls in the world! Ford's gonna eat his words that Mult'ple Timez is 'fake'."

He took a deep breath and opened the door. The three friends gasped at what they saw.

There were five cloning tubes, each growing a girl inside. They were in different stages on development, from full-grown, all the way down to a fetus. In the middle of the room was a giant hamster cage. The girls of Mult'ple Timez were inside, crawling around the tubes and drinking from a hamster water bottle.

"We're clones, girl!" Chubby A said, posing with the others.

"O," Fiddleford gasped.

"M," Stan muttered.

"F," Bella gaped.

"G," They all finished together.

"That is one big hamster tube," Stan said.

"Forget the tube, look at the wheel," Bella said. They heard footsteps approaching the room.

"Someone's coming!" Stan hissed. The three friends hid behind a clothes rack. Ergman Bratsman, Mult'ple Timez's producer, entered the room.

"Terrible show!" He yelled. "What's wrong with you girls? You barely sold out the arena! And High Carla, you call that a pout?"

High Carla whimpered and deepened her pout. Bratsman scratched his backside with a golden record.

"Every one of you should be ashamed of yourselves!" He yelled. "Except for you, Meggy Q. You were really on point tonight. Here ya go, beautiful."

He tossed her a giant hamster treat. The girl nibbled on it and hissed when the others tried to get it.

"As for the rest of you, remember," Bratsman said, "you can always be replaced by your sisters." He motioned towards the cloning tubes. "Dance for me, child. DANCE!"

The preteen clone started dancing with her eyes closed. Bratsman laughed and coughed.

"Arg, my throat is killing me!" He complained. "Someone get me a lemon water!"

He left the room, slamming the door behind him. Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford fell out of their hiding place.

"Who goes there?" High Carla spoke. "Prepare to be danced at!"

She started dancing towards the edge of the cage. Stan stared from the ground in shock. Dreggy H stood in front of Carla.

"Step off, girl!" She said. "He's a gentleman. Don't disrespect, sis. Don't disrespect!"

"My bad," High Carla said. She made a peace sign and made a kissy face. Stan squealed happily.

"Chubby A, let's calm this man by posing for him, poster style," High Carla said. The girls posed like on the poster and Stan let out a small scream.

"Trying not to let my brain explode here!" He said. "I've always wanted to meet you girls! But what was the deal with that mean fat guy?"

"Mr. Bratsman's our producer," High Carla explained.

"He genetically engineered us to be the perfect girl group," Dreggy H said. "So perfect, even boys would scream about us."

"But he keeps us in cages!" Chubby A said. "That junk is straight brutal, man!"

"That _is_ straight brutal, Chubby A," Stan said.

"Our one dream is to escape into the real world," Dreggy H said. "For real. Girl, I heard 'bout these things called 'trees.' I dunno what they are, but I wanna kiss one!"

"But we can't disobey Mr. Bratsman," Hreggy D said. "He says he loves us!"

"If he loved you he'd let you go," Stan argued. The girls murmured in agreement. Stan picked the lock of the cage with a hair clip. "Let's go right now. Me and my friends can help you escape."

"We're masters of stealth!" Bella said a little loudly.

"You'd really do that for us, boo?" Chubby A asked.

"You can count on me!" Stan smiled. "I'm sorry, did you just call me 'boo'?"

\-----

Back at the shack, Mabel and Ford were in the kitchen.

"Y'see Ford, music has sublimnal mind control hidden in it all the time," Mabel explained. "If you listen closely, even the music I play in the gift shop has subtle hidden messages."

_Two tourists were browsing the gift shop. Relaxing music played in the background._

_"BUY MORE KEYCHAINS!_ _BUY_ _MORE KEYCHAINS!"_ _Mabel_ _yelled through the speakers. One tourist ran away, while the other one fell to the ground,_ _covering_ _his ears._

"If you wanna hear the mind-controlling messages, you gotta slow down the record," Mabel said. "Gimmie that LP!"

She took the CD and put it on a record player. She tried to get it to play, but it didn't work. The needle scratched along the CD.

"Oh right," Ford realized.

"We're doing something wrong here, I can feel it," Mabel said.

\-----

Later that night, Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford were dragging a duffel bag behind them into the house.

"Hey guys," Ford greeted. "How was the concert? And what's in the bag?"

"Uh... money!" Stan lied. "Money that we stole!"

"We are criminals!" Bella added. "We will cut you!"

"Let's go away from here now!" Stan said. The three friends dragged the bag upstairs. Grunts were heard from inside as the bag hit each stair. Ford and Mabel looked at each other, confused.

\-----

Upstairs, Stan opened the bag, and the members of Mult'ple Timez fell out gracefully one at a time. They then posed before standing up and looking around.

"Your tour bus is really strange, Stanie boy," Meggy Q said. "Where the feeding tubes at?"

The girls looked around the room. High Carla walked over to Gompers.

"What's up, girl?" She said, petting the goat's head. Gompers bleated before walking off. Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford all giggled, smiling at each other.

"So when do we get to go outside?" Hreggy D asked.

"I wanna roam like a woodland creature!" Chubby A said. They heard a car screeching to a halt outside. Stan ran over to the window and looked outside.

"It's your producer!" He gasped. The girls panicked, trying to hide under Stan's bed.

\-----

Outside, Bratsman stepped out of his limousine.

"I can't believe those girls escaped from their cage!" He complained. He walked up to Ria, who was watering a flower. "You there! I found a trail of frosted tips that lead to this exact location! Have you seen any perfect girls around?"

"Only when I look in the mirror," Ria said. "Up top!"

She eventually high fived herself when Bratsman didn't.

"They must be around here somewhere," Bratsman said. "I'll find those girls if I have to turn this entire town upside down! I won't let them get away like I did the boys!"

He shooed away Gompers, who was chewing on his license plate. He stepped into his limousine and drove off, Gompers still eating his license plate.

"Good goat," Ria said, turning to Gompers. "Hey, let's get you inside. You know Stan doesn't like you being out here."

\-----

"Girls, it's not safe for you out there!" Stan said. "Bratsman's looking for you!"

"What do we do?" Chubby A asked.

"Oh man!" High Carla panicked.

"I'm scared, Stan!" Hreggy D said.

"Don't worry ladies, he has to give up eventually," Stan said. "In the meantime, you can stay with us!"

The band members exclaimed happily.

"Alright, twenty sixteen!" Chubby A cheered.

"Guys, do you realize what's happening here?" Stan asked his friends. "We have our very own pet girl group that we can do whatever we want with!"

"Remember, eventually we gotta let them go," Bella said. "We have to promise not to get too attached. Right?"

"All aboard the braid train!" Stan said. Him and the girls sat in a line, all braiding each other's hair. "Braid braid!"

Bella and Fiddleford looked at Stan worriedly.

"What?" The boy asked.

Throughout the day, the kids did several activities with Mult'ple Timez. The girls sung for them in the living room. Mabel almost caught them, but they hid in the ceiling before she could see them. The kids tried to teach them how to drink water properly. The kids raced along the hallway on the band members. Finally, Mult'ple Timez hugged Stan. Bella and Fiddleford tried to join the group hug, but Stan stopped them.

"Just a few more minutes," he said.

"But-" Bella began. Stan hissed at them, cutting her off. Bella and Fiddleford looked at each other, confused and frightened.

\-----

Ford and Mabel sat in the living room. Mabel was drinking a soda, and Ford had just finished converting the CD into a record.

"Done," he said. "It took all day, but I finally converted it into a record. And now we can slow it down to see if the mind control message theory is correct. Prepare to have your mind blown."

"Spit take, here I come," Mabel said, taking a sip of her soda. Ford placed the record on the player. He held up a recorder and played the song. He slowed it down, but nothing stood out against the noise.

"Hmmm," Mabel said, swallowing her soda. "That's not spit-worthy. What gives?"

"What? Is that it?" Ford asked. He messed around with the speed for a minute. "Ugh, this was stupid! Of course there's no hidden messages. Bella was right. Dan just likes the music. He just likes Stacey."

Just then, Dan and Stacey entered the room.

"Hey Ford," Dan said. "Forgot my keys."

He walked out of the room.

"What's up, hon?" Stacey asked. "Trying to come up with an equation to get guys to like you?"

She laughed as Dan walked back into the room.

"Ready to go to Lookout Point?" He asked her.

"Yup!" Stacey said. "Later dorks. Catch you on the rewind. Heh, I made that up."

The two teens left the room.

"I'll rewind your face!" Mabel yelled, shaking a fist.

"Wait a minute," Ford said thoughtfully. "Mabel, rewind!"

Ford turned the record backwards, and this time a message was heard.

_"You are now under my control. Your mind is mine."_

Mabel spit her soda in Ford's face.

"Holy mackerel! Now there's your spit take!" She said.

"Haha, yes!" Ford cheered, pressing a button on the recorder. "It's mind control after all!" He gasped in realization. "Oh no, we have to save Dan!"

"Finally, a good excuse to punch a teenager in the face," Mabel said. "Let's go!"

She and Ford ran out the front door. Just as they left, Stan walked down the stairs. He walked over to Bella and Fiddleford, who were watching TV.

"How'd it go up there?" Fiddleford asked.

"I finally got them to sleep," Stan sighed, sitting down. "Poor Hreggy D. She tried to eat a tape dispenser."

**Flashback!**

"I think this is food, girl!" Hreggy D said. She tried to eat the tape dispenser she was holding. She fell over, choking on the object.

"You gonna share that?" Dreggy H asked.

**Flashback over!**

"Ah, memories," Stan smiled. The kids turned their attention to the TV.

_"The music industry was shaken today at the news that girl group king, Ergman Bratsman, has been arrested," Tambry Valentino said on the news. "He was pulled over tonight for not having a rear license plate."_

_"_ _I'm_ _telling you,_ _the_ _goat took it!" Bratsman said as the cops_ _handcuffed_ _him._

_"Tell it to_ _the_ _judge," Sheriff Holt said._

_"He is now in county jail, awaiting trial," Tambry said._

"Yes!" Bella cheered.

"We have'ta tell the girls," Fiddleford smiled. Stan laughed nervously.

"Let's go!" Bella said. She and Fiddleford ran upstairs, giggling happily. They were about to enter the attic when Stan stood in front of the door.

"Not so fast!" He shouted. "They're not going anywhere!"

Bella and Fiddleford gasped.

"What the heck, Stan?" Bella asked. "That evil producer is gone. We gotta tell the girls!"

"Wait guys, let's not be so hasty," Stan said. "I mean, think about it. If we _don't_ tell the girls, then they can stay here with me- I mean, us!"

"But Stanley, we can' keep 'em here forever!" Fiddleford protested.

"But I love them!" Stan said.

"If you loved them, you'd let them go," Bella said, using Stan's earlier words against him.

"Never! Every girl I've loved this summer has left me!" Stan said. "And I'm not gonna let it happen again!"

Fiddleford and Bella turned away.

"Bella, we gotta get past Stan," Fiddleford said quietly. "He's gone girl crazy!"

They looked at Stan, who was breathing deeply.

"Girls!" He growled.

"Bella, ATTACK!" Bella cried. She jumped on Stan, knocking him backwards into the attic. Mult'ple Timez stood up, startled.

"Guys, Ergman Bratsman's in jail!" Fiddleford told them. "Yer free!"

"Go! Hurry!" Bella yelled, struggling to keep Stan pinned to the floor.

"Woah, is that true, Stanie boy?" Dreggy H asked.

"Uh, no!" Stan lied. "Your producer's still out there. You're gonna have to stay here, probably forever!"

"What?!" Fiddleford cried. "You can' listen to him!"

"Stan's our man, man," High Carla said. "He puts pizza in our food trough."

"He changes my newspaper, man," Chubby A said. "He's a'ight."

"He is not 'a'ight', Chubby A!" Fiddleford said. Stan shoved Bella off of him and ran over to the band members.

"Mult'ple Timez!" Stan said.

"Yeah, Stanie boy?" The girls said.

"Remove these two from the premises," Stan ordered, pointing at Bella and Fiddleford. The girls started dancing towards them and snapping their fingers.

"Oh no! They're aggressively dancing at us!" Fiddleford gulped.

"Wait, that's it? Really?" Bella asked. The girls picked up Bella and Fiddleford. "Now this is something to be worried about."

"Stanley's gone mad with power!" Fiddleford said. "Save yerselves, Mult'ple Timez! Ye were better off with yer producer!"

The girls threw the two out of the room. They closed the door and turned around, posing.

"Word," High Carla said.

"Call me, High Carla!" Fiddleford poked his head back in. Meggy Q closed the door with her foot.

"Twenty sixteen!" Chubby A said.

"Thanks, girls," Stan sighed. "Now let's all get aboard the braid train."

"Things just got pretty intense, Stanie boy," High Carla said. "Maybe we should like, chill out for a minute-"

"I said, let's get aboard the braid train!" Stan snapped. The girls looked at each other, worried.

\-----

Ford and Mabel were driving down the road.

"We have to warn Dan about the song before he gets brainwashed!" Ford said.

"Road safety laws, prepare to be ignored!" Mabel shouted. She drove through a blocked road sign.

\-----

Stacey and Dan pulled up to Lookout Point in Stacey's van.

"Huh, weird," she said. "Ed and Daryl didn't show up. So I-I guess it's just you and me. This- this isn't what I was planning at all."

Suddenly, Mabel drove right up the edge of the cliff. The car swerved to a stop on Lookout Point. Mabel fell out as Ford ran over to the van.

"Dan?! Stop!" Ford cried. "Stacey's been lying to you!"

"Ford?" Dan said, confused.

"Wha- kid? Ms. Pines?" Stacey said, also shocked.

"That's Ms. Pines to you!" Mabel snapped, standing up.

"What? That's... what I said," Stacey said, confused.

"Look Dan, you've got to hear this," Ford held up the recorder.

\-----

Stan was sitting on his bed, drinking chocolate milk. Mult'ple Timez walked up to him.

"Stan, you gotta hear this," Dreggy H said. "It's a song we wrote to say 'thank you.'"

"Hit it!" Hreggy D said. Music started playing as the girls danced.

"Oh boy! Songs are like hugs that mouths give to ears!" Stan said happily.

_"Here comes your_  
_Stanie boy._  
_We dreamed of being free, (so free)_  
_But now we know_  
_That that can never be._  
_You know what friends are all about_  
_You kicked those lying shorties out. (kick them out y'all)"_

Stan watched as they tore a poster of Bella and Fiddleford that said 'My BFFs' in half.

"Starting to feel guilty here..." he said nervously.

_"Break it down!_  
_Who's the guy who's so a'ight?_  
_Tucks us into bed at night!_  
_Holds the fan up while we sing._  
_Keeps me entertained with string!_  
_My shirt was wrinkled till_  
_HE PRESSED IT!_  
_Chews our food_  
_SO WE CAN DIGEST IT!_  
_He was evil, mean, and reckless._  
_YOU GAVE ME THIS CANDY NECKLACE!_  
_'Sup, boy._  
_Other folks we could never trust._  
_But we know_  
_That you'd never lie to us._  
_Stanie boy_  
_We know you love us SoOoOo!"_

"And that's why I have to let you go," Stan sighed sadly.

\-----

Ford had pressed play on the recorder, but all they could hear was the regular version of Stacey's song.

"Uh, there's a message in there somewhere," Ford laughed nervously. "I promise!"

"Let me just... close the window," Stacey said, leaning across to do so.

"No, wait!" Ford said. He turned up the volume on the recorder. "Here!"

The recorder played the backwards message, and Dan's eyes widened.

"Stacey, what's that doing in our song?" He asked, turning to the girl beside him.

"Baby, I swear, I don't know anything about those messages," Stacey said nervously. "I didn't even write that song! My dad taught me it, and he just ripped it off of some other band. So, we're all cool, right?"

"No, we're not 'all cool'," Dan glared. "I don't care about the messages. I thought you wrote that song for me and I actually thought it was sweet, you big liar."

"I know, I know, I lie about a lot of things," Stacey said. "Like using your shampoo, and fighting a bear..."

"No, you know what?" Dan snapped. "It's over. We're through, Stacey."

He stepped out of the van.

"What? Wait, Dan!" Stacey cried.

"Goodbye," Dan slammed the door shut and walked off.

"Haha, we won!" Mabel cheered. "Ford, this is a victory for every guy and girl whose hands are too fat or weak to play a musical instrument."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Graunty Mabel," Ford smiled. The two of them high-fived (or high-sixed, in Ford's case). Ford ran up to Dan. "Hey! Uh, now that your night is free, Graunty Mabel and I were thinking, maybe, bowling or something?"

"Are you serious?" Dan asked, close to tears. "Right now? Ugh, what is _wrong_ with you guys? You only care about yourselves! Just leave me alone!"

He stomped off furiously, punching a tree before disappearing.

"Oh man," Stacey sobbed, placing her head on the steering wheel.

"Look, if it makes you feel better, the apocalypse is coming soon," Mabel told her. "Bury your gold! ...You've been buying gold, right?"

Ford looked at the recorder in his hand sadly.

\-----

Bella and Fiddleford walked up to the Mystery Shack door.

"We gotta save the girls," Fiddleford said.

"I'm prepared to fight," Bella save, waving around the giant foam finger on her hand. They looked towards the door as Stan opened it.

"Hey guys," he said. "Sorry for going bonkers. A catchy song made me realize that you were right. Forgive me?"

"Of course," Bella smiled.

"Friendship repaired," Fiddleford said as the three hugged. The girls of Mult'ple Timez walked up to the door.

"Hey, what's going on, Stanie boy?" Meggy Q asked.

"You said you had something to show us?" Chubby A said.

"Yup. This," Stan gestured to the woods. The girls gasped.

"Hey man, who is this big, round, bright girl?" Chubby A asked, shielding her eyes.

"That, Chubby A, is the sun," Stan said.

"That girl's making my eyes burn straight _painful_!" Chubby A said.

"Hey girl, don't mess with our girl!" Dreggy H snapped.

"Let's stare her down!" Meggy Q said. The five girls stared at the sun, only to look away in pain.

"Wait, hold up," High Carla said. "What's this big green mess?"

"That's nature, High Carla," Stan smiled. "Bratsman won't bother you anymore. You can do anything you wanna do, go anywhere you wanna go. You're free!"

"Fa-ree?" Chubby A tilted her head.

"Free, free! It means you can skedaddle!" Stan said. He sobbed as he hit her legs with a stick. "Now go. Go!"

The girls stepped forward hesitantly, looking back at Stan.

"Get outta here before I change my mind!" He yelled. The girls walked towards the bushes, disappearing into the woods.

"...They won't last a week," Bella said.

\-----

Ford and Mabel sat in the kitchen, each drinking a soda.

"Men. They're the _real_ mystery, Ford," Mabel said. "You ruin their date, drive their hippie girlfriend's van into a ravine, and somehow you're the 'bad guy.'"

"No, it's my fault," Ford sighed sadly. "I shouldn't have meddled in Dan's personal life. He probably hates me now."

"Ah, chin up, kid," Mabel smiled softly. "You were trying to do the right thing. Even though you ruined a relationship and part of my car."

"You think he'll ever forgive me?" Ford asked.

"I'm sure he will," Mabel assured. "And until then, you can always go bowling with me."

"Thanks, Graunty Mabel," Ford smiled.

"Don't mention it," Mabel said. They heard a noise from outside. "Hey, is something rooting through our trash?"

Mabel walked outside to see Meggy Q digging through the trash can.

"Hey, get outta here!" Mabel yelled, chasing her off with a broom. "Wait a second, that's not one of the normal beautiful men that digs through our trash."  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
_"Girl you got me 'ackin so cray-cray._  
_CRAY CRAY!_  
_You tell me that you_ _won't_ _be my ba-bay!_  
_We're_ _not threatening!"_

The girls of Mult'ple Timez clapped as the five boys finished their song. The girls didn't know who they were, but they seemed so familiar. Almost as though they were copies of them, only as boys. Four of the girls and for of the boys turned to Dreggy H and who they were told was Creggy G, who were making out.

"Dang girl," Creggy G murmured.

"Hm, twenty sixteen," Dreggy H muttered.


	18. Jurassic Buck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella and Stan go looking for their kid after he gets kidnapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kid? Get it? Because Gompers is a baby goat?

A car drove past a 'Lil Buddy' sign. The cop's speedometer on their car said it was going 99 miles per hour. However, Holt and Roy were too busy to notice.

"Easy, easy," Holt said. "Remember your training, deputy." Holt watched as Roy tried to complete a children's maze. "You're almost there..."

Roy's hand slipped and his line connected with the shark on the paper.

"Dang it!" Roy said. "I almost got the treasure!"

"Oh, you'll get it next time," Holt said reassuringly. They felt a rumble in the car. "Hey, you feel that?"

The two cops screamed as a pair of claws dug into the roof of the car, tearing it off. They watched as whatever did the damage flew off.

"Think we should report that?" Roy asked.

"Or go for a ride in our new convertible!" Holt said. Roy screamed in joy as he drove off. They didn't hear the screech or see the big something fly past the moon.

\-----

Mabel was giving a tour around the outside of the shack. She was driving the Mystery Cart, which had a cart of seats behind it.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Continuing our Mystery Tour you'll see the world famous Outhouse of Mystery!" Mabel pointed towards an outhouse. "I got stuck in there once!"

"Can I go to the bathroom?" A boy asked.

"Save all questions until the end of the tour," Mabel smiled. The boy groaned. The cart went over a bump and he looked down, sighing. "And up ahead, if you look closely- everyone get your cameras out, you're gonna want to see this-"

Stan, Bella, and Gompers peeked out the window of the gift shop.

"Finally, we have the whole house to ourselves," Stan said.

"What do you think, Gompers?" Bella said. "Dance party?"

Gompers bleated in response.

"I'm not hearing a no," Stan smiled. He turned the 'Open' sign to 'Closed', and turned on the radio. Him, Bella, and Gompers started dancing. They ate popsicles off the floor, Bella and Stan played with Gompers's face, they wore sunglasses and took a selfie. They took more pictures, chewed on books, and danced on the counter and floor.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Stan cheered as the music came to a stop. Him and Bella fell to the ground, tired out. Gompers walked up and licked them.

"Uh oh, cuddle time!" Bella giggled. She and Stan sat up, and Gompers sat in both of their laps.

"Gompers, can we tell you a secret?" Stan whispered. "You're our favorite goat in the whole world."

The two people yawned, falling asleep with Gompers as a pillow. The goat closed his eyes, also falling asleep. Mabel entered the gift shop, counting money. She yelled out when she tripped over the sleeping kids.

"Wha- Stan? Bella?" Mabel said. Her glasses had fallen off her face, and she looked back at the two. "What are you doing on the floor?"

"Being cute and great," Stan said. He put an arm around Gompers and Bella, and she put an arm around the two of them, squishing the goat between them.

"Yeesh, and I thought your brother was weird," Mabel chuckled, putting her glasses back on.

"No, he's more like-" Stan grabbed a notebook from the shelf. " _Uhh,_ _let's_ _solve a mystery! I kiss a pillow with Dan's face on it!_ "

"Hehe, that's a pretty good impression," Mabel laughed. Bella joined her. Gompers started chewing on Mabel's sock.

"Go, go!" Stan encouraged. "Chew that sock!"

"Ah!" Mabel lifted her foot off the ground, and Gompers tore off a piece of her sock. Mabel opened the window. "Ok, outside. Now."

"No!" Stan and Bella cried, running over to hold the goat.

"Graunty Mabel, it's not safe for him out there!" Stan protested.

"There's predators! And barbecues!" Bella worried.

"Kids, that's just the natural order," Mabel said. "It's not my fault your goat is potentially delicious."

"He belongs inside like a person!" Stan glared at her.

"People don't sit around in their own filth!" Mabel argued. "'Cept for Ria."

"And we're the lesser for it," Bella said. "Maybe _we're_ the ones that should be put outside."

"Hmpf," Stan said, and him and Bella walked out of the room with Gompers.

\-----

Ford and Ria were in the woods, sitting on the back of Ria's pick-up truck.

"Today's the day, Ria," Ford said. "Thanks for coming along on this mission."

"Dude, it's an honor," Ria said, wiping her forehead. "Today I'm sweating from heat _and_ excitement!"

"There's something hidden in these woods," Ford said, looking at a newspaper. "Something big enough to tear the top off a car. If we get a picture of it, we'll be heroes!"

"Yeah, we'll get all the dudes," Ria said. "You'll be fending off smooches with a stick!"

"Hehe, shut up," Ford laughed, shoving Ria playfully.

"With a stick, dude!" Ria smiled, poking Ford's arm.

"Here, give me a boost," Ford said.

\-----

Ria set up a camera in a tree. She slid down the sap-covered tree to where Ford sat drinking a Pitt Cola.

"Got it!" Ria said. She pulled her hand away from the tree truck, sap sticking to her hand. "Is sap supposed to be this sticky?"

She tried to get the sap off. She looked around, seeing a mosquito trapped in sap.

"If everything goes right, the creature will grab that steak, cross through the string, and set off cameras A, B, and C," Ford said, pointing to each item as he listed them.

"And nothing can go wrong!" Ria smiled. "High six!"

She and Ford high-fived, but their hands stuck together due to the sap.

"This was poorly planned," Ford sighed. They heard a loud roar as something swooped past them. The cameras went off, and when the two looked, the steak was missing. The ropes were also broken. Ford and Ria looked at each other, excited.

\-----

Stan and Bella were watching TV at the shack. Gompers sat between them, and Bella was looming what looked like a cape.

_"Hey, you!" A man on TV said._

"Me?" Stan looked at the TV.

 _"Sick of constantly_ _dropping_ _your baby?" The_ _TV_ _showed_ _a man holding a baby under one arm and eating a slice of_ _pizza_ _with the other._

_"Yes," the man nodded._

_"Hi, I'm Bobby Renzobbi!" A second man appeared on screen. "And what you need is the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle!"_

_"I can hold ten babies at once!" The man smiled._

"Why would you need to?" Bella asked.

_"I know what you're thinking: Does it work for goats?" Bobby said. "Ah ha ha, yeah it does work for goats, stupid! Feel your goat's heartbeat next to yours! IT WORKS FOR GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!"_

Stan and Bella gasped.

"Graunty Mabel, we're off to get a Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle!" Stan said. The two kids turned to look at Mabel, who was looking in a mirror.

"Yeesh, isn't looming matching capes for that goat enough?" Mabel asked. She looked over to see Stan wearing a cape with Bella and Gompers on it, Bella wearing a cape with Stan and Gompers on it, and Gompers wearing an unfinished cape with Bella and Stan on it.

"Nope," Bella shook her head, "Anyways..." she picked up Gompers, "we'll need you to look after this little gentleman while we're gone."

Gompers bleated and ate a fly.

"Not now, kids," Mabel said. "I have some tourists coming through."

"Graunty Mabel, I know you're not crazy about Gompers," Stan began.

"He keeps trying to eat my sweaters," Mabel interrupted angrily.

"But you do care about me," Stan said. "Promise you won't let anything happen to him?"

Mabel smiled softly.

"Alright, ok," she said.

"Thanks Ms. Pines!" Bella called, her and Stan running out of the house. Mabel kneeled down in front of Gompers.

"I'm watching you, goat," she narrowed her eyes and pointed at him. Gompers rested a hoof on her finger. "Ugh."

Ford and Ria ran into the shack with the cameras.

"We did it! It tripped the wire!" Ford cheered. "Somewhere in one of these cameras is a picture of that creature. I'll go develop the film."

"And I'll make us victory nachos," Ria said. "Ria and Ford for life!"

The two fist-bumped and ran in opposite directions, laughing.

\-----

Mabel was showing around a group of tourists.

"And here, ladies and gentlemen, is our final exhibit, the most hideous creatures known to man!" She pulled a sheet off of a mirror, revealing the group of tourists. They laughed once they got the joke. "Right? Right? Haha, we- we have fun here. But seriously folks." She walked over to another sheet. "THIS is something! I present to you a unicorn made out of glitter! The glitter-corn!"

She pulled the sheet off the exhibit, but all that was left was some wires. Glitter and paper mache littered the floor. The tourists gasped and muttered angrily. 

"What the-?!"

Mabel looked around before spotting Gompers. He was chewing on a piece of mache and glitter covered his face.

"What a rip off!" A man snapped. "Kids, we're leaving!"

Two kids dropped their merchandise before following their parents. The rest of the tour group also left.

"No! Nooooo!" Mabel cried. She growled, spinning around to face Gompers. "You!"

The goat just stared at her. Specks of glitter fluttered to the ground.

\-----

Ford was in a dark room, developing the pictures.

"Come on, come on," he mumbled. He picked up a picture of a wing. "That's a wing! If camera B got the wing, then the one that should have gotten the rest is... camera C!" He walked over to a separate set of pictures being developed. One picture started to appear. "The creature!"

"Who wants victory nachos?" Ria opened the door, holding a bowl. Light flooded the room, turning the picture black.

"NO!" Ford cried, picking up the ruined picture. He frowned, devastated.

"Dude, don't worry, I only ate like, a third of them," Ria said. "Half of 'em. Haha, I ate all of them, dude!"

Ria held the empty bowl upside down.

\-----

Mabel carried Gompers outside.

"Just ten minutes without this goat in the house," she said. She tied Gompers to a peg in the ground using some rope. "Is that too much to ask? There. If Stan asks, this never happened." She slipped a bill into the rope around Gompers's neck. She started walking back to the shack, mocking Stan. " _Oh, but Graunty Mabel,_ _it's_ _not safe out there._ _There's_ _predators_ _._ Oh brother..."

Suddenly, something swooped down and snatched Gompers with its talons. The wind knocked Mabel's fez off her head. She spun around to see Gompers bleating loudly as he was carried off.

\-----

"I can't believe you!" Ford said angrily.

"I'm sorry, dude," Ria said. "I was just excited. Nachos cause excitement!"

"Ria, no offense, but you have to be more careful sometimes," Ford said. "I mean, what are the chances that we'll get another picture of-"

Ford was cut off as the creature sped past the window. Him and Ria looked at each other before running outside, just in time to catch the creature flying away. A trail of red yarn from Gompers's cape lead through the trees.

"Dude, did you see that?" Ria asked. "That thing was a dinosaur, bro!"

"But how is it possible that a dinosaur survived 65 million years?" Ford asked.

"Did you see it, Ms. Pines?" Ria asked. Mabel stared at where the dinosaur had disappeared.

"It- it took him," she said.

"Took what?" Ford asked.

"The goat. It took Gompers," Mabel said.

"What did you say about Gompers?"

Mabel spun around to face Stan and Bella. The two walked up, Stan wearing a backpack. Nobody said anything.

"Woah, awkward silence," Bella said.

"What's going on?" Stan asked. He looked around. "And where's Gompers?"

"Uhh..." Mabel pulled the stake she tied Gompers to up and hid it behind her back, "the good news is, you're getting a puppy!"

"Why? What happened?" Stan asked.

"Well, uh, you see, when the, um-" Mabel struggling.

"Your goat got eaten by a p-terodactyl, bros," Ria said.

"WHAT?!" Bella and Stan screamed.

"Gompers?! Gompers!" Stan cried, looking around, hoping it wasn't true. "How did this happen? Graunty Mabel, you didn't put him... _outside_ , did you?"

"What? No! I didn't put him anywhere!" Mabel panicked. "I'm not acting suspicious! YOU'RE acting suspicious! What's a goat?!"

"Then... what happened?" Ford asked.

"Uh, look, it went down like this, right?" Mabel began.

_Mabel was sitting in the living room,_ _feeding Gompers_ _from a bottle._

_"I was in the living room, tenderly nursing him with only the richest of creams,"_ _Mabel_ _narrated. "When suddenly..."_

_The pterodactyl burst through the door, roaring. It grabbed Gompers out_ _of_ _Mabel's_ _arms._

 _"_ _So_ _I_ _said," Mabel tore off the_ _arms_ _of her sweater, "'No dice, cowboy!' and started punching it right in the face!"_

_Mabel jumped onto the pterodactyl, punching it in the eye._

_"But he played dirty," Mabel said. The pterodactyl tapped her shoulder. She turned around to look at it and it_ _poked_ _her in the eyes. She screamed as she fell to_ _the_ _ground. The pterodactyl flew off. "That really happened! 'Why?! Why couldn't you have taken me?!'"_

Mabel pretended to cry into her hands.

"Oh Graunty Mabel, you tried to save him!" Stan said. Him and Bella hugged her.

"Uh, yeah! I'm a... great woman, alright..." Mabel said nervously.

"You punched a pterodactyl in the face?" Ford asked, skeptical. "I thought you didn't believe in the supernatural."

"Dinosaurs aren't magic," Mabel argued. "They're just big lizards. Get off my back!"

"Oh, Gompers," Bella sighed sadly, looking at the selfie the three of them had taken earlier.

"That's it," Ford said. "No pterodactyl messes with my brother and best friend. We're gonna go out there, catch him, and save your goat! For Stan and Bella!"

"For Stan and Bella!" Ria repeated.

"But how will we ever find the little guy?" Mabel asked.

"We follow that," Bella pointed to the trail of yarn. Stan, Ford, and Ria muttered in agreement.

"Or you know, we could just call it a day, maybe hit the pool hall-" Mabel said. She trailed off when everyone stared at her. "Yeah! Let's go... save Chompers!"

"Gompers," Stan corrected.

"...Him too," Mabel said.

\-----

Ria spray painted 'Pterodactyl Mobile' on the side of her van.

"Alright! That p-terodactyl won't know what hit him!" Ria smiled.

"Heh," Ford chucked. "It's _pter_ odactyl."

"Actually, no one knows how to pronounce it, since no one was alive during dinosaur times," Ria said. She crawled under the truck to strap a cage to it. The truck lurched forward and she pulled her head out. "Woah, almost ran over my own head." She laughed nervously. "Woah..."

"Lee, Bella, we gotta talk," Ford said, walking over to the two. "This is a really high-stakes mission, and I'm a little worried about Ria coming along on this one. I love her and all, but sometimes she messes stuff up."

"What? Since when?" Bella asked.

**_Flashback!_ **

Ria was sweeping up in the gift shop. She accidentally knocked over a crystal ball. It fell to the floor and shattered.

"Sorry dude," Ria said to the twins.

**_Flashback!_ **

Ria installed a glass pane into a window. The glass pane fell out, breaking on the floor.

"Sorry dude," Ria said to the twins.

**_Flashback!_ **

Stan and Ford were sitting in the attic.

"Look, a pixie!" Ford pointed out the window.

"Wow!" Stan said. A flyswatter smashed the pixie against the window.

"Oh sorry dude, I killed that pixie," Ria laughed.

**_Flashback over!_ **

"Let her down easy," Stan nodded. Ford walked over to Ria.

"This is so great!" Ria said. "You and me, bro. Best friends. Fighting and potentially high-fiving dinosaurs."

"Ria, I need to tell you something," Ford said nervously.

"Ok, but before you do," Ria pulled out two t-shirts, "check out these matching shirts I made for us." She handed Ford a shirt. "Who's this guy right here? You, it's totally you, dude! And these rays indicate friendship. Now what is it you wanted to tell me?"

She smiled at Ford.

"Uh... p-terodactyl, here we come," Ford smiled back nervously. "Heh..."

"Yes!" Ria cheered. Ford sighed as they all climbed into the truck. "Bros before dinos!"

\-----

The truck pulled up to an abandoned church.

"The red yarn leads to..." Bella looked up at the wrecked building. They got out of the truck and walked up to the church. Inside they saw Fiddleford, who was looking into a hole in the floor.

"Fiddleford?" Ford spoke. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh guys, thank goodness you're here!" Fiddleford said. "You won't believe it. So I was doing my daily hootnanny, when this enormous dinosaur-looking critter stole my musical spoons! I followed it and it flew into the abandoned mines down yonder."

He pointed down into the hole. Everyone looked down.

"Looks kind of hairy down there," Mabel said.

"Come on, Graunty Mabel, you can handle it," Stan encouraged. "You punched a pterodactyl in the face, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" Mabel jumped up nervously. "Yeah, I-I did do that, didn't I?"

She laughed nervously.

"My, what suspicious laughter," Fiddleford commented.

"Guys, we're going in," Ford said.

"Mind if I tag along?" Fiddleford asked. "I'd like to get my spoons back."

"Sure," Ford nodded.

\-----

Everyone was climbing down a long rope. Suddenly the rope started to fray and it broke, dropping everyone into the mines.

"Woah," Ford said, looking around. The others looked up and gasped in amazement. Ford got up and walked around. "These plants look all Jurassic-y."

"Huh, this little guy smells like battery acid," Ria said, pointing to a plant. The plant spat out a cloud of acid in her face. "AH! Well, looks like I lost my sense of smell, haha!"

Bella and Stan looked at the picture of them and Gompers from earlier.

"Oh, Gompers," Bella sighed sadly. "We're gonna find you."

The group walked into a tunnel. The light of Ford's lantern lit up a giant T-rex. The group screamed, but calmed down when the realized that the dinosaur was trapped in sap.

"They're trapped inside the tree sap!" Ford said. "That's how they survived 65 million years! Woah..." He looked at a giant pterodactyl-shaped hole in the sap. "The summer heat must be melting them loose."

"But why this summer?" Bella asked.

"Holy moley!" Mabel exclaimed, looking around. "Forget the glitter-corn, this is the attraction of a life time! I could bring people down here and turn this into some sort of theme park! Jurassic... Sap Hole!"

"Uh, guys?" Fiddleford said nervously. He pointed to a velocirapter that had one finger free of the sap.

"Uh, maybe we should keep moving," Ford said.

"This could be a gold mine!" Mabel said happily. "Velvety-rope type deal there, ticket booth here- ha! I should have put that goat outside ages ago!"

"Wait."

"What did you just say?"

"Hm? What's that?" Mabel turned to face a now-mad Stan and Bella.

"You said the dinosaur flew _into_ the house," Stan said. He gasped in realization.

"Uh, wait, if you think about it-" Mabel tried to say.

"You put Gompers outside then you _lied_ to us about it!" Bella yelled. She had started crying, and Stan looked close to tears as well.

"And now thanks to you, our goat could be dead!" Stan shouted. "Gompers could be dead!!"

"Look, he's an animal," Mabel defended. "He belongs outside!"

"No, that's it!" Stan snapped. "Graunty Mabel, I am never talking to you again!"

"Me either!" Bella agreed, and the two turned away from Mabel.

"Look, you can't be serious-" Mabel began.

"Oh, is someone talking?" Stan interrupted. "Because I can't hear them!"

"Kids-"

"LA LA LA LA LA!" Bella shouted. "I can't hear anyone! No one is talking!"

"Guys, guys, don't fight!" Ria said. "Why can't you be more like me and Ford?" She put an arm around the boy. "Look, everything's gonna be cool. All we gotta do to find the goat is follow this here yarn!" She started rolling up the yarn. "Just keep following and following, and when we reach the end-" She saw that she had rolled up all of the yarn. "Oh- uh oh." She looked at the many shafts. "Which- which cave was it again?"

"Ahh! Ria, you lost the trail!" Ford cried.

"Hey, don't worry, dude," Ria said. "We'll find the way, TRUST me!"

She smacked Ford on the back playfully, causing him to drop the lantern. It shattered on the ground.

"...Sorry dude," Ria said.

"Arg! That's it!" Ford shouted. "This is exactly why I didn't want to bring you along!"

"What- what are you talking about?" Ria asked, frowning.

"I'm talking about how this is really important to Stan and Bella, and you keep messing stuff up!" Ford said. "You ruined our photograph, and now you've gotten us hopelessly lost!"

"But- but we're p-terodactyl sibs," Ria said. She held up the t-shirt. "I made us the t-shirts."

"It's pronounced _pterodactyl,_ " Ford corrected. "And these shirts are useless! They're gigantic!"

"I. Have. A different. _Body type, dude_!" Ria said angrily. Her and Ford started to argue. Stan and Bella started to argue with Mabel again.

"Guys, settle down!" Fiddleford said. He held up the repaired lantern. "Look, Ah fixed the lantern! It'll be ok!"

The others stared in horror. The pterodactyl was right above Fiddleford. They all screamed.

"What- what's wrong?!" Fiddleford cried. He turned around to see the dinosaur.

"Nobody move," Ford whispered. Fiddleford wasn't able to do that, though, as he screamed and ran the other way. The pterodactyl shrieked and chased the group down a tunnel. It got stuck in a doorway, allowing them to hide behind some rocks.

"We need a plan to get out of here," Ford whispered.

"Ok ok, how about we get Ria a goat costume," Stan began.

"I like it," Ria said.

"And we use Ria as a human sacrifice," Stan finished.

"I like it," Ria repeated.

"But who could make it?" Bella asked.

"I could knit the costume," Mabel said. Stan and Bella ignored her. "Aw, come on guys. You can't seriously stop talking to me forever."

"Yeah guys, we have to work together here," Ford said.

"Oh what, you'll work with them, but not your buddy Ria?" Ria asked, offended. Ria, Ford, and Mabel all started arguing.

"BAAAAAH!"

"Wait, did you hear that?" Stan asked, looking at Bella. The two looked to see Gompers sitting in a nest.

"GOMPERS!" They yelled happily. They ran across a mine track towards the nest.

"Stan! Bella!" Fiddleford cried.

"Are you guys nuts?!" Mabel yelled.

"Oh, is someone talking?!" Stan yelled angrily. "Because we can't hear _anything_!"

They continued running towards the nest. The others followed them.

"Guys, come back here!" Ford called. Bella and Stan reached the nest, seeing Gompers sitting there.

"Gompers!" They said together. The goat bleated and Stan picked him up.

"Oh, our Gompers!" Stan said. "We'll never lose you again!"

Him and Bella cuddled the goat.

"Uh... guys?" Ford shook when he noticed the human bones that made up the nest.

"Ssh, you're safe now," Bella said as Stan slipped Gompers into the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle.

"Lee, Bella, quick! We gotta get out of here!" Ford hissed. A huge shadow passed overhead and Gompers bleated in utter terror. He ran off towards the mine track.

"Gompers, wait!" Stan cried. Gompers bleated over and over as he jumped onto an unsuspecting Mabel.

"Ahh!" Mabel screamed. She was knocked to the ground, the squirming goat in her hands. "Get off me, you dumb goat!"

"Look out!" Ford shouted. The pterodactyl swooped down and knocked Mabel and Gompers off the track. They screamed, falling to the floor far below. "Oh no!"

Ford, Stan, Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria ran to the edge of the nest.

"Mabel!" Ford and Stan yelled.

"Ms. Pines!" Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria yelled.

Mabel screamed as she fell. She bounced off a giant mushroom and landed in a gathering of plants. She sat up, rubbing her head, only to see Gompers eating the plants happily.

"Yeah, you _would_ enjoy this," she rolled her eyes. She screamed again as the pterodactyl swooped by, grabbing her fez. "Huh?"

The flying dinosaur dropped Mabel's fez in the nest. Ria and the kids gasped in fear.

"Guys, we have to save her!" Stan said.

"Fiddleford, do you have an invention that can distract the pterodactyl?" Ford asked.

"Um, I'm not sure," Fiddleford said, digging around in his pockets. "Nope. Sorry, Ford."

Ria and the kids gasped again as the egg in the middle of the nest cracked. The egg fell over onto its side as a baby pterodactyl broke through. It looked at Ria and the kids, peeping.

"Awwwww!" Bella smiled.

"Well, welcome to the world, little fella-" Fiddleford screamed when the baby pterodactyl ate him. The others screamed as well.

\-----

Mabel and Gompers were hiding under a giant mushroom. Mabel looked up as the pterodactyl flew over them.

"The darn thing must be hungry," Mabel said. "I guess it's you or me, goat."

She stood up and looked around before pushing Gompers out into the open. Gompers looked back at her.

"What are you looking at?" Mabel asked. Gompers blinked, staring at her. "Aw, come on. Don't give me that look! What am I supposed to do, let it eat me?" Gompers continued to stare at her. Mabel groaned. "Oh, I get it. You're trying to guilt me. Well it ain't working, pal. Who cares if you're Stan and Bella's favorite thing in the world? I can live without the kids talking to me all the time! ...Telling me their jokes... making me laugh..."

Gompers bleated softly, tilting his head. Mabel chuckled, smiling. She looked up, noticing the dinosaur flying towards them. 

"Aw, dang it," Mabel said. She picked Gompers up and set him in the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle. "Well, this is just about the stupidest thing I've ever done." She turned the Bundle around so Gompers was on her back. She turned to address the pterodactyl. "YOU WANT THIS GOAT?!" Gompers bleated. "THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET THROUGH ME, YOU FLYING DEVIL! COME AND GET ME!"

She screamed, jumping onto the pterodactyl.

\-----

"Oh dude, did he really just eat Fidds?" Ria asked. "That's so messed up!"

"No, Fiddleford," Bella sobbed. "No, no no no..."

A lump formed in the baby pterodactyl's throat and Fiddleford peeked out from the dinosaur's mouth.

"I-I'm ok!" He waved. The baby pterodactyl swallowed him again. Ria and the remaining kids scooted to the edge of the nest.

"What do we do, what do we do?" Ford panicked. Ria thought for a minute.

"We have to get in a straight line," she said.

"What?" Ford looked at her.

"A pterodactyl's eyes are so far apart, that if you stand right in front of it, it can't see you," Ria explained.

"Ria, you've been wrong about stuff all day," Ford sighed, pinching his nose. "How can we-?"

"Dude, look," Ria said. "I-I know I've messed up a lot. I can be sort of clumsy, and not always as lovable as I think. But please, as my friend, just trust me on this one!"

Ford looked at the pterodactyl, then back at Ria. He gave her a small smile and nodded. Ria stood up.

"Get behind me, dudes," she ordered. The kids stood behind her in a line. They scooted around the pterodactyl in a straight line. When it looked at them, they stopped, but thankfully the dinosaur couldn't see them.

"It's working!" Stan whispered as they began to cross the mine track. They jumped from side to side when the pterodactyl turned its head. Eventually it went back to eating. Ria and the kids sighed, sitting behind the rocks.

"Ria, you did it!" Ford smiled. They looked up at the sudden screech of a full-grown pterodactyl. They saw the momma pterodactyl flying around with no structured pattern. There was someone riding atop it, too.

"Is that-?" Ford looked at the person.

"Mabel?!" Stan beamed. They watched as Mabel punched the dinosaur in the face. Stan and Bella saw Gompers strapped to her back.

"Gompers!" They cried happily.

"She's punching her in the face!" Ford laughed.

"From heck's heart I stab at thee!" Mabel shouted. She stabbed at the pterodactyl with both hands. It screeched, diving towards the edge of the cliff. Mabel climbed onto the cliff, while the pterodactyl fell to the ground below. Ria and Ford cheered for Mabel. Stan and Bella approached her. Stan was wearing Mabel's fez, and they were both smiling widely.

"Heh. Here's your goat, ankle-biters," Mabel said. She moved Gompers's hoof to wave at the two kids.

"Gompers!" The squealed as Mabel handed him to Stan. He held the goat belly-up, and Bella hugged around his neck from behind.

"You save him for us," Bella said softly, looking at Mabel. She took back her fez.

"Yeah, well..." Mabel didn't notice the pterodactyl climbing up behind her. "Sometimes you just gotta-" Now she did. "LOOK OUT!"

Mabel, Ria, and the kids screamed, running off. The pterodactyl flew after them, snapping at Ford's jacket. It had ripped a sizable hole in the back, but Ford didn't care at the moment. They reached the rope that lead out, but it was too high to reach.

"We're trapped!" Mabel cried. Ford saw the geyser shoot a rock out of the mine.

"Quick! The geyser could shoot us back up!" Ford pointed. They climbed into the water. The pterodactyl was gaining on them, but the geyser didn't shoot. "Come on, go!"

The pterodactyl roared at them, and everyone but Ria screamed.

"Bros before dinos!" She yelled, slamming her fists into the side of the geyser. Water shot upwards, lifting the group back up into the church. The water caused the building to collapse, covering the hole.

\-----

"I can't believe you did all that for Gompers," Stan said to Mabel as they left. Bella walked beside him, and Gompers trotted along between them.

"Ah well, I can't have my favorite nephew and youngest employee not talking to me," Mabel smiled lightly.

"I'm your favorite nephew?" Stan asked.

"Yeah, but don't tell Ford," Mabel whispered. She leaned her hand on a sap-covered tree. "And heck, if I gotta leap onto a dinosaur and punch it in the face for my family, then that's what I'm gonna do."

"That's kinda sappy," Bella giggled.

"I know. And I'm ok with that," Mabel smiled.

"No, I mean-" Bella pointed to Mabel's hand.

"Oh," Mabel realized. She covered her other hand with sap and stuck them to Stan and Bella's faces. "Gotcha!" The three of them laughed until Mabel realized she couldn't pull her hands away. "Uh oh."

The three of them yelled out.

\-----

Mabel, Stan, and Bella were asleep in the back seat of Ria's truck. Gompers sat in the middle of them, and the four were covered in sap.

"Check it out," Ford said, holding up his jacket. Him and Ria sat up front. "That thing destroyed my jacket." He put his arm through the hole, finding a tooth. "Ria, look!"

"A real dinosaur tooth? That's awesome!" Ria said. Ford smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Not as awesome as you saving us back there," he said. "Pterodactyl Sibs?"

Ford held out his fist for a fist bump. Ria smiled.

"Pterodactyl Sibs," she said, returning the fist bump. "Boosh! Hey, I pronounced it right that time!"

"Ugh, I can't help but feel like we're forgetting something," Ford said.

\-----

Back at the church, the wood and debris in the hole creaked. Fiddleford popped out of the hole, panting. He was covered in a green slime-like substance and held his musical spoons in one hand.

"I-I _ate_ my way through a _dinosaur_ ," he gasped.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Ford and Ria were watching TV in the living room.

_"Hey, I'm Bobby Renzobbi. Are your arms jealous of your legs? Then you need Arm Pants! The pants that you wear on your arms!"_

"Jeez, who actually buys this infomercial stuff?" Ford asked.

"Haha, I know, right?" Ria agreed. She turned to the phone. "Cancel the order, cancel the order!"

Mabel, Stan, Bella, Gompers, and Waddles were sitting at the kitchen table. They were playing poker. Gompers bleated.

"Bleating! That's his tell!" Mabel said. "I fold!"

"Tough luck, sucker!" Bella said, standing up. "Gompers was bluffing!"

"What? I had four aces!" Mabel said. "That goat is better than Waddles!"

Gompers ate his cards.

"Look at him. He's taunting me," Mabel glared.

"I've been cheating the last eight turns," Stan admitted with a smile.

"Haha, that's my boy!" Mabel laughed.


	19. Dreamscapers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A magic Dorito gets stuck in Mabel's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode features a cameo from my (old) non-Gravity Falls OTP.
> 
> Non-Wattpad Edit: The reason I put (old) is because when I first wrote this chapter, I was still into said OTP. Now, when posting this on AO3, they're no longer an OTP of mine.

Rain fell onto the roof of the shack. Some of it dripped into the attic, but luckily there were bowls to catch the water. Ford, Fiddleford, Stan, and Bella sat on the floor, playing Conflict Boat in teams.

"How about...?" Ford looked over at his teammate.

"B5?" Fiddleford guessed.

"Miss!" Stan said. He stuck a peg to the board.

"Our turn!" Bella said.

"Kids! Come quick!" Mabel called from downstairs. The kids walked down to the living room to see Mabel watching TV. Mabel laughed.

"I need you to laugh at this with me!" She pointed to the TV, where a commercial for the Tent O' Telepathy was playing.

" _Who's_ _cute_ _as a button, and always your friend? Little B-U-D to the-e D-Y! Wink!" Buddy sung on TV._

_"Lil Buddy!" Gideon said off screen._

"Ugh, Buddy," Stan rolled his eyes.

"Remember when I wouldn't date him and he tried to destroy us?" Bella asked.

"He's always trying to trick me into losing the shack," Mabel said.

"One time I caught him stealing my lotion," Dan said, leaning on the chair.

"And yet, our mutual hatred for him bonds us together," Ria smiled.

_"Come on down to Li'l Buddy's Tent O' Telepathy, opening soon at this location," Gideon said on TV. A Tent O' Telepathy fell down and crushed the Mystery Shack._

"Should we be worried about that?" Ford asked.

"Please," Mabel scoffed. "The only way Buddy is taking over this shack is by breaking in and stealing my deed."

They heard the loud sound of glass breaking.

"Ya mean like right now?" Fiddleford asked.

\-----

Buddy was in Mabel's office, trying to open her glitter-covered safe.

"38? 41?" Buddy punched in the numbers. "Oh, heavens to Betsy!"

"Buddy!" Mabel said. The boy jumped, spinning around. Mabel and the others were standing in the doorway.

"Well well, Mabel, my arch-nemesis," Buddy said. "We seem to have entered a dangerous game of cat and house. But the question remains, who is the cat, and who is the-?"

"Ria, broom," Mabel said, holding out her hand.

"Oh no, not the broom!" Buddy cried. Mabel started chasing him around the room with the broom. Buddy hissed at her, but she hit him twice with the broom. Buddy ran out the door, being chased by the older woman.

"You mark my words, Mabel!" Buddy yelled, standing in the rain. "One day I will get that combination. And once I steal that deed, you'll never see the Mystery Shack again!"

"Good luck, bucko!" Mabel laughed, closing the door.

Mabel set the deed in her safe, closing the little door and pressing the 'Lock' button. She chuckled.

"The combo to this safe is in the one place he'll never find it- my brain," Mabel tapped on her head and left the room. Buddy watched her from the window.

"Your brain isn't as safe as you might think, Mabel Pines," Buddy said. He pulled out the second journal. "This is the last straw! It's time to unlock the journal's greatest secret."

He flipped to a page with a zodiac on it. In the middle of the zodiac was a triangle.

\-----

Mabel, the kids, and Dan were watching TV in the living room. Dan and Ford shot lacklusterly at each other with _Nyarf_ dart guns.

_"He put the 'old' in 'Old West'," a man on TV said. "They call him Grandpa_ _the_ _Kid!"_

_"_ _I'm_ _tired during the day," Grandpa the Kid said._

"I can relate to this," Mabel said.

"Ms. Pines, can't we watch something else?" Bella asked. She held up a movie case. "Like _Dextor's_ _Lab: Ego Trip!_ "

A loud crash sounded from the kitchen. Ria ran into the room, screaming.

"Ms. Pines, there's a bat in the kitchen!" She cried. "It tried to touch me with its _weird_ _little_ _bat feet._ "

"Don't worry, I'll take care of this," Mabel said. She leaned back in her recliner. "Ford, take care of it."

"Haha, yes!" Stan laughed.

"What? Why can't Stanley do it?" Ford complained.

"Because I asked you to," Mabel said. "Now please go take care of the bat."

"Not this time, Graunty Mabel," Ford stood up in front of the chair. "You always make me do dumb chores! I'm putting my foot down this time."

He stomped his foot on the carpet.

"I _said_ go fight the bat," Mabel glared at Ford. " _Now_."

Old western music played from the TV. Ford and Mabel glared at each other.

"Ok, I'll do it!" Ford sighed. He walked over to the kitchen doorway and Stan followed him. Ford picked up a pot and spoon from the floor. "Stupid chores..."

"Remember, bats are more scared of you than you are of them," Stan said. Ford took a deep breath before walking into the kitchen. "Maybe I'm thinking of ducklings."

Ford screamed from the kitchen.

\-----

After the bat was cleared out, the twins, Fiddleford, and Bella sat in the kitchen. Fiddleford was applying disinfectant to Ford's hand, while Stan wrapped bandages around Ford's head.

"Ow, ow!" Ford hissed.

"Sorry," Fiddleford said. Ford sighed miserably.

"How come Graunty Mabel always picks on me?" He asked. "Think about it. The more painful or difficult the chore is, the more likely _I'll_ have to do it. Why doesn't she pick on you guys?"

"Ford, Mabel's personality is one of life's greatest mysteries," Stan said. "Like whether or not it's possible to lick your own elbow."

"Actually it's already been proven that you can't," Bella said.

"I'll bet I can," Stan smiled.

"I bet ye can't," Fiddleford replied. Stan walked off, trying to lick his elbow.

"Lick it! Lick it! Lick it!" Bella and Fiddleford chanted, following him.

"Sometimes I feel like Mabel doesn't like me," Ford mumbled. He looked up at a picture of Mabel hanging on the wall.

"Ford, the sink is clogged!" Mabel yelled from the other room. "Can you come in here and fix it, please?!"

Ford growled, shooting a _Nyarf_ dart at the picture.

\-----

Buddy was in the woods. He stood by a circle of candles. In the center of the circle sat a picture of Mabel with the eyes crossed out in a big red X.

"You think that combination is safe in your mind, Mabel?" Buddy spoke to himself. "Well, we'll just see about that." He looked at the second journal, reading aloud from it. " _Triangulum, entangulum. Vene foris dominus mentium. Vene foris videntis omnium!_ "

\-----

Bella and Fiddleford were still cheering on Stan, who had yet to lick his elbow.

"Lick it! Lick it!"

"Like the infinite horizon, it eludes my grasp," Stan said. The three friends heard Buddy laughing from a distance.

"Is that who I think it is?" Bella asked. They walked over to investigate. Buddy grasped his stomach, his eyes turning blue as he continued to chant.

" _Egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab!_ "

The surrounding area turned black and white, and time seemed to slow to a stop. The only things that were moving and had color were the present people. A triangle appeared in midair, surrounded by flames. The triangle grew an eye, laughing. Finally, it grew limbs, a top hat, and a bow tie before turning yellow. Bella gasped softly.

"It's a literal neato Dorito!" She whispered. The boys shushed her.

"Oh, oh, Gravity Falls! It is good to be back!" The triangle circled Buddy. "Name's Bill Cipher! And I take it you're some kind of living ventriloquist dummy?" He laughed. "I'm just kidding, I know who you are, Buddy!"

"W-what are you?" Buddy asked fearfully. "H-how do you know my name?!"

"Oh, I know lots of things," Bill said. Pictures of different things flashed on his body and he spoke in a deep voice. " ** _Lots of things._** Hey, look what I can do!" He motioned his hand towards a nearby deer. Its teeth flew out of its mouth and into Bill's outstretched hand. "Deer teeth. For you, kid!"

He dropped the teeth into Buddy's hands. The boy screamed, letting the teeth fall to the ground.

"Y-you're insane!" He cried.

"Sure I am, what's your point?" Bill asked. The teeth went back into the deer's mouth and it scampered off. Buddy built up his courage, speaking orderly.

"Listen to me, demon!" He glared up at the triangle. "I have a job for you! I need you to enter the mind of Mabel Pines and steal the code to her safe."

The kids gasped from the bushes. Bill laughed for a minute.

"Wait!" He turned around thoughtfully. "Mabel Pines..."

An image of Mabel appeared on his surface. She looked angry- a rare look for her- and was jumping at something. A second picture flashed by, of her tattoo. Bill's eye widened as he turned to face Buddy.

"You know what, kid?" Bill said. "You've convinced me. I'm sold! I'll help you with this, and in return you can help me with something I've been working on! We'll work out the details later."

"Deal," Buddy said, holding out his hand. Bill's hand lit on fire as he shook Buddy's.

"Well, time to invade Mabel's mind!" Bill said happily. "This should be fun! Remember: reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye!"

Bill disappeared and the world regained its color. Buddy gasped, opening and rubbing his eyes. Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford also gasped as they opened their eyes.

"It worked!" Buddy laughed evilly.

\-----

Ford was sweeping the floor in the living room. Mabel napped in her chair.

"No, I'm so sorry..." she mumbled in her sleep.

"What is going on in that woman's head?" Ford asked himself. He began to walk off when Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford ran into the room. Bella was eating a bag of chips.

"Ford, we have to help Mabel!" Stan cried.

"Wait, what?" Ford looked at his sleeping aunt.

"This evil Dorito guy said he was gonna break into Mabel's mind and steal the combo to her safe," Bella explained. "Also, we stopped for panic snacks on the way here."

"Dorito guy?" Ford repeated. He pulled out the third journal. "I feel like I've read about this in the journal..." He flipped to a page with a drawing of Bill on it. " _Beware Bill, the most powerful and dangerous creature I've ever encountered. Whatever you do, never let him enter your mind._ "

Mabel grunted and kicked in her sleep. The kids gasped.

"Graunty Mabel!" Stan said. They watched as a shadow of Bill entered Mabel's mind. Mabel's eyes glowed blue. She started kicking and grunting. Stan snatched the journal from his twin. " _It is possible to follow the demon into a person's mind and prevent his chaos. One must simply recite this incantation._ "

"Ugh, great," Ford rolled his eyes and folded his arms. "I spend all day fighting bats and cleaning sinks for Mabel, and now I have to safe her from some crazy brain demon?"

"But if we don't do anything, Buddy might steal the shack, or worse!" Stan worried.

"And that effects all of us," Bella added. Mabel screamed, her eyes still blue. Ford sighed.

"Fine," he said. "Get ready, guys. We're about to journey into the most horrifying, disturbing place any of us have ever been: our aunt's mind."

\-----

After the four kids set up a circle of candles, they gathered around the still asleep Mabel.

"Ok guys, in order to save Mabel, we have to follow that... brain demon into her mind," Ford said, holding the third journal. "You all ready?"

The others nodded.

"Let's do this."

The four kids set their hands on Mabel's head. Ford started reading from the journal.

" _Videntus omnium. Magister mentium. Magnesium ad hominem. Magnum opus. Habeas corpus! Inceptus Nolanus overratus! Magister mentium! Magister mentium! MAGISTER MENTIUM!_ "

Ford, Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford's eyes all turned blue. The candles went out and there was a sudden blue explosion of light. The gang woke up in Mabel's mind. They looked around at the gray and sad-looking landscape. There sat a gray, broken Mystery Shack.

"Woah," Bella breathed.

"Is this Mabel's mind?" Stan asked.

"Ah figured there would be a lot more hot old men," Fiddleford said.

"...And color," Bella added, shivering at the chill this dark place gave her.

"Remember everyone, we have to look out for the triangle guy," Ford said. Bill floated down onto the shack's porch, twirling a cane around his finger.

"Yeah, look out for the triangle guy!" Bill repeated.

"It's him! It's the guy!" Fiddleford pointed.

"You leave our aunt's brain alone, you icosolese monster!" Stan shouted. He ran at Bill and disappeared inside him. Bill looked at a watch and put it away a few seconds later. Stan flew out of Bill. "Gotcha! Wait... what?!"

"Ah, Mabel's family," Bill said. "Glasses, Kitty Cat, Cresent, Sixer. I had a feeling I might run into you."

Bill shot a hole through Ford's chest. The boy screamed, breathing deeply. Stan poked a hand through the hole.

"Boop!" He said.

"Stanley!" Ford shoved him away. He turned to Bill. "What do you want from our aunt's mind, anyway?"

"Oh, just the code to the old lady's safe," Bill said casually. "Inside the shack is a maze of 1000 doors representing your aunt's memories. All I have to do is find the one of her inputting the code and Buddy will pay me handsomely."

"Not if we stop you!" Ford glared.

"Ha! Fat chance!" Bill laughed. "I'm the master of the mind!" Blue flames surrounded him. "I even know what you're thinking right now!"

"That's impossible! No one can guess what I'm thinking!" Bella protested. Bill made two boys appear next to Bella. One was short and had orange hair, and the other was tall with black hair. They were the characters from Bella's favorite cartoon. Dextor and Boydark.

"Woah, where are we?" Dextor asked with a Russian accent.

"It seems we're in some sort of colorless alternate dimension," Boydark mused. Bella grabbed his arm, squealing.

"I'm never letting go of you!" She squealed happily.

"You're out of your league, kids," Bill warned. "Turn around now before you see something you might regret. Later, suckers!"

Bill crashed through the wall of the Mystery Shack.

"We're going in," Ford said. "Bella, are they coming _with_ us?"

"Of course! They can help!" Bella said.

"Affirmative," Dextor nodded. "We have dealt with many monsters before."

Dextor and Boydark took each other's hand, following the group inside.

"OTP!" Bella giggled. The group walked inside the shack and looked around in awe.

"Incredible," Boydark murmured.

"Indeed," Dextor nodded in agreement. A Mabel-bat flew past Ford's head.

"Have fun! Have fun! Have fun!" It squeaked out. The group walked towards Mabel's memories, which were all speaking.

"Woah, look! All of Mabel's memories," Fiddleford pointed.

"Great, I'm sure there's plenty of memories of Mabel bossing me around," Ford rolled his eyes. "Can't wait to see more of that."

"Come on, Ford, we gotta find the code before Bill does," Stan said.

"Then we better get looking," Dexter said. The gang ran down the hallway of memories. Ford opened a door.

_Mabel was in a jail cell next to two_ _woman_ _. She put her harms around them._

_"Jorgess, Rica, you're the two best Colombian prison friends a girl could make," Mabel smiled._

_"_ I hope she dies, _" Jorgess said in a_ _foreign_ _language._

_"Si," Rica agreed._

"Nope," Ford shut the door. Fiddleford opened a second door to see Mabel standing outside a home. She had a vacuum next to her.

_"Sir, would you like to buy a Mabel-Vac vaccum?" Mabel asked with a smile. "Mabel-Vac: It sucks more than anything!"_

_The door of the house slammed shut._

_"Gotta_ _work_ _on that,"_ _Mabel_ _said._

"Nope," Fiddleford said. Ford walked around, finding a doorway labeled 'Ford Memories'.

"Look guys!" Ford pointed. "Memories about me!"

He went to open the door.

"Ah don't think that's a very good idea," Fiddleford said, setting a hand on Ford's shoulder.

"I just want to know what the old girl really thinks about me," Ford said.

"We already know what Mabel thinks about us," Stan said. "She loves us! We're great."

"Let's just keep moving," Fiddleford encouraged.

"Yes, that seems like the best plan," Boydark nodded. The rest of the group walked off, leaving Ford at the door. He went to follow them, but turned back to the door.

"Ok, just a small peak," he told himself. He entered the door, and the sound of Mabel calling Ford echoed throughout the room. Ford opened a door and saw a memory of Mabel telling Ford to chop some fire wood

_"No buts," Mabel said. "_ _Now_ _go get to work."_

_She shooed him away towards the fire wood, tapping his back with her newspaper. Ford grumbled angrily, walking off._ _Mabel_ _sat down on the couch on the porch. Fiddleford, who sat beside her, squirmed in his seat._

_"Ms. Pines,_ _why're_ _ya so hard on Stanford?" He asked, looking up at her. She_ _glanced_ _at him._

_"You can keep a secret, right?" She asked him. Fiddleford nodded._ _Mabel_ _leaned over to whisper to him. Ford leaned closer to the memory, trying to hear what_ _Mabel_ _was saying. "The kid's a loser, weak, an utter embarrassment. I just want to get rid of 'em."_

Ford looked down, depressed, and slowly closed the door.

\-----

Stan, Fiddleford, Bella, Dextor, and Boydark were still walking through the maze of memories.

"Hello? Code to Mabel's safe!" Bella called. "Where are you?"

Fiddleford opened a door. Inside was Mabel in front of the vending machine.

_Mabel pressed a series of buttons on the vending machine. It_ _opened_ _up, revealing a hidden hallway behind it._

_"If only people knew the truth, that hidden behind this vending machine,_ _I'm_ _secretly-" Mabel said._

"Borin'!" Fiddleford said, shutting the door. Stan stood in front of a door labeled 'Top Secret'.

"Ok guys, I have a good feeling about this one," Stan said. He opened the door to reveal a memory of Mabel in the bathroom. She was wearing only a bra and a pair of pajama shorts.

 _"Hey Ms. Tummy!" Mabel said, then_ _changed_ _her voice._ "Hey Ms. Mabel! _You want some crackers?_ Yes!"

"Ahh!" Fiddleford jumped.

_"Eat your crackers," Mabel said to her tummy. She made_ _it_ _look like her belly was_ _eating_ _a cracker."_

"Jesus Christ," Bella said, slamming the door shut.

"Ugh, we've been searchin' ferever, y'all," Fiddleford groaned. "What if Bill finds the memory a'fore we do?"

"If we want to find Mabel's memory, we have to think like Mabel," Stan said. "She's always hiding surprises, right?"

"Yeah, like how she hides her emergency supply of glitter under that rug in the gift shop," Bella said.

"Bella, that's it!" Stan said. "Look!"

He pointed to a rug nearby. He walked over and moved a rug, finding a trapdoor underneath. They all gasped, and Stan opened the door.

_Mabel_ _kissed the deed to the Mystery Shack and set it inside the safe._

_"There you go," she said. "And now to input the code. 13, 44, and finally-"_

Fiddleford closed the door, smiling.

"We did it, y'all!" He cheered.

"But what do we do now?" Dextor asked.

"Let's just destroy it before Bill finds it," Stan said, grabbing a nearby battle-ax.

"Wait!" Fiddleford said, and the others looked at him. "Um, why don't I do it? I'm the oldest one here an' all..."

"Sure, if you want to," Bella smiled. "Go ahead, Fidds."

Fiddleford's hand glowed a bright blue as he lifted up the door using some sort of magic. As he did this, another Fiddleford ran up.

"Guys, Ah just saw a memory of Mabel roller skatin' and fallin' into a toilet!" Fiddleford laughed. He noticed the second Fiddleford. "Somethin' ain't right, here."

The first Fiddleford started to laugh in Bill's voice, and turned into said triangle. Fiddleford cried out, running over and hiding behind the others.

"You kids are so gullible!" Bill laughed. "I knew you'd lead me straight to the code!" He laughed again. "It's funny how dumb you are." He looked at the still-floating trapdoor. "The combination to Mabel's safe. Boy, that was even easier than I thought it would be!"

"Oh yeah?!" Stan yelled. "Well, you're a- a stink face!"

"Oh yes, _excellent_ comeback, bravo," Dextor said sarcastically.

"Don't mock me, Dexdork," Stan glared at him.

"Later, suckers!" Bill laughed, flying off.

"We have to save Mabel!" Bella said.

"What's the point?" Ford asked, walking up to them. "Why should I save her, huh? I work for Mabel day and night, and all she does in return is say she wants to get rid of me."

"Ford, I'm sure that's not true," Stan frowned.

"I saw it with my own eyes in one of her memories, Stan!" Ford said angrily. "She's always picked on me and now I know why. Mabel _hates_ me!"

"Ford, it doesn't matter what you saw," Stan argued. "If we don't stop Bill, we'll lose the shack!"

"No! Not this time!" Ford snapped. "For once, this is one of Mabel's problems that I'm not fixing."

"Fine!" Stan shouted. He looked at Bella and Fiddleford. "Come on, guys. We'll save Mabel ourselves."

Stan and Bella walked past Ford.

"Ford, yer cool and all, but this ain't cool, at all," Fiddleford said, following the others.

"Let's go, Boydark," Dextor said.

"Right behind you, Dextor," Boydark said. The two followed Stan, Bella and Fiddleford.

\-----

Bill was zooming through the mind-shack. Every door he passed flew open. A phone ringing sound was heard. Bill touched his bow tie, answering the call from Buddy.

"Y'ello?" Bill said, flashing yellow.

"Bill, did you find the memory with the combination yet?" Buddy asked.

"Relax shortstack, I got it right here," Bill said, glowing with each word. He held up the trapdoor.

"Excellent!" Buddy laughed. "Give it to me and we'll finish our deal."

"Finally! It's- you got a pen there?" Bill gave Buddy a moment to grab a pen. "It's 13, 44..." He peered into the memory, when suddenly the door was hit with a _Nyarf_ dart. The door fell out of his hand and into a memory with the bottomless pit. "Ah! No no no! Wait, no!"

Bill and Buddy watched as the memory fell.

_"...but none are more bottomless than the Bottomless Pit," Mabel said. "Which as you can see here is bottomless." She saw the trapdoor fell. "Whooh. Whatever that was,_ _it's_ _gone forever."_

The door slammed shut. Bill and Buddy looked back to see Stan holding a _Nyarf_ dart gun. The others stood behind him.

"Haha! Boom!" Stan cheered.

"Excellent aim, my friend," Dextor complimented.

"The shack is safe!" Bella cheered.

"The deal's off!" Buddy yelled at Bill.

"Wha- wait! No! Wait!" Bill cried.

"I'm switching to plan B," Buddy said, hanging up. Bill shattered into pieces and reformed, all red.

"YOU!" He yelled, facing the group. He was furious. "You have no idea what you just cost me! Do you have any idea what I'm like **_WHEN_** ** _I'M_** ** _MAD?!_** "

Several symbols flashed in his eye. A giant rock shaped like Mabel's head rose out of the ground. The kids screamed as they were lifted into the air. Bill grew in size until he was ginormous.

"I guess he turns into a Nacho Cheese Dorito when he gets mad," Bella joked.

" ** _EAT NIGHTMARES!_** " Bill yelled. The kids all screamed, clinging to each other.

\-----

Ford wandered around Mabel's memories, trying to find the way out. He opened and closed many doors.

"Ugh, how do I get out of here?" He asked. "Exit! Hello?" He opened the door to the wood-chopping memory from earlier. "Aw, this again?"

_"The kid's a loser, weak. I just_ _want_ _to get rid of 'em," Mabel said._

Ford went to close the door.

_"_ _Yup_ _. Those were all_ _things_ _people said about me when_ _I_ _was little," Mabel continued._

"Huh?" Ford yanked the door back open.

_"It was horrible," Mabel said. "I was one of the biggest wimps on the playground."_

Another memory door opened behind Ford.

_Mabel was a little kid on the_ _playground_ _. A group of girls kicked a ball in her face, laughing. Mabel ran off, sobbing._

Ford looked back at the wood-chopping memory.

_"So one summer, my dad signed me up for karate lessons," Mabel said. "It_ _was_ _even worse than the playground!"_

Another memory door opened, of a teenage Mabel in a karate class.

_Mabel_ _got beaten by her opponent, a brown-haired girl._

_"Karate chop!" Mabel cried, hitting her opponent in the face._ _Mabel's_ _dad nodded in approval, smiling._

_"At the_ _time_ _,_ _I_ _thought my dad was just trying to torture me," Mabel said in the wood-chopping memory. "But_ _wouldn't_ _you know it, he was doing me a favor."_

Ford watched as a memory of Mabel at a theatre opened up.

_A man walked up_ _to_ _Mabel, grabbing her bag._

_"Give me that purse!" He ordered._

_"Hey, let go!" Mabel cried. "Karate chop!"_

_She hit the man in the stomach, knocking him over. The crowd around cheered for her, and she smiled proudly._

Ford turned back to the wood-chopping memory.

_"So you see?_ _That's_ _why_ _I'm_ _hard on Ford," Mabel said. "To toughen_ _him_ _up. So that when the world shoves him down, he gets back up and_ _fights_ _back."_

_"Wow," Fiddleford said. He looked over at Ford. "Do ye think_ _it's_ _workin'?"_

_The two watched as Ford finally cut a log in half._

_"I- I did it!" He cheered. "Haha, yes!"_

_"_ _He's_ _really_ _coming_ _along," Mabel smiled. "To be honest,_ _I'm_ _proud of him. Just_ _don't_ _tell him_ _I_ _said that. His head's big enough as it is."_

_"Heh, yeah..." Fiddleford smiled lightly, looking over at Ford. He blushed lightly. "_ _That's_ _true..."_

Ford smiled softly, putting a hand on the memory. He yelled out when he fell in. Mabel turned to look at him.

"Woah, ankle-biter, what are you doing here?" Mabel asked. "Nice hole in your chest, by the way. Let's fix that up."

She pointed at Ford, making the hole fill itself in.

"What-?" Ford stared at the spot. "How'd you do that?"

"Word to the wise, Ford," Mabel said. "We're in the mind! You can do anything you can imagine in here."

She waved her hand and a cup of Mabel Juice appeared. She took a sip of the drink.

"Well how about that?" Ford murmured. An explosion sound and the others' screams were heard from outside the memory. "Oh my gosh, what am I doing?! I have to stop Bill!"

He ran out of the memory, leaving Mabel to ponder.

"Huh... fighting back," She smiled proudly.

\-----

"One nightmare, coming up!" Bill said, pointing at Fiddleford.

"Nightmare?" Fiddleford gulped. "It ain't that one where Ah become old an' useless, is it?"

Bill shot at Fiddleford, and a second version of him appeared. Except this version was old and crazy.

"I'm old man McGucket!" The older Fiddleford laughed. The younger Fiddleford screamed fearfully.

"And you!" Bill shot at Bella, who screamed.

"Actually, I'm not sure what my worst fear is," she said right before the laser hit her. A bunch of kids surrounded her, saying that they hated her and how no one liked her. "Although that's pretty bad!"

"You!" Bill pointed at Stan.

"Bring it on, you icosolese monster!" Stan yelled. A laser shot Stan. He turned nerdy and dorky. He even had thick glasses. "Ah! My coolness! What did you do to my coolness?! I'm a nerd!"

"I find that highly offensive," Boydark said.

"You're next!" Bill pointed at the two young scientists. Before they could do anything, he shot them both off the edge of the rock.

"No! My OTP!" Bella sobbed, running to the edge of the rock. The group of kids followed her, teasing and taunting.

"And now to finish you once and for all!" Bill yelled. Stan, Bella, and Fiddleford clung to each other fearfully, making sounds of protest. Just then, Ford flew in in a ball of blue flame.

"Hey, Bill!" He shouted.

"WHAT?!" Bill cried upon seeing him.

"Nice bow tie!" Ford yelled. He shot a laser from his eyes, shooting a hole in the triangle. Bill screamed.

"Ford! You're ok!" Stan said happily.

"Guys! I just learned that you can do anything you can imagine in the mindscape!" Ford explained. "Like this!"

He shot a laser at the old McGucket and the bullies, who all disappeared.

"Hehe, they're dead now," Bella smiled, wiping tears from her face.

"What?! Who told you that?!" Bill asked. "Don't listen to him!"

"We can do anything?" Stan asked, turning back to his normal self.

"Like have kittens for fists?" Bella said. Her hands turned into pink cats. She shot them at Bill, who screamed. Bella giggled as the cats started licking her. "Aw, hello wittle guys!"

"Anything, eh?" Fiddleford said. In his hand appeared a laser gun. He aimed, shooting it at Bill and knocking him backwards. Bill reformed the hole in his middle.

"Enough games!" He yelled. He shot a laser beam from his eye.

"Robot shields activate!" Stan said. Robot suits appeared around him and the others. The laser reflected back at Bill's eye.

"AH! My eye!" Bill screamed.

"Rise DexDark!" Bella said, raising her arms. Dextor and Boydark rose inside a giant robot. They started shooting stuff at Bill.

"And now to imagine your worst nightmare!" Ford said. "A portal out of Mabel's mind! Everyone, together!"

The kids, including Dextor and Boydark, thought hard to create a portal underneath Bill.

"No no no!" The demon yelled. "ENOUGH!"

Everything went white, and the portal disappeared. Bill turned back to yellow. He took off his top hat, rubbing it.

"You know, I'm impressed with you guys," Bill said. "You're a lot more clever than you look. Especially the bigender one."

"Yay!" Bella clapped.

"So I'm gonna let you kids off the hook," Bill said. "You might come in handy later. **_But know this_** : A darkness approaches. A day will come in the future when everything you care about will change!" The pine tree symbol from the journal appeared. "Until then I'll be watching you!" Bill sat in the middle of a zodiac. The 12 different pictures flashed around him. "I'LL BE WATCHING YOU..."

He disappeared, leaving the kids floating in the white mass.

"He's gone! We did it!" Ford cheered. The gang, minus Dextor and Boydark, started to disappear. "Mabel must be waking up."

"Will I ever see you guys again?" Bella asked Dextor and Boydark.

"With the amount of time you spend searching up fanfiction and fan art, there is a high probability," Boydark said.

"Ha, you know what I mean," Bella said, hugging the two boys.

The twins, Bella, and Fiddleford woke up in the living room, yelling in surprise.

"We did it!" Stan said happily. Mabel jerked awake.

"What? What happened?" She asked. "Kids? What are you doing? And why was I dreaming of two scientific and nerdy gay boys?"

"Graunty Mabel, you're ok!" Ford said, hugging Mabel.

"Aw, is this a hug?" Mabel smiled.

"Nope," Ford moved behind her. "It's a choke hold."

The other three laughed. Mabel chuckled, rubbing her neck.

"Not bad, kid," she smiled. "Not bad."

"I'm just glad Buddy didn't get the combination to the safe," Stan sighed. "I really love this old shack."

"Group hug!" Bella said, her arms wide. "No? Aw, come on!"

The shack started to rumble.

"Hey, do you guys feel-?" Ford began. An explosion went off behind the couch, destroying the wall.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Pines family," Buddy said, walking up with the deed in hand. "Did I wake you?"

"But... we defeated Bill," Ford said.

"Bill failed me!" Buddy yelled. "So I switched to plan B: dynamite!"

"What? Bill? Who-?" Mabel looked confused. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Spoiler alert, Mabel! I've got the deed!" Buddy showed the deed off to the family. "The Mystery Shack belongs to me! So get off my property!" He spoke into a walkie-talkie. "Daddy? Bring it around front."

"Don't worry guys, it's all a part of the dream," Ford tried to deny. "We're gonna wake up any second now! Right?"

They all screamed as Gideon slammed a wrecking ball through the Mystery Shack sign.

"Someone pinch me..." Bella gulped.

"Dudes, what's going on?!" Ria ran up.

_To_ _be_ _continued..._


	20. Buddy Rises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Ford fight a giant robot to get their house back and avoid going home to their parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ford: I don't wanna go home! Gravity Falls is the only place I won't get beat up for being gay!

_A_ _dark_ _shadow covered the town of Gravity Falls. A wrecking ball crashed into the Mystery Shack sign._

Ford woke up, screaming.

"I just had a horrible dream where Buddy stole the deed to the Mystery Shack, and kicked us out, and... we all had to move in with Ria's grandpa," he said.

"It wasn't a dream, bro," Stan said, laying beside him. Ford screamed again, waking everyone up. Ria's grandpa turned on the light.

"Ssh, _por favor_ ," he said.

"Uh, sorry, Abuelito," Ford said. He looked around at the group. Bella and Fiddleford had stayed over last night for emotional support.

"Ooh Ria, your grandpa is so cool!" Stan said, walking over to the man. "And his skin is old man soft."

Stan rubbed Abuelito's face.

"Stanley, quit being creepy," Mabel rhymed. "The news is on."

_"In a movement that has all of Gravity Falls buzzing, child psychic Buddy Gleeful," a picture of Buddy with a bunch_ _of_ _puppies appeared_ _next_ _to Tambry's face, "has taken surprise ownership of the Mystery Shack, previously belonging to area shyster, Mabel Pines."_

_A picture of Mabel in a devil_ _costume_ _showed up._

"That picture is taken out of context," Mabel defended.

"I'm not sure I want to know the context," Bella said.

 _"Now that you have the shack, what exactly are you planning to do with it?" Tambry asked Buddy and his dad, who were_ _sitting_ _beside_ _her._

_"We have a big announcement to make today," Gideon smiled._

_"And as such,_ _we'd_ _like to cordially invite all the good people of Gravity Falls to join us," Buddy continued. "Free admission to everyone who wears their Buddy pin!_ _It's_ _my face."_

_He winked cutely, copying the face on the pin._

"I can't believe Buddy beat us," Ford said sadly. He set his head in his hands. "Usually I'm able to save the day. This is all my fault..."

"Don't worry, Ford," Stan said. "Looks like I'll have to be the family hero now!"

"Ooh, in that case, this might help," Mabel handed Stan a grappling hook.

"Cool!" Stan said. "Jelly grab!"

He shot the grappling hook at a jar of jelly. It broke, splattering all over the wall next to Abuelito.

"I'll get that," he said, and began to vacuum the wall.

"So you lost the shack," Ria said. She was wearing a nightgown and sat in front of a toy race track. "Look on the bright side, dudes! Now you get to live here with me, Ria! Hey, anyone wanna play race cars? They're out of batteries, but we can make pretend." She spat up two pieces of food onto her chest. "Would it be a new low if I ate that?" She laughed. "I'm kidding. I'm totally eating it."

"We have to get the shack back," Mabel said.

\-----

A crowd was gathered in front of the Mystery Shack, cheering loudly. Gideon sat on a stage, playing a piano. Buddy burst through a curtain with his face on it. He wore a cape with the Tent O' Telepathy star on it.

"Hello Gravity Falls!" Buddy announced.

"Buddy is the psychic-est!" Growling Grenda said to Thompson Determined. "He guessed the secret ingredient to my coffee omelet!"

"He somehow knew about my horrifying secret birthmark," Toby said.

"I love that child psychic SO MUCH!" Womanly Wendy yelled, squeezing Holt and Roy in her arms.

"You're choking me!" Holt gasped for air.

"Grandma? Is that you?" Roy said, his face turning purple.

Mabel, the twins, Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria snuck into the crowd. They were wearing disguises.

"We're in," Ford said.

"Man, I am loving these fake mustaches," Bella said, rubbing the fake mustache on her face.

"If anyone asks, I'm not Ria," Ria said. She pointed to her hat, which read 'Not Ria'.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Buddy began. "Today I'm am delighted to announce our plans for the former Mystery Shack. I give you... Buddyland!"

He pulled a sheet off a small model of a Buddy-themed amusement park.

"What?!" The Pines, Bella, Fiddleford, and Ria cried.

"We're gonna turn this old shack into three square miles of Buddytertainment!" Buddy continued. "And introducing our new mascot, little Buddy Jr.!" Gideon pulled a blanket off of Gompers, who was dressed as Buddy. "Boom, he's a goat!"

"Gompers!" Stan cried.

"You monster!" Bella screamed.

"Alright, that's it!" Mabel yelled, pulling off her disguise. The Pines, Bella, and Fiddleford pushed their way to the front of the crowd. They climbed onto the stage. "Listen up, everyone! Buddy's a fraud! This kid broke in and stole my property!"

"Arrest him, officers!" Stan yelled.

"Yeah!" Bella agreed, folding her arms.

"What accusations!" Buddy said, feigning surprise. "Ms. Pines, I recall you giving the property to me. Look, my dad has the deed right here!"

Gideon pulled the deed out of his suit, showing it off.

"Well, that's all the proof I need to see," Holt said.

"We love you, Lil Buddy!" Roy cheered. "Sing those funny songs!"

Buddy snapped his fingers, and three strong-looking guards grabbed the Pines, Bella, and Fiddleford. One guard held the twins, the second one held Bella and Fiddleford, and the third held onto Mabel.

"Hey!" She yelled.

"Now get off my property, old lady!" Buddy smirked, slapping a pin to Mabel's sweater.

"I'll show you who's the old lad- AH!" She yelled as he hearing aid acted up. "Ow, my hearing aid!"

The guards carried the kids and Mabel off the stage.

"Thanks for visiting Buddyland, friends!" Gideon waved. "Don't come back, we don't care for y'all."

\-----

Mabel, the kids, and Ria watched the ceremony through the wire fence. They sighed collectively and Ford kicked at a rock.

"Don't worry y'all," Fiddleford said. "We'll get the shack back somehow."

"We better," Dan said, riding up on his bike.

"Dan!" Ford jumped back.

"If I can't work at the shack, my mom is sending me up to work at my cousin's logging camp," Dan explained.

"What? You're leaving?" Ford frowned. "But we need you here!"

"Yeah, especially Ford because of his huge crush on-" Ria cut off as Ford whipped around to glare at her, "...you...calyptus trees! Ha! The kid loves eucalyptus trees!" Ria laughed nervously. "Saved it!"

The group heard a rustling in the bushes.

"Oh man, don't look now, guys," Dan groaned. Stacey exited the bushes holding up a boom box.

"Take me back, Dan!" Stacey begged. "My arms are too skinny to hold up the boom box forever!"

"I was never here," Dan said, mounting his bike. He rode off, Stacey chasing after him.

"Have you been getting my texts?" Stacey called. "Do I need to send you more texts?! Danny!"

\-----

The twins and Ria sat in Ria's living room.

"This isn't good," Abuelito said. "I can't feed such a big family."

"Where are we gonna stay, Ford?" Stan asked desperately.

"What's Mabel going to tell Ma and Pa?" Ford asked. "I don't want to back, Lee."

"Ms. Pines will think of something," Ria promised. "She always does."

Mabel watched the group talk from the kitchen. She was on the phone with the twins' parents.

"Don't worry, your sons are fine," Mabel assured. "Where are we staying? Uh, I put them up at a four star hotel!"

She watched as a cockroach burst into flames after touching a broken toaster wire.

"What? Yeah, sure, we've got," Mabel opened the fridge, shaking a nearly-empty gallon of milk, "plenty to eat..." She closed the fridge. "Relax, if I thought I couldn't take care of these kids, I'd send them right back.... Ok, I will. Bye."

Mabel hung up, sighing.

"Graunty Mabel, can we order pizza?!" Stan called from the other room. Mabel searched around in her pockets, finding them empty.

\-----

The construction of Buddyland was already underway. Buddy and Gideon were inside the shack. They tossed a photograph into the fire, laughing. Buddy was holding the second journal. Gompers tried to escape out the window, but Buddy blew a whistle.

"Back to your corner!" He ordered. Gompers bleated fearfully, cowering in the corner of the room. Buddy's mom entered the room, carrying a painting. She turned to the boys.

"Um, I-I don't mean to pry, but don't you two want to celebrate Buddyland?" She stuttered out, "Instead of reading that book all day?"

Buddy and Gideon glanced at each other. The older man nodded.

"Mother, have we ever told you the true nature of this book?" Buddy asked.

_Someone was writing in the journal. The someone_ _closed_ _it and_ _wrote_ _a '2' on the pine tree cutout._

_"It was written many_ _years_ _ago by a brilliant author who learned secrets_ _too_ _powerful_ _for one man," Gideon narrated._

_The author was seen burying_ _the_ _book in the woods._

_"He hid his journals where he thought no one would ever find them," Buddy continued._

_Buddy and Gideon stood_ _above_ _a burning Gravity Falls. Two journals, number one and number two, came together_ _above_ _them._

_"Because he knew that if the journals were ever brought together, they would unleash a gateway to unimaginable power!"_ _Gideon_ _explained. The pine tree cutout from the front of the journal was seen, but instead of being blue, it showed the universe._

"Codes and maps have lead us to believe the other journal is buried somewhere on this very property, and we intend to find it!" Buddy finished, looking at a page in the journal.

"Oh, s-so that's why you guys wanted the Mystery Shack," Buddy's mom nodded.

"That's right, Mother," Buddy held up a shovel. "And now it's time to begin the search for the other journal!"

\-----

Ria and the twins sat in front of the toy race track.

"Go red car!" Stan cheered.

"Go other red car!" Ria said.

"...This would be a lot more fun with batteries," Ford said. Ria pushed the first red car along, and it bumped the second red car out of its spot. Mabel walked into the room, clearing her throat.

"Kids, we have to talk," she said. "Look, I've been thinking, and... I can't take care of you anymore. I don't have a house o-or a job. The plan is... you're going home. Your plane leaves tomorrow; here's your tickets."

She set the tickets down on the nightstand, along with two tickets for a bus.

"But Graunty Mabel, you can't give up!" Ford said.

"Yeah, we don't want to go home!" Stan cried.

"Yeah girl dude, look at these faces!" Ria said. She shook the twins. "Be cuter guys. Your summer depends on it!"

"Look, I lost, ok?" Mabel said sadly. "The best thing right now is for you to be with your parents. I'm sorry kids, Buddy won. Summer is over."

She walked out of the room.

"Ms. Pines, please! RECONSIDER!" Ria ran after Mabel.

"Stan, that's enough," Ford stomped his foot. "If Mabel won't get our home back from Buddy, then we will!"

"Yeah! Buddy may have the upper hand, but we have something he doesn't," Stan said.

"The journal!" Ford said, holding the book up.

"Brass knuckles and the grappling-!" Stan said at the same time. "Oh, the journal... Journal!"

\-----

Stan and Ford stood outside the fence to the Mystery Shack.

"Ok, the bus to take us to the airport comes at sundown," Ford said. "If we want to stay in town, we have to get past those guards, make it through the fence, and get Buddy to hand over that deed."

"Leave that to Stan," Stan said. He shot Mabel's grappling hook at the fence, but it bounced back to hit Ford in the head.

"Ow!" Ford stood up. "Now will you admit the grappling hook is useless?!"

"Nope," Stan shook his head.

"Now, what can we use to defeat Buddy?" Ford asked, flipping through the third journal. "Barf gnome?"

"Yeah!" Stan smiled.

"Nope," Ford disagreed, flipping another page. "Butternut squash with human face and emotions?"

"Yeah!" Stan said.

"Nope," Ford flipped another page.

"Woah, what's this?" Stan asked, stopping on a page.

"I've stared at this page for hours," Ford said. "It seems like a blueprint to build some kind of strange futuristic super-weapon-"

"Boring!" Stan interrupted. "If we want to defeat those guards, we need some kind of army."

"Wait a minute. An army!" Ford realized. "Stan, the fairies!"

He flipped to the page, showing it to Stan.

"Ehh..." Stan said nervously, tugging at his collar.

\-----

Stan and Ford trekked through the woods.

"I think this is their hiding spot," Ford said. He didn't remember much from their last trip here. At least on the directions part.

The two twins yelled out in shock. They saw Jill bathing in a tub of butterflies (though she thankfully had a top on).

"Ah!" Jill looked up at them. "This... this is normal. This is normal for fairies. Rub rub."

She gently brushed a butterfly over her arm. Stan and Ford looked at each other, disgusted, then looked back at Jill.

"Well well well, look who came crawling back," the fairy smirked. "Take five, Christina." The butterfly fluttered off. "You guys keep doing what you're doing." The tub of butterflies continued to flutter around. "So, change your mind about marrying me, Stan?"

Two butterflies flee around Jill's hair, slowly brushing it out and working it into a braid.

"Ugh, hardly," Stan rolled his eyes. "We need your help."

"You want our help?!" Jill yelled/ "After you left me at the alter?! No way!"

"But what if we were able to get you a new king?" Stan asked. "One even more handsome than me."

"His name is Buddy, and he has lovely brown hair," Ford smiled.

"Ooh, I do have a thing for brunets," Jill giggled. "Oh Shmebula, be a dear and fetch me my perfume, won't you?"

"Shmebula!" The fairy walked over, holding a bottle of perfume.

"Is Shmebula all you can say?" Jill asked, raising an eyebrow.

"...Shmebula," she nodded sadly.

"It's a deal!" Jill said, shaking Ford's hand.

\-----

Mabel sat at the counter of _Greasy's Diner._ She sighed sadly.

"Waiter, get me a glass of the strongest, most expired apple cider you've got," Mabel requested.

"Sure thing, Ms. Pines."

Mabel looked up to see Ria behind the counter.

"Ria? What are you doing here?" Mabel asked.

"Since the Mystery Shack shut down, I've had to take a bunch of part-time jobs," Ria explained, cleaning a glass. "Grave digger, bus driver, really awesome cook... Hey, is the kitchen supposed to have that much fire in it?"

She ran to the kitchen, putting out the fire with a foreign extinguisher.

"You're a good woman... baby, Ria," Mabel sighed. "But it's not looking good. This whole town loves Buddy and hates me. If only they knew how evil he really was!"

"Hey, I'm here for you, girl dude," Ria said. She walked over and set a hand on Mabel's shoulder.

"Your entire lower body is on fire, Ria," Mabel noticed.

"Ssh," Ria hugged Mabel as she started to smoke. "We're having a moment."

\-----

Buddy was digging around in the yard of the Mystery Shack. Holes littered the ground around him.

"Where are you, journal?" He spoke. "Where are you?!"

"Bud, I hate to interrupt you, but you have guests," Gideon informed.

"What?" Buddy walked over to the fence with two guards. On the other side stood the twins.

"Give us back the deed to the shack, Buddy, or else!" Ford snapped.

"Hehe, am I supposed to say 'or else what'?" Buddy chuckled.

"Yeah, you are supposed to say that!" Stan said. "NOW!"

Buddy gasped as an army of fairies surrounded him.

"You're surrounded by an unstoppable fairy army," Ford said. "Now give us back the deed and get off our property!"

"And let the marriage ceremony begin!" Jill giggled. Buddy sighed.

"Very well, I suppose this deed belongs to-" he blew the whistle from earlier, and all the fairies fell to the ground, screaming. "Well what do you know? Works on fairies too!"

He blew the whistle again.

"Stop! We'll do anything!" Jill cried. "How can we serve you, your majesty?" She bowed to Buddy. "The most handsome boy we've ever seen!"

"Subdue them!" Buddy pointed at Stan and Ford. The fairies shrieked, charging at the twins. They quickly had them held down. "I have to admit, boys. I'm impressed by your creativity. How did you ever-?"

"Let us go!" Ford interrupted him, squirming against the fairies' grip. The third journal fell out of his jacket. "No!"

"No!" Buddy repeated, but more in shock. "Could it be?" He picked up the journal, flipping through the pages. He laughed happily. "Of course! It all makes sense! The one place I'd never think to look! You had it the whole time! And to think I actually considered you a threat."

He flicked Ford's nose.

"Give it back!" Ford shouted angrily, trying to reach for the book.

"Every victory you ever had was because of this precious book!" Buddy said.

"Give it back, or I'll-!" Ford began.

"Or you'll what, boy? You'll what?" Buddy asked. "Huh? Huh? No muscles, no brains. Face it! You're nothing without this!" He waved at the twins. "Bye bye forever, y'all."

He blew the whistle and the fairies screamed, carrying Stan and Ford off into the forest.

\-----

Ford sat on the forest floor while Stan paced back and forth. Fairies scattered around them, retreating back into the forest.

"Next time, do your own dirty work!" Jill snapped. "Come on, girls."

A clutter of butterflies flew after the fairy as she left. Ford sighed, drawing in the dirt.

"Well, that's it," he said. "I guess the bus should be here soon."

"What?" Stan turned to look at him. "Ford, don't give up! You always have a plan!"

"No, the _journal_ always had a plan!" Ford corrected. "Think about it, Stan. Buddy was right. The only courageous or cool thing I've ever done has been because of that journal. Without it I can't help you, or Mabel, or anyone."

"There has to be something we can do," Stan said, setting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"What _can_ we do?" Ford looked up sadly at Stan.

\-----

The bus door opened up to the twins standing next to their bags. They looked at the bus sadly.

"Bus 52, departing Gravity Falls, all aboard," the announcer said. The twins walked to the back of the bus, passing someone sitting in the front. They saw Mabel standing there with Dan and Fiddleford.

"Sorry kids," Mabel said. "It's for the best."

The bus started to move, leaving the others behind.

"I can't believe this is happening," Ford murmured. The twins watched as they passed the Gravity Falls sign.

\-----

"I got it! I finally got it!" Buddy giggled as he ran through the shack. He ran into the living room. Gideon sat in the chair and Buddy's mom was cleaning. "Get out! Dad, come here!"

"What is it, son?" Gideon asked, walking over to the table.

"It's ours!" Buddy showed off the back of the journal. "Finally, we have journal number," he placed the third journal on the left side of the first one, "three?"

"There are three of them?!" Gideon cried. Buddy moved the third journal to the other side. "But where's journal number one?! We must have all three for the power to be unlocked!"

"But where could it-" realization dawned on Buddy. "Stanford! He must know where it is! He gave me the third one and kept the first for himself!" He tore out some of his hair. "We can't let him leave Gravity Falls!"

Buddy grabbed the two journals, running outside with his dad.

"You there!" Gideon yelled up at Crazy Chiu, who was building the statue for Buddyland. It was a giant Buddy statue holding a 'Buddyland' sign. "Is it ready?!"

"Only one way to find out!" Chiu laughed. She pulled a lever, which made the giant robot turn on. Buddy entered the robot, leaving Gideon on the ground. Buddy reached the head of the robot, now in a motion sensor suit. He crushed the sign in the robot's hand and stalked off.

"Good luck, son!" Gideon called.

"I've got a good feeling about that kid," Chiu smiled to herself.

\-----

Mabel sat on the couch in Ria's living room. Abuelito was nearby, cleaning.

"Well Mabel, this is it," the old woman sighed. "Rock bottom. No friends, no family, stuck watching infomercials for whatever that is."

_"Are you sick of piles of owls constantly blocking your drive way? Well then you gotta get owl trowel!"_

Mabel picked up a Buddy pin.

"How did you do it, kid?" She asked it. "How are you always one step ahead? Maybe he really is psychic after all-" Mabel's hearing aid acted up again. "AH! My hearing aid! What keeps causing that?!" She perked up with an idea. "Wait a minute, that's it! I know Buddy's weakness!"

Mabel stood up with renewed determination. Abuelito walked over with two drinks.

"You want something to dri-?" He began. Mabel yelled happily, knocking him to the ground. She sat on his back, lightly punching his head.

"I know Buddy's weakness!" She cheered. She ran off and out the house, leaving Abuelito on the floor.

" _No puedo levantarme,_ " Abuelito said weakly.

\-----

Ford sat on the bus, staring out the window sadly. Stan sat beside him, thinking. Maybe there was some way to get their minds off of having to go home to their parents.

"Hey Sixer, wanna play Bus Seat Treasure Hunt?" He asked with a smile.

"I'm not in the mood," Ford said glumly.

"Aw, come on!" Stan said, lifting a seat. "We have a Canadian coin, gum that's shaped like Ronald Reagan's head- ooh, miscellaneous fluid stain!"

"GIANT ROBOT!" Ford shouted.

"Yeah, giant robot," Stan said, then processed what his twin had said. "Wait, WHAT?!"

"Look!" Ford pointed out the window. Stan looked up and saw the Buddy robot chasing after them.

"Halt! I command you to halt!" Buddy yelled from the robot. The twins screamed, running to the front of the bus.

"Ms. Bus Driver, there's a giant Buddy-bot chasing us!" Stan cried.

"Oh hey dudes," Ria said.

"Buddy-bot?" Bella said from the front seat.

"Guys!" The twins said.

"What are you doing here?" Ford asked.

"I got a part-time job as a bus driver," Ria explained.

"And I like bus rides," Bella said. "They help calm me down."

"Don't worry dudes, I've been a part-time bus driver for at least 40 minutes," Ria said. "One of these must be a clutch." She pulled on the clutch. "Hang on, dudes!"

The Buddy-bot reached out for the bus, trying to catch it.

"Ria, look out!" Stan yelled. The Buddy-bot blocked the road with its hand. Ria turned, driving straight through a 'Road Closed' sign. She drove up a mountain road, and the Buddy-bot climbed after them.

"I thought he already won!" Bella cried. "What does he want?!"

"I've got you in my sights!" Buddy sat from inside the robot.

"Ria, cliff!" Ford pointed it out. Ria slammed on the brakes, causing the bus to screech to a stop. The front wheels of the bus was dangling off the edge. The Buddy-bot picked up the bus, shaking it. He tore off the top, revealing only Ria. She sat in the driver's seat, reading a manual.

"Ok, what's closest to our current situation?" She said. "Raccoon in the engine, or angry grandparent won't leave bus?" She paused. "Prob- probably the second one..."

The Buddy-bot turned around to see Bella and the twins running along the train track. They reached a dead end and turned around. The Buddy-bot dropped to the bridge.

"Tell me, where is Journal Number One?!" Buddy yelled.

"Journal Number One?" Bella and the twins repeated, looking at each other in confusion.

"Don't play games with me, boy!" Buddy yelled. The Buddy-bot punched the edge of the cliff, causing rocks to fall around the kids. The twins stood in front of Bella, and Stan stood a little in front of Ford.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Ford shouted. "You took the only journal I ever found! What do you want with these journals, anyway?!"

The Buddy-bot grabbed the kids. He took the twins in one hand and Bella in the other. The teen screamed, trying to hold on to Stan and Ford.

"Let go of her!" Stan yelled. Him and Ford hit the Buddy-bot's hand. Buddy laughed.

"You still think your some sort of heroes?!" He said. He chucked the twins behind him, and they landed harshly on the ground on the cliff. The Buddy-bot started walking off. "Once I find the final journal, I'll rule this town! With you as my queen!"

"Stan, Ford, HELP!" Bella screamed, struggling to escape Buddy's grip.

"Ford, what do we do?" Stan asked, scared. Ford tried to think.

_"Face it kid, you're nothing without that journal. How are you gonna fight then? No muscles. No brains. What are you gonna do, huh? What are you gonna do?!"_

Ford looked down sadly, walking into the forest.

"Ford?" Stan said, following him. He was surprised when Ford ran back towards the cliff, yelling. He grabbed Stan's hand and pulled him along as they jumped off the edge of the cliff. "WOAH WOAH WAIT!"

The Buddy-bot turned around, allowing the twins to break through the eye of the robot. They tackled Buddy, holding him down.

"Let go of Bella, now!" Stan yelled, showing off his brass knuckles.

"Never! I finally won this time!" Buddy shouted.

The three got into a fight, and from the outside, the Buddy-bot moved with Buddy. It was punching and reacting to being hit. Buddy tackled Ford, hitting him. Stan pulled Buddy off of the boy, slapping him. Buddy knocked Stan over and kicked him away, then turned to Ford. He went to punch him, but Ford blocked his fist.

"Go Sixer!" Stan cheered, trying to stand up. Ford moved Buddy's fist so he was punching himself. Of course, the Buddy-bot moved so that it was also punching itself. After a particularly hard punch, the robot's head started to spin.

"Be careful in there!" Bella screamed, clinging to the robot's thumb. The Buddy-bot stumbled a bit, falling off the bridge. Bella and the twins screamed, falling out of the robot.

"Dudes! NOOOOOOOO!" Ria cried, watching from the cliff.

The robot hit the ground, causing a large explosion, big enough for everyone in town to see. The Buddy-bot laid on the ground, broken in pieces. As the dust cleared, something lowered itself from the sky. Stan was lowering him, Ford, and Bella from the bridge using the grappling hook.

"Grappling hook!" Stan cheered. "Remind me to thank Graunty Mabel for giving this to me."

They landed on the ground, and Stan retracted the grappling hook.

"Stan, that was amazing!" Bella cried, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug.

"Oh well, it was nothing," Stan blushed slightly, smiling proudly.

"You were both amazing," Bella said. Ford smiled. He looked down at the ground.

"Hey, my journal!" He spotted the book. He picked it up, tucking it back in his jacket. The cops pulled up in their car, and the rest of the townsfolk gathered around the wreckage.

"Is the thing that exploded?"

"What's going on?"

"What is that? It's over here!"

Buddy groaned, appearing from the destroyed Buddy-bot. He pulled a trip of the charred motion suit off of his hair.

"Buddy! Oh, good heavens!" Roy ran towards the boy. He picked him up and set him safely on the ground. "What on Earth happened here?"

"It was the Pines twins!" Buddy lied. "They tried to attack me and blew up my statue with dynamite! Arrest them!"

"What?!" The twins cried.

"Officers, he's lying!" Bella said. "They didn't do anything wrong!"

"Sorry kids, but we trust Buddy," Holt said. "And nothing short of a miracle will change our-"

"WAIT!" Mabel shouted. She sped up, crashing into and knocking over the cop's car. "STOP! I've got something to say!"

"Oh, not this lady again," Holt groaned.

"Look! You guys all think Buddy is _soooo_ perfect and honest!" Mabel began. " _Oh,_ _I'm_ _Buddy! I could never_ _tell_ _a lie!_ "

"He's more honest than you," Holt glared.

"And he's psychic, too," Roy added.

"How's this for psychic?!" Mabel kicked a panel off of the Buddy-bot, revealing a multitude of screens. "Take a good look!"

"Wait a minute, is that me?" Growling Grenda asked.

_"The secret ingredient to my coffee omelet is coffee!" The_ _Grenda_ _on the screen said. She was pouring coffee into an omelet._

"And me!" Toby pointed.

_The Toby on the_ _TV_ _lifted up his shirt, showing the doctor._

_"I can verify that that birthmark is_ _indeed_ _disgusting," the doctor said._

_"Yay!" Toby cheered._

The rest of the townsfolk pointed themselves out on the TVs.

"That's right! These pins are hidden cameras!" Mabel said. "And my hearing aid was picking up the feedback! Who's the fraud now?"

She crushed the pin, revealing a tiny camera in the eye. The crowd threw their own Buddy pins on the ground and turned to glare at the boy.

"Buddy, we gave you our trust," Roy said, tears in his eyes.

"You LIED to us!" Womanly Wendy yelled angrily.

"Please, I- It's not what you think!" Buddy pleaded fearfully. "W-what are you gonna do to me?"

"Tyler?" Holt looked at the man. Tyler sniffed.

"Get 'im," he said. He wiped away a tear. "Get 'im!"

"Lil Bud, you are under arrest for conspiracy, fraud, and breaking our hearts," Holt said sadly. "Roy, the tiny handcuffs."

Roy handed Holt the handcuffs, and he put them around Buddy's wrists.

"What? No! Let go of me!" Buddy cried.

"Just one moment, officers," Mabel said. She picked Buddy up, shaking him. A bunch of stuff fell off his person, including the deed to the Mystery Shack and the second journal. Mabel picked up the deed. "I believe this belongs to me."

A bunch of cameras snapped pictures of her. The cops forced Buddy into the back of their car.

"No! No! Watch the hair!" Buddy yelled. "You can't do this to me! Y'all are sheep! You need me! I'll be back! You'll hear from my lawyers!"

The car drove off. The twins stood next to Mabel, smiling.

"And there you have it," Tambry Valentino said. "Local hero Mabel Pines has just exposed Lil Buddy as a fraud. Anything you have to say to the town, Mabel?"

"The Mystery Shack is back in business, baby!" Mabel announced with a wide smile.

\-----

The gift shop was more busy than ever. Customers were everywhere, buying merchandise and trinkets. Some even came for Mabel's autograph.

"Oh thank you, thank you," Mabel repeated.

\-----

Upstairs, Stan and Ford were settling back into the attic. Bella and Fiddleford helped them unpack, talking about the recent events. Mabel entered the room.

"Hey, Graunty Mabel!" Stan waved.

"Hey, uh, you kids settling back in ok?" She asked.

"Yup, just fine," Stan nodded with a smile. Fiddleford glanced at Ford, who nodded at him.

"Graunty Mabel, the four of us have been talking, and there's something we think we should finally show you," Ford said. He handed Mabel the third journal. "This is a journal I found in the woods during our first week here." Mabel started slowly looking through the book, putting her hand on her chin. "It talks about all the crazy stuff that happens in Gravity Falls. Buddy nearly destroyed the whole town trying to find it. I don't know what it means, or who wrote it. But, after all we've been through, maybe you should finally know about it."

Mabel closed the book.

"I'm glad you showed this to me, Ford," she said. After a moment, she started laughing. The kids looked at each other, confused. "Now I know where you've been getting it all from! Spookums and monsters. This spooky books has been filling your head with crazy conspiracies!"

She ruffled Ford's hair.

"But Ms. Pines, it's all real!" Fiddleford said. Mabel laughed again.

"You guys have to quit reading this fantasy nonsense, for your own good," she said. "Although some of these would make pretty good attractions." She pointed to the page about the squash. "Can't come up with this stuff! Mind if I borrow this?"

Mabel stood up and began to leave, taking the book with her.

"Graunty Mabel, wait!" Ford tried to stop her.

"'Magic book'," Mabel laughed. "Ridiculous."

"Mabel, I need it!" Ford called, but Mabel was already gone.

"Ford, you don' need that book," Fiddleford said. "From what Ah've heard, ya defeated a robot with nothing but yer bare hands an' a teammate. Yer a hero whether ya've got that journal or not."

"Woah," Ford smiled slightly. "Thanks, Fidds.... I still want it back, though."

"I'm sure you'll get it back," Bella said. "I don't think Ms. Pines is the kind of person to steal a book."

Ria popped out of a cardboard box nearby, squirting the kids with two water guns.

"Ria'ed!" She said. The kids laughed, chasing her out of the room.

\-----

That night, Mabel walked through the gift shop, holding a lantern. She turned to the vending machine, typing in a code. The machine opened up, revealing the doorway behind it. Mabel walked down a set of stairs to reach an elevator. She opened a panel and typed in four symbols. She then pressed the 'Down' arrow. She stepped into the elevator, riding it down to the third floor. She exited the elevator on a floor filled with complex machinery. She walked over to a desk with a switchboard and sat down. She opened a compartment in the desk, pulling out a book.

The first journal.

"After all these years," she said. She set the second journal (which she had swiped when grabbing her deed) down next to the first one, and set the third one besides those. "Finally, I have them all."

She opened each of the books to the blueprint. She put them together, which completed it. She looked back and forth between the books and the switchboard. She pressed the buttons, and beyond the glass of the switchboard, a machine began to light up.

"It's working!" Mabel exclaimed, running into the room with the machine. She pushed a lever that sat in front of the triangular-shaped machine. The machine crackled with electricity, powering up. Light shone from every spot in the machine. A bright, white light emitted from the hole in the center. Air blew out from the hole, ruffling Mabel's clothes and the string on her fez. She stood in front of the machine, her hands on her hips, proud.

"Here we go."


End file.
